Harold Pinter Plays 2 (11 page)

MICK.
What do you mean, a what? A decorator. An interior decorator.

DAVIES.
Me? What do you mean? I never touched that. I never been that.

MICK.
You’ve never what?

DAVIES.
No, no, not me, man. I’m not an interior decorator. I been too busy. Too many other things to do, you see. But I … but I could always turn my hand to most things … give me … give me a bit of time to pick it up.

MICK.
I don’t want you to pick it up. I want a first-class experienced interior decorator. I thought you were one.

DAVIES.
Me? Now wait a minute— wait a minute—you got the wrong man.

MICK.
How could I have the wrong man? You’re the only man I’ve spoken to. You’re the only man I’ve told, about my dreams, about my deepest wishes, you’re the only one I’ve told, and I only told you because I understood you were an experienced first-class professional interior and exterior decorator.

DAVIES.
Now look here—

MICK.
You mean you wouldn’t know how to fit teal-blue, copper and parchment linoleum squares and have those colours re-echoed in the walls?

DAVIES.
Now, look here, where’d you get—?

MICK.
You wouldn’t be able to decorate out a table in afro-mosia teak veneer, an armchair in oatmeal tweed and a beech frame settee with a woven sea-grass seat?

DAVIES.
I never said that!

MICK.
Christ! I must have been under a false impression!

DAVIES.
I never said it!

MICK.
You’re a bloody impostor, mate!

DAVIES.
Now you don’t want to say that sort of thing to me. You took me on here as caretaker. I was going to give you a helping hand, that’s all, for a small . . for a small wage, I never said nothing about that … you start calling me names—

MICK.
What is your name?

DAVIES.
Don’t start that—

MICK.
No, what’s your real name?

DAVIES.
My real name’s Davies.

MICK.
What’s the name you go under?

DAVIES.
Jenkins!

MICK.
You got two names. What about the rest? Eh? Now come on, why did you tell me all this dirt about you being an interior decorator?

DAVIES.
I didn’t tell you nothing! Won’t you listen to what I’m saying?

Pause.

It was him who told you. It was your brother who must have told you. He’s nutty! He’d tell you anything, out of spite, he’s nutty, he’s half way gone, it was him who told you.

MICK
w
a
lks
slowly
to
him.

MICK.
What did you call my brother?

DAVIES.
When?

MICK.
He’s what?

DAVIES.
I … now get this straight.…

MICK.
Nutty? Who’s nutty?

Pause.

Did you call my brother nutty? My brother. That’s a bit of …. that’s a bit of an impertinent thing to say, isn’t it?

DAVIES.
But he says so himself!

MICK
walks
slowly
round
DAVIES
’
figure,
regarding
him,
once.
He
circles
him,
once.

MICK.
What a strange man you are. Aren’t you? You’re really strange. Ever since you come into this house there’s been nothing but trouble. Honest. I can take nothing you say at face value. Every word you speak is open to any number of different interpretations. Most of what you say is lies. You’re violent, you’re erratic, you’re just completely unpredictable. You’re nothing else but a wild animal, when you come down
to it. You’re a barbarian. And to put the old tin lid on it, you stink from arse-hole to breakfast time. Look at it. You come here recommending yourself as an interior decorator, whereupon I take you on, and what happens? You make a long speech about all the references you’ve got down at Sidcup, and what happens? I haven’t noticed you go down to Sidcup to obtain them. It’s all most regrettable but it looks as though I’m compelled to pay you off for your caretaking work. Here’s half a dollar.

He
feels
in
his
pockety
takes
out
a
Half-crown
and
tosses
it
at
DAVIES
’
feet
.
DAVIES
stands
still
MICK
walks
to
the
gas
stove
and
picks
up
the
Buddha.

DAVIES
(slowly).
All right then … you do that … you do it … if that’s what you want.…

MICK.
THAT’S WHAT I WANT!

He
hurls
the
Buddha
against
the
gas
stove.
It
breaks.

(Passionately.)
Anyone would think this house was all I got to worry about. I got plenty of other things I can worry about. I’ve got other things. I’ve got plenty of other interests. I’ve got my own business to build up, haven’t I? I got to think about expanding … in all directions. I don’t stand still. I’m moving about, all the time. I’m moving … all the time. I’ve got to think about the future. I’m not worried about this house. I’m not interested. My brother can worry about it. He can do it up, he can decorate it, he can do what he likes with it. I’m not bothered. I thought I was doing him a favour, letting him live here. He’s got his own ideas. Let him have them. I’m going to chuck it in.

Pause.

DAVIES
. What about me?

Silence.
MICK
does
not
look
at
him.
A
door
bangs.

Silence.
They
do
not
move.
ASTON
comes
in.
He
closes
the
door,
moves
into
the
room
and
faces
MICK
.
They
look
at
each
other.
Both
are
smiling,
faintly.

MICK
(beginning
to
speak
to
ASTON
). Look… uh …
He
stops,
goes
to
the
door
and
exits.
ASTON
leaves
the
door
open,
crosses
behind
DAVIES
,
sees
the
broken
Buddha,
and
looks
at
the
pieces
for
a
moment.
He
then
goes
to
his
bed,
takes
off
his
overcoat,
sits,
takes
the
screwdriver
and
plug
and
pokes
the
plug.

DAVIES.
I just come back for my pipe.

ASTON.
Oh yes.

DAVIES.
I got out and … half way down I … I suddenly … found out… you see … that I hadn’t got my pipe.

So I come back to get it.…

Pause.
He
moves
to
ASTON
.

That ain’t the same plug, is it, you been …?

Pause.

Still can’t get anywhere with it, eh?

Pause.

Well, if you … persevere, in my opinion, you’ll pro bably …

Pause.

Listen.…

Pause.

You didn’t mean that, did you, about me stinking, did you?

Pause.

Did you? You been a good friend to me. You took me in. You took me in, you didn’t ask me no questions, you give me a bed, you been a mate to me. Listen. I been thinking, why I made all them noises, it was because of the draught, see, that draught was on me as I was sleeping, made me make noises without me knowing it, so I been thinking, what I mean to say, if you was to give me your bed, and you have
my bed, there’s not all that difference between them, they’re the same sort of bed, if I was to have yourn, you sleep, wherever bed you’re in, so you have mine, I have yourn, and that’ll be all right, I’ll be out of the draught, see, I mean, you don’t mind a bit of wind, you need a bit of air, I can understand that, you being in that place that time, with all them doctors and all they done, closed up, I know them places, too hot, you see, they’re always too hot, I had a peep in one once, nearly suffocated me, so I reckon that’d be the best way out of it, we swap beds, and then we could get down to what we was saying, I’d look after the place for you, I’d keep an eye on it for you, for you, like, not for the other … not for … for your brother, you see, not for him, for you, I’ll be your man, you say the word, just say the word.…

Pause.

What do you think of this I’m saying?

Pause.

ASTON.
No, I like sleeping in this bed.

DAVIES.
But you don’t understand my meaning!

ASTON.
Anyway, that one’s my brother’s bed.

DAVIES.
Your brother?

ASTON.
Any time he stays here. This is my bed. It’s the only bed I can sleep in.

DAVIES.
But your brother’s gone! He’s gone!

Pause.

ASTON.
No. I couldn’t change beds.

DAVIES.
But you don’t understand my meaning!

DAVIES.
Anyway, I’m going to be busy. I’ve got that shed to get up. If I don’t get it up now it’ll never go up. Until it’s up

I can’t get started.

DAVIES.
I’ll give you a hand to put up your shed, that’s what I’ll do!

Pause.

I’ll give you a hand! We’ll both put up that shed together! See? Get it done in next to no time! Do you see what I’m saying?’

Pause.

ASTON.
No. I can get it up myself.

DAVIES.
But listen. I’m with you, I’ll be here, I’ll do it for you!

Pause.

We’ll do it together!

Pause.

Christ, we’ll change beds!

ASTON
moves
to
the
window
and
stands
with
his
back
to
DAVIES
.

You mean you’re throwing me out? You can’t do that. Listen man, listen man, I don’t mind, you see, I don’t mind, I’ll stay, I don’t mind, I’ll tell you what, if you don’t want to change beds, we’ll keep it as it is, I’ll stay in the same bed, maybe if I can get a stronger piece of sacking, like, to go over the window, keep out the draught, that’ll do it, what do you say, we’ll keep it as it is?

Pause.

ASTON.
No.

DAVIES.
Why … not?

ASTON
turns
to
look
at
him.

ASTON.
You make too much noise.

DAVIES.
But … but … look … listen … listen here … I mean.…

ASTON
turns
back
to
the
window.

What am I going to do?

Pause.

What shall I do?

Pause.

Where am I going to go?

Pause.

If you want me to go … I’ll go. You just say the word.

Pause.

I’ll tell you what though … them shoes … them shoes you give me … they’re working out all right … they’re all right. Maybe I could … get down.…

ASTON
remains
still,
his
back
to
him,
at
the
window.

Listen … if I … got down … if I was to … get my papers … would you … would you let … would you … if I got down … and got my.…

Long
silence.

Curtain.