Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (32 page)

Writing this book is now right up there too—even if you are the only person to read it.

When I started posting my “favorite part of the day” on Twitter, my life changed. I had people cheering me on and
saying things like: “a day without your favorite part of the day is like a day without sunshine”; and “your fave part of day is something I now look forward to. Love your happy energy. Share the smiles.” I realized, through the support of friends and family and followers, that even though I hadn’t earned a degree in positive psychology, I still had something to say—something I believed in, could be proud of, and could speak about from an authentic and inspirational place.

That something is gratitude.

In an attempt to make this world shine a little brighter, join me in ending each day by acknowledging your “favorite part of the day.” Tweet it. Post it on your Facebook wall. Record it on your phone or write it down. It can be in a fancy antique leather-bound journal, something as simple as a marble composition book, or even a pad of sticky notes. At the end of each day, reflect on what you were grateful to have experienced. If it was one of the best days of your life, you may have a hard time making a choice. If it was one of your most challenging days, you may find that you are thankful merely for being alive. No matter the highs or the lows, there is always something to be thankful for . . . always.

Gratitude is the glue that keeps our feet firmly planted on the ground.

Gratitude is the light that shines when our world is darkened by clouds.

Gratitude keeps us happy and healthy and focused on the little things that make a big difference in our world. Whether it’s a clean kitchen, your kids “swimming” in the bathtub, a simple chat with a cousin you’ve lost touch with, a stopped driver allowing you to cross the street in safety, or a flower
growing amid a bed of weeds, we are all surrounded by opportunities to see the world through the brilliant light of positivity.

I choose optimism.

I choose silver linings.

I choose gratitude.

Resource-full

Happiness is only real when shared.

—C
HRIS
M
C
C
ANDLESS

I
N THE PAST TWO HUNDRED-PLUS PAGES, THE STORIES AND
scientific research I have shared have all been done so in an effort to introduce you to or enhance the power of your own grateful heart. I am confident that if you embrace gratitude, you will find yourself being embraced by a heightened and more consistent joy. Instead of just asking you to believe me, though, I wanted to include the sources where I found much of my inspiration. Check them out if you don’t want the inspiration to stop!

C
HAPTER
1

•
How being grateful gives us increased energy, optimism, social connections, and happiness:

   
—
  
“Thank You. No Thank You: Grateful People Are Happier, Healthier Long After the Leftovers Are Gobbled Up,”
Wall Street Journal
, November 23, 2010.

   
—
  
“Practicing Gratitude Can Increase Happiness by 25%,” PsyBlog, September 10, 2007;
www.spring.org.uk2007/09/practicing-gratitude-can-increase.php
.

•
Amy Biehl’s story. Amy Biehl Foundation:
AmyBiehl.org
. See also excerpts of Paula Zahn’s interview with Amy’s mom, Linda Biehl, on CNN, December 9, 2004;
www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/africa/12/09/biehl
.

C
HAPTER
2

•
The benefits of dancing: Lane Anderson, “Mind Your Body: Dance Yourself Happy,”
Psychology Today
, July 1, 2010, and Madeline Knight, “9 Benefits of Dance,”
EverydayHealth.com
;
www.everydayhealth.com/fitness-pictures/health-benefits-of-dance.aspx#/slide-l
.

•
The benefits of meditation:

   
—
  
Adam Hoffman, “Study Reveals Benefits of Meditation,”
Brown Daily Herald
, February 22, 2013, citing a study led by Catherine Kerr, assistant professor of family medicine at Alpert Medical School and director of translational neuroscience for Brown University’s Contemplative Studies Initiative;
www.browndailyherald.com/2013/02/22/study-reveals-benefits-of-meditation
.

   
—
  
Four additional studies are cited in this blog about a TED talk given by a monk named Andy Puddicombe at the TEDSalon London in fall 2012:
blog.ted.com/2013/01/11/4-scientific-studies-on-how-meditation-can-affect-your-heart-brain-and-creativity
.

•
Oliver Burkman’s op-ed piece “The Power of Negative Thinking,”
New York Times
, August 4, 2012, can be found here:
www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/the-positive-power-of-negative-thinking.html?_r=0
.

•
Ohio State University psychology professor Richard Petty’s three-part study on overcoming negative thinking is cited in “Bothered by Negative Thoughts? Just Throw Them Away” by Jeff Grabmeier in the Ohio State University
Research and Innovation Communication
, November 26, 2012;
researchnews.osu.edu/archive/matthoughts.htm
.

C
HAPTER
3

•
Amie M. Gordon’s research on the role of gratitude in healthy romantic relationships can be found in a study by Amie M. Gordon, Emily A. Impett, Aleksandr Kogan, Christopher Oveis, and Dacher Keltner, “To Have and to Hold: Gratitude Promotes Relationship Maintenance in Intimate Bonds,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
103, no. 2 (August 2012): 257–274. Gordon has written several articles on the subject as well, including these two: Amie M. Gordon, “Between You and Me: Why Some Relationships Work—and Others Don’t,”
Psychology Today
, March 1, 2013;
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-you-and-me/201303/is-gratitude-the-antidote-relationship-failure
; and Amie M. Gordon, “Gratitude Is for Lovers,”
Greater Good
, February 5, 2013;
greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/gratitude_is_for_lovers
.

•
How gratitude can get you through tough times: Jason Marsh, Lauren Klein, and Jeremy Adam Smith, “The Top 10 Insights from the ‘Science of a Meaningful Life’ in 2012,”
Greater Good
, January 3, 2013;
http://www.greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_top_insights_from_the_science_of_a_meaningful_life_in_2012
.

•
Dr. Terri Orbuch’s thoughts on what makes the happiest couples can be found in “Improve Your Marriage with One Little Word,”
Huffington Post
, November 22, 2011;
www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-terri-orbuch/marriage-relationship-advice_b_l104814.html
. Please also see her book,
5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great
(New York: Delacorte, 2009).

C
HAPTER
5

•
Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush’s Do You Know Scale:
www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-p-duke/the-stories-that-bind-us-_b_2918975.html
.

•
Bruce Feiler, “The Stories that Bind Us,”
New York Times
, March 14, 2013;
www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&
.

•
Marshall P. Duke, “The Stories that Bind Us: What Are the Twenty Questions?”
Huffington Post
, March 23, 2013;
www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-p-duke/the-stories-that-bind-us-_b_2918975.html
.

C
HAPTER
6

•
For a discussion on hope, please see psychology professor C. R. Snyder’s “Approaching Hope” in
SGI Quarterly
, January 2006, which is drawn from his study published in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
60;
www.sgiquarterly.org/feature2006Jan-2.html
.

•
How friends can make us healthy:

   
—
  
Tara Parker-Pope, “What Are Friends For? A Longer Life,”
New York Times
, April 20, 2009;
www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?_r=0
.

   
—
  
Susan Gilbert, “Social Ties Reduce Risk of Cold,”
New York Times
, June 25, 1997;
www.nytimes.com/1997/06/25/us/social-ties-reduce-risk-of-a-cold.html?src=pm
.

C
HAPTER
7

•
How we spend our time, at work and at home:

   
—
  
“OECD Reveals Countries with Longest Working Hours,”
Huffington Post
, May 24, 2012;
www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/24/11-countries-with-the-longest-working-hours_n_1543145.html
.

   
—
  
“How Much Time on Average Is Spent in the Bathroom Over a Lifetime?”
Answer.com
;
wiki.answers.com/Q/How_much_time_on_average_is_spent_in_the_bathroom_over_a_lifetime
.

   
—
  
Lisa Belkin, “Time Wasted? Perhaps It’s Well Spent,”
New York Times
, May 31, 2007;
www.nytimes.com/2007/05/31/fashion/31work.html?_r=0
.

•
Why people leave their jobs:

   
—
  
Linda Oien, “People Quit Their Boss, Not Their Job: 4 Keys to Attracting and Retaining the Best and Brightest,” business-PATHS, 2011;
businesspaths.net/Articles/12/people-quit-their-boss-not-their-job
.

   
—
  
“No. 1 Reason People Quit Their Jobs” by the editors at Netscape;
webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/whatsnew/package.jsp?name=fte/quitjobs/quitjobs&floc=wn-dx
.

•
What motivates workers to do a good job:

   
—
  
“APA Survey Finds Feeling Valued at Work Linked to Well-Being and Performance,” American Psychological Association, March 8, 2012, announcing the APA’s Stress in the Workplace Survey;
www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2012/03/well-being.aspx
.

   
—
  
On the Law of Effect, please see Clifford N. Lazarus, “Are You Teaching People to Treat You Badly?”
Psychology Today
, September 22, 2011;
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-well/201109/are-you-teaching-people-treat-you-badly
.

C
HAPTER
8

•
The benefits of generosity: Jason Marsh and Jill Suttie, “5 Ways Giving Is Good for You,”
Greater Good
, December 13, 2010;
greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you
.

•
For the story of Julio Diaz or any of the other 40,000 stories collected by StoryCorps, please visit
StoryCorps.org
.

•
For Giuliana Rancic’s breast cancer journey, please see Diane Mapes’s story about her on the
Today
show website,
Today.com
, including links to a video of Giuliana’s announcement on
Today
about her illness and her decision to have a double mastectomy:
www.today.com/id/45556523/site/todayshow/ns/today-today_health/t/giuliana-rancic-my-celebrity-breast-cancer-twin/#.UQFw_SovUXw
.

C
HAPTER
9

•
The benefits of optimism:

   
—
  
Emily Esfahani Smith, “The Benefits of Optimism Are Real,”
The Atlantic
, March 1, 2013;
www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/03/the-benefits-of-optimism-are-real/273306
.

   
—
  
Christopher Peterson, Martin Seligman, and G. E. Vaillant, “Pessimistic Explanatory Style Is a Risk Factor for Physical Illness: A Thirty-five-year Longitudinal Study,” US National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health, 1988.

   
—
  
For further reading on Martin Seligman’s work on optimism, check out his books, including
Authentic Happiness
(New York: Free Press, 2002),
Learned Optimism
(New York: Knopf, 1991),
What You Can Change & What You Can’t
(New York: Knopf, 1993).

   
—
  
Susan Biali, MD, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy: The Surprising Benefits of Optimism,”
Psychology Today
, November 11, 2009;
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/200911/dont-worry-be-happy-the-surprising-benefits-optimism
.

   
—
  
For more on J.R. Martinez’s amazing story of personal triumph over adversity, see his book (with Alexandra Rockey Fleming),
Full of Heart: My Story of Survival, Strength, and Spirit
(New York: Hyperion, 2012).

   
—
  
For more on Jim Harrison, see “‘Man with the Golden Arm’ Saves 2 Million Babies in Half a Century of Donating Rare Type of Blood,”
Daily Mail
, March 22, 2010;
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259627/Man-golden-arm-James-Harrison-saves-2million-babies-half-century-donating-rare-blood.html#ixzz2Ys8Es5r5
.

C
HAPTER
10

•
The benefits of gratitude: “Gratitude Healthy: 10 Reasons Why Being Thankful Is Good for You,”
Huffington Post
, November 22, 2012;
www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/ll/22/gratitude-healthy-benefits_n_2147182.html#slide=more263959
.

•
Twitter data comes from the Touch Agency:
www.touchagency.com/touch-agency-twitter-infographic
.

I
N THE INTEREST OF PAYING IT FORWARD
, I
WANTED TO
also include a section with information on some of my favorite sources and examples. Enjoy!

S
TATIONERY

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