Halfway to Forever (29 page)

Leslie grabbed hold of two bars and pressed her nose in the
space between. She’d never been claustrophobic before, but now … There were times when the urge to break free of her cell was so strong she thought she could bend the bars in two. Times when she tried, even. But never when the guards were looking.

Good behavior was the only way she’d get out again, the only way she’d save Grace from a lifetime of preaching and Bible verses and suffocating control by Leslie’s mother.

Leslie remembered hearing from her attorney that Grace’s adoption had fallen through. She spun around and threw herself on her bunk. Good thing. Strangers shouldn’t be raising her kid.

Still, Leslie had been confused until the attorney mentioned her mother. “Apparently Social Services thought your mother was dead.” Her attorney shrugged. “Once they found out about her existence and her desire to adopt Grace, they pulled her from the foster-adopt home immediately.”

There was no information about which foster home or who was going to adopt Grace before her mother intervened. Not that it mattered. Those people were out of the picture. And now that Grace was in Bartlesville, she’d be easy to find. Probably being spoiled rotten, poisoned with lies about the mistakes her terrible mother had made.

The whole situation made Leslie want to puke. Grace was already spoiled enough. Imagine what living with her mother for a year would do to her?

No, Leslie couldn’t let Grace stay in Bartlesville. That wasn’t the type of life she should have. She wasn’t a Bible kid, a Christian kid. Grace was
her
kid. Leslie Landers’s kid. And that meant that, yes, sometimes she’d have to hang around while Leslie made a little money in the sack. And sometimes the kid would have to sit loose while Leslie partied with the guys in Santa Maria, guys who would want to see her when she returned.

But that was no reason to take Grace away and put her up for
adoption. The street life that Leslie could give Grace was a good thing. It toughened kids, made them wise to the world and ready for whatever the future held.

Whatever Grace’s future held, it didn’t involve Leslie’s mother or some family of strangers taking over as Grace’s parents. Leslie was doing just fine, thank you. The problem was, they needed more money. Which meant Grace needed to pull her weight.

The idea hadn’t occurred to her until that last night, the night the cops busted her. The guy she’d been with that night roughed her up pretty good, and in the process he knelt on the seat and spotted Grace on the floor.

She could still hear his words, still feel the way they spawned the idea that just might save them. “You didn’t tell me you had a little beauty hiding in the back.”

Leslie had been angry with the man. Angry and high. At first she didn’t understand what he meant. Before they could talk about it, the police showed up. And only in the days since she’d been in prison had she considered exactly what he was saying. Grace
was
pretty. Pretty enough that if their money started running low, Leslie could put her to work. Films or short projects. Whatever. Nothing dangerous, just something to help them survive.

Besides, it was time Grace made herself useful. Leslie had catered to her long enough, busting her own tail to make sure their cooler was full of milk and cookies and sometimes bananas. It was only fair. Grace needed to make money, too.

And if they worked together, maybe … just maybe, they’d find a way to survive. Then they could set up an apartment somewhere and go about the business of living. Of course, Leslie shared none of this with her attorney. But she did tell him one of her intentions.

“I want Grace back. The minute I’m out of here.”

The attorney, an older man who worked for the state, looked
concerned by Leslie’s request. “It’s possible. With good behavior and a series of letters, maybe.”

“Letters?”

“To your mother, sent to my office. I’ll make copies and send them on. That’s the only way you’ll be able to prove how much you miss your daughter.”

Leslie wasn’t excited about the idea of writing letters, but if that’s what it took, she would do it. Her mother probably loved the fact that she had Grace now. Probably figured she was being given another chance at raising a child, since she’d blown it so completely with Leslie.

She grabbed a piece of paper from a pile beneath her bunk. Her mother had been a terrible excuse for a parent. Busy all the time and spewing Bible verses as though they might make up for the lack of time they had together.

Leslie gritted her teeth and stared at the blank sheet of paper. No wonder she’d turned to drugs. At least those friends wanted to spend time with her. She grabbed a pencil from beneath her foam mattress and began to write.

Leslie tapped the pencil on the paper and thought about what else to say. She put her pencil to the paper again.

Leslie hesitated for a minute and smiled, her heart pinched with hate.

T
he moment had finally arrived, and Jade was neither anxious nor afraid.

A strong Santa Ana wind rattled through the canyons, and before daybreak, Jade and Tanner gathered in Ty’s bedroom and prayed. Jenny Bronzan was meeting them at the hospital, where she would spend the day hanging out with Ty.

Jade settled on the edge of Ty’s bed and watched him slip a sweatshirt over his head. “Now remember, the whole time you’re having little Maddie—” Ty’s voice was muffled until his head poked through the hole—“I’ll be praying for you. The whole time.”

“Okay.” A surreal calm had come over Jade days ago and now, on October 7, it was still in place. “I’ll remember.”

“And the minute she’s born, you’ll tell her what I told you, right?”

Jade stared up at the ceiling and rattled off the words she’d long since memorized. “ ‘Welcome to our family, Maddie. You have the best big brother in the world.’ ”

“Yes!” Ty pumped his fist. “I can’t
wait
to be a big brother.”

Tanner poked Ty in the ribs and gave him a partial grin. “It won’t happen unless we take this show down to the hospital.”

The three of them formed a circle, Jade still sitting on the bed. Tanner drew a steadying breath and began to speak. “Lord, this is it, the day we’ve been waiting for. Father, You know all things, even down to the timing of Madison’s birth.” He paused, and Jade could hear the concern in his voice. “Please, God, keep Your hand
on Jade and Maddie. Help them come through the operation healthy and strong, and please, Lord, bring them both home soon. We trust You … we thank You ahead of time.”

The sun was just peeking over the horizon as they gathered Jade’s things and loaded the car. They needed to be at the hospital by seven o’clock, and Jade knew Tanner didn’t want to be late. In the myriad of emotions they’d experienced in the months since Jade’s diagnosis, they’d done a role reversal once again.

There was no question that, at first, the news of Brandy’s death set Jade back, set her and Tanner both back. But after a few days of deep prayer, times when only clinging to Scriptures pulled her through, she had somehow emerged clothed in peace.

Tanner was the anxious one now, but this time he shared his feelings with her. Even last night, hours before they would leave for the hospital, he admitted the depth of his fear.

They’d been in bed, and Jade was quiet, praying silently as she fell asleep. Next to her, Tanner was a study in motion. He tossed and turned from his left side to his right and back again. Finally, Jade leaned up on one elbow and whispered in his direction. “What’s wrong, Tanner? Talk to me.”

He rolled onto his back and an anxious sigh slipped through his lips. “I’m sorry, Jade. I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

She laid her head down on his bare chest. “Talk to me. What’s on your heart?”

For the first time in an hour, Tanner was still. He pounded his fist into the mattress between them and groaned. “I want to grab the alarm clock and smash it against the wall. Every time the hands move, I feel that much closer to tomorrow.”

Jade touched his face. “Is that a bad thing?” She was careful not to sound condescending or unnaturally optimistic. “Our baby’s going to be born tomorrow.”

“But there are risks, Jade. You and I both know it.” His body
relaxed beside her. “Assuming you get through the delivery okay, there’s the baby to worry about. She’s still so small.”

“I know.”

“And then we’ll have maybe a day before they assault your body with the worst kind of chemicals known to man. The thought of it kills me, Jade. It kills me.”

She leaned over and kissed him, silencing his fears and smoothing her thumb along his eyebrows. “You’re beautiful, do you know that?”

“What if …” His whispered voice was choked with concern. “What if something happens?” He hesitated, searching her face. “I couldn’t live without you.”

She prayed for the right words. “Remember a long time ago in Kelso, when I didn’t think God would ever love me, didn’t feel I belonged in a church? Remember the Scripture you gave me back then?”

The anxiety in Tanner’s expression eased some. “Yes.”

“ ‘ “know the plans I have for you,” declares the L
ORD
, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ’ ”

“Right.”

She searched his eyes. “Believe it, Tanner. Believe it now just like you believed it then. God has a plan for us. For me and little Madison and you and Ty. His plans are perfect.” She kissed him again. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

A single tear slid down his face and he nodded, easing her head back down to his chest. “Don’t leave me, Jade.”

“Never, Tanner. Never ever.”

After that they slept … but now that they were driving to the hospital, Jade could see the tension in the flex of her husband’s jaw, feel it in his lack of conversation. He believed, of course. God had brought them back together, after all. But they both knew
there were no guarantees that this time God’s plans would be the ones they hoped for.

They met Jenny at the hospital, and she produced a bag holding milk and a muffin for Ty. “Looks like we get a day together, huh?”

Ty nodded. He wasn’t as chipper as he’d been earlier that morning—probably because of the tension he sensed from Tanner—but so far he hadn’t cried, and Jade was glad. Glad that he’d been busy in this season of her illness, glad that he didn’t fully comprehend the risks or the hard road that lay ahead.

Jade was in her wheelchair, but she hugged Jenny around her waist. “Thanks for being here.”

Jenny gave a half smile and squeezed her hand. “Mom and Matt will be here later. Before the baby’s born.”

“I can’t believe it’s already time.”

“Mrs. Eastman—” Jenny met her gaze, and Jade saw that the girl’s eyes were wet—“We’re all praying for you. All of us.”

“I know.” Jade pulled away and reached up for Tanner’s hand. “We feel it.”

They followed Jade to a private room where she could wait with them until it was time for the delivery. Tanner would stay with Jade in the operating room, but Ty and Jenny would have to wait down the hall.

After a while a nurse came in and announced it was time. Jenny left the rest of them alone, and Ty came to Jade’s side. “I love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too, buddy.”

“Talk to you in a little while, okay?”

“Okay.”

She kissed him on the cheek and smiled, determined not to cry, determined that this would be a happy moment for their family. God knew there would be plenty of harder moments ahead.

Ty left, and the nurse wheeled Jade down the hall with Tanner at her side. They situated Jade on an operating table and gave her an epidural, all the while watching her vital signs, looking hard for clues that her body might be shutting down or seizing.

Jade felt only an occasional prod and poke until, at 7:23 that morning, the doctor lifted Madison Jade Eastman for Jade and Tanner to see. “Congratulations!” The doctor beamed. “She’s a beauty.”

Through teary eyes, Jade stared at their tiny, fighting-mad daughter, and then at Tanner. “She’s
here.”
A relieved ripple of laughter came from her throat. “Can you
believe
it?”

Tanner was crying without any sound, as though a leak had sprung on either side of his face. He smiled bigger than she’d seen in months; then he turned to Madison, her arms flailing as she spouted soft baby cries of protest. “It’s unbelievable, Jade. I can’t believe this feeling.” He raised both fists and stared toward heaven. “I have a daughter!”

Madison’s cries grew more lusty in response, and Tanner laughed. “Her lungs are healthy.” He grinned at Jade, and she tried to imagine which was better—seeing Madison for the first time, or seeing Tanner so happy. He lowered his voice and stared at their newborn daughter, his eyes dancing. “She’s perfect, Jade. Absolutely perfect.”

Tanner hovered near the doctor as Madison was passed to a nurse, cleaned up, weighed, and wrapped in a blanket. “Four pounds, two ounces,” the doctor announced. “Bigger than we expected.”

Jade closed her eyes for the briefest moment, overwhelmed with gratitude.
Thank You, God. Whatever happens after this, thank You …
She opened her eyes in time to see the nurse hand Madison to Tanner.

“Okay, little girl, go to Daddy.”

Tanner took her in his arms, holding her like a priceless piece of china. The minute his arms were around her, Madison stopped crying and squinted at the fluorescent lights. “That’s right, sweetheart. No more tears. You’re with Daddy now.” He cooed at her. “You’re the most beautiful baby in the world, little Maddie.”