Hard to Love (19 page)

“Please,
Lex
.
Will you stay?”

Her eyes met mine, full of questions.
“For you or for Lily?”

I swallowed.
“For me.”
I took her hand again, noticing that she no longer fought me, yet her hand remained limp in mine. I gave it a squeeze.

“
I recall you saying
—
”
Alexa started.

“I know what I said, but I’m an idiot, okay?”

“Yes, you are,” she agreed. I could hear the smile in her voice
, even if her face remained impassive
.

“So
will you stay
? I’ll even cook for you. It won’t be prime rib, but…”

She chuckled.
“I suppose I could eat.”

“Come on. I’ve got two pretty ladies to feed.” 
I
set Lily down in a dining room chair
.
“What do you say, scrambled eggs?”

She nodded
and settled into her seat, and Alexa
reluctantly joined me
in the kitchen
.

“Eggs?
For dinner?”
Alexa
questioned,
her
tone
one of surprise.

“What do you have against eggs?”

“Nothing,” she back-
peddled.
“I’ve just never had scrambled eggs for dinner.”

“Hey
,
you try cooking to please the palate of both an
eighty
-year-old and a three-year-old.  I’d like to see what you come up with.”

She placed her hand on my cheek and held my eyes with hers as if to acknowledge all I’d been through. I smiled at her gentle concern, and a
fter a
moment she dropped her hand and stepped aside to allow me ro
o
m to work. I removed a carton of eggs and a package of shredded cheese from the fridge and
got to work
.  

I
hadn’t
explained the whole story to her, and didn’t plan to. That year I lost my grandmother was hard enough
—
she’d basically raised me. But couple that with
my parents
dropping off
Lily
,
still unable to walk at age three because they hadn’t invested the time or money into her care
,
and my grandfather’s failing health…and yeah, life had been hell that year.

The truth was, none of us liked my attempts at cooking that first year, but rather than starve, we made it work. And a carton of eggs was cheap. Of course
,
those had been the days when we were still surviving off my grandfather’s meager social security checks, before
he passed away in his sleep one night and
I started working full time.

Gosh, it seemed like so long ago.
Now I took care of myself and Lily almost on auto-pilot, but back then, it had literally seemed
a
n impossible feat.

After dinner, Alexa and I settled on Lily’s bed while she read us a story.
Even though
the story she’d selected was quite a bit above her reading level, I’d read it to her so many times she had it memorized nearly word for word.
My eyes drifted along Alexa’s
out
stretched form,
her arm thrown over Lily’s shoulders as they huddle
d
together on the pillow,
rosy cheeks and eyes glued to the book
they
read from. My gaze followed the length of
Alexa’s
lean
, denim-clad
legs
down to her cotton-candy
-
pink polished toes. I ran my fingertips lightly over the arch of her bare foot and her eyes caught mine. I knew we were both anticipating being alone tonight.
I
also
knew
I had some groveling to do.

Once Lily was tucked in for the night, Alexa
and I crept from the room. She started off down the hall, but my hands on her waist stopped her. I pulled her up against my chest. 
“I thought we
’d
go in my room tonight.
”

Her eyes darted up to mine, trying to understand
my meaning
.
S
he blinked up at me with blue eyes
widening in surprise
, trusting me, following me wherever I might lead her. I took her hand and led her inside my darkened bedroom.
Not
bothering to turn on a light
—
it
’d only reveal a large messy bed, and a single dresser in the corner anyhow
—
I gently steered her towards my bed. When I felt the backs of her legs bump against the mattress, I gave her shoulders a gentle nudge and she fell backwards, giggling as she hit the bed and tugging me down on top of her.

My lips sought out hers in the darkness,
my body
needing to be close to her in every way possible. Our limbs were a tangled heap in the center of the bed, though I tried to keep my weight from crushing her.
I couldn’t believe I’d been stupid enough to push her away. If by some small miracle this angel thought I was good enough for her, I was hers.
Body and soul.

“Hey
,
I almost forgot
.
I got something for you.” I
disentangled
myself from her, felt my way
to my dresser and located what I was looking for. “Where’s your purse?”

“
You can g
ive it to me.”

“Not right now. I’ll just tuck
it
inside your bag for later.”

“Okay. My purse is on the couch.”

“Be right back.” I jogged down the hallway, depositing the canister into her bag before rejoining her.

She
’d tugged down the blankets and was resting in the center of the bed
when I returned
. Once I located her, she
cuddled against my chest, her head tucked under my chin as if this spot was designed
solely
for her.
Hell, maybe it was.

She reached one hand under my T-shirt and soothed me with gentle caresses I didn’t deserve. Her fingers worked away all the tension in my neck and shoulders. “It’s all going to be okay with Lily, you know. You’re doing the best you can,” she whispered.

Hearing her approval
of
my efforts with Lily was a shock to my system
.
I
t was something I never heard from anyone
,
least of all myself. There was always more to d
o, more to worry about, more I sh
ould have been doing.

Alexa’s presence in our lives was proof of that. But then again, she was filling a void I couldn’t.
Providing a woman’s touch.
And seeing the joy she brought to Lily
,
I wasn’t about to rob Lily of that.
But
having Alexa acknowledge my efforts, working to calm my fears
,
set off something inside me and my heart squeezed in my chest.
I knew I didn’t deserve a
w
oman this pure and perfect, but damn if I didn’t want to keep her.

“Thank you,” I said, simply.

“I hated how we left things…in that parking lot,” she breathed
against my skin
.

“
Shh
.” I kissed away her fears
, brushing her hair back from her face
. “That was my fault.
Will you f
orgive me?”

“Hmm.
That’d be too easy. You might need some reminders about how good we are together.”

I pressed a kiss to her forehead, her sweet scent rushing over me. “I know I’m not the type you take home to Mommy and Daddy, and that never bothered me before now, but dammit Alexa. I’m sorry…” Even if I got to be the first one inside her, the first to fuck her, would it even be enough? Would I be okay
with the fact
that sooner or later some prick with a nice car and an office job would come along and put a ring on her
finger?
Fuck, I couldn’t think like that. It was what she deserved. But I’d take every second I could get with her until then
.

She pushed
against
my chest
, wanting space
and I rolled off of her. In the moonlight, I could just make out her silhouette as she sat
back
on her heels and
lifted
her shirt
off
over her head
, thrusting her tits out
.
All the blood rushed
to my groin
and I bit back a groan.
I swallowed, and pulled in a ragged breath.
She was fucking perfection.

She pressed a few soft kisses on my throat and my chest, and rocked her hips against mine. Everything felt different with her. Sure, I was horny as hell, but it was more than that
,
too. There was nothing meaningless about this
.
With
each soft cry I elicited from her, each time her gaze met mine, I was falling deeper and deeper. But I hadn’t asked her to be part of my life because I knew it wasn’t realistic. I’d been around the block, seen how things worked and wouldn’t put Lily through that. I closed my eyes and tried to just enjoy the time I had with her.

I reached behind her and unclasp
ed
her bra, needing to taste her.
Hell, I’d give my left nut for a taste.
I
planted
several
openmouth
ed
kiss
es
on each
bare
breast.
She thrust her chest out, angling herself closer to my mouth.
“Don’t tease me
,
cupcake. Not if you’re
not
ready for this…” My voice was coarse, and my tone more
menacing
than I intended, but Alexa rose on her
knees in the center of the bed and began unbuttoning her jeans, slowly sliding them down her hips, wiggling her fine little ass.

“The panties too,” I growled.

She
slid her
fingers under the elastic and tugged
the
panties down her legs,
sending them over the side of the bed
along with her jeans.

Once she was completely undressed, I tugged off my own T-shirt and yanked down my jeans, tossing them to the floor. “Come here.” I eased her down onto her back, and spread her knees until her legs fell apart as wide as they would go, before leaning forward to taste her.

When my mouth met her flesh, her head dropped back against the pillow and
she
let out a low moan
.
I circled her clit
with my tongue
, teasing and
sucking
the
delicate flesh into my mouth while she writhed underneath me.
Her hips wouldn’t remain still
,
lifting to meet my mouth as if they had a mind of their o
w
n, and
I had to grip her
waist
to keep
hold her steady
.
I could do this all day, but it wasn’t long before she
was
balling the comforter in her fists and crying out my name
as her release
crashed over her
.

I crawled up her body and held her against my chest, where she promptly nestled herself
in
again
. “Am I forgiven yet?” I whispered into her hair.

She sighed contentedly and patted my
back
.
“Mm
-
hmm.”

I chuckled.

Tossing aside the fact that I had a throbbing erection, I
would have lain there
all night just holding her
, doing my best to win her over
. But after a few minutes Alexa’s breathing had returned to normal and
she
climbed
on
top of me, straddling my lap.
The feel of her wet heat pressed against my erection sent my heart
rate skyrocketing. I wanted her.
Fuck, I needed her.

“You can’t keep sliding that sweet pussy along my cock, sweetheart, unless you’re ready for me to bury it deep inside you.”

She let out a soft whimper.