Hard to Hold on To (8 page)

Meet everyone. As in, see all Easy’s friends. Looking like this. She did want to see the guys again and meet those she hadn’t met yet. And she especially wanted to thank everyone. But . . . it just felt like a lot.

“Or I could bring something up here and we could keep it low-key for tonight,” he said, his gaze running over her face like he was studying her.

The idea couldn’t have been more perfect. “I think I’d prefer that for tonight. I just feel a little shaky or something.” She shrugged.

“Whatever you need,” he said, his expression softening. “What do you like?”

“Anything really,” she said with a smile. Because this big, strong, man was going to make her dinner. Could he
be
any more perfect? “I’m having the weirdest craving for a milk shake.” She laughed. “There’s a diner not far from our apartment that made the absolute
best
chocolate milk shakes. The kind where you get the extra can of shake along with the fancy glass.” That thought led her to another. “Guess it’ll be a while before I go there again, huh?”

“The truth?” he asked. She nodded. “Yeah. But it won’t be forever.”

She dropped her gaze to their joined hands again, a weird sadness suddenly flooding her. Everything was gone. Everything had changed.

Easy didn’t let her hide though. He grasped her chin in his fingers and lifted her face until their eyes met. “It won’t be forever. I promise.”

Chapter 6

SON OF A
good goddamn holy motherfuck.

That was the tenor of Easy’s thoughts as he jogged down the stairs in search of dinner for him and Jenna.

What had he just let happen? And why the hell had he stopped it?

Actually, he knew the answer to the second one. Because it hadn’t been right. Because Jenna had
just
suffered capture and abuse at the hands of kidnappers. Because she was too . . . too . . . everything. Too injured. Too young. Too innocent. For him.

She was sweet and kind and trusting. How could he
ever
saddle her with all of his shit? The guilt, the shame, the depression. Even worse? The hopelessness, the despair, the thoughts that maybe he should just end it fucking all.

Except . . . he’d been awake for a half hour, and this was the first time his typical negativity had filtered into his thoughts. When he’d been with Jenna, his head hadn’t gone there at all. Not once.

Oh, he’d been mad at himself all right. He should’ve put an end to the kissing as soon as it started. He’d lain down with her to protect her, to give her a sense of security, to make her feel safe. And, if he was being honest, because it felt damn good to be needed, too. But no part of his agreement to get into that bed with her had ever even flirted with the idea of making a move on her. Not that he didn’t
want
to touch her—he did. Since the night they’d met, her sass and her smile and her curves had intrigued him and lured him in. But Easy wanted a lot of impossible things—Rimes and the rest of the guys to be alive, Marz to still have his leg, all of them to still have their lives and careers. Being with Jenna was just another item on that impossible list. Par for the course, with him.

Nor had he ever expected her to make a move on him. She could’ve hit him over the head with a frying pan, and he would’ve been less surprised than when her lips traced along his throat.

But now that they’d gone there, Easy couldn’t get Jenna out of his head. The feel of her soft curves against all his hardness. The taste of her tentative kisses. The sounds of her throaty little gasps and pleasure-filled moans.

Jesus. He could
live
on what she’d given him and die a happy man.

I don’t want to die.

The thought took him by the throat and froze his feet to the floor.

He was so deep into his own head that he didn’t even notice the Rixeys’ apartment door opening right in front of him until it nearly smacked him in the face. He caught the edge of it with his hands and reared back.

“Damn, sorry, man,” Nick said, as he walked out onto the landing, his brother Jeremy right behind him. Two pair of pale green eyes settled on him, and he could almost hear the questions rattling around in their brains.

“My fault,” Easy said, throat still tight.

Nick clapped him on the shoulder. “How’s Jenna doing? Shane said you hung out with her last night so Becca could get some sleep. Appreciate that.”

“Yeah, well,” Easy said, shrugging and trying to put his thoughts into some kind of order. “Doing better. She thinks maybe she can finally eat, so I was coming down to see what I could scrounge up.”

“I heard about the drugs they forced on her. Fucking scum bastards.” A scowl on his face, Nick crossed his arms. Easy couldn’t have agreed with him more. Damn it felt good to have someone understand so fundamentally where he was at, how he felt. Easy didn’t have that at home. Not with the way he butted heads with his father—and always had.

You haven’t told Nick
everything
about how you’re feeling though, have you?

No, he hadn’t. And the longer this mission went on and the more dangerous it got, the more problematic the lie of omission became. A key factor in keeping everyone on a team alive was understanding and compensating for each team member’s weaknesses. But the guys had no damn idea just how weak Easy was.

“Wait, what?” Jeremy said, yanking Easy from his thoughts. Jer looked between them. “They forced her to take drugs? No wonder she was so hyped-up this morning.”

Nick frowned. “What’d I miss?”

Easy scrubbed a hand over his hair. “Jenna’s had a couple of panic attacks. She’s okay, but she gets anxious when she’s alone. Speaking of which, I want Sara to go hang with her while I find some chow.”

“Last bedroom on the right,” Nick said with a smirk. “Might want to knock first.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Dude, you are so not one to talk right now.”

Straight-faced, Nick popped Jeremy in the arm with a fist.

“
Dude,
” Jeremy said, rubbing his arm. “Maybe you aren’t doing it right ’cause sex is supposed to chill your ass out.”

Easy managed a smile. “I really like your brother, Rix,” Easy said, looking at Nick.

Throwing an arm around Easy’s shoulders, Jeremy grinned. “You have good taste in friends, Nick. Gotta give you that much.”

A hint of a smile playing around his lips, Nick pointed at Easy, then Jeremy. “Fuck you. And fuck you.” And then he crossed the hall and punched a code into the keypad next to the gym door.

“Aw, don’t be that way, bro,” Jer said. Nick flipped him the bird over his shoulder, making Jeremy laugh. “Annnnd such an easy mark.”

“Amazing how easily you get under his skin,” Easy said. “I’ve always thought of Nick as letting everything just roll on off.”

“I have special powers. It’s coded into my DNA.” Jeremy waggled his eyebrows. “Seriously, is Jenna okay?”

“She will be. Thanks for helping her before.” Easy thought about all the ways that Jeremy had stepped up the past few days where the Dean sisters were concerned. First by extending them an open invitation to live in this building when he’d learned how Sara had been abused by the Church Gang. And second by putting the building up for collateral with the Raven Riders in case they hadn’t nabbed the guns or there weren’t enough of them to pay the MC off after last night’s ops. Finally, by helping Jenna this morning. And those were just the most recent examples. Easy held up his hand, and Jeremy clasped it. “Thanks for everything you’ve done since we invaded your space. Above and beyond.”

“Just wanna help any way I can,” Jeremy said, and Easy could see the depth of the sentiment in the guy’s eyes.

“Roger that. Okay, lemme go find Sara.”

“Good luck,” Jer said, starting down the steps to the tattoo shop.

Inside the Rixeys’ apartment, Easy went straight back to Shane and Sara’s room and knocked.

“Come in,” Shane called from inside.

Easy cracked open the door and peered in. Shane and Sara were stretched out side by side on the bed looking at a laptop screen.

“Hey, E? What’s up?” Shane asked.

Easy looked from Shane to Sara, suddenly a little uncomfortable. Because he’d spent most of the day asleep with Jenna. It hadn’t occurred to him to wonder what Jenna’s sister would think of that until this very moment. “Uh, I came down to get Jenna some dinner, and I wondered if Sara would go hang with her. She’s still a little shook-up.”

Sara was off the bed before he’d even finished asking. “Of course,” she said, and it was clear she was
dying
to help. Boy, did Easy understand that. She came up to him in the doorway and placed a hand on his chest, allowing him to register that Sara was taller than Jenna. “Thank you for taking such good care of her, Easy. It seems like you two have some kind of connection and, well, I’m happy she has someone who’s making her feel better through all this.” Sara pushed onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

And that was the second time a Dean woman had taken him by surprise today.

Not exactly sure how to respond, Easy nodded. “I’m happy to do it.”

“I’m glad,” she said. Looking over her shoulder at Shane, she said, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Shane winked. “Take your time, sweetness.”

When Sara left, Easy said, “Sorry to interrupt,” then he tapped the doorframe with his hand and made to leave.

Shane closed the laptop and got up. “Jenna needs anything twenty-four/seven, just ask. It’s not an interruption. I feel almost as protective of her as I do Sara,” he said, raking his hand through his hair.

“Yeah,” Easy said, wondering whether Shane intended any secondary meaning to his statement. Easy headed for the kitchen. Shane followed and took up a perch on a stool at the breakfast bar as Easy poked his head in the fridge. Looking at food made him realize he was nearly starving and, unlike Jenna, he’d eaten breakfast. After a few more minutes of foraging, he settled on chicken soup and a plain toasted bagel for Jenna and a roast beef sandwich for himself. “Think this is okay?” Easy asked. “You can’t imagine how many times she threw up. I don’t wanna make her sick again.”

Shane surveyed everything Easy laid out and nodded. “Bland is good. She really needs to get back on the antiepileptics tomorrow. Getting some food into her will help her system soak up whatever they gave her.”

Easy threw the bagel in the toaster and dumped the soup into a bowl for the microwave. Just the thought of what had been done to her filled his head with a red-hot rage. Little as she was, they could’ve easily overdosed her. And from what Easy understood, Bruno fucking knew she was on meds, so he would’ve had to know there could be drug-interaction implications and not cared. Christ, they could’ve killed her.

And then he would’ve never seen her again, never held her, never received her kiss. Damn, it might be twelve kinds of wrong, but he wanted all of that. He wanted more.

Blowing out a breath, Easy stretched his neck. No sense in getting himself all spun up before he went back upstairs.

Another thought popped into mind—thankfully, this one wasn’t at all angsty. The milk shake she’d fantasized about having. Not bland, but if even a small taste made her happy, it would be worth it.

Opening the freezer, Easy smiled. God bless the Rixeys’ ice-cream addiction. There were so many containers, it seemed entirely plausible that they’d robbed an ice-cream delivery truck. He sorted through the tubs until he found a container of chocolate.

Bingo.

Next, he grabbed the milk from the fridge. And then he opened a bunch of cabinets until he found a blender at the back of one of them. The layer of dust on its surfaces told of how long it had gone unused. He rinsed and wiped it off, then brought the detachable pitcher to the other counter, where the ice cream lay waiting.

Shane’s expression was two seconds away from amused.

“Not a word, McCallan.”

He held up his hands and shook his head, but he couldn’t hold back the smile. Fucker.

Scoop, scoop, scoop, milk. Lid on, Easy placed the container on the blender and hit
mix.
Two minutes later, he had something approximating a very thick milk shake. He spooned it into a glass, then gathered the bagel and soup. Next he built his sandwich, sneaking pieces of beef and cheese as he worked.

“Damn, that looks good,” Shane said, pushing off the stool and grabbing a plate for himself. “Think I’ll make some food for me and Sara, too.”

Easy suddenly felt less self-conscious with Shane making food for his woman, too.

Whoa. He froze with a piece of rye bread in his hand. Jenna was
not
his woman.

But maybe she could be.

Slapping the bread on top of the lettuce, Easy’s thoughts spun—he came up with lots of reasons why it probably wasn’t a good idea, but that didn’t make him want to consider it any less. He sighed as he cleaned up his mess.

Mid-sandwich-making, Shane spoke in low, even tones. “We don’t have to do that thing where I tell you to handle Jenna with care if you’re thinking of starting something with her, do we?”

For. Fuck. Sake.

Not that Easy was particularly surprised by the question. Hadn’t he been half expecting it? And, his brain noted with interest, it wasn’t a warning off.

“Nope.”

“I didn’t think so,” Shane said in that same casual, even tone. “I see how protective you are of her, Easy, and I’m glad for that. I know you’ll treat her right. But you should know that her birthday’s next week.”

Easy’s gaze flashed to Shane’s. “And this is relevant how?”

“She’ll be twenty.”

Easy had to grab the counter. “Say again?”

Twenty? Jesus, he’d known he was older, but he had a full decade on her
.

“You heard me.” Shane sucked a bit of mustard off his finger. “Sara’s only twenty-three, so I’m not saying a thing about it, except handle with care.”

Nodding, Easy concentrated on making the floor stand still under his feet. Twenty. He blew out a long breath. “I like her, Shane,” he finally said, echoing the conversation he and Shane had had a few nights ago about Shane’s growing feelings for Sara. And, well,
hi, how ya doin’, Mr. Hypocrite
, Easy had told Shane he had to come clean with the team. Despite the fact that Easy hadn’t done so himself. Still.

“Yeah,” Shane said, clapping him on the back of the neck and squeezing. “I know.”

Twenty. Wow.

Staring at the plates and cups he had to take upstairs, Easy shook the whirling thoughts away and recalled seeing exactly what he needed. From the thin cabinet next to the oven, he retrieved a baking sheet to use as a tray. Improvisation he could do. He loaded it down with everything he thought they’d need and lifted it into his arms.

“She not ready to be around everyone yet?” Shane asked.

Easy paused and looked his friend in the eye. Shane McCallan was a good guy through and through, and the fact he implicitly understood where Jenna was at right now meant a lot. “No. The bruises are filling in pretty good. I think she’s feeling self-conscious. She’ll come around, though.”

Shane nodded. “All right. Tell Sara I made us something to eat?”

“Yup,” Easy said, and then he was all about getting back to Jenna.

J
ENNA SMILED WHEN
Easy walked into the bedroom, carrying what appeared to be half the refrigerator on a bowing cookie sheet. Not only had he made and delivered dinner, he’d sent Sara up to keep her company. How much more thoughtful could he be?