Happily Ever Madder: Misadventures of a Mad Fat Girl (29 page)

50

F
riday, I take Buster Loo out for a long walk on the sidewalk by the sea. When I get home, I shower, fix my hair, and put on some nice clothes. Buster Loo shows no interest in leaving the house, so I take off and get to the gallery thirty minutes early.

I go upstairs to my studio, get out my brushes, and paint a large portrait of Buster Loo sitting on a sand dune with the ocean in the background. When I finish, I go downstairs and stare at the Florida teaching-license application.

“I have got to make a decision,” I say aloud.

Just after lunch, a few people come in and look around, but no one buys anything. I leave the gallery a few minutes after three and find Buster Loo snoozing in his doggie bed. I change clothes and decide to take a walk on the beach.

The white sand is warm, but the water is cloudy and way colder than I expected. It takes a minute for me to get used to it, but when I do, I wade out knee-deep. I stand there and think about what Jalena said about feeling like she belonged on that farm with Ethan Allen. I wish I could feel that way about Mason, but I guess when you hang on to the same person for almost twenty years, that fanciful newness becomes a permanent fixture in a distant past. I tell myself that there has to be an upside to that somehow. There has to be some reward for “hanging in there” and “making it work.”

I wade out of the water, sit down on the sand, and wish that life could be a little less complicated. After a while, I get up and walk slowly back to the house. When I open the gate to the backyard, Buster Loo leaps out the doggie door and starts going nuts. A second later, the patio door opens and Mason steps out onto the back porch.

“You’re home early,” I say, genuinely glad to see him.

“I got you something,” he says, smiling. He holds up a white envelope.

“What is that?”

“Two tickets to Key West,” he says. “Are you interested?”

“Hellz yes!” I say.

“Well, go get packed. We leave in two hours,” he says.

“What about Buster Loo?”

“I’ve got that taken care of,” he says. “Allison agreed to dog-sit.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” I say. “You know how he likes to hump soft things, and from what Allison says, she keeps PoPo all primped up and fuzzy.”

“I warned Connor about that,” he says, laughing. “They’ll be here in thirty minutes to get him.”

“Oh, Buster Loo,” I say, picking him up. “I’m going to miss you so much. Please don’t make PoPo your girlfriend while we’re gone.” He starts wiggling and squirming, so I put him down and he takes off and starts running around in circles in the yard.

“See?” Mason says. “He’s excited.” He hands me a ticket and I see that we’re flying back on Monday. I look up at him.

“I’m all yours until Tuesday, baby,” he says, giving me a hug, and I am literally so happy I could cry.

Three hours later, Mason and I are sitting on a tiny plane bound for the Florida Keys. It’s almost midnight when we check into our cottage on Sunset Key, and I’m too excited to sleep, so we take a late-night stroll on the beach. When the sun comes up the next morning, I walk outside and can hardly believe my eyes.

“Mason!” I say when he joins me on the patio. “This place is so beautiful it doesn’t even look real.”

“I know. Isn’t it great?” he says, smiling. “Let’s go grab some coffee and track down breakfast.”

I have the time of my life hanging out with him all day on Saturday. Then at breakfast on Sunday, he puts down the newspaper and tells me that there’s something he wants to talk about. I start smiling because I think he’s going ask me what I think about something he just read, but he doesn’t.

He tells me that he wants me to think about apologizing to Lenore Kennashaw.

This leads to an argument, which leads to us spending the remainder of the day on different sides of the resort, which leads me to think that if two people can’t enjoy being together in Key West, Florida, then hell, what’s the point? We hardly speak during dinner, and the trip home on Monday is more of the same. After unloading the Escalade, Mason leaves without saying a word and comes back an hour later with Buster Loo, who is the only one in the house displaying any remote semblance of happiness.

51

O
n Tuesday, Mason is gone when I get up, and I go to the gallery and paint the view from our room in Key West. When I’m halfway finished with that, my phone beeps and I glance over and see it’s a text from Jalena. She wants to know if I can meet her at Credo’s at seven. I wipe off my hands, then text to tell her that I’ll see her there.

I leave the gallery at three o’clock, thinking that maybe I could get used to being a full-time artist after all. I mean, you can’t beat the flexibility.

I take Buster Loo for a walk around the neighborhood, during which I have the displeasure of running into Margo and Cindy, who are out spot-checking everyone’s Halloween decorations.

“I hope all of your fall décor is up to code,” Margo says with a snip in her voice when I meet them on the sidewalk.

“If not, it has to be taken down immediately upon inspection,” Cindy chirps as I walk past them.

“Suck a dick,” I quip and just keep walking.

“What did she just say?” Margo hisses, and I hear her and Cindy having a heated discussion as I turn the corner and start toward my house. Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings, but I ignore it and walk upstairs and get in the shower.

* * *

I get to Credo’s five minutes late and find Jalena at what has become “our” table. When I sit down, she looks to her left. I follow her gaze and see Kevin Jacobs sitting at the bar with his pal Reed.

“Hey, Ace,” he calls out. “Can we buy you pretty ladies a beer?” I wave him over and Jalena gives me a wary look.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” she whispers.

“Why can’t we all just be friends?” I whisper back.

“It’s not the ‘we all’ part that concerns me.”

“Jalena, I just want to have a good time; that’s all.”

“What are y’all over here whispering about?” Reed says, taking a seat next to Jalena.

“Girl stuff,” she says. “How are you, Reed?” Reed says he’s good. She looks at Kevin as he slides into the booth next to me. “And how are you, Kevin?”

“Fine, thank you, ma’am,” he says.

“Heard you two took a little vacation last week,” Kevin says.

“I went to Bugtussle, Mississippi, and met my future husband,” Jalena says, and they both get a big kick out of that. “He took me for a ride on a Gator,” she says proudly.

“Well, I guess he’ll do for now,” Kevin says, then puts his arm on the booth behind my head. “Nothing wrong with a country boy.”

We sit and talk and have a few beers, and I finally decide that my crush on Kevin Jacobs is never going to go away and I’m just going to have to learn to live with it. When it’s time to go, Kevin offers to walk me home.

“Do you need me to drive you?” Jalena cuts in. “I’ve only had two beers and I’m about to get out of here myself.”

“Don’t worry, Jalena,” Reed says, getting up. “Kevin will take good care of her.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Jalena mumbles. She looks at Reed. “Do you need a ride?”

“I think I’m going to stay a minute longer,” Reed says, surveying the crew around the bar.

“Okay.” She goes to the bar to pay her bill, then pulls me to the side. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride home with me?”

“Jalena, it’s fine. We’re just walking.”

“Okay,” she says, following us outside.

“Good night, Jalena,” Kevin calls to her as she gets in her vehicle. “Try not to get pulled over on the way home.”

“Oh, that’s so funny, Kevin. Bye, Ace. Y’all better behave!”

“Don’t worry,” I say, waving at her. “Call me!”

She honks as she pulls out of the parking lot and drives away in the opposite direction.

Kevin Jacobs drapes his arm around me and pulls me up close to him. We step onto the sidewalk and he asks a string of harmless questions as we walk along side by side. My heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest, and I know I need to get away from him. I know I should’ve caught a ride home with Jalena, and I know he doesn’t need to have his arm around me, but I just keep walking. When we get to the part of the walkway that’s totally dark, he stops and steps in front of me.

“Come home with me,” he whispers. “You know you want to.”

“I do want to,” I tell him. “But I can’t do that.”

“No one has to know,” he says. “Just come home with me tonight. One night and we’ll never do it again.”

“Does anyone ever fall for that?” I ask him, smiling.

“All the time,” he says with a big grin.

I step around him and start walking. “Well, not this girl. I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” he says, catching up with me. “But you know this is going to happen between us. It’s just a matter of time.”

“It’s not going to happen while I’m engaged,” I tell him. He doesn’t say anything and I start to feel bad for flirting with him so much and then shutting him down. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I don’t mean to be rude. I just like hanging out with you more than I should.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m good enough to party with, but you need to go home to your real man at the end of the night.” He looks at me. “This happens to me all the time. I’m just a regular good-time Freddy. Very disposable.”

“What about Tia?” I ask.

“What about her?” he says. “I didn’t want to be her full-time boyfriend, so she dumped me. What part of that is unclear?”

“Well, you’re standing here feeling sorry for yourself because you’re just a good-time Freddy, but she wanted to take it to the next level with you.”

“She wanted someone to fill the gap after her kid went off to college,” he says, looking at me. “Tell me I’m wrong.” I don’t know if he is or if he isn’t, so I don’t say anything. “I like her just fine and we had a lot of fun but, honestly, she’s not my type.”

“Y’all had sex for five years and she’s not your type?”

“No, she’s not,” he says. “Don’t stand over there and act like you’ve never had a fling with someone just for the hell of it.”

“Okay,” I say. “I won’t. But I hope you understand why I can’t have a fling with you.”

“I do,” he says and stops walking again. I stop and look up at him. “But you need to know that what I want from you is more than just a fling. I just thought I’d start with that and go from there.” I stand there, paralyzed by what he just said. “I
like
you, Ace. You’re so much fun to hang out with. You don’t bitch and moan and gripe like most women do all the time.” I start laughing and he tells me that he’s serious. “And I’ve never seen you wear any kind of shoes except flip-flops, and I like that!” he exclaims. “And while I’m being honest, I’ll go on and tell you that I don’t think you match up with Mason McKenzie any better than I match up with Tia Wescott.” I stop laughing. “Don’t get me wrong, here. I like Mason. I think he’s cool as hell, but he’s too . . . I don’t know. You just don’t seem like the type to spend your life with a man who wears a tie to work every day.”

“That’s kind of an insult when you think about it,” I say.

“No, it’s not,” he says and starts walking again. “It’s the truth and you know it.”

We get to the intersection where he goes left and I go straight.

“Thank you for walking me home, Kevin.”

“Thank you for walking with me, Ace.”

I walk home thinking about our conversation and congratulating myself for not doing something I so desperately wanted to do. Then I get a little depressed because maybe I shouldn’t congratulate myself until I stop craving badness.

52

W
ednesday passes without much excitement, and Thursday, a woman comes into the gallery and actually buys one of my small mermaid paintings. I feel a bit pathetic by how excited I get, but that doesn’t stop me from calling half the people on my contacts list and sharing the news.

Thursday night, at Girls Night In, we order pizza and talk about the upcoming Halloween Festival. Rob and Avery are going as Adam and Eve. Tia and Jalena are going as female pirates, and Olivia is going as Elvira.

“Won’t be long before I can’t wear a cleavage-baring costume without embarrassing my kids, so I have to take full advantage,” she says with a chuckle. Tia asks what I’m going as and I tell them I don’t know if I’m going or not.

“You
have
to go,” Jalena says. “You don’t have to dress up. Everyone won’t be wearing a costume, but you
have
to go.”

“Okay,” I say.

“You and your fiancé should dress up,” Avery says.

“Yeah, I’ll talk to him about that,” I lie.

“Okay, ladies, I have an announcement to make,” Tia says, and we all get quiet and give her our full attention. “I’m going to get all tanked up and tell Kevin Jacobs that I’m in love with him.”

“What?” Jalena says while the rest of us sit in stunned silence.

“Yep, I’m going to do it,” she says. “And let the candy-coated apples fall where they may.”

I force myself to start breathing again and put down the slice of pizza I have in my hand.

“When?” I say, trying very hard to act normal. “When are you going to do this?”

“Halloween night,” she says with a definitive nod.

“Was Kevin Jacobs our designated driver that night when we all got so drunk?” Avery asks.

“Yes,” Jalena says, not taking her eyes off Tia.

Tia proceeds to give Avery the full backstory while my stomach knots up and flips over. I look at Jalena, who is still staring at Tia.

“Well, good luck with that, Tia,” Olivia says.

“Yeah, he would be a fool not to trick your treat, Tia,” Avery says, and I force myself to laugh even though I don’t even really know what that comment actually means.

Jalena gently redirects the conversation toward which Dock Street bars host the best parties, and I sit and nod along, saying nothing. When everyone starts leaving, Jalena sticks around.

“Why would she do that?” Jalena exclaims when the two of us are alone in the gallery. “She thinks hiding in the floor of the Jeep under that blanket was a tough pill to swallow, yet she wants to just walk up to him in a public place on freakin’ Halloween and declare her undying love? That is so damn crazy!”

“You have to talk to her,” I say.

“And say what?”

“I don’t know, but you have to talk her out of it,” I say and then tell Jalena about the conversation I had with Kevin the night before.

She just shakes her head. “Could this possibly get any more fucked-up?”

“I don’t see how,” I tell her.

Jalena gets up. “I’ll call her tomorrow and try to talk some sense into that thick skull of hers.” She looks at me. “What are you going to do?”

“About what?”

“About Mason and about Kevin!”

“I’m not going to get involved with Kevin any more than I already am, and at some point hopefully get things back on track with Mason.” We gather our things and head for the door. “Have you talked to Ethan Allen lately?” I ask when we get outside.

“Yeah,” she says. “We text and talk all the time.”

“That’s great,” I say. “That makes me so happy.”

“I really like him, Ace,” she says. “I’m so glad you talked me into taking off work and going up there, or I never would’ve met him.”

“The Lord works in mysterious ways,” I say, and she gives me a funny look. “Or so I hear.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you Saturday night.” She looks at me. “You are coming, aren’t you?”

“With or without Mason, yes, I’ll be there, just so I can see everybody all dressed up.”

“You oughta get yourself a costume,” she says, walking around to the driver’s side of her Jeep. “It’s so much fun and I’m sure I’ve got an extra one lying around somewhere.”

“Maybe next year,” I say, waving good-bye.
If I’m here
.

* * *

Mason is home when I get there, and our attempt at conversation doesn’t turn out well at all, and I end up sleeping on the couch again. We manage to have a pleasant conversation Friday morning, then have another disagreement over dinner. Saturday morning, we make peace with each other again and have coffee together on the patio. I mention the Halloween Festival and he asks me if I want to go and I say yes, so he tells me he’ll come home at five and go with me. We talk for a few minutes about what kind of funny last-minute costumes we could put together, but the conversation feels more forced than humorous.

I take Buster Loo for a walk, then spend a few hours at the beach. I call Lilly and talk to her for a while, then call Jalena and ask her if she’s talked to Tia. She says that she has, but Tia is not to be deterred.

“Tia is a strong-minded, strong-willed woman,” Jalena says finally. “I can’t talk a bit of sense to her.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Do you have Kevin’s phone number?”

“Of course not!” I say. “Do you?”

“Well, no,” she says. “But we need to let him know what’s going on.” She pauses. “You need to let him know.”

“How am I supposed to do that? I’m going with Mason.”

“Well, I guess there’s not much we can do, then.”

“What good would it do to let him know anyway?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” Jalena sighs. “Maybe give him time to think about it before she blindsides him. Hey! My phone is beeping and it’s Olivia. Holler at me when you get there tonight.”

I pack up and walk home, where I take a long shower followed by a short nap, and I wake up feeling lazy and useless. I decide that first thing Monday morning, I’m going to send in that application and get my teaching license, because apparently I’m one of those people who feels eternally worthless without a reliable job and can’t stay motivated with all of this flexibility.

I take my time fixing my hair and doing my makeup and pick out my sexiest top to wear. By the time Mason gets home, I’m dressed and ready and smelling good.

“You look and smell wonderful,” he says when he comes in.

“Thank you,” I say.

“Give me thirty minutes and I’ll be ready.”

An hour later, we’re walking the streets of downtown with a host of goblins and ghouls. We decide to have dinner at a little Mexican joint and enjoy several beers with our meal. When we walk back outside, its dark and the streets are brimming with people young and old who are out and about in full Halloween garb.

“This is crazy,” I tell him.

“You should see this place during Mardi Gras,” he says. He buys us a beer from a sidewalk vendor and we make our way down the crowded street. He talks to everyone he sees and introduces me to what seems like a thousand people, and then he gets hung up with a man who peppers him with questions about faulty foreclosures. I excuse myself from the conversation and call Jalena, and she tells me she’s at the Crooked House Pub at the north end of Dock Street, which I can see from where I’m standing. I look back at Mason, who has just taken a seat on a bench with the man of many questions, and the two of them are thoroughly engrossed in conversation. I slide the phone into my pocket and step over beside Mason.

“Yes?” he says, looking up at me.

“I’m going to run over to the Crooked House and holler at Jalena for a minute, okay?”

“Sure,” he says, and the man he’s speaking with looks up at me like he doesn’t appreciate the interruption. I want to tell him that I don’t appreciate his interrupting my date for free legal advice, but I know Mason wouldn’t approve, so I settle for answering his annoyed glare with a smirk and the evil eye.

“Hope you can join me soon,” I say and the man starts talking again before Mason can answer.

“I don’t know how he does it,” I mumble under my breath as I step around a herd of toddlers dressed up as various superheroes.

When I walk into the pub, it takes me a minute to find Tia and Jalena because the place is built like a shoe box, long and narrow. When I finally get back to where they are, I give them each a big hug and tell them how adorable they are in their pirate costumes.

“Wenches!” Jalena says. “We’re wenches!”

“Not to be confused with witches!” Tia yells over the crowd.

I squeeze up to the bar and order a beer; then Tia asks if anyone needs to use the restroom. Since I’m waiting on a drink and Jalena’s glass is almost full, Tia takes off by herself. I’m about to ask Jalena if she’s seen Kevin when her eyes bug out and she points to the door and says, “Oh shit. Look who’s here!”

I look up and see Kevin Jacobs walking in with three other guys. Hot guys.

“She wouldn’t do it here,” I say. “Would she?”

“She told me on the way over here that she’s telling him as soon as she sees him, and she’s been drinking since four o’clock.” She leans over next to my ear. “Ace, you have to get him out of here,” she says. “We can’t let her do this to herself.”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask. “Mason could be walking over here right now! Why can’t you get him out of here?”

“We both know you could do it faster.” Jalena looks around and points to the stage, which is currently unoccupied. “If you step behind that backdrop thing, there’s a door that leads into the alley. Just tell him you want to talk to him, get him out there, and when Tia gets out of the bathroom I’ll get her to leave and we can all go on about our business and hope we don’t run into him again.”

“What am I supposed to tell him?”

“I don’t know,” she says in a panic. “We just can’t let this happen here.” I think about Tia and how pitiful she was the night we stalked Kevin’s house.

“Okay, stand here and wait for my drink and I’ll go take care of this as fast as I can,” I say and make my way over to Kevin Jacobs, who is wearing Mossy Oak camouflage from head to toe.

“Hey, Ace Jones!” he says when he sees me.

“Hi,” I say. I glance back at Jalena, who gives me an impatient look. “Hey, I need to ask you something, but I can’t ask you here.” I point toward the stage. “Can you come with me?”

“Can I get a beer first?”

“No!” I say. “It’s urgent.” He raises his eyebrows and I can see that he’s got the wrong idea. “Can you please come with me for a second?”

“Sure,” he says. I start walking toward the stage, and he follows me. I step around the backdrop and out the door into the alley.

“Wow!” I say. “It’s really loud in there.” I look at him. “So what are you supposed to be? A tree trunk?”

“I just came outta the woods,” he says, laughing.

Then he grins at me and I realize that I have made a terrible mistake. I think about all the time I spent giving him the wrong idea, and now I’m standing here in this alley with no time to clear that up.

“So,” he says, taking a step closer to me. “What did you need to ask me?”

“Well, nothing really,” I say, getting really nervous. “I just needed to get you out of there—”

“For what?” he says, taking another step closer and backing me against the wall.

“I don’t know,” I say and realize that my inability to articulate a clear answer is giving him more of the wrong idea than he already has. In the blink of an eye, he slides his arms around my waist and pulls me up close to him.

“I think I know what you want,” he says and gently kisses me on the lips. “Is that it?”

“No,” I squeak, but it’s too late—his lips are on mine, and he proceeds to slobber all over my face. My mind is reeling with regret when I hear someone shouting my name.

“Ace? Ace! Is that you? What the hell are you doing?”

Kevin steps away from me, and I turn to see Mason stalking down the alley toward us. I mop my chin with the back of my hand.

“What the hell is this?” Mason shouts. “Jacobs, what the fuck, man? This is my fiancée. How do you not know that?”

Kevin takes another step back, and Mason glares at me.

“Ace, what the hell?” He points at Kevin. “What are you doing with this asshole?”

“Hey, man! She asked me to come out here,” Kevin says.

Mason looks at him and says, “This would be a great time for you to shut the fuck up.” And Kevin wastes no time getting back inside the bar.

“Mason, I swear to you that this is not what it looks like,” I tell him. “I swear. I asked him to come out here because Tia was about to tell him that she was in love with him, and he’s not in love with her, and Jalena and I were just trying to save her some embarrassment.”

“So your solution was to bring him out in the alley and start making out?” he says sarcastically. “Great plan.”

“Mason, no, I promise. Can we just go home and talk about this?”

“Right, let’s just go home and sweep this under the rug like we did that shit you pulled at the charity ball. Wait, it seems like I remember you lying to me about something that night, too.” He stares at me and I just stand there, saying nothing.

“I’m not cheating on you,” I say.

“Yeah, I just saw that you weren’t, Ace.” He shakes his head. “Kevin Jacobs? Really? The same guy who’s fucking your friend Tia? Hell, he’s fucked everybody in the southeastern United States, so why not you, too?” He holds up his hand. “You know what? I’m done. I can’t do this with you anymore.”