Hard to Be Good (Hard Ink #3.5) (10 page)

Jeremy crossed his arms and nodded.

Across the gym, the door opened and a whole group of people streamed in. Charlie, Becca, Kat, and Beckett carried plates of food. Emilie, Shane, and Sara carried armfuls of bottled water and soda cans. Behind them were Easy, Jenna, Dare, and a few other Ravens.

“Come on over,” Becca called. “Lunch is served.”

Nick rose, came around to Jeremy’s seat, and clapped him on the shoulder. “Just talk to him.” And then he was gone.

“Ditto that,” Marz said as he got up. “Hate seeing two of my favorite people so unhappy.”

Jeremy nodded. He sat there for a few minutes debating what to do. Nick and Marz were right. They needed to talk. As soon as their shift was over, Jeremy would take Charlie to his room and hash this out once and for all.

Gonna be a long fucking day ’til then, though
.

Yeah.

Jeremy got up to see Cy watching him from underneath Marz’s desk. Crouching, Jeremy held out a hand. “Psst, psst. Come here, Cy.”

The cat blinked once, twice, and then took a few cautious steps forward.

“It’s okay,” Jeremy said. “Come on.”

Jeremy wasn’t sure how long he sat there trying to coax the cat to trust him. Cy would take a few steps, then hesitate, then take a few more. But finally, miraculously, Cy was close enough to stretch and sniff his hand.

“See? It’s okay.”

Cy sniffed him again, then rubbed his head against Jeremy’s whole palm, his one good eye closing like it felt so good, like he’d been dying for a pet but had been too scared to let anyone do it.

It had just taken time and patience and a little coaxing.

As Cy rubbed his body against Jeremy’s legs, those words settled into his brain. What if those were all Charlie needed, too? Damnit, he really didn’t want to wait until this evening to clear things up. The tension between them was eating him up inside, and Jeremy hated those flashes of hurt he’d seen on Charlie’s face more than once.

Gently, Jeremy slipped his hands around Cy, testing to see if the cat would allow himself to be picked up. He did. And it made Jeremy grin.

“I got you, kitty dude. Don’t you worry,” Jeremy said, petting the cat’s soft head. At some point, he’d need a bath and a trip to the vet to get checked out, but right now, all he seemed to need was some love.

Slowly, Jeremy rose, the cat tucked against his chest, and turned to find Charlie standing about fifteen feet away.

“You got him to let you pet him,” Charlie said, not quite making eye contact.

“Yeah. His name is Cy, by the way.” Jeremy walked closer to the other man, his gut clenching in regret at the invisible wall that seemed to stand between them.

“Yeah?” A smile flitted across Charlie’s face, then disappeared again.

“Wanna see if he’ll let you touch him, too?” Jeremy asked.

“Oh. I don’t want to scare him,” Charlie said, his voice so flat it was breaking Jeremy’s heart.

Jeremy shrugged. “Don’t worry about that. If you do, we’ll just try again another time. I think he really wants some love, though.”

Charlie slowly closed the distance between them. When he stood right in front of Jeremy, he held out his hand and let Cy sniff it, and then the cat let Charlie get as far as stroking his head a few times.

Raucous laughter erupted over at the table, and the cat exploded out of Jeremy’s arms. Cy was no more than an orange flash as he bolted across the room and into a hiding place.

“See? He totally let you,” Jeremy said.

Charlie lifted his gaze, and his eyes were such an amazing deep blue. “Jeremy?”

“Yeah?”

Emotions Jeremy couldn’t read seemed to flit over Charlie’s expression until he finally frowned and shook his head.

“What is it, Charlie?” Jeremy’s gut tensed and his heart started to sink. Whatever Charlie was working up to say didn’t seemed like it was going to be good. Sonofabitch.

“Just . . . damnit . . .” He tugged at his blond hair and dropped his gaze again.

“Char—”

“Fuck it,” Charlie said. And then he stepped right up to Jeremy’s body, grasped his face, and kissed him like Jeremy was the air he needed to breathe.

Chapter 11

I
T WAS ENTIRELY
possible that Charlie was going to have a heart attack. Because he was kissing Jeremy right out in the open, just like he’d always wished he could be brave enough to do.

And then the cheering and catcalling started from over at the table. No going back now, not that Charlie wanted to. Not at all.

But that didn’t keep Charlie’s pulse from racing so hard that he could feel it beating against his skin everywhere.

He just hadn’t been able to take the distance between him and Jeremy for one more minute. And he couldn’t stand being ruled by fear for even one more second of his life.

The instant his lips crashed into Jeremy’s, Charlie realized something he’d never known before. Conquering fear didn’t mean not being afraid, it meant being afraid of something and doing it anyway. It meant saying
no
to fear—no you can’t rule me, no you can’t hold me back, no you can’t keep me from the things I want the most. Not anymore.

If there were going to be consequences for loving someone as incredible as Jeremy Rixey, Charlie would take every one. Because Jeremy was worth the risk.

When Jeremy moaned into the kiss and his arms threaded around Charlie’s back, Charlie’s heart grew so big inside his chest that it hurt in the most beautiful way. Ignoring their audience, he poured everything he had into the kiss until there was just them, this moment, this kiss.

Finally, they broke apart, their faces still touching.

“It’s about frickin’ time,” Marz yelled to more laughter.

Jeremy chuckled and it made Charlie smile, even though his face was on fire and the room was spinning around him and the floor felt a bit wavy beneath his feet.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked, his hand slipping to cup Charlie’s neck.

“I am now,” Charlie said, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know about us, but I—”

Jeremy kissed him, cutting off his words, and then leaned his forehead against Charlie’s. “I don’t care who knows, Charlie. I don’t care if everybody in the whole world knows. I only care about you.”

Relief flooded through Charlie’s veins. “Can we please talk?”

“Hell yes, we can talk.” Jeremy took Charlie by the hand, their fingers intertwined, and led him toward the door. About halfway across the room, Jeremy waved off a new round of clapping and whistles.

Charlie stopped and looked across the room. They were all smiling at them. The whole team and all their girlfriends. Even the couple of Ravens he didn’t know. Smiling and laughing, like they were happy for them. And it made Charlie happier than he’d ever been in his life—happy to have found someone like Jeremy, happy to have found all these crazy people, happy to have taken a chance.

“Hey Shane?” Charlie called. “The cat’s name is Cy.”

“What?” Shane said, shooting up from his chair. “That shit ain’t fair!”

More laughter followed them out the door and into the quiet of the hallway.

“My room?” Jeremy asked, keying in the code to the apartment door with his free hand. His other hand still clutched Charlie’s tight.

“Sure,” Charlie said.

In Jeremy’s room, they sat on the edge of the bed, thigh to thigh. Both of them started to talk at the same time.

“I did something stupid this morning—” Charlie began.

“Listen, I overheard what you said—” Jeremy said.

A long pause, and then Charlie said, “Oh, God. You heard me?” Guilt made his gut clench.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said.

Charlie took Jer’s hands. “I’m so sorry. I freaked out. We hadn’t talked about whether to go public, so I didn’t know . . .” He shook his head. “I froze. I let fear get the best of me and I lied about us. I’m so sorry.”

To Charlie’s surprise, Jeremy smiled. “I’d say you’ve beaten that fear now.”

They chuckled, and Charlie shook his head. “Please say you forgive me.”

“Of course I do,” Jeremy said. “It’s not even a question.”

“I promise I’ll never deny you again, Jeremy. I couldn’t, because I . . . uh . . .” His heart tripped into a sprint, but he’d come this far, and now it was time to go all the way. To be totally honest. He owed Jeremy that after telling that horrible lie about not being together. And he owed himself, too.

“What?” Jeremy said, scooting close enough that he could stroke his knuckles down Charlie’s face.

“Love you,” Charlie whispered.

Jeremy’s pale green eyes went wide. “What did you say?”

Oh, God. Too much? Too soon?
Charlie dropped his gaze and shook his head, his thoughts all scrambled. “Uh.”

“Look at me, Charlie. Please?” Jeremy said, nudging his chin with his fingers. When Charlie finally gave in, Jeremy’s eyes were filled with so much softness and warmth. “You love me?”

Charlie managed a nod, because he didn’t want to lie to this man. “Yeah.”

“You surprise me over and over again,” Jeremy said with a growing smile. “And I fucking adore it.”

“You do?” Charlie asked, his throat tight.

“I do, because I love you, too, Charlie.”

Charlie’s whole body trembled at Jeremy’s revelation, because they were words he never thought he’d hear directed at him.

“Aw, don’t cry, babe,” Jeremy said, swiping at the wetness he didn’t even realize ran from the corner of one eye.

“I love when you call me that,” Charlie said.

“Well, that’s good,” Jeremy said. “Because I like calling you that. Babe.” He winked.

“Jeremy?” Charlie said, his thoughts whirling and his emotions overwhelmed.

“What?”

For a long moment, Charlie struggled to make sense of the mess in his head, and then the words spilled out, “I would’ve endured anything if it led me to you. I thank God that I’m alive, not because it freed me from those horrible men, but because it led me here. Right here.”

“Fuck, Charlie,” Jeremy said, his eyes going glassy. “And I would’ve given anything for you not to have endured it at all.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing that happened,” Charlie said. “Because you are everything to me, and you were worth it all.”

“
I
FEEL THE
same way,” Jeremy said, his heart more full than it’d ever been in his life. He kissed Charlie once, twice, encouraging him to recline on the bed. “However you got here, you’re right where you’re meant to be. At my side, in my arms, in my bed.”

“Yes,” Charlie whispered. “I love you so much.” He wrapped his arms around Jeremy and pulled him in tight.

Jeremy’s heart fucking soared, and he poured every bit of the euphoria he felt into his kiss. Their hands grasped and clutched, their lips tugged and pulled, their tongues circled and stroked until their cocks were hard and their hips were grinding together.

“I want you, Charlie,” Jeremy rasped, pulling the other man into a sitting position so he could remove his shirt. Jeremy slid off the bed and toed off his shoes, and Charlie followed suit.

Clothing flew off between playful laughs and desperate kisses, their panting breaths and moans spilling into the room.

Jeremy hauled Charlie in close and grasped both their cocks in his hand, stroking the two of them while they kissed and sucked and groaned.

“I want your cock in my mouth,” Jeremy said, nuzzling Charlie’s jaw, “while mine’s in yours.”

Charlie nodded, took Jeremy’s hand, and guided them back to the bed. And Jeremy absolutely loved it when Charlie took the initiative like that, because he knew it wasn’t easy for the other man to do. His Charlie was so much braver than he gave himself credit for.

His Charlie
. God, Jeremy fucking loved the sound of that.

Charlie laid down in the center of the bed and Jeremy climbed up over him, his knees on either side of Charlie’s head. Jeremy took hold of Charlie’s long cock just as Charlie swirled his tongue around the tip of his. They sucked each other deep, and Jeremy reveled in every moan that spilled from the other man’s mouth.

Jeremy rocked his hips, fucking Charlie’s mouth and feeling his throat muscles work around his cock. Charlie took it all, his hands massaging Jeremy’s balls and squeezing his ass cheeks. Jeremy sucked on one of his own fingers, wetting it with his saliva, and then teased it against Charlie’s opening until Charlie was lifting his hips and offering up the sexiest pleading moans.

When Jeremy finally penetrated him, Charlie sucked Jeremy’s cock so hard and so deep that Jeremy had to fight back a scream.

One thing was crystal clear. Jeremy wasn’t going to be able to spend much time in Charlie’s mouth without finishing too soon.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Charlie rasped.

Jeremy pulled free and spun around. “I want you,” he said, claiming Charlie’s mouth for a kiss. Jer shifted to the edge of the bed and grabbed a condom and the lube from the nightstand, then turned to see Charlie flipping onto his stomach.

Which was when Jeremy realized that wasn’t what he wanted.

“I’ve never bottomed,” Jeremy said. He’d engaged in anal play before, of course, and he’d had one lover who had a big thing for toys, but he’d never been penetrated by another man’s cock. Despite how adventurous Jeremy generally was, he’d never even considered it.

Charlie’s blue-eyed gaze whipped toward where he sat on the edge of the bed, and the blond man smiled. “I figured. And that works out great, because I’ve never topped. Unless you want to count one really awkward attempt with a girl when I was seventeen.”

Jeremy stroked Charlie’s back. His heart raced and his stomach flipped and he was possibly more turned on than he’d ever been in his life, even if he was a little scared—or maybe even because of it. “I was never serious enough about any of the men I saw to give them that part of me.”

“I get it,” Charlie said.

“I am now,” Jeremy said, looking the other man right in the eye.

Charlie went still and his mouth dropped open. Slowly, he shifted into a sitting position. “Jeremy, you don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“No, that’s not what this is about,” Jeremy said, feeling the rightness of the idea down deep. “I’d just like for there to be one person who knows every part of me. And I want that person to be you.”

“Oh, my God,” Charlie said. “Are you sure?”

Jeremy smiled. “Absofreakinglutely.”

“You realize I have no experience. And I’m probably going to last about thirty-six seconds,” Charlie said, his cheeks going pink.

Jeremy chuckled and Charlie joined him. “I don’t care about any of that,” Jeremy finally said. “Will you?”

“Yes,” Charlie whispered. “Uh, what position do you want to . . . ?”

Climbing up onto the bed, Jeremy handed the lube and condom to Charlie and got onto his hands and knees.

Charlie moved behind Jeremy, making Jer’s heart take fast flight.

The click of the lube cap. And then Charlie circled two fingers against Jeremy’s asshole while he rubbed his slickened thumb against the skin between his opening and his balls.

Jeremy moaned as Charlie slowly inserted a finger while still applying pressure against his taint. Charlie’s other hand stroked his back, his ass, his thigh, relaxing Jeremy as Charlie prepared him. Although, shit, there wasn’t any finger that was going to prepare him for Charlie’s ten inches. For real.

Charlie chased the thoughts away when he added another slick finger and then rubbed them against a place inside Jeremy that made him gasp.

“Too much?” Charlie asked, his fingers stroking over his prostate again and again.

“Shit, no,” Jeremy rasped. “It’s just really intense.”

Charlie chuckled. And damn if that wasn’t fucking sexy.

After a few minutes, Charlie added a third finger. The stretching stung, but then Charlie reached underneath Jeremy and grabbed his cock. The stroking eased the burn, or maybe it was just that his body got used to it, but either way, Jeremy felt hotter and needier than he’d ever felt in his life.

“Now, Charlie,” he said. Charlie eased his fingers free, and Jeremy groaned. “Lots of lube, please. Like, the whole bottle maybe.” He looked over his shoulder at the other man and winked.

Charlie smiled from underneath long strands of hair and bit down on his lip. “Don’t worry, Jeremy. I’ll take care of you right.” He rolled on the condom and slicked up his long length. “Ready?”

“Want you, Charlie. Yes.” When he felt the head of Charlie’s cock right there, Jeremy took a deep breath and bore down, knowing that would help open himself to Charlie’s invasion. The first inch or two burned, but Charlie went slow, sinking deeper and deeper until Jeremy groaned at the crazy hot sensation of fullness. Finally, Charlie paused, holding himself deep inside as he reached around to stroke Jeremy’s cock. The combination of the pleasure with the pain was heady and overwhelming, and pleasure gained ground as Charlie started to move in a series of shallow thrusts and retreats.

“Damnit, Jeremy. You’re so tight that thirty-six seconds might’ve been optimistic,” Charlie said in a strained voice.

A single laugh burst out of Jeremy. “Think of something that’s not sexy.”

“You are totally overestimating my capacity for thought right now. Shit,” he said, his hips rocking against Jeremy’s ass.

Jeremy looked over his shoulder. “Whatever happens, it’s already perfect, babe.” And Jeremy meant that, because the intimacy of their actions meant so much to Jeremy that he could never regret it. Not for an instant.

Charlie gripped Jeremy’s hip with one hand and caressed his back with the other as he settled into a slow, deep grind. The vulnerability of the act, the stretching fullness it made Jer feel, and the incredible sounds spilling from Charlie’s throat all combined to make Jeremy hard and hot and achy.

“I want to touch more of you,” Charlie rasped. “Lay on your side?”

They pulled apart as they changed positions and then Charlie’s stomach was tight against Jeremy’s back. Charlie added more lube and then pushed in again.

Jeremy breathed through the initial burn until Charlie settled into a rhythm that had Jeremy panting and moaning and stroking himself in time with Charlie’s hips.

“Let me,” Charlie whispered, brushing his hand away. He kissed Jeremy’s shoulder, his back, his arm as he fisted Jeremy’s cock and fucked him so goddamn good. “Love you, Jeremy.”