Harvest of Hearts (16 page)

Shanna massaged her neck, trying to work up the courage to face Matthew. He’d spouted so many things today that were nonsensical. Meaningless. He’d probably wanted to throw her for a loop. He’d succeeded.

Hearing his footfall behind her, she turned and watched him enter the dining room. He stopped and stood in silence, studying her. Shanna shut her eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t have led him on like she had. But he seemed equally guilty of that. Now, she was the one who had to find her footing.

He sighed. “I guess I’ll ask your daed to kum and check out the barns and outbuildings with me. And I’ll ask what he thinks about subletting the haus. Do you want to see the upstairs?”

Upstairs, where the bedrooms were? With him? Ach, that’d be asking for trouble. Those areas were much too private to see with a man. Especially this man.

***

He probably shouldn’t have told her earlier that she’d marry him, but the words had escaped before he’d thought much about them. Uncharacteristic of him. He usually mulled things over for a while before voicing them. His heart had recognized Shanna from the start, but he knew she wasn’t prepared—mentally, spiritually, or emotionally—to come home to the Amish faith. Especially not for him, a man she barely knew.

He needed to control himself. His tongue had issued two invitations for heartbreak this afternoon.
God, don’t let there be an outright rejection to my too-forward comments.
“You’re going to marry me,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head. How could he have said that? He may have wished it to be true, but—

“Oh, I am, am I?” Shanna spun around and marched past him, back into the kitchen, then turned to face him. “And you’re going to become Englisch, then? You might need that big closet, after all.”

He hadn’t meant for her to hear him. It seemed he had two choices: ignore her and let it go, or make some foolish comment that would make her laugh and get him off the hook.

“You’re going to return to the Amish.” He winced, even as the words left his mouth. His tongue apparently had a mind of its own.

Shanna made some kind of noise his stunned brain couldn’t interpret. A snort, maybe.

Time for damage control.

He stepped into the kitchen and grabbed her arm, gently pulling her back toward him. “Listen, I’m sorry.” He’d taken it too far. “Don’t be mad at me for keeps.”

Shanna swayed on her feet. Not wanting her to fall, he drew her against him and wrapped his arms around her.

“Matthew….” She raised her head, her mouth parting as she formed whatever words she planned to say. “Don’t make any assump—”

Before she could finish, he leaned down and brushed his lips tenderly against hers.

***

Shanna’s breath caught in her throat, and her hands gripped Matthew’s upper arms when he lifted his head. He gazed into her eyes for a moment, and then his lips found hers again, settling in firmly, as if they belonged there. He tasted of cinnamon, as if he’d just chewed a stick of a strong-flavored gum. Or maybe swallowed a breath mint.

He shifted and eased her back against the kitchen counter, while his mouth moved over hers, exploring, prodding, teasing.

Sighing with pleasure, Shanna slid her arms around his neck and surrendered to his masterful touch. Her toes curled spontaneously, and she felt her knees weaken beneath her. She groaned and pulled him more tightly against her, responding to him with all of her pent-up passion and longing, giving him everything she could in return.

“Shanna…” he whispered against her mouth. “Ach, Shanna.” His kiss deepened as his hands moved over her back, down to her ribs and her waist, then up to her shoulders. He gripped them for a second and then pushed away. “Ach, nein.” He backed up quickly, as if he was trying to get away from a dangerous animal. “Nein, Shanna. I’m so sorry.”

He stopped against the opposite counter, staring at her with a mixture of longing and horror, as she fought for control, for air. She dragged in a deep breath, but her lungs didn’t seem capable of holding more than a thimbleful of oxygen. Her pulse beat erratically, pounding inside her temples.

A kiss wasn’t supposed to affect her this way. What kind of power did this man possess?

She wanted to find out. But then, why was he looking at her with that expression of horror?

Somewhere in the dark recesses of Matthew’s mind, he heard the sound of heels clicking down the hall toward the kitchen. He glanced at Shanna, worried that she might think he was no better than Nate, trying to get her alone and have his way with her.

He fought to regain control of his breathing as the realtor entered the room.

Terri looked from him to Shanna. “What do you think?”

Pretty sure she wouldn’t be interested in his present thoughts, he cleared his throat a couple of times and glanced at Shanna again. Seeing confusion and hurt in her eyes, he quickly looked away and felt his stomach clench. “I’m going to, um, take Shanna home and get Levi. I’d like his opinion on a few things. Do you have time to wait?”

Terri nodded. “I have a few phone calls to make, anyway.” She reached inside her pocket and pulled out a phone. “Aren’t cell phones wonderful?” Her smile was huge at first, but it faded quickly. “Maybe you wouldn’t know that. Handy for me, at least….”

There was no point in mentioning that he owned a cell phone. It would only provoke questions.

Matthew pushed away from the counter and wobbled a moment before he found his center of balance. He’d kissed before, and been kissed back, but like that? Never.

Jah, he would definitely marry Shanna Stoltzfus.

Somehow, he made his way across the room to Shanna, reached out, and clasped her hand. Never mind that it wasn’t an Amish gesture, especially outside of courtship. Right now, he needed it. Thankfully, she didn’t resist but quietly allowed him to lead her out of the house.

After the supercharged moment they’d experienced in the kitchen, he wasn’t sure what to expect on the drive home. He wanted to go straight to the bishop—or even the Englisch Justice of the Peace—and marry her. Now. As in, right this minute.

First, though, he needed to have a talk with Levi about his intentions. Ask his permission to court Shanna. The way Levi had reacted to Nate, Matthew thought it might be best to be up-front about his intentions.

Although he’d probably get a well-deserved warning about how she was essentially Englisch and would return to that world soon. She wouldn’t remain in his.

Why did I have to go and kiss her?
He stifled a groan. After all his worrying over whether her mamm had told her that first kisses were special and generally reserved for married couples, or at least courting couples, he’d gone and stolen one. And then two, three…. Ach, he had no idea how many kisses they’d shared.

Too many. Yet not enough.

He helped Shanna into the buggy, neither of them saying anything. She’d opened her mouth a time or two but promptly shut it, like a fish when it was brought out of water. That bothered him. What had she been about to say when he’d interrupted her with a kiss? Was she going to reject him? If so, then she’d be even more likely to do so now.

Shanna settled into her corner of the buggy, her gaze fastened on the floor, as he clicked his tongue to prompt the horse forward. His stomach roiled. He missed the physical closeness they’d shared on the drive over to the house. The flirting. The conversation. He glanced over at her a time or two, but she didn’t seem to be mad or crying. Had she reacted this way to Nate’s kisses? Passionate at first, then deflating like a pierced balloon afterward? He thought about talking to her about it but quickly decided to leave well enough alone.

He needed something else to occupy his mind. Maybe Levi would be free this afternoon to go with him to the ranch and see the barn, the land, and the house; to talk about the possibility of renting it out. Or, maybe—preferably—he’d suggest having a gas line run to the house, instead. Shanna loved the kitchen. Matthew would probably blush like a fool taking her daed into that room.

He looked over at Shanna again. Where had her spark gone? She looked defeated. Sad. He shouldn’t have kissed her like a madman. Now, she must be choosing her words to tell him off. He couldn’t take her home like this. Something had to be done to fix things. He didn’t know what, though. Maybe another apology. Let her yell at him. He’d feel better if she would muster enough emotion to do that.

“Whoa.” He pulled the buggy off to the side of the road. When it stopped, he pivoted in the seat to face her.

Creases of confusion lined her forehead. “What—”

“I’m so sorry, Shanna. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please forgive me.” He started to reach for her hand then stopped. Best not to touch her right now.

She turned her head in the opposite direction. Away from him. Maybe so that she couldn’t see him, not even out of the corner of her eye. She sniffed. “I didn’t know kissing me was so awful.” She sounded hurt.

“Awful? How could you possibly think that?”

“From the look on your face. Disgust. Abhorrence, even.”

“Abhorrence?” That was a word he didn’t hear much. “Ach, Shanna. Nein. Kissing you was amazing—the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had in my life. I definitely didn’t abhor it.” Not that he had much experience for comparison. He’d kissed only Katie—just once, after they’d started courting. And the sensation had been more platonic than passionate. No fireworks. No trouble breathing.

She glanced at him. “Then, why did you look at me like that?”

“Because I’d overstepped my bounds. Because we haven’t made promises, and because I made assumptions. Because you’re Englisch, and I’m Amish. Because….” He looked away as heat crept up his neck. Taking a deep swallow, he turned his steady gaze on her. “Because I didn’t want to stop.”

Her smile appeared like a ray of sunshine bursting out from behind a cloud, warm enough to chase away a chill. “I would have made you stop.”

He sucked in a deep breath. “Look, Shanna. I know this isn’t the time or the place, but I’m going to be blunt, here, and say it straight. I think I’m falling in love with you. You’ll have a ride home from the singing on Sunday nacht, if you’d like.” He cupped her chin. “But you need to be Amish. I can’t court you if you aren’t.”

She sighed. “I guess it was fun while it lasted.” Immediately, she brightened. “Wait! I’m still in my rumschpringe.”

He smiled, released her chin, and fingered the reins. “Let me get you home.”

She slid over next to him, apparently wanting to snuggle, since their misunderstanding had been settled. He probably shouldn’t have, but he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

Back at the house, Matthew stopped the buggy by the porch and let Shanna out so that she could help her mamm finish the baking. When she disappeared inside, he flicked the reins again and maneuvered the buggy toward the barn. Levi wasn’t anywhere in sight, and Matthew could tell at a glance that the shop was empty.

That left the barn. Or the house.

He’d try the barn first.

Joseph’s fishing pole and tackle box were gone. He must have followed through with his plan to go fishing. Matthew didn’t see anyone else. He went over to a door leading up to a loft and tried the ancient knob. Locked.

He knocked on the door. “Levi? You up there?”

“Jah?” The voice came from a distance. Thumping sounded behind the door. Seconds later, it opened. “Matthew. Was ist letz?”

For a second, Matthew stood in indecision, staring up at his host. Should he blurt out that he might be falling in love with Shanna? “Um, if now’s a gut time, maybe you could kum see the haus and land?”

“Ah, you’ve already been to see the haus?”

Matthew’s face heated. He hoped the dark shadows of the barn kept Levi from noticing. “Jah. We didn’t look at the whole haus. All electric. Shanna suggested maybe I could rent it out to Englischers.”

Levi shrugged. “I can help you convert it to gas. Won’t take much. We could put in some solar panels, too. Heard the Bontragers were installing them. You could check into that.” He hesitated, and his eyebrows rose. “Shanna. Did she like the haus?”

Matthew was sure that his glowing face was as obvious to Levi as a neon light in Amish country. He resisted the urge to touch his cheeks to see if they burned as hot as they seemed to. “Uh, she said it was lovely. She could picture canning and baking in the kitchen.”