Harlequin Nocturne March 2014 Bundle: Shadowmaster\Running with Wolves (42 page)

Kate stepped toward him, anger twisting her face. “A lot of us feel that the changes Scott wants to make and the ideas that he has are what this pack needs. Not more materialism. We're too in touch with the outside world. We're losing who
we
are. Our youth are getting antsy and want to leave. Instead of feeling like a haven, The Colony has begun to feel like a prison to them. And you, better than anyone, know how disastrous that will be for this pack.”

She grabbed his arm, her bony fingers digging into his skin. “Malcolm has done that to us with his computers and his televisions. Sometimes too much information is not a good thing.”

Stunned, Jason pulled out of her grasp. “Kate, I understand your concerns, but going back to being completely in the dark ages and oblivious of the outside world isn't the answer either.”

“That isn't what we want,” Scott added, approaching them and placing his hand on Kate's shoulder, offering her his support. “But neither do we believe that there should be a television in every home. Put one in the grand hall, in the neighborhood pubs and restaurants. Let technology bring us together, not isolate us.”

“That's a grand pie-in-the-sky plan, but do you really think people will be open to giving up what they already have?”

Scott looked him square in the eye. “Yes, I do.”

“And so do I,” Robert said, stepping forward. “Had I known the debacle Malcolm would have caused this colony, I never would have stepped down in the first place.”

“You stepped down for Dean. It was his time and you knew that.”

“Perhaps. But I had no idea it meant so little to him, that he'd throw it all away.” The bitterness in his tone surprised Jason. After all these years, he'd had no clue of the depth of Robert's anger. And Kate's, too?

He looked at his former in-laws, really looked at them and knew it was true. Jason knew bitterness, he knew disappointment and anger, but he never let it define who he was as a person or let it color his perceptions or paint his reality. That just felt like a betrayal to Dean and Maggie, and all they'd stood for.

Shay stiffened beside him and he pulled her closer. “Robert, trust me. This colony meant everything to Dean. It was his home, his family. He didn't make the decision to leave lightly, but Lily and Shay meant more. He couldn't live without them.”

“You don't need to tell me how my son felt,” Robert snapped.

Jason held up his hands in surrender. “I get that.” He hadn't spent a lot of time around Robert and Kate during the past few years, but he never would have guessed the level of bitterness and hostility they carried within them. As he watched the emotions play across their faces—outrage and mistrust—he had to wonder if perhaps Malcolm was right. How far would Scott or even Robert and Kate go to return the pack to what they believed was its rightful state?

He hoped he wasn't about to make a mistake, but he had to know. He had to be sure. “I promised to help Malcolm find a lost shipment of televisions and computers. Apparently, his last shipment has gone missing. Do either of you know anything about that?”

He watched their faces closely as he said the words. The veering of their eyes, the subtle tightening of their lips, any sign of the truth. Genuine surprise widened Scott's eyes, while shock filled Robert's and Kate's faces.

“When everyone finds out that that bastard swindled their money...” Unable to finish her thought, Kate covered her mouth with a trembling hand and shook her head in disgust.

“You think Malcolm stole his own shipment?” Jason asked, clearly surprised.

“I don't believe there ever was a shipment,” Robert said, his eyes sharp with anger, his jaw stiff and hard. He stepped even closer, until Jason could see the red veins in his eyes and the purple shadows beneath them. Robert lowered his voice. “I think if Malcolm could find a way to pin this theft on Scott, then he's well on his way to destroying his competition and solidifying his leadership.”

“You believe that Malcolm stole from everyone just to maintain his pack leadership?”

“And destroy Scott's good name in the process? You damn well better believe it,” Robert answered vehemently.

Stunned, Jason stepped back from him. “I'm sorry. I don't agree. I've been close to Malcolm all my life, and yes, he's ambitious, he's impetuous and driven, but he's not diabolical and he's not cruel.”

“You've always had a blind spot where Malcolm was concerned,” Kate muttered, her mouth twisted with disgust.

“We were best friends growing up, the four of us. Remember? You know him. You know the real Malcolm.”

Kate's mouth hardened. “Oh, please. Even Maggie was beginning to have her doubts about him, and you know it.”

Shay trembled in his arms. He looked down at her, certain now that Kate had told her about Maggie. He wished that she hadn't stolen that from him. But she always had been one to interfere, to think she knew better than anyone else.

Annoyance and frustration hardened his words. “Why would you say that, Kate?”

“You know it's true. You know she warned you about him. She told you he wanted your job. She begged you to watch your back.”

“Maggie told you that?” Jason asked, clearly surprised Maggie would have gone that far.

A bleak shadow passed in front of Robert's eyes. “I've always wondered if she knew something the rest of us didn't. That if somehow her gift gave her knowledge about Malcolm that got her killed.”

“You think Malcolm killed Maggie?” Jason asked, stunned with disbelief. How had Maggie's parents become so delusional?

“Maggie was strong and she was well trained, you know that. She never even made it to Dean's house. I don't believe the demons could have gotten to her that fast. In fact, I'm not sure I believe they got to her at all.”

“Malcolm did not kill Maggie,” Jason insisted, no longer wanting to continue this conversation. No longer wanting to be around them. “Malcolm loved Maggie. He always had.”

“Yes, but she chose you, didn't she, Jason?” Kate added bitterly. “And so did Dean. He chose you to run the pack, not Malcolm. You got everything he'd ever wanted, and still you couldn't see how badly he coveted what you had.”

“Malcolm was right there with us. We were running things together. We were a family. All of us.”

“And yet, in the end, it isn't you and Maggie leading our colony in harmony, it is Malcolm leading it with the almighty buck and an iron fist.”

Jason was speechless. He had been completely clueless about what they'd been thinking for all these years. But on some level, hadn't he had some of these same thoughts himself? Thoughts he refused to let surface? To even acknowledge? The truth was, with Malcolm you never knew.

“It's true, Malcolm has made a lot of changes around here, but he has revitalized The Colony, too. He has made our lives easier in a lot of ways and, yes, some negative things have come with that, but we couldn't have kept things the way they were forever.”

“Is that what you tell yourself to make your abandonment of your post all right?” Kate asked.

Surprised by her harsh words, Jason stared at her. Was she right? Even just a little?

Robert cleared his throat. “Jason, you need to consider something. If Scott didn't take that shipment, and I can assure you that Kate and I didn't have anything to do with it, then who do you suppose took it? Who in this colony could get anywhere near that warehouse of his? You handle his security—you tell us.”

Robert had a point. And Jason didn't have an answer. But he sure did have a lot to think about.

“Where does Malcolm want you to go?” Shay asked hesitantly.

“I need to find that shipment before all hell breaks loose around here. And I need to start with Malcolm's warehouse.”

“Where is it?”

“In the little town I told you about where Dean met your mom.”

She stiffened as a shudder passed through her. “You need to go back out...there?”

“Yes.” He turned her to face him, placing his hands on her shoulder. “I'm going to be okay. We both are. This is what I do. I handle security for Malcolm. I set up the detail on that warehouse. I will know if it was compromised. I go outside the gates all the time. Nothing is going to happen to me. And when I come back, we will have the biggest, brightest wedding you ever saw. In fact, Malcolm is going to throw it for us. Okay?”

He heard Kate gasp behind him, but he didn't know if it was because of the news of the wedding or Malcolm's involvement in it, and at that moment, he didn't care.

“I don't want my granddaughter anywhere near Malcolm,” she insisted.

“Considering he's going to be my best man, that might be a little difficult.”

“If you make it back from his next assignment.” Kate's tone was harsh, but her words were worse. And as they sunk in, burrowing down into his subconscious, he couldn't help the nagging thought scratching at his brain. What if something happened to him and he didn't make it back?

Then Shay would be Malcolm's.

Chapter 16

“I
'm taking Shay to Dean's.” Jason was done listening to anything else Kate or any of the rest of them had to say.

“Shay, honey, you're more than welcome to stay here with us,” Kate said, ignoring him completely.

“I know,” Shay said. “And I appreciate that. But I'd really like to see where my dad lived.”

“All right. I'll get the key.” Kate turned and swiftly walked back into the house. Without saying another word, Robert and Scott walked toward Scott's truck, got in and drove away. Jason hoped he hadn't made a mistake telling them about the shipment, but he really believed from the surprised expressions on their faces that they knew nothing about it. But that didn't mean someone in their camp didn't.

“Would you like to come back to my house instead?” Jason pulled Shay close. Close enough to smell the lavender scent in her hair. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. “I'd love it if you'd stay there while I'm gone.”

Now that she was safe within the walls of The Colony, he was sure he didn't have to worry about her, but he would feel better knowing she was in his house, waiting for him.

Shay pulled away from him, pushing down his arms. “I think it would be better if I was alone right now, Jason. I have a lot to sort out.”

He stilled, trying to get a handle on her emotions and the best way to deal with them. “I don't want to leave you like this. You're upset and there are a lot of things we need to talk about.”

She spun on him. Anger flashed in her blue eyes, turning them almost purple with her fury. “Right now, I really don't care what you want.”

“Shay.” He reached for her.

Tears brimmed, filling her eyes, making their color even more brilliant. “Why didn't you tell me about Maggie?”

Maggie.
The woman he never wanted to talk about, let alone think about, and yet, somehow she always seemed to be there.

“Did you think I wouldn't find out?” Shay demanded. “Or had you hoped I wouldn't find out this soon?”

“I wanted to tell you myself, in my own way. But honestly, there wasn't much to tell. Maggie died years ago. She has nothing to do with us.”

“How could she not have anything to do with us when she's still alive and kicking right here?” She raised a trembling hand and rested it against his chest. “She's stopping you from moving on, from loving again. I know it. I can feel it. You can't hide that from me, Jason.”

He shook his head in denial. “No—”

“Just tell me the truth. Is Maggie the real reason you wouldn't get close that morning in your truck, or was it your loyalty to Malcolm?”

Jason reached for her, wanting to show her how much she meant to him, hoping he could make her understand, make her believe that what he was saying was the truth. But she pulled away from him.

“You're wrong, Shay. Yes, I lost Maggie and at the time it felt like I'd lost my whole world.
She
was my world and I lost her because I put the well-being of the pack first. I have given the pack my life and I can't stop now. If I do, if I let this pack fail, then all the sacrifices I've made would have been for nothing. Her death would have been for nothing. Can't you see that?”

“What I see is that it is easier, safer, to focus on your job instead of your heart. Sorry, but I don't think you've dealt with your feelings for Maggie, and by running off and leaving now, you don't have to.”

“There is nothing to deal with,” he insisted. “What I once felt about Maggie has nothing to do with how I feel about you now. With you I have a chance at a new life, a new world. One I hope you will share with me.”

“Then stay. Show me you mean what you say. Let go of your grief, of your feelings of responsibility to the pack, and start living for you. For us. Let Malcolm send someone else after the shipment.”

“I can't. It's my job.”

“To be at Malcolm's beck and call 24/7? We just got here.”

“I know you don't understand. We don't operate like the outside world here. We don't work nine to five, five days a week. We just do what has to be done. It's hard to explain.”

“Yes, and harder for an outsider to understand. But I can't marry someone who will always put the wishes of the pack leader first. Before us. Before me. I'm sorry.”

A deep ripping ache settled inside him as her words sank in. She was right. He knew that; how many times had Maggie said the same thing? But it didn't make a difference. He couldn't turn his back on the pack. Not when they needed him. Not even for her.

“I'm sorry, too. But Malcolm was there for me when I needed him. I can't let him down. Not now. Not when he needs me, when the pack needs me so much. I can't turn my back on him. Just like I could never turn my back on you.”

Her eyes softened and she took a step toward him. A step he wanted her to take so badly, but then Kate came back out with the key to Dean's house in her hand.

“Do you want me to take you?” Kate asked Shay, holding the key out to her.

Before Shay could answer, Jason stepped forward and took the key. “I'll do that.”

Kate's lips thinned into a straight line of disapproval.

“It's all right. Thank you for the clothes.” Shay took Jason's hand and they walked toward one of Malcolm's trucks. Kate turned and walked back to the house, leaving them alone and giving Jason a very short time to try to change Shay's mind.

* * *

As soon as her grandmother walked away, Shay dropped Jason's hand. She hoped she'd made the right decision. She felt torn between wanting to be with him and not wanting to get any closer to him than she already was. She had to protect herself. She didn't know what she should do, and knew her options were limited. But one thing was certain; she and Jason did have a lot to talk about. She only hoped they could get things settled between them before he left, or she'd have a pretty miserable few days.

“Thanks for letting me do this for you.” Jason's voice, like his gaze, was soft and yet it cut right through her. “I promised I'd deliver you safely to your father's house. I like to keep my word.”

Shay nodded, afraid to speak over the lump in her throat, knowing if she wasn't careful it would crack and all her emotions would spill out—her anger over his leaving, her hurt that he hadn't told her about Maggie, her fear that he would never love her the way she needed or wanted to be loved. The way she suspected he had loved Maggie.

Jason opened the truck door for her, but before she could climb inside, the front door of the house opened and Buddy came flying out the door, almost plowing Kate down in his haste to get out of the house and back into the forest. “Come on, Buddy,” Shay called.

“Malcolm lent me a truck,” Jason said, opening the back door for Buddy.

“Nice of him.” Shay tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone. It wasn't easy.

“He's just doing his job. Pack leader is an overwhelming responsibility.”

“And apparently, one that is hard to let go of,” she muttered.

He stiffened. She was being unreasonable, but she couldn't stop herself. He'd kept something critical from her. An ex-wife who happened to be her late aunt was not something she should have found out about from her grandmother.

They drove in silence following the curve of the lake. The water was beautiful, a deep bluish-green that reflected the majestic snow-peaked mountains in a stunning mirror image. As Shay took in the beauty, letting it wash over her, excitement began to grow and build within her. She tried to stop it, to not get her hopes up, but she couldn't. She was going to her new home. Her father's home.

With or without Jason, her new life was about to begin. She just wished he would be a part of it. She turned in her seat and looked at the strong profile of his jaw, the strength in his shoulders and hands. He was a man who took the world on his shoulders. She just hoped there would be room there for her, too.

“Dean's place is a little far from town, but it's right on the lake, which was his favorite place to be.” He looked at her and smiled, causing her heart to ache. “Even though he was the pack leader, he never wanted anything fancy. It's one of the differences between his and Malcolm's way of doing things. Malcolm likes to live in style.”

Shay bristled at his words, though she didn't know why. She had no reason to distrust or even dislike Malcolm; she'd never even met the man. So why did she? Was it her grandparents' mistrust?

Jason pulled the truck to a stop in front of a small cabin surrounded by towering pines. “This is it.”

Shay stared at the rustic one-story log cabin with a long welcoming front porch running the length of the house. Two granny rockers sat on the porch, and a wind chime hung from the overhang.

“I love it. It's perfect.”

Jason smiled again. “I knew you would.”

His smile, the way his eyes met and held hers, thawed the chill she'd been feeling toward him ever since her grandmother had mentioned the name
Maggie.
Bittersweet warmth spread through her. She wanted to reach for him, to take his hand and hold it. But she didn't. She wouldn't. Not as long as he was leaving her here alone.

In one breath he'd asked her to marry him, and in the next he'd told her he was leaving her. Not a good way to show her he would always put her and their family first. As she opened the door, Buddy jumped into the front seat and raced across her lap, trampling her in his haste to get out the door. “Thanks, Buddy!”

He howled in return and ran circles around the truck, impatient for her to get out and get moving. She couldn't help smiling at the dog's enthusiasm. He lived in the moment. Always. Something she wished she could do right then, but she had to admit his excitement was catching. As they stepped up onto the porch, Jason took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. “You can believe in me, Shay. You can believe in us. I'm not leaving you. I'm just doing a job. I will come back.”

She gazed into his pale bluish-gray eyes and her heart ached. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't. She'd lost everyone she'd ever loved and it was hard for her to believe she wouldn't lose him, too. Especially if he kept putting himself in danger. She needed to depend on him, to know he would always be there for her and just her, physically and mentally, with no ghosts hovering between them. “I wish I could.”

He unlocked the front door. She walked past him into her father's home and felt an immediate punch to the chest. She inhaled a deep breath. The warm cabin had large planks of pine covering the floors, the walls, and even the ceiling; the entire room glowed with the rich, warm patina of wood.

“It's beautiful.” And so much like her dad. If she squinted, she could easily imagine him sitting there in the leather chair by the window, reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee. She stepped onto a plush white area rug nestled in front of a mahogany-brown leather sofa. Twelve-foot ceilings and large picturesque windows framed the majestic mountain peaks and the glassy waters. “It's breathtaking.”

Three deer stepped out of the trees and up to the water's edge, bending down to take a drink. “He must have hated leaving here.”

Jason stepped up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, then pulled her back into him. She rested there for a moment, watching the deer, feeling his warmth against her back and the safety of his arms as they wrapped around her. They offered comfort to an old sadness that still permeated her insides. Had things been different, she could have grown up here in this house, with her parents, safe and sound. But she hadn't.

“I wonder if he ever missed it. If he regretted leaving.” Regretted having her?

“He had everything he wanted, everything he loved, right there with him.” Jason turned her around to face him, keeping his arms locked around her. “Just as I do here. I will be back for you, Shay.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She wanted to pull away, to guard her heart against the onslaught of emotions pulsing through her—the want, the pain, the fear. But she couldn't. It was too late. The moment his lips touched hers she was lost and no matter how badly she wanted to squelch her love for him, to stop it from coursing through her, from growing stronger with each passing moment, she couldn't.

Her need for him was too vast—her need to see the spark in his eyes when he looked at her, to feel his longing in his touch, to hear the rich tone of his voice when he murmured her name. No matter how much she tried to forget, to push it away, she couldn't suppress her basic need to have him hold her as he was doing now.

She closed her eyes and let herself go, losing herself to his touch. In the slow gentle caress of his hands moving up and down her back. His lips pressed against hers, softly at first, then harder as his tongue swept inside her mouth, his desire devouring her as if he could pull all of her into him. As if he couldn't draw her close enough.

She knew how he felt, because she felt the same way. She returned his kiss with frantic urgency, as if with her kiss alone she could hold him there. But she couldn't. She knew that. She knew she'd have to let him go. Tears misted her eyes. She squeezed them shut and clung to his wide, strong shoulders, holding on for all she had.

“I love you, Shay,” he whispered, and she wanted to believe him. Wished with everything she had that she could believe him.
But he was still leaving her.
He moved his confident and clever hands under her shirt, fingers kneading and pressing against her skin, igniting a sense of urgency within her.

It was all she could do to get out of her grandmother's clothes. Fabric tore as she fought buttons and the safety pin. Finally free, she pulled his shirt up over his head, her lips barely leaving his as his kisses consumed her. His tongue expertly moved over hers, filling her with a burning need that turned off her brain and turned on the rest of her.