Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (20 page)

Jason

It doesn’t take long for Vanessa’s eyes to shut even though it isn’t even seven, her breathing evening out. Sound asleep with her head buried in my chest, I lay my head back against the pillows and try to fall asleep with her but my brain won’t shut off.

I can’t force my mind to stop thinking about what will happen because I know I’m going to end up hurting her again. It’s just a matter of time before I do
; it’s what I do, who I am.

I stay in bed for about an hour, begging my mind to shut down and let me sleep now that I have Vanessa back where she belongs, but it doesn’t. I pull my arm out from behind her head slowly, making sure she stays asleep before pulling a pair of shorts on and leaving the bedroom.

I grab a bottle of water and crack it open, finishing the entire thing in one drink and do what I’ve been doing every night for the past month. I grab my acoustic guitar from the rack and make my way out onto the deck to the hammock and sit back, rocking myself slowly. My eyes close as I play and sing mindlessly through songs that mean nothing to me until my fingers shift and I start playing "Better Than Me" by Hinder without thinking about what I’m doing.

About halfway through the song I make the mistake of opening my eyes. Vanessa
is kneeled down on the stone in front of me, cheeks covered in tears as I continue to sing through the end of the song. When I’m finished I lean forward, setting my guitar down on the ground and pull her into my lap in one swift movement.

Vanessa lets her head settle into the crook of my neck, lacing her fingers behind my neck as I rock us back and forth gently. The wetness from her tears leak down my bare chest, reminding me that I’ve hurt her. I turn my head enough to press my lips into her hair.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I whisper, my fingers drawing up and down her spine.

She’s silent for a few minutes before she reaches back and wipes her eyes.

“You shouldn’t have come to get me earlier.” With her palms pressed against my chest, she tries to push away from me but I don’t let her.

I lock my fingers behind her, dragging her back to me and demand an explanation.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I can’t do the back and forth. I can’t be here knowing you’re just doing it to placate me. I’d rather lose my contract with Ironsound than do that.”

“Back and forth? Vanessa, this is the first time anything like this has happened since we got together. But whether you believe me or not, I didn’t do this just for you. I thought we got that straight in the truck.”

My heart pound
s in my chest, waiting for what she says next.

“I don’t want to be here just so you can keep me from doing something stupid and ending up on the front of a tabloid.”

“That’s not why you’re here,” I growl.

“Then why?” I can hear the anger rising in her voice and I open my mouth without thinking about what I’m going to say first.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot. Because I want you here, in my bed, in my arms… because I fucking love you more than I love anything in the entire world and I realized it the second I told you to leave. I just know that you deserve so much better than I will ever be and I never want to bring you down like I used to so I let you go thinking it was for the best.” I reach down and pull her face up to mine, waiting for her to say something.

I begin to freak out on the inside, hoping it doesn’t show. I’ve never told anyone I love them before, never let anyone get as close as I have
to Vanessa. Instead of her telling me she loved me back, instead of her falling into my arms like I want her to, she rips herself away and walks to the edge of the patio. Her shoulders slump in defeat for a second before she turns back to me and rips into me.

“You’re right. You are a fucking idiot. If you wanted me here, if you love me as much as you just said, you would realize that I should be allowed to make my own goddamn decisions. We’ve gone a month apart because you were too damn stubborn to realize that I’m a big girl and I know what I’m getting into.” Vanessa swallows hard, her voice cracking. “Did it ever cross your mind that we might be better
together? You bring out the best in me, the pieces that I want to see. You keep me level, you keep me grounded and you were the first thing to make me actually want to take care of myself, to get better and keep myself better.”

I hold my breath as she steps closer to me, bending over me
, poking her finger into my chest.

Continuing, she rapid fires questions at me. “Did I freak out or run away? Did I ever say anything about you not being good enough for me when you told me about your past? Did I ever tell you this wouldn’t work because of the shit you’ve said to me in the past? No, I didn’t. Because I fucking love you and nothing is going to change that. So you need to figure out what the hell you need because I’m tired of my head being fucked up like it has been the past few weeks.”

Her finger shakes against my chest. I lean forward, grab her thighs and lift her so she’s straddling me, pulling her face close to mine. My breath hits her when I speak.

“What I need is you. Right here. Always. I’m never going to stop thinking you deserve better, because you do. But I’m too damn selfish to let you go completely.”

Vanessa pushes farther against me until her lips touch mine with every word she speaks.

“Don’t ever tell me to leave again.”

“I promise.”

“Now can you please say it again without all the profanity you used the first time?” She smiles against my lips when I pulled her closer to me.

“Tell you what? That this pretty little body is mine? Or that you’re never to pull a stunt like tonight again. Or did you want to hear that I loved you? Because if that’s all it’s going to take to make you happy, I’ll tell you over and over. I’m an idiot, but I’m an idiot that’s in love with you.”

Jason

"You keep watching her like she's going to disappear." Evan nudges me with his massive shoulder but I don't take my eyes off Vanessa.

"I feel like I might sound like a pansy here, but, I’m afraid if I look away she'll be gone when I look back."

"You have to look away every now and then
, man."

I take a sip of my water, my foot bouncing up and down. "I'm just waiting for it, Evan."

Out of the corner of my eye I see him turn toward me, his arms folding over his chest. "For what?" he asks quietly.

"I'm waiting for her to think about every stupid thing I've ever said or done or let her see me do and realize that she deserves so much better. I tell her over and over but she keeps telling me I'm crazy. I know it's coming though."

He looks over at Tuesday and as soon as he does, she turns to look at him and winks. It's like she knew he was looking at her, waiting for her to see him.

"Yeah," he laughs, "me too. But here’s the thing, if you're constantly worried about what
could
happen, you're going to miss what
is
happening. The future scares the hell out of me. We don't know what's going to happen when she goes to court the day after tomorrow. Hell, she could wake up tomorrow and decide that she wants something different than being with me and yeah, that scares the hell out of me. But if we don't work out down the road, it’ll kill me but I'm still going to be grateful that I got as much time with her as I did."

I finally manage to drag my eyes away from Vanessa because some of what he said sinks in and makes me feel like I can.

"She loves you, Evan. The way she talks about you, the way she knows that you're looking at her. She's told me plenty of times that you are it for her."

He laughs, tossing his arm around my shoulder and taps the top of his water bottle to mine. "She tells me that every day
. Still scared she's going to run again though, especially with everything going on right now. But you, you kicked your girl to the curb when she admitted what she felt for you. That on top of all the other shit I heard you did to her before you got your shit together... Man, if she hasn't left your sorry ass yet, she's not going to."

He leaves me stunned and walks over to Tuesday, pulling her into his arms and kisses her like he's never going to see her again. I watch them for a minute before I feel the need to look for Vanessa again.

She hasn't moved, she's sitting there watching the same show I just was. Just like with Tuesday and Evan, the second she feels me watching her, she turns and looks at me, smiling. That in turn makes me smile and like a magnet, I’m pulled to her.

I pull her up, take her seat and let her drop back into my lap, her arms wrap around my neck.

“Well, well, look at all you happy humpers.” AJ saunters through the kitchen, popping a peanut into his mouth and talking around it. He turns, his eyes finding me. “Last I knew, you two spilt. When did this shit happen?”

Abby leans up on her toes and kisses his cheek, followed by Tuesday before he slides up on the counter.

“If you came around more often, you would know.” My words come out harsher than I mean them to and AJ looks at me, smiling tightly.

“One day,” Jameson laughs, pulling Abby back into him, “one day you will be right here, feeling the exact same way all of us do.”

AJ shakes his head adamantly. “If you ever see me getting to that point, shoot me in the dick. I’m not made for this kinda shit.”

“Jesus, don’t let
Mama hear you talk like that. Have you told her that she’s never going to have a daughter-in-law? Or grandkids?”

I turn my head as far as I can until Daniel, AJ’s older brother, rolls into my view. His wheelchair hits a barstool, knocking it over and when Abby reaches down to grab it, he pulls her over into his lap.

“Hey, pretty lady.” Daniels hand settles on Abby’s stomach. “This isn’t mine is it?”

Abby throws her head back and laughs. “Don’t tell my husband, he thinks it’s his.”

“Hey!” Jameson barks.

I pull Vanessa a little closer, settling my head in the crook of her neck and wait for Daniel to say something to me. Even though we’ve all been friends for years, he’s never been around when I was in a relationship. They’ve always been few and far between, so I’m not sure what to expect when he says something.

“You want coffee, Dan?” Abby asks as she climbs off his lap.

“Is it special?”

Without missing a beat she responds, “Sorry, baby, but I don’t wear panties so no panty coffee for you.”

“Panty coffee?” Vanessa chimes in. “What the hell is panty coffee?”

“Well, well, well. What is this?” Daniel rolls his way over to us. Taking Vanessa’s hand, he acts like the gentleman we all know he isn’t and kisses her knuckles.

“Daniel, this is my girlfriend
, Vanessa. Vanessa, this is AJ’s brother, Daniel.”

His eyes widen, flicking between the two of us. “Holy. Shit.”

“Panty coffee, Dan. Answer the poor girl’s question before she gets the wrong idea about you.”

Daniel’s wife Katy walks through the door, taking the coffee from Abby’s outstretched hand and sips it before handing it off to Daniel. She reaches over and quietly introduces herself to Vanessa.

“I’m not a perv. Well… not completely. I just like my coffee with a little extra flavoring.” He winks, shrugging it off like what he’s saying is no big deal and I can’t help but laugh at Vanessa’s shocked face. “Don’t have a coffee filter, no biggie, give me your panties.”

“I honestly don’t know how to respond to that,” Vanessa chuckles. I feel some of the tension that built up when Daniel came in start to dissipate and she leans back into me.

“Well,” he says, “you can start by giving me the goods because Abby’s coffee is weak.”

I growl, batting his hands away and pretty much staking my claim in front of everyone. “The only person allowed to get their hands on Vanessa’s goods is me.”

Tuesday is quick to jump in, changing the subject when she starts to see me get irritated.  I love Daniel and I love my friends but something about Vanessa makes me feel possessive over her, especially now that I’ve admitted to her that I love her.

The subject somehow switches to the funny shit Daniel has managed to get himself thrown in jail for and Vanessa laughs along with him until her phone vibrates. She pulls it from her pocket, mumbling something and excuses herself.

I force myself to stay where I am until she comes back and I can tell something has changed. When I call out her name, her head snaps up and she forces a smile on her face but it doesn’t touch her eyes.

“Everything
all right?” I ask as Vanessa sinks down into my lap again.

She nods
, “Yeah, I just forgot to call and make that appointment so they called me and set one up.”

The day she broke down on the bus with me comes rushing back because she has the same face on now that she did then. I know I need to do something to distract her from everything going on in her head
. The only thing that comes to mind is making good on the promise I made her on the bus the day we got home.

I inch my fingers under the hem of her dress, aimlessly drawing back and forth on her thigh, thankful that the table is covering us. She tenses up the closer I get to her pussy but I know she’s back with me.

I brush the hair away from her ear and whisper, “You better open your thighs and not make a sound. If anyone notices what we’re doing I’m going to have to stop and I won’t let you finish until later. I told you I would be doing this at some point and you know you want this, you need it.”

Vanessa
slowly inches her legs apart, eyes darting around the table to make sure no one is watching us. I work my way up, teasing her over the lace covering where I really want to be until I can’t hold back anymore. I move the lace to the side and slide my fingers into her, swiping through her already wet pussy.

I circle her clit lazily, loving the hitch in her chest as she tries to carry on a conversation so nobody realizes what we’re doing. I know I’m pushing it when I push two fingers into her and continue the torture on her clit with my thumb.

Vanessa turns to me, letting me know she’s close to coming with just the look in her eyes.

“You need to come don’t you?” She nods just enough that I can see it but never says anything. “If you think you can do it without drawing attention to us, by all means I want you to come all over my fingers.”

She turns herself into me more, wrapping her arms around me and drops her face into my neck. Abby smiles sweetly at me because it just looks like Vanessa is trying to cuddle with me. If she knew what I was doing at her dinner table she would probably cut my dick off. I smile back and toss my two cents into the conversation.

While I’m talking Vanessa’s fingers dig into me, one into my back and one into the hair on the back of my head. She clamps down on my fingers, thighs locking up so I can’t take my hand away as she comes. She presses her face into my shoulder, biting down to keep from making noise.

When she finally relaxes I still don’t pull my fingers from her. She lifts her head enough so she can whisper in my ear.

“Thank you, but if you’re going to have something in my pussy like you do right now I’d rather it be your cock.”

I rock my hips a bit, rubbing my hard cock against her ass. I pull my fingers from her slowly and push her so she’s standing.

“Well guys it’s been fun. We’re going home. See you tomorrow when we get ready to leave for Vegas.”

I toss Vanessa over my shoulder, using her legs to cover my dick. She laughs and waves goodbye to everyone, saying something about it being time for her to leave but I don’t really hear her. All I hear is her saying she wants my cock in her and I don’t want to be the one to disappoint her.

~*~*~*~*~

The warmth of her body settles against my arm. I turn into her, wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her into me. Something is off, it might just be my sleep addled brain throwing me off but she seems different, smells different and tries to shift away from me. I bury my face into her shoulder.

Just as I start skimming my hand over her hip, her voice startles me.

“You better stop right there, Mister, or you’re going to have one pissed off tattoo artist on your hands.”

My eyes spring open to find that it isn’t Vanessa that I’m pulling against me, but Tuesday. Smirking down at me, she shakes her head and pushes me away from her. She settles back against the pillow, allowing her body to sag and sadness to wash over her face. I reach up, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“What’s the matter, Waffle?”

Tuesday hesitates before whispering, “I’m scared. Nope
, scratch that… I’m petrified.”

I don’t say anything
and wait for her to continue. Her eyes shift from my face to the wall behind me as she collects herself.

“I don’t think I can do this. I can’t face them. I’ve been up all night thinking about everything that could go wrong.”

“Exactly what do you think could go wrong?”

She slides closer to me, letting me know just how afraid of all this she is, so I wrap my arms around her.

“Oh, I don’t know. I could mess up my testimony and they could walk. I could freak out, back out and go to prison for contempt. Evan could lose his shit, which is pretty close to happening already today. Or, either Anthony or my father could have hired someone to kill me.”

“Tuesday,” her head snaps back so she can look me in the eye. I never call her by her name, but I couldn’t think of anything else to get her attention. “Nothing is going to happen. I promise. You’re not going to mess this up, or freak out. We’ll get Evan under control, he’s just worried about you. And there is no way in hell that anyone is even getting close enough to hurt
you. So, stop worrying.”

Leaning up, she kisses my cheek and slides away from me. Her legs drop over the side of the bed. “Thanks,” she whispers without turning back to me.

“Hey,” I call out, “how did you end up in my bed and where is Vanessa? I didn’t hear her leave.”