Hardwired For Ecstasy (3 page)

Chapter
Three

Emma
ate lunch at her desk because she was having so much fun with all the features
of the design program she didn’t want to stop. This project and her new job was
already a breath of fresh air, and she had forgotten all about her earlier
doubts. She also realized she hadn’t thought once about Leland in the past four
hours. That alone was worth more than she could put into words.

Cindy
poked her head in and asked Emma if she needed anything else. She’d been the
one to grab Emma a sandwich and something to drink from the cafeteria.

“No,
this is great. Thank you.”

“Just
let me know.”

After
Cindy left, Emma sat back and smiled. She had her own office, and a very nice
person who didn’t mind bringing her lunch. The view out the windows was loads
more interesting than the inside of a police station, and she could work
without having to block out the noise around her with music in her ears for
eight straight hours. She could get used to this.

She
returned to setting up the preliminary design for the gadget until an email
came through. Glancing down, she saw it was from Atticus, and would have
answered it later except for the subject line.

We need to talk NOW.

Her
fingers trembling, she opened it and read.

Something has come up in your
background that we need to discuss right away. Please come to my office as soon
as you receive this email.

Leland
. He must have found out about
Leland. What else could it be? There was nothing in her background to find.
She’d led the most boring life in the world. Until she’d accepted a dinner
invitation from Leland, that was.

So
much for the police captain’s promise never to tell anyone. That fucking
bastard. She’d see him dead for this. He’d ruined her life so now she’d ruin
his in return. All bets were off.

Emma
blinked back tears as she locked her machine, then forced her feet to move out
of the office, past Cindy’s desk, and down the hall to Atticus’s office. The
manicured administrative assistant, whose name was Ivy, barely gave her a
glance.
Great
. Did everyone know
already? She’d worked here what … five hours?

Atticus
sat behind his desk, but he didn’t rise this time, or smile. He pointed toward
a chair, and she took the seat, wondering if she spoke first whether that would
help her case. He pushed a button, and she jumped a bit when a panel in the
desk moved and a tablet rose out of it.

“So
you can see what I found,” he said, his voice flat and dull.

She
didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. Instead she stared at the little screen as it
blinked to life.

“These
are copies of your performance reviews for the past three years, signed by the
captain at the station where you worked. Want to tell me why he suddenly
started signing them?”

Why
should any of this matter to him? She looked him in the eyes. “Leland … Captain
Clough told me that although technically I still reported to Alex, I mean
Sergeant Alex Southman, he now signed all our reviews.”

A
shadow of doubt crossed his face. Then he clicked around, and the screen
changed in front of her. She frowned as she realized what she was looking at.
“Where did you get these?”

“Not
for you to worry about. Do you recognize the signature?”

“Yes,
it’s Alex’s, but these aren’t my reviews. They’re my coworkers’. Where did you
get them?”

“Look
at the dates on them, please.”

That can’t be right…

“I
don’t understand.” She glanced up at him again. “This makes no sense.”

“Are
you telling me the captain lied to you?”

Why
should that surprise her? “Yes, apparently he did.”

Triumph
filled his eyes, and the maliciousness of the expression sent a nasty shiver
down her spine. What the hell did he think was going on?

“Tell
me why he would lie to you, Emma.”

He knows everything anyway
. “If you found what I think you
found, you already know that.”

“What
did I find?”

“Oh,
please stop this.” She could hardly hold back the tears now. To his credit, he
whirled his chair around and plucked a box of tissues off the credenza. He
handed them to her, but his expression was cold and hard now.

“Tell
me how you know Leland Clough, and exactly what happened between you two.”

Now
Emma was angry. This was really none of his damn business. “Atticus, I hardly see
how my getting lied to by this asshole has any bearing on my job performance
here.”

There
was the doubt again, only this time it was more obvious, and it was followed by
confusion. “If that was all I thought had happened, I wouldn’t be asking,
because you’d be right. It has nothing to do with it.”

“So
why do you want to know, then?” Now it was her turn to be confused. What the
hell was going on here? What the fuck else had Leland never told her about
himself?

Atticus
rose, walked around the desk, and sat in the same chair he’d occupied when
they’d had their chat this morning. Was it possible that had only been five
hours ago? His expression was calmer now, but Emma’s emotions weren’t. She was
ready to drive back to Central right now, storm into the police station, and
kick Leland where she should have kicked him weeks ago. And she wouldn’t stop
until he was howling in pain. Let them toss her in jail. It would be worth it.

“Please
tell me,” he said, his voice soft now. “It’s important.”

This
wasn’t right, but something in his expression made her wonder whether he knew
something about Leland that she needed to know, but didn’t. Atticus had assumed
she did, however, which was why he pushed her so hard right now. He wasn’t
going to reveal what it was unless she told him the whole story.

Did
she really care what it was? How much worse could it be than what he’d already
done to her? She’d promised Leland not to take what he’d done public, and he in
turn had promised not to interfere with her life. If she told Atticus all this
and it got back to Leland, he would make trouble for her in this job.

But
if Atticus had something on Leland—something he wouldn’t want to get out—Leland
would have no leverage to use against her. That realization alone was enough to
convince her to tell Atticus what he wanted to know.

“Okay,
but this is horribly embarrassing for me. Not to mention painful. If I never
heard or thought his name again I’d be perfectly content.”

He
nodded. “I understand. And thank you for clarifying that.”

What?
Now she knew there was something
going on here she had no knowledge of. Screw what she’d promised Leland she
wouldn’t do. Her new job was on the line.

“Leland
was already captain when I began working there. I kept my head down and didn’t
pay attention to gossip. There were only a dozen civilians working in the
station, and we tended to stick together. Leland told everyone he used to be
married, but his wife had left him because he worked all the time. He would
stay over his shift when he really didn’t need to, and come in when he could
just as easily have found someone else to cover a shift.”

“What
did he tell you his wife’s first name was?”

“He
didn’t.”
Not right away
. “Let me
clarify that. Eventually I learned her name was Bonnie.”

“What
do you mean he didn’t, and that you
eventually
learned her name?”

“I
mean he never spoke of her by name, and by the time he asked me out the first
time, he had told everyone they’d been divorced for a year.”

Atticus
gave her a skeptical look that made her feel like the bottom of someone’s shoe
after they’ve stepped in mud and dead leaves. “You worked there for seven
years. Are you telling me that in all that time,
no one
told you he was still married?”

“That’s
what I’m saying, yes. No one told me. If anyone brought up the subject, he denied
every rumor that they were only separated, or actually still married. By the
time I went out with him the first time, his story was that Bonnie had walked
out on him the year after everyone moved underground, but his divorce was tied
up in court for two years. He said she fought him on everything and dragged it
out on purpose, just to torture him.”

“Where
did he tell you she worked?”

“He
didn’t, and I never asked. Why would I give a shit where a woman I thought was his
ex-wife worked?”

Atticus
reached across her and pushed a button she hadn’t noticed before. A control
panel slid out, then he pushed a few more buttons and the tablet refreshed. He
scooted closer to her and she resisted the urge to push her chair away. She
would not show this man how upset she was with him right now.

When
he finished typing, he moved back a bit so she could face the screen. She
stared at the face of the woman who had never divorced Leland. Poor thing
likely had no clue how much of a fucking pig her husband was.

“Is
this the woman you know as his wife, Bonnie?”

At
least the hardness had left his voice, but she still wasn’t able to stop the
tears this time. They spilled over cheeks as she nodded. “Yes. I found a
picture of her online after
I
… after I realized he’d
lied to me for three years.”

“I’m
very sorry he lied to you.”

She
snapped her gaze toward him, completely shocked by the tenderness of his tone.
“Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about? And if it’s not, what the hell am I
missing here?”

“It’s
complicated. Please tell me the rest of your story first.”

She
didn’t understand what was going on, but at least his damn beautiful eyes were
no longer cold. Instead, he gazed at her with sympathy, so she wiped her face
and took a deep breath. “We began dating and either no one knew the real truth,
or those who did never told me. I swear to you I never had a clue he had lied
about his divorce.”

“Did
anyone else talk about the divorce story?”

“Yes.
A lot of people did, including Alex. As far as I know, he had told everyone in
that station the same bullshit story.”

“So
where did the rumors come from?”

“I
honestly don’t know. They’d surface all the time, but Leland would get upset
and put a stop to them again. He wasn’t well liked by most people working
there, so I always just assumed they were trying to stir shit up.”

“You
never suspected he had lied to you?”

“No.
I was naïve.” She wanted to leave. Now. This served no purpose. “And going out
with him to fancy dinners and concerts made me feel grown up.”

“He’s
quite a bit older than you.”

“He
was forty when I started dating him and I was twenty-five.”
And you have no room to talk.
Atticus
Yates was forty-two and regularly seen with women as young as twenty-one. “It
was flattering. He was a gentlemen and very romantic.”

He’d
also taken her virginity, but she didn’t feel the need to tell her new boss
that
detail.

“When
and how did you find out he was still married to Bonnie?”

She
sighed. If she told him, she’d definitely go back on her promise to Leland.
There was no turning back once she went that far into the story. When she’d
first read Atticus’s email she had assumed Leland told him what had happened.
Now, she realized that wasn’t true. She needed to know why Atticus had gone
looking for information on Leland in the first place.

“Did
you know I had dated him when you went looking for those performance reviews?”

“What
do you think?”

“Please
stop playing games with me.”

“This
isn’t a negotiation, Emma.”

She
swallowed hard again, determined not to cry anymore. “I understand that, but
promises were made.”

His
gaze turned suspicious. “Really? Tell me about the promises. And then tell me
how you found out about his wife.”

She
crossed her arms, anger overpowering humiliation once more. This was
ridiculous. What right did this man have to pry into her personal life?

“And
if I refuse?”

“If
you refuse, you’re fired.”

Chapter
Four

Atticus
hated seeing that look of pain and confusion in her eyes, but he had to know
whether his company or any of the other Weathermen’s companies had been
compromised by Bonnie Clough. In other words, whether Emma Sawyer was actually
a spy.

So
far, unless she was one hell of an actress, she’d merely been the victim of
Leland not being able to keep it in his pants. But Atticus wouldn’t back off
until he knew the entire story. He’d deal with telling her the truth later.
That he hadn’t known for certain she and Leland were involved until she’d told
him.

Emma
shook her head slightly, and Atticus almost relented. Did he really want to
know the details of what had obviously been an affair with a married man?
Whether she’d known he was married or not wasn’t the issue here.
Bonnie
was the issue, but he couldn’t
tip his hand until he knew whether Emma had been sent here by Bonnie, by
Leland, or by someone else.

“You’re
kidding. You’d fire me over this?”

“I
would. This is too important to my company.” That was all he could say without
giving her potential ammunition.

She
glanced away and let out a puff of air that fluttered her hair. His gaze swept
down the length of it, to her shoulders, and down her left arm to her hand,
resting palm up in her lap. From there he eyed her legs again. She had very
pretty ones.

He
realized she wasn’t talking yet and forced his gaze back to her face, where he
couldn’t help but notice she had been watching him check her out.
Fuck.
What the hell was wrong with him?
He knew better than that.

A
man was never more vulnerable than when a woman realized he lusted after her.
Unless Leland Clough really had fooled this girl for three solid years, she was
no stranger to using sex to get what she wanted.

“Well?”
he asked, his voice harder than it needed to be. “What’s your decision?”

For
a split second, she looked so pissed off he thought she was going to leave,
just like that, but then her expression changed and she folded her hands in her
lap. “Fine. Here’s the whole, sordid story. I worked side by side with Leland
for four years before we became lovers. The entire time I listened to the
rumors about him. I also listened to him deny those rumors, and insist his wife
had left him and then dragged out the divorce to hurt him.”

“So
you started seeing him three years ago?”

“Yes.
A year after he said his divorce was finalized. He asked me out several times
before I finally agreed. We kept it as secret as possible because I didn’t want
him getting in trouble.”

“Seems
to me if he was as worried about that as you were, he wouldn’t have signed your
performance reviews.”

“I
agree with you. But as I already told you, he gave me what sounded like a
legitimate reason for signing them. Our performance reviews weren’t something
we all talked about with each other or I would have questioned why he was
signing mine but no one else’s.”

“So
you never knew the sergeant still signed those of your coworkers?”

“No,
I did not.”

Atticus
nodded. So far, her story sounded believable, but he would carefully watch her
face and body language while she continued talking, just in case.

“We
never stayed at my place. He said it was because he wanted our nights together
to be special. We stayed at lavish hotels with room service and all the bells
and whistles. When we went out dinner or to concerts, it was on the other side
of town, away from the station. He said he didn’t want anything to remind him
of work while we were out.”

Atticus
didn’t like the way his gut clenched when images of her fucking Bonnie’s
husband danced through his head. What the hell? It’s not like he was dating
her. She had a right to have sex with anyone she wanted to.
Keep your focus here.

“Didn’t
you ask him why you couldn’t stay at his place?”

“Sure,
and he gave me the same answer I just told you.”

How
was it no one ever saw them out? Leland must have known the haunts and habits
of his wife, plus those of his friends and family quite well. Being a police
captain had its advantages when you decided to cheat with a hot young thing
like Emma.

“This
went on for three years?”

The
anger was back in her eyes, along with embarrassment. While he understood the
reaction, he still needed to find out what she knew.

“Yes,
it did. Call me naïve. Call me stupid. Label this whatever you have to if that
makes you feel better.”

Atticus
sighed and leaned forward. “Emma, I’m sorry this makes you so uncomfortable. It
sounds as if you were lied to.”
Unless
she’s lying to you now, that is.

“I
was
lied to. I believed him because I
wanted to believe him.”

“I
understand that. When people we believe care about us lie, it destroys our
trust in everyone.”

She
narrowed her eyes slightly, and he wondered whether he’d fallen on his fucking
head this morning and forgotten about it. This wasn’t about building a rapport
with her, or offering an ear to listen to what Leland Clough had allegedly done
to her. She was here so he could determine whether she was spying on him and
the other Weathermen. It was time to stop thinking with his damn cock.

“You
sound like you have personal experience with that.”

Fuck it all.
“We’re not talking about my life.
When and how did you find out about his wife?”

“I
began getting calls on my Internet phone where the person listened for a second
or two while I said ‘hello’ several times, then hung up. The calls came from
the same area of Central as Leland lives. I tried to trace the number, but it
was blocked.”

“How
did you know where he lived?”

She
flushed. “I looked it up. At work, I mean.”

“In
three years you never wondered why he wouldn’t take you to his
house?
”

Her
loud sigh told him he’d struck a nerve. “Yes, of course I did, okay? I wondered
why he wouldn’t spend the night at my place, too.”

Had
someone been watching her place and Leland known about it?

“But
it’s not like we never went out in public. I had no reason to think he was
hiding anything.”

“Are
you sure?”

Her
eyes flashed with anger once more. “Atticus, why are the details of my
relationship with this asshole so damn important to you? I mean what’s really
going on here? Can’t you see I’m humiliated enough by this? Why do you think I
looked for another job and moved to a different city in less than a month? I
couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. The guy took my damn virginity, for
God’s sake. Okay? There. Are you happy now?”

He
was stunned into silence.

“I
was a naïve twenty-five year old virgin who had spent most of high school
crying. Half the boys wouldn’t go out with me because I’m fat, and the other
half wouldn’t because they all thought I was too damn nerdy or too smart. I
always had my nose in a book, and it wasn’t because I never had dates. I was
smart. I still am. I liked school.”

He
started to say something, but she cut him off.

“Don’t
you think I’ve asked myself a million times why I never listened to the rumors
about Leland with my head instead of my heart? Or why I never dug into his
background on my own? I had the resources right there at work. I could have
done it, but I never did. When the phone calls started, all the alarm bells I’d
ignored for three years were too loud to ignore any longer.”

Atticus
had to force himself not to reach for her so he could hold her. Guilt washed
over him. He hadn’t meant to bring up horrible memories for her. And another
thought occurred to him that hadn’t entered his consciousness before now. She’d
had feelings for Leland Clough.

Why
wouldn’t she develop them? The man had wined and dined her, and made her feel
special and wanted for the first time in her adult life. He had a sudden urge
to drive to Central and choke the fucker for what he’d done.

“I’m
sorry, Emma. I didn’t know any of that.”

“
No
one does. I don’t discuss it. Leland
wasn’t a stupid high school boy. He loved me. Or I thought he did. He loved my
curves. He told me I was beautiful. He treated me like a precious gem. He
helped me earn my college degrees and told me I was too smart to be tracking
down criminals for the police.”

And he lied to you about being
married.

“And
then the fucker…” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand so he reached
over and plucked a tissue from the box, handing it to her. She took it with a
quick look of gratitude and wiped her face once more. “Shortly after the phone
calls started, I had made up my mind to confront him again about the rumors. We
had a terrible argument over them. I mean really horrible. He accused me of
betraying the trust between us, and I told him I needed some time to think
about our relationship.”

She
wiped her face again. “Then a few days later the stupid fucker brought his wife
to the station. It was a Sunday afternoon when I wasn’t supposed to be working.
Or maybe he did know and that’s why he did it. I don’t know. Anyway, I was
there picking up some overtime, and when he walked in and saw me and the few
others who were there, he told us she was a witness he was interviewing.”

“Was
that unusual? I mean for him to bring a witness to the station to interview?”

“Sure
was.”

“Sounds
like he did it on purpose, Emma. He knew you were working.”

She
didn’t say anything, but he realized from the look in her eyes that she’d
already reached that conclusion on her own.

“How
did you figure out the woman was his wife?”

“One
of my coworkers was also there and told me. She said she’d seen a picture of
her online recently, so I asked her to find it. Leland was in his office with
Bonnie and the blinds were down, but he did that a lot even when he was alone
in there, so at first I convinced myself he was telling the truth about the
woman being a witness.”

“Did
your coworkers know you were dating?”

“Yes.
Everyone knew by then. When I saw the picture of him and Bonnie online I was
really upset. I—”

“Where
was it?”

“What?”

“The
picture. Where did your coworker find it?”

“I’ll
show you.” She moved in front of the tablet and clicked to a charity event that
had occurred less than three months ago. Then she brought up a picture of
Leland and Bonnie Clough, arms around each other’s waists, smiling into the
camera. The caption identified them as Mr. and Mrs. Leland Clough, attendees and
donors at that particular event for the past twenty years.

“What
excuse did your coworker give for not telling you she knew Leland was married?”

Emma
rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? She laughed in my face. She thought it was
hysterical that I’d been made a fool of for so long. That’s the closest I’ve
ever come to punching another person. I got up from my desk and walked into his
office without knocking. They … shit. This is really hard to say.”

“You
don’t have to.” He had enough details of the pain Leland had put her through to
convince him she was telling the truth. Leland had lied to her, and Emma hadn’t
been sent to his company by him, by Bonnie, or by anyone.

“No.
You wanted the whole story so you shall have it, in all its glory. They were
both half naked and having sex. She was bent over the desk, and he was behind
her.”

Atticus
didn’t want to give her another terse “I’m sorry” so he kept silent. This woman
wasn’t in league with anyone, and certainly not with Bonnie. Leland had strung
her along for three years, and her fucking coworkers had probably been laughing
behind her back the entire time.

“I
threatened him, right then and there, while I watched his cock grow limp and
slide out of his wife’s cunt. I told him I would take this public. I told him I
would ruin him.”

Atticus’s
pulse raced. “Bonnie heard you do that? Threaten him?”

“Damn
right she did. She moved out from under him, pulled down her skirt and glared
at him. She demanded to know who the fuck I was and what was going on.”

“Did
she threaten you, or him?”

“She
barely glanced at me. Her anger was directed toward him, which makes me believe
he had done this before.”

Atticus
had to agree with her on that conclusion. “Damn, Emma. You’ve got guts.”

She
crossed her arms. “Excuse me? What would
you
have done?”

Atticus
couldn’t help the smile playing across his lips. “The same thing you did.”

“Leland
sputtered a few words, but Bonnie stormed out of the office. Once she was gone,
I started in on him again, and then he…” She hugged herself tighter.