Harlot at the Homestead (13 page)

Catherine smoothed the apron out over her knees as if trying to iron out the creases. Kenan reached out and placed a hand over one of hers.

“Kenan.” She snatched her hand away. “Please…please don’t. Whenever you’re near and whenever you touch me, I lose my will to do what’s right. I just love you so much that it takes my breath away!” She raised tear-filled eyes to meet his. “But this just can’t be now. Don’t you see that?”

He frowned, then shook his head. “No…no I don’t. I have to admit that I was shocked when I first saw you and it took me a while to adjust to what’d happened. I mean, I was mad that you left willingly but, hell, Catherine…it don’t make no difference to me now. All I know is that I want you—body, mind and soul—and I can’t see how I’m gonna make it through the rest of my life without you.”

Catherine wiped her eyes with the edge of the apron then pushed her hair behind her ears.

“I know that it feels real bad right now but we have to be realistic here. We’re not innocent young lovers anymore. Too much has happened. You might grow to resent me because of what I did and I couldn’t bear that. I’d rather remember how good it was between us and how wonderful it’s been these past few days. I’ll not drag you and yours down with me into the mire. I’m ruined, Kenan. Like you said…I’m no better than a harlot.”

Kenan threw his hat to the floor at his feet, causing dust to fly up into the air from the well-worn ground in front of the step.

“No, Catherine! No! I was mad when I said that. I didn’t know what you’d been through. I didn’t know how bad things were for you or I’d never have said that, I swear it!”

She shook her head. “You believe that now but…”

He reached out for her hand again.

“But what?”

“In time…you might find that it grows and chokes you, poisons your feelings for me like a tainted Indian arrow.”

“No!” he exclaimed, bile burning his throat like raw moonshine.

He looked at her carefully, realization dawning on him.

“Someone said something. Last night?”

Catherine turned away, staring out at the golden grass as it waved and swished in the breeze. The rising sun gave it a warm glow so that it looked like the land was coated in thick liquid gold.

“What was said, sweetheart?” He raised her hand and kissed it. Her skin was hot, as if she burned with the knowledge that she held inside.

“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “It makes no difference.”

“Catherine…” His emotions rose in his throat, threatening to choke him. “Of course it does. Now tell me.”

“When…” She ran the fingers of her free hand through her hair, pushing its heavy waves back from her face. As the breeze blew the tendrils back into her eyes, she smiled absently. “When you left last night, to look for my uncle…I went inside with Rosie. We sat quietly for a while and she told me about her…” She glanced at him and he realized that she was unsure how much he knew about Rosie’s budding relationship with Joshua Hampton.

“It’s okay, Catherine.” He smiled. “Joshua has already spoken to me about his feelings for Rosie.”

“Well, as she spoke, I realized how pure and untainted their love is. Rosie has a flawless past and Joshua, well, he’s a man.”

“He’s a bit younger than Rosie.”

“Yes, I know that but it just doesn’t matter, does it? They’re in love and they want to be together.”

“And so do we.” He squeezed her hand.

“But Rosie and Joshua are lucky. They don’t have anything standing in their way.” She stared into his eyes and he watched as hers misted over, their clear green turning to hazy malachite.

“What’s standing in our way, Catherine?”

“Everything that’s happened. It wouldn’t just affect us, Kenan. It would affect everyone—Rosie, Matthew, Emmett. If you took me to wife…which I don’t know if you were planning to do…after…after all that’s happened…but if you did, or even if you just let me stay on with you, then folks would talk. It would ruin the Duggan name and reputation.”

Kenan frowned. She was right, of course she was, but he had only considered how it would affect him and Catherine. He hadn’t really thought past their relationship. But his family were decent people and they only wanted the best for him. And that meant Catherine. Didn’t it?

“It wouldn’t matter to any of them, Catherine. They care about you too and they wouldn’t give a damn about what folks said. We Duggans…we’re a tough lot!”

Catherine’s face blanched. “Yes, I know that Kenan but Rosie is in love. For real! She wouldn’t be happy if she lost Joshua because of me and my tarnished name as an Indian whore!”

“Catherine!” He shook his head.

“I’m right, Kenan and you know I am. Just last night I heard Mr Hampton talking to one of the wedding guests.” Her cheeks filled suddenly with color, like a flower unfolding before the sun.

“And what did he say?”

“The woman, I think she was a cousin of his, she said…she asked…if I was the woman who’d returned from her Indian abduction.”

“We can put that right, Catherine. We can explain.” He held his hands out to her, palms facing the sky.

“Explain what, Kenan? What is worse? The idea that I was an Indian whore, or that, in fact, I went to live in New York with a man I hadn’t married and all because my uncle got himself into debt and sold me like a soiled dove?”

Kenan felt the muscle begin to twitch again in his jaw. His heart picked up speed and the red mist swirled around his ankles. The man in New York. That scoundrel Thomas Henderson! He’d gotten away with his mistreatment of Catherine and had probably moved on to some other poor young woman. Men like that just went around ruining folks’ lives and taking what they wanted from whomever they chose. Well, it would have to stop.

“Catherine.” Kenan took her hands in both of his. “It makes no difference to me and I don’t give a damn what folks say. We’ll not stoop to try to explain events to others. Damn them all to hell!”

“It won’t work, Kenan. Mr Hampton told his guest that yes, I was the Indian whore but that I’d just been hired as Rosie’s help at the homestead. He denied all knowledge of you and me being connected and said…” Her voice broke and she choked on a sob. “He said that if he suspected for a moment that you and I were…involved again, then he’d be sure to cut all ties between Rosie and Joshua.”

Kenan felt his eyes widen as he struggled to comprehend what Catherine was telling him. “No.” He shook his head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t say that.”

“He already has,” Catherine murmured, tears now brimming in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks like tiny diamonds.

Kenan reached out and pulled her to his chest, pressing his face into her hair and wondering what in the hell he was going to do to put this all right.

Catherine allowed Kenan to hold her while she sobbed. When she finally tired and her tears dried up, she wiped her face on her apron then lifted her head.

“I’m sorry. That didn’t help at all.” She attempted a smile.

“Well, no but I know how you’re feeling,” Kenan replied, giving her chin a gentle squeeze.

She patted around her eyes with her forefingers, gently feeling the swollen flesh. It was ironic that when she’d returned from New York, she’d believed that her days of heartbreak were finally over. In fact, it seemed that they were really just beginning. Now she would be close enough to see Kenan on a regular basis, yet unable to be with him in the way that she wished.

“It’s been so good seeing you again.” She was suddenly embarrassed about what a mess she must look wearing one of her aunt’s old dresses and a tatty apron with her hair all loose and tangled from her horse ride.

“Catherine.” He sighed, shaking his head. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“About what?” Her heart upped its pace.

“How I feel about you.” He turned her head to face him then cupped her cheeks. His hands were warm and strong, hard and calloused against her soft skin. Heat and hope stirred in her belly.

“But it makes no difference,” she said, willing him to deny it. “I cannot jeopardize Rosie’s happiness, I cannot place you in a position where you may well resent my presence and…” Her stomach clenched. “And…I cannot forsake my uncle and aunt when they need me so much.”

Kenan stared hard at her and she felt that she would lose herself in his chocolate brown eyes. His black eyebrows danced above them as a myriad of emotions passed over his face. For a moment, panic rose in her breast as he seemed to withdraw, his eyes closing against her, but it was over as soon as it had begun and his gaze filled once more with warmth and adoration.

“I have an idea. Well, two actually.” His face lit up with a grin, causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

Catherine fought against the ray of hope that flickered in her belly, terrified of acknowledging it in case she had to extinguish it again.

“Firstly, I’m going to go talk to Joshua. He truly loves Rosie. I’d bet my last dime on it and I doubt that he’d let his old man ruin it all for him. A good woman’s hard to find and my twin sister is as good as they come. Present company excepted, of course!”

Catherine’s lips twitched at the corners in spite of her determination to maintain a solemn air of dignity. It would protect her from the disappointment that would so surely come. She must not allow it to slip.

“But Kenan…Mr Hampton sounded so determined last night. He’ll not allow it, I’m sure of it.”

“It’s not his decision to make who we Duggans allow into our lives. As for Joshua…he respects his ol’ man but I’ve seen the way he looks at Rosie and I’m sure he’d go through hell and high water to be with her.”

Catherine dug her nails into her palms. Could she dare to hope?

“And secondly…” Kenan leaned over and picked up his hat, then absently brushed the dust from it. “I’m going to find your aunt some help. I’ll employ someone to give her a hand around here with the running of the place and with the care of Mr Campbell. That way, Edie can’t go complaining or making you feel guilty no more!”

Catherine felt her face straining as a grin emerged. She couldn’t help it. She’d come here this morning, expecting to tie herself down to a life of drudgery and denial with her father’s brother and his wife and instead, the man she’d loved had arrived like a knight in a fairy-tale on an almost white horse, then offered her a solution to her problems. It was just too good to be true.

But then she felt the familiar sinking of her heart as her final fear spoke up. What about Kenan’s feelings for her? How could he really want her as his wife, as his lifelong partner, as the mother of his children when she’d been used as a whore by another man?

“Kenan…” She stood and smoothed out her skirts. “There was the…the other thing too…”

He looked up into her face then placed his hat on the step beside him. When he took her hands in his and held them to his lips, she felt like her heart would burst. Since her return, her love for him had grown, matured, developed and it now ran like sweet, warm honey through her veins. In just a matter of days, she had confirmed what she already knew. She loved this man with everything that she was, and losing him again would break her heart into a thousand pieces, just like falling from a wild stallion would break her body. Though she knew she’d face the latter fate a thousand times over if she could just be with Kenan again.

“Catherine,” he breathed.

“Yes, my love.”

“We cannot change what has happened. We cannot go back in time to be the people that we once were.”

She shook her head and bit her lower lip to still its trembling. How cruel life was—how unjust and unfair!

“But Catherine…my life without you…thinking that you were gone forever…was unbearable.”

“I am so sorry!” The tears began to flow from her tender eyes once more.

“But…” Now Kenan’s voice broke. “I…I know now that you live and I am so, so thankful for it. I swear to you Catherine, that if you will have me…if you will take me as your husband and be by my side each day until we breathe our last… I swear to you that I will never let you down. I will protect you, honor you and love you with every part of me.”

Catherine swallowed hard. Her head swam with emotion and she had to slow down her breathing. What was he saying? Did he really mean it?

“Well, darn it, girl!” Edie Montgomery’s voice snapped at her from the front door. “What in the hell are ya waiting for? A chorus of God’s own angels to serenade ya whilst ye make up ya mind? Take him up on it now or I’ll beat ya to it!”

Catherine stared at her aunt, surprise and joy battling deep inside.

She started to laugh through her tears.

“Oh, Kenan, yes! Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.

She pulled at his hands to bring him to his feet then fell into his arms and relaxed into the warmth and the passion of his kiss.

* * * *

Catherine walked onto the front step of the Duggan homestead. She placed her hands on the smooth wood of the porch rail and savored the warmth of the wood. Throughout the course of the day, the sun had warmed it as it did the front step. Kenan’s father had been a talented man and craftsmanship meant that the place was a real home.

The autumnal evening sky glowed red and amber. She closed her eyes, savoring the fading warmth of the setting sun.

Horse hooves alerted her to the return of her husband and she skipped off the step and ran to the perimeter fence, her heart beating with joy at the idea of being in his arms again, though he’d only been gone half a day into Virginia City to fetch supplies. Not far behind him, she could make out the wagon as it trundled along with Emmett wobbling on the wooden plank that served as a seat.

Kenan leaped from his mare then tethered her before gathering Catherine carefully into his arms.

“Kenan!” She laughed. “You don’t need to be so gentle with me! I’m not going to break!”

He kissed her on the mouth, the chin, the forehead and both cheeks before leaning over and planting a tender kiss upon her belly.

“How did it go in town?” Catherine asked as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“All sorted. I think I got everything you asked for.” He rolled his eyes.

She mock punched him in the chest.