Handpicked Husband (Love Inspired Historical) (17 page)

With a smile that felt as brittle as cracked glass, she allowed him to hand her up into the front seat.

That evening, Reggie wasn’t certain if Adam would show up for supper, but sure enough, he arrived right on schedule.

She didn’t understand. How could he act as if nothing had changed?

They’d barely settled around the table, when Jack turned to Adam. “Mr. Barr?”

Adam paused in the act of passing a platter to Reggie. “Yes?”

“Aunt Reggie says, if it’s all right with you, I could call you Uncle Adam after y’all get married.”

Reggie’s gaze flew to Adam’s. A startled expression flashed across his features, there and gone in a heartbeat.
Please say the right thing.

Adam gave the boy a wide smile. “Uncle Adam. That has a nice ring to it.” He nodded. “I’d be honored.”

Equal parts relief and gratitude curled through Reggie.

“Do I have to wait until the wedding?” Jack asked.

Adam winked. “It wouldn’t bother me if you started right away. After all,” his gaze cut to Reggie, “it’s not as if there’s anything that’s going to stop the wedding now.”

Reggie reached for her glass with suddenly icy fingers. She could not become Adam’s wife. To do so would render all her prior sacrifices meaningless.

But how would she ever explain things to Jack when this was over?

The rest of the meal passed by in a nightmarish parody of normalcy. They talked and ate as if everything was as it should be. But afterward, Reggie couldn’t remember what had been said or what she’d eaten.

As Adam pulled her chair back for her after the meal, she thought about pleading a headache. And it wouldn’t be stretching the truth by much.

But before she could say anything, Adam turned to Jack.

“If you don’t mind, your Aunt Regina and I have some things to discuss about the wedding.”

Mrs. Peavy waved a hand toward the boy. “Why don’t you come along to the kitchen with me? I have a few cookies left over from our picnic, and Ira was just saying he wished he had someone to play checkers with.”

Reggie allowed Adam to escort her into the parlor. The touch of his hand at her elbow evoked memories of the kiss they’d shared. She couldn’t control the tiny, telltale quiver that sidled up her arm.

Did he intend to pick up the conversation where they’d left it this afternoon? Could he possibly be ready to see reason and actually help her find an acceptable compromise?

He led her to the sofa, then took a seat opposite.

“Was there something in particular you wished to discuss?” Reggie asked. The words sounded stilted even to her own ears, but she couldn’t shake the edgy, jittery feeling. She clasped her hands in her lap just to keep them from trembling.

“There was.” He leaned forward, his expression almost sympathetic. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier, about wanting a platonic marriage.”

Hope and something poignantly remorseful stirred in her. He
was
ready to compromise.

His gaze probed hers. “Answer me truthfully. Are you committed to making this marriage work?”

Her hands tightened painfully as her hope fizzled. What did he expect from her? “I will do whatever I must to keep Jack.”

Adam grimaced. “Not the most flattering response, but an honest one.”

He leaned back and offered a reassuring smile. “That being said, I’ll agree to take things slow, to give you time to adjust to the idea of being married. The best way to accomplish that would be for the two of us to spend the first few days after the wedding at your cabin.”

Reggie felt the blood drain from her face. He couldn’t mean it. The two of them, alone, hours from anyone.

“Don’t worry—I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. But if we’re going to try to work through your...reservations, then I think some time alone is a good way to start.”

His smile took on a self-mocking edge. “Besides, I don’t relish word getting out that I spent my wedding night in a separate bedroom from my new wife.”

He raised a brow. “Any objections?”

Objections? Of course she had objections—dozens of them. How could he possibly see this as a solution? This problem couldn’t be resolved in two
years
, let alone two days.

But if it would salve his pride to not make their arrangement known right away, she couldn’t deny him that. Stunned by the ever deepening hole she was digging for herself, Reggie shook her head.

“Good.” Adam stood. “Then, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll say good-night.”

As she watched him leave, all Reggie could think about was spending two days isolated with Adam in her favorite place in the whole world.

Fear wasn’t the only emotion she felt.

* * *

The next few days strained Reggie’s control to the near-breaking point. It wasn’t that Adam was unkind or demanding. In fact, it was just the opposite.

He treated her as if the conversation in the meadow had never taken place. He came by in the mornings, taking over the repair work Mitchell had started. Then he returned in the evening, joining them for supper.

Not even her studio offered a sanctuary. He would show up there occasionally while she worked. Not that he overtly intruded. He actually spent more time chatting with Ira than with her, which for some reason put her in even more of a snit.

But she was always conscious of his presence. Every time he touched her, be it a simple taking of her elbow to help her down the stairs, or an accidental brushing against her as they passed through a doorway, it set her on edge.

Nights were the worst. She lay awake for hours, trying to find answers on her shadowy ceiling. When she did fall asleep, her dreams were haunted by images of what could have been.

The day of her wedding, Reggie climbed out of bed with the grim realization that she’d run out of time. In six hours she would become Mrs. Adam Barr. She had to tell Adam the truth about her past.

With stiff, mechanical motions, she got dressed and plodded down the stairs. She ate her breakfast without tasting it.

Jack, excited about the upcoming wedding, carried most of the conversation.

When the meal was over, Reggie pulled Ira aside. “I’m going to my studio. Please find Adam and ask him to join me there as soon as is most convenient.”

Ira gave her a searching look, then nodded and left. Feeling like a prisoner marching to the gallows, Reggie asked Mrs. Peavy to keep an eye on Jack, then headed out.

Myrtis Jenkins, her nearest neighbor, was working in her flower garden. “Good morning, Reggie. A lovely day for a wedding, isn’t it?”

Reggie managed to smile through the queasiness in her stomach. “Yes, ma’am. A bride couldn’t ask for a sunnier one.” With a wave she hurried on. She had to endure two more such encounters before she was able to scurry safely inside her studio.

Then the waiting began. Unable to sit still, Reggie paced the length of the room and back, over and over.

Lately, she’d felt like she was in a slightly off focus dream. Adam never so much as mentioned their discussion in the meadow, nor had he tried to kiss her again. Yet every look they’d exchanged, every accidental contact they made had been fraught with meaning, to her at least.

The fact that he’d been so exactingly polite had only kept her off balance, unsure of what his feelings truly were.

It didn’t matter though. What she was about to tell him would put an end to any hope she had of having a normal future as his wife. Not that she’d stood a chance before.

If only she could snatch Jack up and run someplace far away, someplace where they could never be found.

Her grandfather had given those three men a chance to start new—why couldn’t she have the same opportunity?

A knock at the door stopped her in her tracks. She spun around and faced the door, feeling the contents of her stomach rebel. She couldn’t do this.

A second knock, more insistent this time. “Regina, are you in there?”

Breathe.

“Coming.”

Reggie smoothed her skirt, then stepped forward to open the door.

* * *

Adam stepped inside and took in the doomed expression on Regina’s face before she turned away. He shut the door behind him and tossed his hat on the counter. “Ira said you wanted to speak to me.”

She turned to face him and he sensed a desperate air of entreaty about her. “I want to ask you one more time to call this wedding off, or at least respect my wish to not push me to consummate it.”

Adam swallowed an oath. He’d thought they were making progress on that front. He hadn’t been oblivious to her awareness of him, to the signals her eyes sent, or to her reaction when he “accidentally” touched her.

Why was she so adamantly denying this attraction they both felt?

“As I told you before,” he said firmly, “if anyone calls a halt to this wedding, it will be you, not me. And if you do, I will be forced to follow through with my obligations under that contract we all signed.”

He approached her until only a hand span separated them. He could smell the fresh outdoor scent of her, could almost feel her breath on his skin, see the rapid pulse beat in her neck. “I’m not a monster, Regina. I’m willing to give you the time you need to adjust to the idea of being married. We can take it slow, get to really know each other along the way. But if we go through with the marriage, I want your word there will be a real effort on your part to make it work. I expect this to eventually become a true marriage, in
every
sense of the word.”

He brushed a stray hair from her forehead and her eyes closed briefly at his touch. “Can you do that?”

Her eyes opened again and he saw a regret and pain there so deep he winced.

“I can.”

Her unexpected capitulation set his pulse surging in a wild stirring of victory. “That’s all I ask—”

She placed a finger to his lips. “No. Don’t say anything just yet. I’ve tried to avoid this in every way I know how, but you’ve left me no choice.”

What was wrong?

“Before we take this any further, before we make any vows or commitments to each other, there’s something you should know.”

“I’m listening.” Anticipation stirred his blood. She was finally ready to tell him what had happened to make her so afraid of marriage. Whatever it was, he was confident he could help her work through it.

She squared her shoulders and looked him squarely in the eyes.

“Jack is not my nephew. He’s my son.”

Chapter Fourteen

A
dam’s gut clenched as if she’d delivered a blow. Several possibilities had swirled through his mind, but this had been nowhere on the list. Had some filthy bit of pond scum attacked her? “How?”

“The sordid details aren’t important.”

“They are to me.” He reached for her hands, trying to comfort her.

But she pulled away. “Seven years ago, I let myself be seduced by a stranger who threw a bit of attention and flattery my way,” she said bitterly. “Then, when he’d gotten what he wanted, he moved on.”

Adam’s whole perception of her shifted, turned upside down.

She glared a defiant challenge. “Is that enough detail for you, or do you want more?”

“Who knows about this?”

“Until a few minutes ago, Mr. and Mrs. Peavy were the only ones still alive who knew.” She narrowed her eyes. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”

“How did you manage to keep it secret?” These weren’t the questions he wanted to ask, but they were the only ones his mouth could form.

“Patricia lost two babies in the early years of her marriage. The doctor told her it would be dangerous to try again, so she and Lemuel resigned themselves to a childless marriage. When I realized I was carrying Daniel’s child, once everyone got over the shock, we hatched a scheme where we would let everyone think she had disregarded the doctor’s orders.

“She and I traveled to St. Louis, under the pretense that, because of her history, Patricia should be put in the care of a ‘specialist’ during her confinement. Changing places once we arrived was a simple matter. I became Mrs. Lemuel Willis, and she became Regina Nash. Once Jack was born and I had regained my strength, we came back to Turnabout with no one the wiser.”

She made it sound so trivial, so ordinary.

“I hadn’t realized what a clever little liar you were.” He felt the fool. It hadn’t been the intimacy she feared. It had been the discovery of her sordid secret.

Then the full import of her words hit him. “How could you just give your own son away to someone else to raise, like a garment that had become too constrictive? Was your reputation more important to you than your son?”

Her hands fisted and her eyes flashed lightning. “How
dare
you! You can judge me a fallen woman if you wish. I will freely admit my guilt. But don’t you ever,
ever
suggest I don’t love Jack or that I would do anything to cause him harm. Handing my son over to my stepsister was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.”

She took a deep breath, her eyes still flashing icy fire. “I didn’t do it for my reputation. If that was all that had been at stake, I would have braved the gossips and self-righteous finger-pointers.”

She lifted her chin. “But I couldn’t bear for my child to face that same ostracism. He shouldn’t have to grow up with the stigma of being the illegitimate son of a man who seduced a sixteen-year-old girl and then abandoned her without looking back. Jack deserves a chance to live life unburdened by my sins.”

Pretty words. Did they help her sleep easier at night? Is that how his own mother had justified abandoning him? “He deserves to know the truth.”

“Maybe someday, when he’s much older and able to understand such matters. But the ‘when’ and even ‘if’ is for me to decide, no one else.”

“Judge Madison should be told.”

“No.” Panic flared in her eyes. “You can’t tell him.”

So much for her saintly motives. “Surely you’re not saying you’re worried about the judge’s sensibilities as well?”

She flinched, then compressed her lips. “There may be no blood tie between Judge Madison and Jack, just like he’s not my true grandfather, but there is more that binds a family together than mere blood. Jack
is
his great-grandson, for all intents and purposes. I wouldn’t want to hurt Grandfather by informing him that he’s the last of his line.”

“Not to mention the inheritance Jack stands to lose.”

The stinging slap resounded in the quiet room. Adam almost welcomed the sting.

“The other day you accused me of not knowing you.” Her voice shook with passion. “You’ve just proved that you do not know me.” She spun on her heel and stalked away.

Adam absently rubbed his cheek as he watched her retreat. She braced her hands against the counter and stood with her back to him. Her shoulders trembled slightly, whether from agitation or fear he couldn’t tell.

His whole picture of her as a caring, honest woman was shattered.

She’d given away her son, turned him over to someone else to raise.

Just as his mother had with him.

Her reason might be different, might sound nobler, but it didn’t change the facts. Abandoning a child was unforgivable, any way you looked at it.

Yet he couldn’t tell Jack the truth about his parentage. Regina was right about that much at least. Putting the boy through that nightmare, forcing him to feel the wrenching pain of knowing that the person who should love you the most didn’t feel you were worth fighting for, would be needlessly cruel.

But Judge Madison was another matter. Hearing the truth might be painful, but he deserved to know. In fact, Adam was certain, given the choice, he would
want
to know.

What was he supposed to do about the wedding now? The ceremony was only a few hours away. That confounded contract contained nothing to cover this situation.

How could he possibly marry a woman who’d acted so immorally, so heartlessly?

Amid the maelstrom of questions, an almost inconsequential one surfaced. What had happened to the stranger, this blackguard Daniel, who had seduced and abandoned her?

What sort of man could have so thoroughly turned the head of the fiercely independent Regina?

And did she still pine for him?

* * *

Reggie fought to control both her breathing and her churning emotions. This hadn’t gone well at all. Her palm still stung from the blow she’d landed on his cheek.

The burning anger was gone now, replaced by sadness for what might have been and a panic that threatened to overwhelm her.

She had hoped for more sympathy, if not for herself, at least for the way she’d handled the subsequent situation. The depth of his rejection had taken her completely by surprise. What would he do now?

Would he cancel the wedding?

Would he tell Grandfather?

Would he expose her secrets to the town? To Jack?

Oh, please God, don’t let him be that heartless.

Had she done the right thing in telling him? Or had this humiliation been for nothing? In her selfish desire to hold on to her son, had she given this prison-hardened man a weapon he could use to destroy her family?

It would be better to have Jack torn away from her and sent to boarding school than for him to be branded as the illegitimate son of a harlot.

She heard Adam approach and turned to face him. Trying to read any hint of his next action in his face was useless. The man’s expression was closed as tight as a bank vault.

Adam stopped a few feet from her. What thoughts were running through his mind? What decisions had he made?

The seconds ticked away as he stared at her. Seeing the icy contempt in his eyes while she waited for him to speak was agonizing.

Finally, Reggie couldn’t stand it any longer. “If you’re trying to torture me by your silence, you’ve succeeded. Can you just get on with telling me what you’ve decided?”

“Decided about what?”

The man was infuriating! “About the weather,” she said sarcastically. Then she waved a hand. “About all of it—the wedding, Jack, my grandfather.”

“The wedding will proceed as planned.”

“It will?” She was surprised, not only by the answer but by his matter-of-fact tone.

“Of course. We are still bound by the terms of the contract.”

Reggie wished the contract to perdition. How did he really feel about being married to her? More to the point, how did she feel about marrying him now that he could barely stand to look at her? Did he still intend to make a true marriage of it, or did the thought of touching her now repulse him?

She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question.

“As for Jack, while I don’t like being party to deception, you were right in saying he’s an innocent in all this. It can only hurt him to learn the truth at this stage.”

Relief surged through her, making her almost giddy. She could face even a cold, passionless marriage as long as Jack was protected.

Then she realized he hadn’t answered her last question. “And Grandfather?”

“The situation with Judge Madison is a different matter.”

Her heart tried to climb into her throat.
Don’t do this to me. Please.

“He deserves to hear the truth,” Adam continued ruthlessly.

“The news will kill him.” Reggie’s voice was little more than a croak.

“Judge Madison is a strong man, both physically and emotionally. While this will be unpleasant, I’m certain he’ll be able to weather it.” A small tic appeared at the corner of his mouth. “However, it would be best if the news came from you rather than from me.”

He couldn’t know what he was asking of her. “What if I refuse?”

She hadn’t thought it possible for his expression to harden further, but somehow it did. “You have one month to find a way to tell him. If you haven’t done so in that time, I’ll have no choice but to do it for you.”

Why couldn’t he understand how hurtful this would be, not just for her, but for Grandfather as well? “I can’t tell him such news in a letter.”

He waved impatiently. “Of course not. We’ll plan a trip to Philadelphia soon after we return from the cabin.”

Her heart stuttered. He still wanted to go to the cabin after the ceremony? The two of them, alone for two whole days?

“What could be more reasonable?” he continued. “We’ll be getting your grandfather’s belated blessing on the marriage, and it’ll give me time to take care of unfinished business.”

“That’s right,” she said. “You always see things in terms of such absolute right and wrong. There’s no room in your world for the shadowy lines between.”

“As far as I’m concerned, shadows are where criminals and other miscreants hide.” He straightened the cuff of his shirt. “Now, is there anything else you wanted to tell me?”

Reggie shook her head.

“Good. Then I believe we have a wedding to prepare for. If you’ll excuse me?” With a mocking bow, he turned and left.

Reggie remained there long after the jingle from the bell above the door faded away. How could she go through with this? How could she marry a man who considered her little better than a harlot.

All the old feelings of humiliation and worthlessness from that long-ago morning when she’d had the last of her innocence stripped away came flooding back. The morning Daniel had stood there with that pitying smile and told her how nicely she’d helped him pass the time but he was ready to move on.

How could she smile convincingly as she repeated her vows when she felt so soiled and unworthy inside?

Would everyone in the church see that cold loathing in Adam’s expression when he looked at her?

Slowly she locked the front door and moved to the side one. She wanted to get home as unobtrusively as possible. She couldn’t face any of her neighbors right now, not when she felt as if she might shatter into a thousand pieces with just the slightest touch.

As she stepped outside, though, she took a deep breath and tried to regroup. After all, she’d managed to take this huge step, confessing the story no one had spoken aloud in over six years. And she’d revealed it to Adam no less, the man who held her future in the palm of his hand.

The man who had once held her heart there as well.

If she could survive that, surely she could survive whatever came next. She just had to do as she’d always done: square her shoulders, face her problems without flinching and do what she had to do to make certain those she loved were safe.

* * *

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Reggie looked into her new husband’s eyes and saw a flatness there that sent icy fingers up her spine. When he bent to give her the traditional kiss, she had to force herself to hold still. The cold-as-a-tombstone brush of his lips was mercifully brief.

Somehow, she managed to smile as they turned and walked down the aisle, arm in arm. A reception awaited them outside and the church lawn was already crowded with friends and neighbors. It appeared the whole town had gathered to see them wed.

She moved among her friends with a smile pasted on her face, feeling as if this were a waking nightmare. How was it no one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary? Couldn’t they see the brittleness in her expression, the fragility of her control?

She paused at each cluster of guests only long enough to receive their well wishes. She must have made sensible responses, though she couldn’t for the life of her remember just what she said.