Harvest Moon (4 page)

Yeah, she’d love that.
Shit.

“Dr. Ayers, are you going someplace?”

Therese busted into my mental smackdown, stopping me in my tracks. I frowned. “I was going to run down and grab a sandwich or something.”

She sat in front of her computer screen and shook her head. “Your lunch was over a half hour ago. Mr. Norton is waiting for you in room three with an elevated temp and possible ear infection.”

I glanced at the clock on the wall. She was right. I wasn’t going anywhere. “Any cancelations this afternoon?”

She clicked her mouse a few times and sighed. “Not at this point. You’re full until four o’clock.”

And then I needed to get to my parents’ place to check on my dad. Apparently I wouldn’t be explaining myself to Kilani today. But really, what the hell could I say? Besides, she made it pretty clear she didn’t have any interest in me.

Maybe if I hadn’t taken so many punches to the head recently I would’ve realized the best course of action was to walk away from this one.

Mr. Norton did have an infection in both ears, but nothing a heavy round of antibiotics couldn’t clear up. The rest of my day passed in a blur with a case of bronchitis, an annual physical, a crushed finger from a car door, and one sprained wrist. I didn’t mind. For a few hours, I had a respite from thinking about the nurse who ate lunch barefoot in the parking lot.

I stretched my aching fingers and grabbed my tablet and keys before leaving my office. The late afternoon sun lit the empty patient waiting room in spite of the lights being off. The computer was off, and the magazines on the table were freshly stacked. Therese had left a few minutes before. After a last look around, I entered the alarm code and exited the building.

Walking through the parking lot, I noticed Kilani’s car even though I was trying not to look for it. Obviously, I was way overdue for a date. I hadn’t been out with a woman since Nadya.

Shit, this was
not
a path on memory lane I wanted to wander down again.

I pulled into my folks’ driveway, parked, and stared at the house. I didn’t want to go inside. It had been weeks since his heart stopped. And although I got it beating again, every day that my father remained unconscious brought me one step closer to a conversation I never wanted to have with my mom and my brother. If Dad was brain dead, there was no point in continuing his care. He and my mom had been together for decades. How in the hell was I going to look her in the eyes and tell her he was already gone?

The front door opened as I finally got out. I expected my mom, not my twin brother, Jared. I ground my teeth together, mentally preparing myself for whatever he might throw my way. Until recently, we’d been best friends, twin brothers, and pack mates.

We were still twins and pack mates, but that was it.

“Hey Jared.”

“Jason.” He nodded and headed for his truck, but he glanced my way and stopped in his tracks. “What the hell happened to your face?”

“I hit my head. Nothing serious.”

He stared at his pickup, his fists clenched at his sides. “Bullshit.” His eyes cut to me, his lips tight. “Enough with all the bullshit lies.”

When I’d brought the scientist from Nero into Reno to help save Nadya, I hadn’t told anyone, not even Jared. My dad had found out on accident and ended up paying the price.

“I’ve been doing some boxing in my off hours. Happy now?”

“Ever heard of wearing protective headgear?” He crossed his arms, studying me. “Not wise for a doctor to fight. Even if you win, you beat your hands all to hell, right? And if you lose, you end up with head trauma.”

Jared was older than me by less than three minutes, but ever since we were little he’d always tried to protect me as if he were years my senior. As the distance between us expanded, I’d almost forgotten.

“I’m fine. And in case you’re curious, I won.”

He chuckled but didn’t smile. “Winning and losing won’t matter if you can’t use your hands or remember your name.”

I groaned, struggling to keep my emotions in check. This was the most my brother had said to me in weeks. “I can take care of myself. I’m careful.”

“Your eye says otherwise. Corner of your mouth is swollen, too. Bet you’re also nursing some bruised ribs.”

“I didn’t come here for counseling, I came to treat Dad. How’s he doing?”

“His heart’s beating.”

I nodded, pain twisting in my chest. My mistake with Nero tore my entire family apart. Cost me everything. I cleared my throat, but my voice was still softer than I intended. “I want to make things right.”

Jared set his jaw and took a couple steps toward his truck. “Not sure that’s possible.”

“I never meant for him to get hurt.”

“You think that’s what this is about?” He stopped and turned around, eyes narrowed. “You’re my brother. You’d lay down your life for your family. But you fucked up, Jason. Hell, we all do it. What pisses me off is this goddamned lying. I could’ve helped you or protected Dad. But I didn’t get the chance. Shit, I didn’t even know you brought Nero back into Reno. You kept me in the dark.” He let his words die away before pulling in a slow breath. “I could never cut you out of my life, and I don’t know how to handle knowing you did it to me.”

Until now, I hadn’t realized I could feel even shittier. I stared at my brother. Our features were the same, but his outdoor carpentry work left his skin a deeper tan and he wore his hair a little longer. He stood, stoic, waiting for me to answer.

What the hell could I say?

“I’m an asshole.” Not what I’d planned to start with, but it was the truth. “I wanted to tell you, but I was so worried about Nadya…”

“She’s Gareth’s mate. Not yours.”

“Oh, please.” Rage bled into the well of guilt, brewing up a pint of bitterness in my gut. “You don’t believe in those old Pack legends. There is no physically possible way you could touch someone’s skin one time and know you’re mates for life. It’s a pathetic myth to get young Pack members to settle down and reproduce so the Pack doesn’t die out.”

“If we believed everything in those medical textbooks, then werewolves couldn’t exist either, but here we are.”

“That’s a physiological condition that can be mapped in our DNA. Relationships aren’t part of our physical makeup.”

He shrugged. “I’ve seen what it did to Adam and Aren when they found their mates. And look at Gareth… I’m not ready to write it off as fiction.” He came a little closer. “None of this explains your lies and secrets.”

“I couldn’t tell anyone. If Adam realized…”

“Adam would’ve sent Dr. Granger packing. You didn’t want that to happen, so you cut everyone out. Even me.”

“Nadya was dying and I didn’t have the time or resources to stop it on my own.”

“And in the end, it took her mate to save her anyway.”

“Why the hell are you shoving this down my throat? I screwed up. I get it, believe me.”

He walked to me, standing eye to eye. “You still won’t admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“You wanted Nadya for yourself. You wanted her to be yours so badly you were willing to give up all of us.”

“Enough.” I ran a hand back through my hair, my gut twisting as I rubbed my brow. Regret strangled me, and my breath caught for a second. “What is it you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to
say
anything.” I met his eyes and he added, “I want you to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. You may not believe in mates, but you wanted one. You wanted one enough to risk everyone you cared about.” His expression softened a little. “You’re a good guy, Jason, but deep down, you’re lonely, and until you’re ready to admit it, things aren’t going to change.”

I shook it off, looking at the door. “It wasn’t like that. Nadya is intelligent and beautiful inside and out. Until she touched Gareth and started believing werewolf mates could actually be real, I thought we could be together. I was happy when I was with her.”

“Did you love her?”

I sighed, closing my eyes for a second while we ripped off another barely healed emotional scab. “Not yet. But I think I could have. I wanted to.”

“But you didn’t. Face it, Jason, you’ve had girlfriends over the years, but have you ever really
loved
any of them?” He pointed at the house. “You’re surrounded by strong unions, our folks, and now three of our Pack brothers have found their mates. We’ve got new children in the Pack. Things are changing around us. It’s natural to want what they have.”

“You’re one to talk. You’ve never been in love, either.”

“True.” He nodded. “But I’m not afraid to have a little faith. Maybe my mate is out there, too. I just need to find her.”

I raised my eyebrows at his admission. “Since when do you believe in the old Pack legends? Finding your one true mate and recognizing her the second you touch is an impossible dream. It’s magic, not reality.”

Jared crossed to me, staring into my eyes. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but reality sucks ass at the moment. I’ve got no problem giving magic a shot. What’s your excuse?”

I ignored his question. Truth was…I had no idea how to answer, but I’d been told to have faith enough for one day. I clasped my brother’s forearms in the traditional Pack greeting and he pulled me in for a tight hug. We stepped back, and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

“Are we good now?”

Jared pressed his lips together for a second. “No more lying?”

“No more.”

“Good.” He smiled and hooked an arm around my shoulders. “So how about telling me who messed up your face so I can go kick his ass?”

I laughed. I’d forgotten what it sounded like. “I already kicked it, but thanks for the offer.”

“I’ve got your back. Don’t forget it.” He went to his truck and waved before he started the engine.

He pulled out of the driveway, but my feet stayed planted. When I’d brought Nero in to Reno without telling anyone, it had been to cure Nadya. I didn’t think I could heal her, and I couldn’t lose her.

My faith in my own abilities was shaken after I couldn’t save our Pack Alpha and…and…I was lonely.

I did want a mate.

Holy shit. When did my brother get so damned smart?

Chapter Four

K
ILANI

M
y shift was over, but I had no desire to walk to my car. Anxiety’s talons had gripped me ever since the premonition flashed in my mind of Dr. Ayers watching me. It didn’t help when I glanced up toward his floor of the medical office building and found him staring back, confirming the precognitive vision.

His earlier lunch proposal didn’t seem freaky until I caught him spying on me. Sebastian’s words echoed to trust no one. Nero was searching for me. Hospitals would be the first place to look for a nurse. It wouldn’t be a long jump in logic to assume they’d pay doctors to spy for them.

And like an idiot, I’d blurted out my real name the day his father’s heart stopped. Kilani wasn’t a common name, and now that he’d talked to my head nurse, he knew I was using an alias. I scoured my memory for a glimpse of Dr. Ayers’s wrists. If he worked for Nero, he’d have the lion head tattoo with the
N
in the center of the lion’s forehead.

Maybe he didn’t actually work for them, though. He could just be a watcher, a spy emailing them tips for money. How long until the men who killed Grace showed up for me?

They were probably already on their way.

But I hadn’t sensed them yet.

“Everything okay, Kelly?”

I gasped and did my best not to jump. “Hey Todd, are you off for the night, too?”

“Sure am. Want to split a pizza before we pass out?” Todd worked as a nurse on the stroke floor just above mine, but we’d bumped into each other in the cafeteria a few times since I started working here. He seemed nice enough, in a goofy boy-next-door kind of way. Not really my type, if I had a type, but I wasn’t really excited to be alone at the moment, either.

I should’ve been keeping my distance from everyone, but between Sebastian’s warning and catching Dr. Ayers spying, my nerves were shot. I’d be careful. It wasn’t like Todd and I needed to become best friends, I just needed to get to my car in one piece.

“Sounds great. Where?” I waited. He grinned and his eyes got that she-likes-me-too twinkle. Whoops. I shifted my backpack to the other shoulder. “Just friends, though, right? I’m not looking to date or anything.”

His shoulders sagged a little, but he nodded, doing his best to force a smile. “Yeah, that’s fine. Just friends works.”

I walked with him to the parking area, chastising myself for being such a coward. If Dr. Ayers was really a Nero informant, they could show up at any time and poor Todd wouldn’t be able to protect me. In fact, I was putting him in danger without even warning him.

“This one’s mine.” I stopped in front of the silver Ford Fiesta hatchback. He gave me directions to Mona Lisa Pizza just in case we got separated and then headed over a couple of rows to his little pickup.

I peered through my windows as I unlocked the door. Empty. I let out a sigh of relief as I settled behind the wheel. I plugged my phone into the car jack, fired up my playlist, and watched for Todd’s truck.

W
e munched on pizza, talked shop about doctors and demanding patients, and gradually my muscles relaxed. “Do you know Dr. Ayers over in the medical offices next door?”

Todd took a swig of his Coke and lifted a shoulder. “I know
of
him. He’s supposed to be a good general practitioner. I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s had a couple of his patients on my floor in the past, and he came by to check on them even though they were under the hospital’s care. That’s pretty cool considering most HMOs won’t pay for the extra doctor visit, so he checked on them on his own dime. Lots of the docs won’t follow up without being able to bill someone.”

Maybe Jason wasn’t as self-centered as most of the doctors I’d worked with. I lifted another piece of pizza onto my plate. “Has he had his practice here for long?”

“Few years, I think. Why?” He took a bite.

“Just curious.” Having an office in the same building for a while didn’t mean Nero hadn’t contacted Dr. Ayers to be on the lookout for new nurses from New York.