Happy Families (23 page)

We stand on the freckled tile, hugging. Dad kisses us goodbye. “I’ll be down next weekend, if I can,” he says, giving us one last hug. “Phoenix Festival, if not.”

Mom leans against Dad and waves us ahead of her. “I’ll catch up,” she says. It is so hard to let go.

We move through security and replace our shoes and lug our bags along a corridor bright with shops. Justin walks slowly. At first I think he is waiting for Mom, but then he points at a coffee stand ahead of us.

“Think they have stamps?” he asks.

“What for?” I follow him to a postcard display, surprised as
he selects a cheesy card of a local landmark and asks the seller for a stamp.

“Who’s this for?” I ask.

“Dad. Have you got a pen?” Justin holds out his hand.

I dig through the pockets of my backpack and watch as Justin scribbles a single sentence on the back of the card and signs it. He holds it out to me, and I laugh.

I scribble my signature. On the bottom I add,

The seller points us to a little mail slot, and Justin inserts the postcard, shifting his backpack. Together we walk down the concourse toward our gate, heading home.

Nothing is settled. Nothing is “fixed,” or right. On Monday, our family will still be separated, and Dad will still be both himself and someone else, mixed up between Chris and Christine. We’ll never be the same family we were, ever again.

But maybe that’s not so bad.

Transgender

An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. The term may include but is not limited to transsexuals, cross-dressers, and other gender-variant people. Transgender people may identify as female-to-male (FTM) or male-to-female (MTF). Use the descriptive term (
transgender, transsexual, cross-dresser, FTM
, or
MTF
) preferred by the individual. Transgender people may or may not choose to alter their bodies hormonally and/or surgically.

Transsexual (
also
transexual)

An older term that originated in the medical and psychological communities. Many transgender people prefer the term
transgender
to
transsexual
. Some transsexual people still prefer
to use the term to describe themselves. However, unlike
transgender, transsexual
is not an umbrella term, and many transgender people do not identify themselves as transsexual. It is best to ask which term an individual prefers.

Transvestite

Derogatory
.
See
cross-dressing

Transition

Altering one’s birth sex is not a one-step procedure; it is a complex process that occurs over a long period. Transition includes some or all of the following cultural, legal, and medical adjustments: telling one’s family, friends, and/or coworkers; changing one’s name and/or sex on legal documents; hormone therapy; and possibly (though not always) some form of surgical alteration.

Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS)

Refers to surgical alteration and is only one part of transition (see
transition
above). Preferred term to
sex change operation
. Not all transgender people choose to or can afford to have SRS. Journalists should avoid overemphasizing the importance of SRS to the transition process.

Cross-Dressing

Occasionally wearing clothes traditionally associated with people of the other sex. Cross-dressers are usually comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth and do not wish to change it.
Cross-dresser
should NOT be used to describe someone who has transitioned to live full-time as the other sex
or who intends to do so in the future. Cross-dressing is a form of gender expression and is not necessarily tied to erotic activity. Cross-dressing is not indicative of sexual orientation.

Gender Identity Disorder (GID)

A controversial DSM-IV diagnosis given to transgender and other gender-variant people. Because it labels people as “disordered,” the diagnosis of gender identity disorder is often considered offensive. The diagnosis is frequently given to children who don’t conform to expected gender norms in terms of dress, play, or behavior. Such children are often subjected to intense psychotherapy, behavior modification, and/or institutionalization. Replaces the outdated term
gender dysphoria
.

Intersex

Describes a person whose biological sex is ambiguous. There are many genetic, hormonal, and anatomical variations that make a person’s sex ambiguous (such as Klinefelter syndrome and adrenal hyperplasia). Parents and medical professionals usually assign intersex infants a sex and perform surgical operations to conform the infant’s body to that assignment. This practice has become increasingly controversial as intersex adults are speaking out against the practice, accusing doctors of genital mutilation.

Transgender
should be used as an adjective, not as a noun. Do not say, “Tony is a transgender,” or, “The parade included many transgenders.” Instead say, “Tony is a transgender person,” or, “The parade included many transgender people.”

The word
transgender
never needs the extraneous
ed
at the end of the word. In fact, such a construction is grammatically
incorrect. Only verbs should be transformed into participles by adding
-ed
to the end of the word, and
transgender
is an adjective, not a verb.

Referring to a sex change operation or using terms such as
pre-
or
postoperative
inaccurately suggests that one must have surgery to truly change one’s sex.

The word
hermaphrodite
is an outdated, stigmatizing, and misleading word, usually used to sensationalize intersex people.

Gender identity is an integral part of a person’s total identity. Please do not characterize transgender people as “deceptive,” as “fooling” other people, or as “pretending” to be, “posing,” or “masquerading” as a man or a woman. Such descriptions are extremely insulting.

These words only serve to dehumanize transgender people and should not be used.

We encourage you to use a transgender person’s chosen name. Often transgender people cannot afford a legal name change or are not yet old enough to change their name legally. They should be afforded the same respect for their chosen name as anyone else who lives by a name other than their birth name (such as celebrities).

We also encourage you to ask transgender people which pronoun they would like you to use. A person who identifies as a certain gender, whether or not that person has taken hormones or had surgery, should be referred to using the pronouns appropriate for that gender.

If it is not possible to ask the person which pronoun he or she prefers, use the pronoun that is consistent with the person’s appearance and gender expression. For example, if the person
wears a dress and uses the name Susan, feminine pronouns are appropriate.

It is never appropriate to put quotation marks around either the transgender person’s chosen name or the pronoun that reflects their gender identity.