Hard Choices (20 page)

I knocked on Kyle’s door and stood there a little anxiously. I didn’t often come to his house. But to meet Claudia, he wanted me to come here. He wanted to cook for us both. I thought it was very sweet of him, for Claudia’s sake. This way, we met on neutral territory. Kyle told me they weren’t living together – yet – but Kyle’s place was more familiar to her than to me. But let’s face it: Claudia was auditioning for
me
, not the other way around.

A pretty, petite brunette opened the door. “Hi! Lyssa! Come on in!” she smiled and stepped back breathlessly as she held her hand out, “I’m Claudia. It is so nice to meet you!”

I shook her hand and was deeply relieved to realize she looked nothing at all like Amber, the girl who had broken Kyle’s heart.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Claudia. I’ve heard such nice things about you,” I said as I shook her hand.

“Really?” she perked up, even more, if that was possible, then looked a little embarrassed.

I smiled and put my arm around her shoulder as we headed back to the kitchen. “Really,” I laughed. I kept my arm around her as we walked. Kyle turned around and smiled when he saw us. Continuing talking to Claudia, I said, “I believe Kyle’s exact words were ‘smart, driven, and funny.’ He failed to mention your million-dollar smile. Hi, honey,” I let go of a beaming Claudia and leaned in to kiss Kyle on the cheek. “She’s adorable,” I whispered for his ears only. I didn’t want to embarrass her too much, but I could tell I was already going to like her.

Kyle made a simple, delicious dinner of pasta, salad and bread. I’d brought my favorite red wine blend, but Kyle had his normal beer.

“Claudia,” I sighed, “I hope you can bring a little culture to my son,” I said as I poured myself a second glass of wine. “I cannot convince him that beer does not, in fact, go with everything.”

Claudia grimaced and bit her lip. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there, Lyssa,” she said nervously. “I don’t drink. At all. Tried it a couple of times, and it does not agree with me,” she shook her head slowly. “My mom’s the same way. My dad teases us that we have wimpy livers!”

I reached across the table to touch her hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry. Drinking is not a requirement to fit into this family. Promise.” Claudia exhaled and smiled that brilliant smile again. “But, I wouldn’t mention it to Scott the first time you meet him. He thinks beer is a food group!”

Kyle laughed. “Yeah, he does. He only gets pushy about it when he’s had too many, though. Don’t worry, Claudia, it’ll be fine.” Kyle leaned over and kissed her temple. It was so sweet, so automatic and so unself-conscious, I felt a tug at my heart. I suddenly realized that Claudia might really be “the one” for my son. The entire dinner, I’d only watched him get more relaxed as he saw that Claudia and I were hitting it off. I had a horrible/wonderful feeling that I was losing my little boy for good. It was the definition of bittersweet.

Kyle had gotten my favorite dessert – French silk pie. So after an obligatory piece and a cup of coffee, I said my good byes and headed toward the door.

“We all have to work tomorrow, and I’m sure you’d like some time together,” I smiled at their protests that I didn’t have to leave yet.

“Are you sure you don’t want another cup of coffee, Lyssa?”

“No! Thank you, Claudia, I need to sleep tonight.” I stood up and made my way back into the living room. “Thanks for a wonderful meal, sweetheart,” I hugged Kyle and kissed him on the cheek. “And Claudia,” I hugged her, too, “I hope to see more of you! It was wonderful meeting you.”

Claudia beamed as Kyle put his arm around her waist. They moved to the doorway like that and watched me get into my car and drive away.

Driving home, I was surprised to notice another emotion creeping around the edges of my joy/sorrow at Kyle’s happiness: envy. If I had it to do over again… but no. No use going there. Even in my darkest moments, no way in hell would I give up my three kids.

My phone beeped that I had a text. At the next red light, I quickly read it. It was from Kyle.
Thanks, Mom. You’re the best. Claudia loved you. Thanks for making her feel so welcome.
I thought about that as I drove the rest of the way home. It made me so happy that my approval mattered to my grown son. And if that was wrong, so be it!

I pulled into the garage, and texted him back before I got out of the car
. She’s wonderful, Kyle. I think she’s really good for you. I’m so glad you’re happy.

I slept like a log, feeling like all was right with the world.

***

The next day, however, I was a wreck from the word go. I could not stop thinking about Matthew. I even gave Big Ed a workout after my run, trying to take the edge off. It seemed to have the opposite effect, though. In anticipation of seeing him again, I felt like every nerve-ending was on overload.

I decided to stop for a muffin and a mocha, and I noticed something weird: I was getting checked out left and right. Even the twenty-something baristo behind the counter was extra nice, telling me with a wink, “I gave you an extra shot of chocolate” as he handed me my drink. “Uh, thanks,” I said, a little confused and taken aback. Then a young guy went out of his way to hold the door for me as I left.

“Thanks,” I said smiling.

“Anytime,” he smiled back, a little, just a little, suggestively.

Jesus, did I have a nip slip?
I thought, horrified, as I looked down at my blouse as discreetly as I could. Nope. Nothing hanging out. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on.

I walked into work, and Robert was heading toward my office. He looked at me a little quizzically and said, “Did you do something different with your hair?”

“No, why?”

Robert shrugged. “I don’t know. You just look especially nice today,” he gave me one of his rare smiles.

I shook my head. “Thanks, I guess that explains the coffee shop,” I said, bemused, and I filled him in.

When I was done, Robert’s hand went to his mouth, pretending to rub his upper lip.

“What? What’s that?” I asked, pointing at him. “I know you, Miller! I know that look! That’s when you’re trying not to laugh! What’s so damn funny?” I sounded shrill.

“Lyssa, don’t you have a date with Matthew tonight?”

“Your sister has a huge mouth, but yes, I do.” He didn’t say anything further, and I all but shouted. “So? What does that have to do – oh.” I gulped, a little embarrassed. “Pheromones,” I nodded quickly, unhappily. “I’m giving off ‘fuck-me pheromones,’ right? Great! Just great! That’ll make tonight so much fun!”

“Well, I can’t say definitively,” Robert hedged. “You’re a very attractive woman, Lyssa, but let’s face it: I am immune to your charms.” He chuckled.

I was taken aback by Robert’s compliment. He did not give them lightly. But I was focused. “Robert, what am I going to do?”

Robert looked confused. “About what? Being attractive to men? I realize I haven’t been single in a long time, but I fail to see how that is a
bad
thing.”

“Because… I just… I don’t…” I floundered around. Even I wasn’t sure what I meant. “I… I really like him, Robert,” I said helplessly. “And it scares the crap out of me.” I plopped down on my couch. “I don’t know what to do.”

Robert sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Lyssa, don’t ‘do’ anything. Just enjoy dinner tonight. See where it leads. Most of all: trust yourself. You’re a smart woman with good instincts.” He kissed me on the top of my head and stood up again. “Don’t overthink it, Lyssa. Matthew is truly a great guy. Just,” he shrugged, “see where it leads,” he said again.

I nodded. “You’re right. I am overthinking it. Thanks, Robert.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he said as he stole half my muffin.

“Hey!” I pretended to be annoyed.

“Hey, I don’t give free advice,” he grinned at me as I laughed.

“So,” he asked, “where are you going to dinner tonight? I only ask so that Alan and I don’t inadvertently join you.”

I laughed. “The Wine Cave.”

Robert whistled. “Going for the full-on romantic press, I see. I didn’t even know Matthew knew about that place.”

“I suggested it.”

Robert raised his eyebrows and nodded at me. “Well good luck, Lyssa. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. And,” looked at me knowingly, “relax.”

I nodded. Easier said than done.

“Hey, I forgot to tell you. I met Kyle’s new girlfriend last night! Kyle made dinner for us at his place.” I decided a change of subject would calm me down.

“Oh yeah? And?”

“And, she’s great,” I stood up, shaking my head. “I knew it would just take time for him to get over Amber, but I am so relieved,” I said.

“Good! Kyle’s such a great guy, he deserves someone wonderful enough that his mother likes her after one dinner!”

“Yeah,” I said absent-mindedly, dwelling again on Matthew.

“Lyssa…”

“I know! I know!” I threw up my hands. “Ok, let me get to work so I can occupy my brain, all right?”

Robert threw up his hands, surrender-style and headed for the door. “Fine. Kick me out. Oh wait,” he suddenly spun around, “I actually came in here for something work-related,” as Robert and I slipped into professional speak, I managed to put Matthew on the back-burner of my brain. For a while.

“Confession,” Matthew said as he poured me my first glass of wine. “I’ve been nervous all day.”

I had been too busy controlling my nerves when he came to pick me up to notice anything. And while making small talk in the car. And while waiting for our table. And when ordering our wine.

“Really? Why?” I sounded tense to my own ears. I wondered if Matthew noticed.

“All right, cards on the table?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

“Lyssa, I really like you. I am kicking myself for being such a pansy-ass and not asking you out until now. And this place is really, really romantic, and it’s making me nervous.” He drew a deep breath, looked around anxiously and surreptitiously wiped his palm on his thigh. That nervous gesture was so endearing, I felt my breath catch.

The Wine Cave was really romantic. Dimly-lit, it was laid out so tables felt very private. The food was spectacular, the ambiance was intimate, and the wine was unbelievable. Really a fantastic set-up for a happy-ending kind of date.

What the hell had I been thinking?

It felt really good to know I wasn’t the only one who was a bundle of nerves. I reached across the table and touched his hand. He flipped his hand over and took mine in his. “Let’s just,” I said slowly, “see where it leads, OK?” as soon as the words – Robert’s words – were out of my mouth, I regretted them. In this context, it sounded not-so-innocent. “Oh my god, Matthew, I didn’t mean – “ I started to pull my hand away, but his hand tightened on mine.

“It’s OK, Lyssa,” he chuckled. “I know you were
not
saying, ‘If you play your cards right, buster, you might just get lucky, tonight!’” He said the last bit in a voice reminiscent of a 1940s movie. It was so funny and so unexpected, I burst out laughing. Loudly. Very sexy.

Matthew started laughing, too, and before we knew it, we were both wiping our eyes. As a tension breaker, it was perfect.

“OK, so what’s good here?” he asked, after finally getting under control and opening the menu.

“Everything!” I assured him as I opened my menu.

The mood was set for the rest of dinner: everything was funny. Using bread sticks as cigars. Pretending the exquisite wine was nasty. Acting drunk. Stupid stuff, but it just stayed funny – and it took the pressure off. After the other night in Matthew’s car, I needed to put the brakes on the physical and get to know him better. Our first conversation in his car and our first date had been all about exchanging information to get to know each other. Tonight was teaching me that I could really have fun with this man. This beautiful, unbelievably sexy man.

“All right, stop making me laugh!” I told him as I finished my incredible meal. “Everyone in here must think we’re stoned out of our minds.” I looked around but realized no one was paying us any attention. I relaxed and sat back in my chair.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding. That meal was fantastic!” Matthew leaned back and took another sip of the  Malbec we were drinking. “Is the dessert that good, too?”

I shook my head slowly, in mock horror. “It’s even
better
!”
I whispered.

He laughed again. “Well, I don’t know about you, but it’s worth an extra mile or two of a run for me tomorrow. How about you?”

I almost said something about working it off in other ways. Almost. Matthew read my hesitation before I finally said lamely, “At least a mile.”

“Lyssa,” he reached for my hand again, “I asked to pick you up because I’m old-fashioned enough to think that’s the way you take a woman on a date. I’m not expecting anything.”

“Even after the other night?” I asked, arching my eyebrow.

“OK, not
expecting
anything, but certainly looking forward to… things.” I nodded lamely. I really didn’t trust myself alone with him. And no matter how much my ladyparts were screaming at me to tear his clothes off, I really was afraid of jumping in too fast and getting hurt.

Matthew cleared his throat and changed the subject. “I’ve accepted Robert and Alan’s invitation for Thanksgiving. My daughter is going to meet her mother in Hawaii, and my mother is visiting her sister in Arizona. Alan has assigned me green beans,” he said pretending to feel important, “and even graciously supplied me with a recipe. He said he felt sure I couldn’t screw it up.” I laughed imagining Alan ribbing him about it. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” he asked as he pretended to adjust his lap napkin.

His question totally took me aback. I sat up straight and said kind of dazed, “I have no idea.”

“Oh, I just meant – “

“No, no,” I said reassuringly, “it’s just… I just realized I have no idea. This is my first single Thanksgiving. I don’t know what my kids have planned. Danny couldn’t get leave last year. Kyle has a new girlfriend. Becca… I have no idea what Becca’s plans are.” I sat there in the realization of how much my life had changed. “I have no idea what I’m doing for Thanksgiving.”

“Well, I think I’m allowed to bring a plus one, so…” I laughed again at Matthew’s sideways invitation.

“Holy crap, it’s next week, isn’t it?” Matthew laughed as I shook my head. “How did I let that slip by? I haven’t even bought a turkey,” I shook my head, amazed at myself. This was so unlike me. “I’d be happy to go with you, Matthew, provided I don’t have family plans. Can I get back to you?”

“Of course,” he said, turning his attention to the dessert platter our waiter had just brought us.

We shared a cheesecake, and enjoyed an easy conversation on the ride home. This time, Matthew insisted on walking me to my door. A nice, gentle easy kiss left me smiling, but under control. Barely.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said. “Do you have plans for tomorrow night?” Tomorrow night was Friday night. When I didn’t have work the next day. When there’d be no reason a date couldn’t go on all night. Was I ready for that?

“I don’t have plans,” I stuttered. “Yeah, I’ll find out about Thanskgiving, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

He smiled, and I felt my resolve start to crumble. One more look like that and I was going to take him on the front porch. He walked away a few steps, then suddenly turned and came back. I know I looked confused. It looked like he was deciding to do something before he talked himself out of it. He looked into my eyes, then took me into his arms, leaned in and kissed me.

He absolutely took my breath away. Gentle yet insistent, he pulled me against him. I reached up and twined my arms around his neck. I’m not sure how long we stood under my porch light, making out like a couple of teenagers, but it took a while for him to notice I was shivering.

“It’s cold out,” he said breathlessly, pulling away.

“Uh huh,” I said equally breathlessly, and more than a little dazed.

“I should let you go in,” he said looking into my eyes.

“Uh huh,” I said stupidly, starting back at him.

“Good night, Lyssa,” he placed one more gentle kiss on my lips, then pulled away, taking my hand with him. He didn’t let go until he had to, pulling my hand along behind him.

“Good night, Matthew,” I answered.

“‘Night,” he said softly, still smiling at me.
Don’t look him in the eyes,
I told myself.
Why? Is he a vampire?
my rational mind shot back. I fumbled my key into the door and didn’t turn around again. I did not trust myself to look into those warm, green eyes and not dive in.

I closed my door and threw the bolt. Still smiling and tingly. Tingly in a totally different way than I felt with Aaron. Yeah, this was a whole different ball game.