Happiness Key (35 page)

On Tuesday afternoon Janya watched the tarpon kids working on their section of the mural. Bay was a perfectionist, and he was intolerant of anybody’s mistakes, but primarily his own. Janya and Tracy had discussed this, and Janya had given him the task of painting clouds any way he wanted them. Since he had a good eye and strong creative sense, she knew she was safe. With nobody’s expectations to live up to, he seemed to be relaxing.

“He’s been talking about this all day. He’s proud of those clouds,” Tracy said, as she and Janya stood shoulder to shoulder on the shuffleboard court. Bay was on a ladder, but not so high that, if he fell, he would be in trouble.

“He struggles between two selves. One wants to reject everything and everybody. The other wants to do everything exactly so.”

“I kind of feel it’s my job to help him forget all those voices and just have fun.”

“Where do the voices come from, do you think?”

“Maybe he wants to please his mother, even though she’s not on the scene. Maybe he thinks if he does everything just right, she’ll come back.”

“He’s a bright boy.”

“Yeah, maybe in the long run that will help him figure things out and move on. But I think his dad’s making him behave at home now, and that means Bay doesn’t have to make all the decisions anymore.”

Janya moved forward to point out something to a child painting a wave, then rejoined Tracy. “He likes you. A lot. He tries to impress you.”

“And I let him, but not when he’s working at it. When he’s just having a good time and being a kid.”

“Olivia is a perfectionist, too.” Janya had assigned Olivia the largest tarpon, rising from the water like a mythical sea beast. Olivia was painstakingly following the sketch Janya had done to show colors and highlights. The outline was there for the kids to follow, but many had put their own stamp on the design. Olivia had talent, but she was afraid to let herself go.

“Olivia worries she’ll make her father angry,” Tracy said. “I’m guessing that’s what the hair was about. She resisted, and Lee had them cut it short to show he was boss. I think she’s always worried something she might do will make him angry at Alice, too. That kid has too many burdens.”

“The children seem to like the mural. I’m glad I could come and do it with them.”

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Tracy turned just far enough to see Janya’s face. “After you see Darshan today.”

“Did you think I would just run away?”

“Love can be powerful. Maybe facing life without it could be too unbearable to contemplate.”

Janya had been turning this over in her mind. “Is that what Herb thought? That leaving his wife, pretending he was dead and going off with a beautiful woman, was preferable to the life he had chosen?”

“I wonder if we’ll ever know.”

Janya said no more about her plans. She didn’t want to tell Tracy that she had carefully packed a bag and stowed it in her car. That she had lied to Rishi about where she would be after work. She was unclear about many things, but not about keeping those thoughts to herself.

When the campers finished for the day, Janya helped clean brushes, move ladders, take up the drop cloths. By the time everything was put away, it was time to meet Darshan.

She still wasn’t used to driving alone, but she avoided what passed for rush hour traffic by leaving well before five. The Beach Haven motel was only twenty minutes away, but she drove slowly, not like a woman going to meet a lost lover. She supposed she was driving like a woman unsure whether what she was doing was right. She had thought of little else since Darshan’s surprise appearance, but answers had evaded her. One moment she wished she was already at the motel, and the next she wished he had never come, that he had let her memories fade slowly with time, until he was nothing but a ghost that only haunted her occasionally.

She was early, so she parked in the motel lot and crossed the street, cut through another small parking lot and found a path to the beach. She was gazing away from the sinking sun when she saw a familiar figure walking toward her. Darshan was just close enough to identify. He had rolled up the cuffs of his loose-fitting trousers nearly to his knees, and he carried his shoes in one hand. His
cotton shirt was unbuttoned almost to the bottom. He moved with confidence, as if he knew how appealing he was. With loose-limbed grace, he threw a stick for a small spaniel.

After the dog was well beyond him, he turned and continued toward her. She knew the exact moment when he registered her presence on the beach. He stopped for a moment and raised his hand to shade his eyes. Then he started toward her at a faster pace.

Janya didn’t walk to meet him. She waited, her hair and skirt blowing in the breeze, but she watched, comparing Darshan to Rishi and hating herself for it. Darshan moved as if he were on display, as if he expected others to watch him, although she thought he probably moved the same way in an empty room. He didn’t strut, nothing so obvious, but he seemed to embrace the world, to wrap it all around him so that he was at the very center.

Rishi moved as if he needed to, as if there were so many things he wanted to accomplish and time was his enemy. Rishi would be surprised to find himself on display, and if he did, he would also find it uncomfortable. Darshan had been the petted oldest son, his mother and father’s hope. Rishi had been the orphaned nephew and burden.

Yet which of them had reason to be confident? Darshan had done nothing to deserve his handsome face and athletic body. He’d been born to privilege and adoration. And Rishi? Everything that was attractive about her husband was his own doing. His energy, his quick mind. And yes, he had been born with intelligence, but Rishi’s constant study, his curiosity, his willingness to delve for answers, those were the things that made him attractive. They gave sparkle to his eyes, a glow to his enthusiastic
smile, and yes, as Alice had pointed out, character to his features.

“Janya…” When he reached her, Darshan took her hands and drank in the sight of her. “You have no idea how many times I’ve wished for this.”

“No, I don’t.”

“There’s no number high enough.”

Her hands clasped in his felt familiar, and the feeling coursing through her was, as well. Months of longing had made Darshan even more attractive. The sudden severing of their relationship had enhanced what she’d felt when they were betrothed. She was awash in old emotions and unable to separate them from newer ones.

For a moment they just stood that way, the waves sweeping nearly to their feet, gulls flying above them. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She also knew he was waiting for a sign. When she could look at him no longer, she concentrated on a line of pelicans flying low along the water.

“Did you know I was out on the beach?” he asked. “You know me so well, you probably realized I would be.”

“No, I was early. Walking was better than waiting.”

He let her hands fall to her sides, but his gaze still roamed her face. “I had forgotten how beautiful you really are. I dream about you almost every night. But dreams don’t do you justice.”

She tried to imagine Rishi saying such a thing, and she couldn’t. Even when she and Darshan were betrothed, he had not been so free with compliments. She wondered what had changed him. A sincere realization of what she meant to him, seasoned by months apart? Or something else?

With that last thought, the desire began to ebb. Doubt took its place. Doubt and the reality of this moment. This
was not an innocent romantic reunion, as she had so desperately longed for. This was a meeting that could destroy lives. Despite the emotion of the moment, she thought of Herb, who had left his wife and child for another, more desirable woman.

“Let’s walk,” she said.

“If you’re too tired, it’s cooler in my room.”

“We’ll walk.” She started around him, and he joined her.

“You said you’re working?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

She told him about her job at the recreation center. “And why are you in Florida?”

“My excuse was a paper I’m writing on environmentally sound building practices, based on the work of an architect in Fort Lauderdale.”

“I’m surprised Padmini and your parents allowed you to come.”

“Padmini knows I still love you. She was distraught.”

“She has no reason. She fought for you and won. She should be delighted. Even my parents were taken in by her ploy.”

He didn’t protest, and he didn’t say he was reconsidering his marriage. Instead he changed the subject.

“Do you like living in the United States? Have you found other Indian women to be friends with?”

“No, but I have found friends. And there are many things I do like.”

“And your husband?”

“What about Rishi?”

“Is he kind to you?”

“Without question.”

“I’m glad.”

Anger flashed through her. “Yes, I can see you might
be. Were he abusing me, you might feel the occasional stab of guilt.”

He stopped. “You say Padmini fought for
me.
Janya, I fought for
you.
I told everyone you would never have been foolish enough to join that Web site and post those photos. I stood up for you many times.”

“But not when it really mattered. Not when your parents asked you not to marry me.”

“Forgiving you, when all their friends knew and were talking to them about it, that was too much. They are traditional, and they are my parents. It’s my duty to take their counsel and care for them as they grow older.”

“Then why are you here? Are they not still your parents? And certainly their friends will talk even more if you cancel your wedding to Padmini.”

He was silent. She turned to look at him and saw the truth in the way he was looking out at the horizon.

“But you have no intention of canceling your wedding, do you?” She was surprised this didn’t upset her any more than talking about the past.

“I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“But I think you do. You didn’t come here with the idea of finding me and trying to repair what was broken.”

“Would you leave your husband if I asked?”

“Don’t turn this on me, Darshan. You’re the one who flew halfway around the world to find me.”

“I can’t forget you. That’s why I came. Despite everything. Despite an impending marriage that will bring security to my family.”

She thought about his words carefully before she spoke. “I have had many hours to think about all the things that happened. Padmini tried to destroy me, and yet, what she did was merely silly, even if it was hateful. I wasn’t found in the arms of another man. I wasn’t
caught selling my body in Kamathipura. Someone put my photos, some real, some not, on a Web site. Only the most traditional of families would find this a matter for ending a betrothal. And your family is not so traditional.”

“Because of his position, my father must always be above reproach.”

“Your father could have shrugged this off, railed against silly girls who misuse technology and joked about how I would need to be protected in the future. There were many options, any of which would have ended well for us.”

“My father was genuinely appalled and humiliated.”

“No, Darshan. Your father was already appalled and humiliated that you wanted to marry
me.
”

She had said it, and just uttering the words made her stomach knot. But the suspicion that had been growing right beside her romantic daydreams was fully blossoming now, and Darshan had done nothing to stunt it.

He answered slowly. “Perhaps at first he was against it. He had hoped for a marriage that would bring our family financial security. But when he saw how happy I was—”

“He continued to berate you. That is what happened, is it not? Your father was never in favor of our marriage. Nor your mother. And they worked on you, planted seeds, and when this came about, you knew you had been defeated. This was the excuse they needed to drive home that final thrust.”

He was silent.

“I deserve to know,” she said.

“My father’s businesses began to fail,” he said at last. “He was busy with his post in the government and neglected them. He lost a great deal of money, and he must have money if he’s to become our next chief minister.”

“Well, you were a dutiful son, after one sad flash of rebellion.”

He stopped and took her arm. “Janya, what’s past is past. Many mistakes were made. But it was my father, not me, who felt you were not suitable. I thought I could change him.”

She started back the way they had come, walking faster. Someone had built an elaborate sand castle, but the tide had already begun to eat away the perimeter. Soon it would fall under the assault, and tomorrow it would be gone. She sidestepped it as she had before, in no hurry to hasten the process. But Darshan wasn’t watching or didn’t care, and he plowed right through it.

“Why are you here?” she asked. “Do you feel so bad that you finally decided to explain? Because I’ve understood for a long time how we came to this. You have wasted money on airfare you should have saved for your wedding.”

They stopped again. He put his hands on her shoulders. “I want you. It’s no good pretending I don’t. A life without you? I can’t imagine it.”

“How can you imagine one
with
me?”

“Janya…”

The weight of his hands was another reminder of better days. They were strong and warm, with elegant, long fingers carefully manicured. His dark eyes were searching hers, and behind them…? She wasn’t sure. She had a sudden insight, was reminded of another man, although she couldn’t quite make the connection.

“You’re married.” He rotated his thumbs, going right to the tension in her shoulders. Darshan’s hands were magical, as if he understood exactly how to please, exactly how to make sure his hands helped him get whatever he wanted.

“Would you leave your husband for me?” he asked softly.

She knew better than to put herself in his power. She waited.

“I’m about to marry. And after one wedding that didn’t transpire, could I back out of another?”

Again she waited for him to answer his own question.

“But I will be in the United States often,” he continued. “My new firm wants me to work closely with the architect I mentioned.”