Gypsy Girl and Horse Lovin' Boys (19 page)

Noah blew a little on my neck giving me the shivers. He stifled a laugh. I elbowed him gently in the rib before grabbing his hand so I could hold it.

The fair quieted down. Cessie settled on my stomach and quickly fell asleep. We whispered to each other while we watched the stars.

I woke up sometime later completely disoriented. I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep and I couldn’t move from my side to my back. Cessie held onto my waist with her head on my stomach. Noah’s forehead pressed against my back gently where he lay behind me. Josh faced me, asleep on his side. At the other end of the roof, Mom fanned the air where she slept. I pulled a blanket up a little higher on my shoulder so the mosquitoes couldn’t eat me anymore than they probably already had.

I watched Josh sleep. Without his glasses or his hat, he looked so different, so young, and way too cute. My growing feelings for Josh consumed my mind, but I was still aware of Noah, his hand resting on my side. The more I thought of Josh, the more I was drawn to him. He did so much for my family, giving up his final competition to go help Kelly. He gave up pursuing me because I felt guilty leading them both on, even when he wanted me so badly.

His hand rested on the blanket near his face. I covered some of his fingers with mine. I wanted to run my hand through his hair and feel the short hairs on the back of his neck prickle my fingers. Trailing my fingers down his soft cheek would be nice too. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

Kissing Noah was heart melting, life-altering, and made me weak in the knees. Kissing Josh was sweeter. Probably because I was his first and he really wanted it. Remembering how I took charge that night flooded me with a thrill as if I kissed him all over again. I really wanted to forget everything that was holding me back and wake him up with a kiss.

When I inched closer, Noah’s hand squeezed my side as he stirred. He kissed my back, lightly moving my hair out of the way before he kissed the skin on the back of my neck. I gasped. Yes, he was life-altering. Now it was all too much. I gripped a fistful of blanket.

“You awake?” Noah whispered.

“Sort of.” I turned so he could hear me. “My mom is over there.”

“I saw. That’s good I guess in case the girls give us grief when we head back.” Noah leaned closer to my ear. “Umm … I’m really going to miss you.” He played with my hair. “I really love your rainbow hair.”

“You love my hair? At least you don’t love me. That would be heartbreaking.” I rolled onto my back.

Noah’s finger traced the line of my jaw. “Of course that’s not true. I’m already heartbroken.” He looked me in the eye. “Especially when you won’t say you like me more than him.” The lamppost light reflected off his bright, yet sad, blue eyes. His dark skin made them look like beacons, calling me to stare into his eyes to be hypnotized by his gaze forever.

“You guys make this hard. It would be easier if one of you could have given me a reason to not like you.” I pressed my hand against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat race from my touch. My heart raced, answering back. Could I be more confused? What a terrible person I was. I wanted them both. “It’s a good thing I can’t be with either one of you. No one can get hurt now.”

“Saying goodbye isn’t going to hurt you?” We gazed at each other and I could feel his warm breath whenever he exhaled.

I gently pushed him and gave him a pained smile. “Of course it will hurt. It already does.” I brushed my thumb against his chin. “Yeah, it already does.” I looked up at the stars and sighed.

He kissed my shoulder. “Will you remember this week fondly or will it be the nightmare that you were afraid would never end?”

“Because of you, fondly. As bad as things got, I found I’m capable of making great friends, even if we can only be that way for a week. I really liked it when you wanted to make sure you told me good-bye properly.” I shrugged as my face burned when the memory replayed in my mind.

Noah inhaled and held his breath for a moment, “I liked that almost as much as you spelling ‘kiss me’ on my back. You know, we can talk all the time with Facetime, there’s Snapchat, and we could post pics to each other on Instagram.”

I smiled. “That’s true. Maybe mom will consider coming back next summer.”

“I would really like that.” Noah kissed my shoulder again. I wanted to melt into him.

Cessie whimpered and squirmed in her sleep. Josh responded with a gasp and a moan.

“Oww.” Josh opened his eyes and rubbed his leg. Noah pulled away from me as Josh looked around as if he was lost.

I rolled over to move Cessie so she wouldn’t kick him again. Noah tucked his head against my back where he had been before he woke up. He tickled my back lightly, drawing hearts again. I bit my lip.

“Oh, hey,” Josh said after he rubbed his face.

“Shhh.” I pointed over at my mom.

He nodded and smiled sweetly at me. Josh glanced over my shoulder at Noah before covering a couple of my fingers with his and closed his eyes.

I didn’t mind at all that I was wide-awake once the boys’ breathing slowed and they eased into sleep. I couldn’t believe Mom allowed us to camp out on the roof together. Maybe it was her way of thanking them for ending the week with our future still intact.

What sucked about our way of life was leaving new friends behind week after week. Truthfully, my life wasn’t so bad. This week was so full of adventures, not the typical show after show drudgery. It really was fun after all with first kisses, conquering fears, surviving the drama, and I discovered even evil people sometimes had a good side.

That was what Mom had been teaching me and my sister. Our  life was full of everything. Never stuck in one place and intentionally existing as gypsies allowed us the freedom of living with no regrets. With the good and bad, it was all part of a full, authentic life. Maybe I would have picked one boy if my life was normal. However, it wasn’t normal and there wasn’t enough time. There never would be.

And there was Josh in front of me, sleeping. He mumbled in his sleep. I shifted a little closer.

“What are you trying to say? I can’t understand you,” I whispered and covered my mouth so my giggle wouldn’t stir him even more.

“I love you,” he said.

I pressed both hands against my mouth and my face flamed. With a racing heart, I prodded, “You love who?”

“Hmm? Uh, you … Gypsy girl.” Josh rolled onto his back.

I pressed my eyes shut and then peeked with one eye. If he woke, he probably would be able to feel my thumping heart on the roof. I clutched my chest, barely peeking to see if he was awake. He started to snore.

The words he said played again in my mind. I rolled over and looked at Noah. He was sleeping all dark and handsome beside me. The boy I could only dream of having. He was so dreamy. Nice time to have those thoughts. I didn’t doubt for a second that he really liked me, he took advantage of every moment alone we had together. I loved every minute of it, even when I was trying to back off and be friends. His confidence made me feel so special. What a beautiful problem to have. I finally fell asleep remembering all the many special moments with the two best guys in the world.

Monday

Noah gently rocked my shoulder. I blinked several times before I could see his face clearly. The morning sun illuminated his tousled hair or it was his halo.

“I have to get everything ready to go. At least pretend I had a super early start so Bree and Rachel don’t suspect we were here all night.”

“My mom was here. Will that make a difference?” I checked my hair. Mostly to see if I had grown horns. I was sure I was going to sprout some at anytime. Nope, I was still good or at least not evil.

“Yeah, well, I don’t need any more drama than I already get from my mom. I want to be able to tell you goodbye properly before they show up to take the horses home.” He pulled a tendril of hair out of my face with a small smile and sad eyes. Noah glanced at Josh before kissing me on the forehead and then his lips met mine. He climbed over the edge all pirate like. A pirate would steal a kiss like that. Maybe he wasn’t so angelic after all. I was fine with that.

I propped myself up on an elbow and watched him walk away, running a hand through his hair before putting his 49ers hat back on. I fell back onto the pillows when Cessie started to stir. I closed my eyes to fake sleep and relaxed as best I could.

“I have to pee.” Cessie shook my shoulder.

I moaned and rolled over.

“I really have to go.” Cessie bounced on her knees, whispering loud enough to wake Josh too.

“Tell Mom.” I pointed over to where she was stretching.

Cessie crept over to her and whispered so loud that I heard every word. They crawled through the window of Mom’s turret room.

Alone with Josh. I tucked my hands in between my knees and stared at him. I dreamed about him a lot all night and it stirred up an overwhelming yearning to be closer to him, to feel his arms around me. Why was he suddenly all I wanted? Noah was perfection with a perfect life, expert kisses, and a not so perfect mom. However, Josh’s life was unstable like mine. He understood the broken promises thing. I was Josh’s first kiss and I was just as inexperienced. Josh was a bouncing ball of energy when he was awake, almost overwhelmingly so. When Josh was asleep, he was hard to resist, absolutely endearing. I lightly touched his face. I couldn’t help it. His eyes fluttered open. Why hadn’t I noticed his thick, long, dark eyelashes before? Josh’s rich brown eyes were so much darker than his sandy hair. His glasses had hid them well.

He squinted, struggling to focus on me.

I scooted even closer so my body was nearly against his. I propped myself up on an elbow. Should I tell him I dreamed about him all night? I wanted to kiss him. I could feel the longing on my lips. We
were
alone. I rested my head on his shoulder instead. His heart pounded against my hand. He was softer than Noah. Josh wrapped an arm around me as he searched for his glasses. Once he had his glasses on, he gazed at me. “My heart aches already.” His eyes glassed over. “I have to know something. I mean, you said things last night that Noah and I were a pair. You couldn’t see us as separate. Do you mean that? You like us both the same?” He examined a blue strand of my hair and blinked a few times.

I could hear what he said when he was sleep-talking as if he was saying those words all over again. My chin quivered. I couldn’t divide them. Josh couldn’t keep secrets.

“Yes, I like you both the same. But when I’m alone with you though, it’s just you I want to be with.” Regret punched me in the chest, screaming at me to fix it. I said the wrong thing. The horrible feeling washing over me made it impossible for me to speak.

His face fell and he rubbed under his eyes as he sat up.

I pulled his hands from his face as I sat on my knees, straddling his legs. I cupped his face to make him look at me.

He tried to push my hands away.

“Wait.”I wiped his cheeks dry. Josh didn’t stop me as his shoulders fell in defeat. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I hugged him instead. He held me so tight, burying his face against my shoulder and his body shuddered. I had to tell him. He needed to hear it. The words were in my mouth when his phone vibrated.

Josh picked up his phone and wiped his face with the collar of his shirt once he saw the text. “I have to go. I didn’t know it was this late already. I haven’t done anything to get ready to leave.” He extricated his legs from under me and rubbed his face hard. “You said you’d come say good-bye?” Josh pressed his mouth together when his eyes welled up again.

All I could do was nod, holding back my own tears as Josh climbed over the edge of the Caravan. He ran across the field all the way to the horse barn.

I pressed my fingers against my eyelids. Totally deflated, I folded my arms and stared at the horse barn. There wasn’t much time left.

As soon as Mom returned with Cessie, we started packing to get ready to go. I never said a word as I rushed through locking up all the boxes and totes with our leftover products. We stacked them up on the roof and latched them on tight. When I finished stringing bungee cords across them all, I bounced on my toes about to burst into tears if I couldn’t go to the horse barn.

“Sera, what’s wrong?” Mom frowned at me.

“I still need to say goodbye to everyone and I don’t know when they’re leaving. They could be gone already.”

“Why didn’t you say so? I’m not in any hurry to be on the road just yet. Take Cessie though. I have friends to say goodbye to as well. There’s this really nice looking guy.” Mom sighed and fanned her face.

“Gross, Mom.” I rolled my eyes, heading for the door.

“Not any grosser than teenagers in love.”

“Whatever.” I accidentally slammed the door after Cessie jumped out of the Caravan. We ran all the way to the horse barn.

For the first time since I had been there, the overwhelming fear was gone replaced by a perfectly normal awareness to be careful around the horses. Exactly the way normal people felt. I scanned the hall for my friends.

Bree and Rachel were busy packing a tote full of their horse grooming tools.

“I’m so glad you’re still here.” I shoved my hands in my pockets when relief washed over me even though I was hoping to spot Josh or Noah first.

Bree immediately threw her arms around me.“Yay! I was wondering if we’d get to see you this morning. Last night was so awesome.”

“Yes it was. The best part of our week,” Rachel said, taking her turn to hug me. “Where were the boys last night?”

I shrugged and grabbed Cessie’s elbow to cue her to keep her mouth shut. She scrunched her eyebrows together when she looked up at me.

“Hey, why don’t you see if Noah is here?” I pushed her towards Ezra’s stall.

Once Cessie was out of earshot, I sighed. “Josh asked me to come say goodbye. But I think I hurt his feelings. Do you know if he’s around?”

“I think they’re still packing up their tent. They should be back here soon,” Rachel said.

“Oh. Should I wait here?”

“Sure. They were almost done.” Rachel nodded, but never looked at me again.

I walked down the aisle, composing a text while avoiding all the horses escorted out of their stalls to their horse trailers. Desperation was setting in. I really needed to see Josh.

“Hey.” Noah wrapped his arms around me from behind, startling me. He looked over my shoulder at my phone. I tucked it in my pocket. Noah made me turn to face him and held me tight around my waist.

“Rachel said you guys were still packing up.” I smiled, relieved to see him.

“I’m done. Josh is like a sulking turtle today. Which isn’t typical, because he’s never slow at anything. Even when he’s upset. I think he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” He winked at me.

I pulled his arms off me and gestured that Cessie was watching.

“I’ll fix that. I want to tell you goodbye properly.” He grabbed my hand, leading me to the stall. Cessie happily rubbed her palm against Ezra’s upper lip. “You want to brush her before I take her home?”

“Oh yes!” Cessie’s eyes widened.

Noah handed her the brush and let her in the stall. He stood right outside the door, clipping a lead rope to Ezra’s halter and held it. “Will you be all right in there without me?”

“Can I pretend she’s my horse?”

“Yes, you may.”

Cessie eagerly brushed Ezra and told the horse how much she loved her. Noah watched her for a minute before he eased my back against the wall. Ezra’s head blocked Cessie’s view. Noah leaned against me. He held my face, gazing at me longingly as he played with my hair. A thrill rushed through my body from his tender touch, affectionate gaze, and charming smile. However, I couldn’t stop glancing over to the big open door of the horse barn, praying that Josh wouldn’t see us. If only we could be hidden in the stall instead. Noah brushed his thumb against my cheek and I went weak in the knees. I held onto him and tried to smile.

“I understand.” He sighed and rested his forehead on mine. I didn’t refuse him when he kissed me. I really wanted it. However, the kiss was brief, just brushing against my lips, nothing like I anticipated from all the effort he made to hide me away from my sister. “It sucks to understand as well as I do.” With sad eyes, he gently tugged on each colored strand of my hair. “Last night was the best though.”

“Nothing happened.”

“You were there. That’s all I needed. You’ll always be my favorite, Gypsy Girl.” He kissed my forehead and smiled painfully. “Fix Josh, would you?” He looked away, clearing his throat as he entered the stall with Cessie. “You want to ride bareback while I wait for my dad to get here?”

“Oh, yes,” Cessie said.

I still leaned against the wall and clenched my fists to compose myself. I bit down on the inside of my cheek when Noah opened the stall door leading Ezra with Cessie on her back. He pointed at me to stay put before he stared at the ground while he walked away, briefly glancing back only once.

The lump in my throat nearly choked me. Noah gave me up. I wanted to stop him from leaving, but I didn’t. My hands wouldn’t stop trembling as I went into Shasta’s stall to wait. I tried to calm down. It wasn’t the horse that had me worked up. Noah knew. He knew what I was trying so hard to hide from all of them. I controlled my breathing and brushed tears away while I texted Josh.

Me: I’m in the horse barn. Where r u?

Josh: Almost there.

I rubbed my cheeks dry while I struggled to get a grip and calm down.

Shasta nickered.

“Hello, boy,” Josh said.

When I jumped from hearing his voice, he spotted me. I couldn’t help it, I cried all over again.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, covering my mouth to hold back an ugly sob. I wasn’t going to do that.

Josh entered the stall and stood frozen with wide eyes, clenching his fists, holding his breath. I couldn’t tell if his intense stance was because he was mad at me or something else.

“I screwed up and didn’t say what I meant to earlier. Then you left so fast before I could tell you, before I could say how I really feel.” I twisted my hands in my shirt. “It’s you … I want you. I pick you.”

Before I could draw in a breath, Josh crossed the stall and pressed me back against the wall and his lips met mine. He kissed me hard with our tears flavoring our lips with saltiness. I had to hold onto his shoulders so I didn’t slide to the ground. I kissed him back with the longing that brought me there, not wanting him to stop, seeking kiss after kiss.

Not that long ago I was sure Noah’s kiss was pure bliss. Josh’s kisses were heavenly. Josh stopped kissing to hold me tight, tucking his head next to my neck and inhaled. I did the same to him and Josh’s smell was even more spicy and manly than Noah. I needed to stop comparing the two.

I wanted to memorize how he felt in my arms as I rubbed his back, up to his soft shoulders. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled my fingers as I stroked the back of his head. Everywhere he touched me, my back, my face, my neck, sent electricity through me. I wanted Josh. Noah knew and now Josh did too. He smiled before he kissed me again, letting his kisses linger. If only time would stop, so that moment, the kisses, the feelings, his touch, everything we shared right then, could last forever.