Harlequin Historical September 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Lord Havelock's List\Saved by the Viking Warrior\The Pirate Hunter (40 page)

She gave a small nod.

He held out his arm. By the end of the walk, he knew he had to have a workable plan for Aud's future.

Chapter Eleven

T
hrand led Cwen out into the low afternoon light. Together they made a circuit of the farmyard and its buildings. He noticed how he automatically adjusted his pace to suit Cwen's. He could remember how his father had done the same for his mother and how they too had walked about the farm at this time of day.

The sky was beginning to be streaked orange and crimson. A certain peace hung over the place, but Thrand's thoughts kept circling back to his future, one which currently did not hold Aud or even Cwen. The prospect of not having Cwen depressed him, but how could he make her want to stay with him? She'd been very clear on the boundaries of their relationship. A tiny voice nagged that he had forced them on her. He frowned and tried to silence it.

‘If he had lived, what was Sven planning on doing?' Cwenneth asked as they stopped beside the large barn for the second time. ‘If Maeri had been free?'

‘Does it matter? It is useless to speculate.' The words came out harsher than he'd intended.

She pleated her travel-stained gown with her fingers. ‘I suppose not. I was curious. Sven Audson sounds like a man who always had a plan.'

‘Iceland. He wanted to take his family to Iceland.' Thrand abruptly let go of her arm.

The lowing of the cattle, mixed with the snuffling of the pigs, took him back to his boyhood. He went into the barn and breathed in the straw-scented air. He shook his head. He had no business remembering that easy time.

The last time he had been in a barn like this one was when Ingrid had led him there. He knew what had happened afterwards and he had avoided them ever since. But now he suddenly realised that he had missed the utter peace and tranquillity that went with them.

‘What did he want to go there for? Surely he could have started a new life in Northumbria.' Cwenneth asked, putting her hand in his.

He closed his fingers about hers, grateful that he did not have to explain. She seemed to understand his distress. She led him away from the barn and towards the green pasture. In the distance he could see the blue-grey waters of the Tyne.

‘He wanted to leave this place of war and go to a land that had never seen conflict,' he said when he trusted his voice.

Cwen frowned. ‘And there is no war in Iceland?'

‘A man can be free from his past there, or that was what Sven claimed. He was tired of the political intrigue that surrounds Halfdan now that he is ill. He had no great love or loyalty for any of the rivals. He wanted out.'

‘If the other Norsemen are like Hagal, I can understand that sentiment.' Cwen's mouth turned up into a sad smile.

‘Halfdan is an excellent warrior. He looks after his men, but the others? They are after their own glory.'

‘Why not go back to the north where you all came from if he had made his fortune?'

‘He had no wish to return to Viken. I never enquired too closely why he left. We all had our reasons. He wanted a life free from his past where his child could grow up innocent of all feuds.'

She tapped her finger against her mouth, and her eyes turned thoughtful. ‘A life free from your past. Is that something you would want?'

Thrand stopped. His entire being stilled. Iceland! He had been blind. It was the perfect solution. But would she agree? Did he dare ask? He knew what they had agreed, but the more he knew Cwen, the more uncomfortable he was about having her face Halfdan and the pit of snakes which passed for the Storting. Anything could happen, particularly as Hagal had started spreading rumours blaming him for the events.

He wanted to keep her with him, rather than sending her back to Lingwold where she could be used again as a pawn in her brother's quest for power.

‘A man can have his reasons,' he said cautiously, trying to think how best to put it without making it seem like he cared for her. ‘Thor knows Sven must have had enough. He saw it as a chance for a fresh start and the opportunity to show Maeri the man he could be.'

‘Is it a good land?' He detected a slight note of wistfulness in her voice. ‘A fertile land where you could grow crops free from...well...free from the threat of war and the necessity of paying Danegeld? It sounds silly. Ever since Aefirth died, I have spent nights standing at the window, longing for such a land. I didn't think it existed.'

‘It is a hard land, but it can be good. The valleys are fertile. Trade is good with Norway.' At her questioning glance, he added. ‘Sven and I visited it a few summers ago. There are crystal waterfalls and springs which run hot. One of his cousins settled there. Now he tends his sheep and horses instead of risking his life on the eastern trade to Constantinople.'

‘It sounds lovely.'

‘Would you like to see it?' he asked before he lost his nerve. The meaning of his dream when he woke from the fever suddenly became crystal clear. It was not about dying alone, but living with a family. He could have a family again. He could protect them. He would not repeat his father's mistakes or his own. He could outrun his past. All he had to do was to emigrate with Cwen.

Travelling to Iceland would give him a chance for a new start in a fresh, clean land. He could leave his past behind him just as Sven had planned to. He could stop being a warrior and become a farmer.

‘What did you say?' Cwen stopped pleating her gown and stared at him.

‘I am willing to take you there. You would like it, I think. Boats take some getting used to, but the journey is done in stages. You will adjust.'

Her eyes widened as his words sank in. ‘You want to take me to Iceland? Why?'

He gathered her hands between his. He had to get the words right. He wanted to put them in such a way that she could not refuse. If she refused, he didn't know what he would do.

He knew she did not want him for ever. She had made that perfectly clear the other day when they had first made love. What woman would? He had too much darkness inside him. But she was a natural mother. He'd seen the longing in her eyes when she held Aud. Once in Iceland, he'd prove to her that he was worthy of her. ‘Cwen, come with me. Let's go to Iceland and take Aud with us. Fulfil Sven's dream because he can't. Aud is an innocent child. Why should he have to suffer for something which has nothing to do with him? Are you going to allow Hagal to destroy another life?'

‘What are you asking me?' she gasped out.

Thrand took heart from the fact that she didn't attempt to pull away. He tightened his grip about her slender fingers. ‘Marry me, Cwen, and provide Aud with a mother. That little boy needs a mother desperately. He needs you.'

Marry him?
Thrand wanted to marry her, move to Iceland and put their pasts behind them. He wanted her to go to Iceland with him and be Aud's mother.

Cwenneth stared at the large Norseman standing before her, holding her hands as the giant sky began to darken all around them. The ground tilted under her feet. She forgot how to breathe. She had to have heard wrong. Had that innocent child with his treasures touched his stone-cold heart in a way she couldn't? She'd seen how they were together. It was wrong of her to wish that it had been her.

‘Please say something, Cwen. Have you lost your voice?' The raw note in his plea tore at her heart.

‘Did you just ask me to marry you?' she whispered finally before he turned away from her and this chance slipped away.

He put an arm about her shoulder, bringing her close to his body. ‘Yes. You can be Aud's mother. You saw how he was at dinner. A little care and he will blossom. He has the makings of a fine warrior. Did you see the treasures he kept bringing me at supper?'

‘Aud's mother.' She shook her head. It was wrong of her to even offer when she knew she was almost certainly facing death in Jorvik. ‘But I'm the wrong woman. I let my child die alone. I should have stayed with him. Aud deserves better. He deserves a mother who will stay with him.'

‘Your son died because it was his time. And this boy's mother died also. Are you going to say it was his fault?' Thrand's lip curled. ‘The priest implied it was. Maybe you believe it too, but don't wish to say. Do you believe the boy is cursed?'

‘Of course not! You are being ridiculous.'

‘It is you who are being ridiculous.' He put both hands on her shoulders, and his summer-blue eyes looked deep into her soul. ‘You have a great capacity to love, Cwen. You need to lavish it on someone who will appreciate that love rather than waste it.'

Cwenneth broke away from him and pressed her hands to her temples, trying to think around the sudden pain in her heart. Capacity to love and not wasting it. ‘Are you saying that I am some sort of lovelorn female who wears her heart on her sleeve, just hoping for any creature to love me back?'

‘I am not worthy of your love!' Thrand's words echoed round and round the pasture.

‘You think I love you?' White-hot anger coursed through her veins. She couldn't love Thrand. What they shared was passion. She knew it would end and had planned for it. She had kept her heart out of it. ‘Of all the arrogant, pig-headed assumptions! Simply because we have shared passion, I am supposed to love you? Have feelings for you? What utter rubbish!'

‘My mistake.' Thrand inclined his head, which once again wore his warrior's mask. ‘I thought I had best warn you...in case you agreed to the marriage. What love and finer feeling I had died years ago. It is futile to hope. I don't even know how to begin to care for someone. I've no practice in it. You are right. The women over the years have blurred. I find it hard to put a name or face to one of them. But I know I will always remember you. If you want to call it caring, you can.'

‘Why are you telling me this?'

‘It is important that I'm honest with you, Cwen, in all things. I wouldn't want to marry you under false pretences. Or have you become disappointed in me. But I know that Aud will never let you down. Like you, he hungers for someone to love.'

Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces, hurting in a way that it hadn't since Richard's death. She had not realised until he said those words how much she did care for Thrand.

Over the past few days, she had come to like him—no,
like
was too mealy-mouthed of a word. She had kept telling herself that it was desire and passion but it was more than that. She admired his courage, his ability to think on his feet and the way he reacted so calmly to each new threat. And how he gave her confidence to try new things. She considered him more than a friend. But what she felt for him was very different from the quiet and uncomplicated love she had had for Aefirth.

Cwenneth drew an unsteady breath and moved away from the comfort of his body. She wrapped her arms about her waist. She had to get this right and understand what he was offering, not be seduced by the nearness of his body. ‘You mean after Jorvik and speaking to the king about Hagal. Things have to be done in their proper order, Thrand. It is foolish to speak of such things until then. Aud has already lost one mother.'

The words
if I remain alive and am not returned to Hagal
hung in the air between them.

Thrand's eyebrows drew together. He made a cutting motion with his arm. ‘I mean not bothering to speak to the king about Hagal and departing immediately for Iceland to begin a new life. The rumour of the kidnapping will work against you. Hagal would claim I seduced you and a woman's words are not to be trusted. I can see the purpose in his rumour now. He seeks to discredit your testimony. And we have become lovers, Cwen. How could I lie about that?'

Cwenneth closed her eyes. He was right. She should have considered Hagal would seek to blacken Thrand's name once he learnt who had rescued her. He certainly had wasted no time in spreading the rumour that Thrand had kidnapped her. ‘Will he try to get you blamed for the slaughter as well?'

Thrand made an annoyed noise. ‘He can try, but Halfdan knows what I am like. I've never kidnapped a woman before, nor have I murdered in cold blood.'

‘But those murders need to be avenged.'

‘Narfi, the man who committed the murders, is dead. Is it necessary for you to risk your life for something which will not change the course of history or bring the dead back to life?'

Cwen pleated her gown between her fingers. ‘And when we are in Jorvik, waiting for the ship to be ready? Hagal knows that I am alive and with you. He wants me dead because of what Aefirth did to his cousin.'

‘Hagal would have to fight me, something he has avoided doing for years, despite my attempts at provocation. Your brother has me gone. Everyone is happy. Just not in the same way we had planned. Plans can change, Cwen. For the sake of the child, they should.'

His words thudded through her. ‘But the marriage contract? My dowry?'

‘Betrothals are put aside all the time.' Thrand made a cutting motion with his hand.

‘It seems a shame just to allow Hagal to have my dowry. He will use the gold for bribes.'

‘Your brother can sue Hagal for it. It is what the courts are for. I've more gold than I could ever spend in ten lifetimes.' He put his hand on her shoulder. ‘We have to think about saving an innocent child's life. It is what my mother would have wanted.'

Cwenneth stared at Thrand as the enormity of what he offered washed over her. Her dreams lately had been full of what would happen once she reached Jorvik. The only thing which had calmed her was waking to have Thrand's arms about her and watching the rise and fall of his chest.

She knew deep in her heart that she'd never truly relax until she had proof that Hagal was dead. But Thrand was right—Edward could try pursuing Hagal through courts for the dowry. She could send word once she was in Iceland.

A tiny smile crossed her lips. Edward would not be able to do anything about her living the life she wanted to lead. No more threats of a windswept convent. Or marriages to further Edward's power.