Haunted by Your Touch (19 page)

Beneath his caress, she mewled and bucked, selflessly giving all of her pleasure to him so easily. God, even after everything, she trusted him with her body in a way that both humbled him and blew his mind.

As she convulsed and her cries of pleasure echoed off the cave walls, he rose over her and slid inside her. Deep, deep, so damn deep, Raiden didn’t know how he’d ever find his way out. She welcomed him, her slick heat a haven, the place he’d always crave. The place he’d want to stay in forever.

Ronan believed that Raiden loved Tabitha. Ronan was right.

Fucking impossible time to realize it.

He cupped her face in his hands, refusing to look away from her for a single second. Instead, he made love to her with a soft, reverent stroke, guiding her body up until she moaned, tensed, gasped, then surrendered her pleasure to him completely. Lost to her, Raiden followed Tabby into the abyss. And when she fell asleep in his
arms, curling up like a trusting little kitten, he burrowed deep under the covers with her, hand over her belly, and drifted off, pretending that when he woke tomorrow, Tabitha would still be his.

The following morning, Raiden woke with Tabitha in his arms, her legs tangled in his. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled. Her natural perfume, like cinnamon and fresh spring rain, made him ache instantly. He’d know it anywhere. And he’d miss that scent forever.

The sun hadn’t yet risen, but his fantasy night was over. Though he’d awakened her several times to make love, it hadn’t been enough. It never would be. But the time had come to face reality. Keeping Tabby and the baby safe was his first responsibility, even if that meant cutting out his own heart.

After pressing a kiss to her forehead, he untangled himself from her and rose. Stomping down his regret, Raiden showered and dressed. He found Bram in the kitchen, drinking coffee.
He poured himself a mug and sipped, wincing. When Bram made it, the brew could take the paint off walls. Today, Raiden feared he’d need it.

The Doomsday Brethren leader wore an edgy, watchful expression that didn’t bode well.

“Do you have a minute?” Raiden asked him. “I have a problem.”

Bram sipped coffee. “A minute, literally. I must meet Duke this morning. Long story.”

Not one with a happy ending, clearly.

Quickly, Raiden told him about nearly everything that had transpired over the past two days, including the parchment outlining the Untouchable family tree he and Tabitha had retrieved.

“Bloody hell.” Bram shook his head. “Well, the good news is, there’s no need for you to worry about Tabitha’s safety now. Mathias knows the identity of the Untouchable. Duke found her last night and is bringing her here. I’ll fill you in later. I’m expected to meet them now.”

Before Bram could leave, Raiden grabbed him by the shirt. “You’re saying that Mathias no longer needs the information Tabby’s father begged her to protect?”

“Precisely. We found the Untouchable last
night, and Mathias is on Duke’s arse now. He shouldn’t bother Tabitha again.”

With a grim nod, Bram disappeared out of the room and left the caves. Raiden melted against the wall and loosed a staggering sigh of relief. Mathias had no cause to hurt Tabby now. She was safe. And as soon as Raiden could get her away from him and settled with Blackbourne, he could rest easy, knowing she wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire of this bloody ugly war.

Thank God.

Except now this really meant good-bye.

That reality settled in as Raiden ambled back to his cave in a sightless daze. His legs moved as if they’d become leaden. Tightness banded his chest, and sharp pains tore through him. Breathing fucking hurt. Tears stabbed his eyes like needles.

Today, he’d lose Tabitha forever. He’d never know her kiss or her love again. He’d never hold their youngling. He’d never imagined this moment would bring him to his knees, like an army of dull knives gouging his soul.

Better that than Tabby widowed or dead. Knowing she was safe had to satisfy him for the rest of his life.

***

Tabitha paced the little bedroom, her hair tucked up at her nape, her skirts swishing around her. Worry jabbed her stomach.

When she’d awakened, Raiden had been gone. Wasn’t that a metaphor for their relationship? Only now, she wasn’t worrying that he simply didn’t love her. The way he’d made love to her last night, she knew better. No, what concerned her now was his safety. Had he left her to fight? Would today be the day Mathias bested Raiden, killed him?

Seven against an army. Staggering odds, to be sure. For the youngling’s sake, she should be happy that Raiden would soon deliver her to another man who would make her and the baby his responsibility.

True, she didn’t have to be Sean’s mate. Her father had left her with much. She could rebuild the house and live comfortably for the rest of her years. But he’d wanted this match for her, wanted a father for her youngling. Raiden couldn’t—or wouldn’t—fill the role. She understood, really. If Mathias attacked them here and she had to escape, smuggling a youngling to safety… odds were, Mathias would kill them.

Sean was a kind man, and he made her laugh, feel secure. As matches went, it was a good one. He would never demand her heart and soul, yet would always put her first. It was more than many of magickind’s arranged matings. But now that she’d known joy in Raiden’s arms, Tabitha feared that mere comfort would never be enough.

Still, how could she naysay her parents’ wishes? And Raiden’s as well? He fought for such a noble cause and tried so hard to keep her safe.

She couldn’t. And arguing would only make them both hurt more.

A moment later, Raiden entered the little bedroom, resignation all over his face. Dread crashed into the endless pit of her stomach.

Tabitha tried not to think about the fact that he would never make love to her again. From today on, that would be a virtual stranger’s right.

“Bram says the identity of the Untouchable is no longer secret. Mathias knows who she is. The danger to you is gone.”

And so was her reason to stay. Raiden was, no doubt, eager to send her on her way.

“I’m sorry for her, then.”

“Indeed. Would you like coffee? Breakfast?”

Before he dropped her off and left her forever? “No, thank you.”

He nodded. “I’ve already talked to Blackbourne’s household staff about taking over the rest of the details for your family’s burial. They will work with you. The bodies are being transferred now, so you needn’t trouble yourself.”

She swallowed down her rage and guilt and endless sadness. They swirled together, making her stomach pitch and roll. She placed her hand over her belly, where the life she and Raiden had created together rested. He would never know his son or daughter. She could never share the joy of parenthood with him. Desperate tears burned her eyes.

“Thank you,” she choked out, then looked around, realizing she had no reason to delay the inevitable. “I have nothing to pack or take to Sean.”

Raiden shook his head, clenching his jaw as if he held back a terrible pain inside. “He’ll have you. He needs nothing more.”

Tabitha felt more tears sting her eyes, and she stared at the ceiling, willing them away. But nothing could stop them.

“Can’t we…”
What? Find some way to be together, yes. But how?
She had no idea.

“No,” he bit out. Then he kicked the bed with a frustrated roar. The mattress lurched across the floor, shuddered, stopped. “The last thing in the world I want to do is let you go. But you saw Mathias yesterday. He and his Anarki are relentless. In the past, they’ve attacked us at Bram’s house, burned it down. We’ve engaged them in battle repeatedly. It’s only a matter of time until the casualties mount up. The rest of these wizards have mates, and I don’t understand bringing them into danger.” He shook his head. “But none of them have a coming youngling. If this fight with Mathias drags on for decades, as it did during his first existence, then raising a baby constantly in danger… no. Besides, I don’t know how to care for you the way you deserve. And you deserve everything.”

She cupped his face in her hands, willing him to understand. “You care for me in every way I could want, Raiden. If not for the baby, I would do whatever it took to stay with you.”

“And God help me, I would probably let you.” He grabbed her shoulders. “I’m so damn weak where you’re concerned.”

She caressed his cheek, and he closed his eyes, a shudder racing through him.

Then he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to her mouth, soft, full of regret and good-bye. “I love you.”

Tabitha felt those three words light up her whole body. The air left her lungs. He loved her? Really? Yes, it was there in his blue eyes. He looked straight at her, not blinking, not flinching. Finally, he let her see how much she meant to him.

“Why now?”

“Because I’m selfish. You’d recover from me more quickly if you believed I didn’t care, but I can’t stand you thinking that I’m too much of a bastard to love you. And because there’s a part of me that hopes you never forget me.”

“Never,” she vowed. “I’m praying our youngling has your eyes so I can look at him or her and remember you each day.”

Tabitha held back a sob. God, this was tearing her up inside. While she would be safe and protected with a man who would watch her and her youngling, Raiden would be alone, fighting the war that most of magickind was too cowardly to wage—and likely dying. And knowing all the while that once Sean Called to her and she spoke the Binding, Raiden would lose her forever.

To keep her and the youngling safe, he was causing himself immense pain. As much as she hated the situation, she loved him even more for his sacrifice.

“Don’t do this. I’m willing to risk the danger to stay here with you.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not. Your safety means more to me than… anything.”

Damn it, under that playboy surface, he was a good man. “But
you
won’t be safe.”

Raiden shrugged. “All I ask is that you remember me. Tell the youngling about his or her father, please.”

She nodded, but everything inside her was falling apart. “I don’t want this.”

“It’s for the best.” He held out a hand to her. “Let’s go. Blackbourne is expecting you.”

As she linked her hand in his, her insides crumbled. Tabitha fought to stay on two legs and not throw herself against his chest and beg. Her heart hated this. Her head knew he was right.

Together, they ventured through the cavernous structure, then exited to the rocky outcrop overlooking the sea. The winds were calm today. The sun rising over the water looked magnificent
with the promise of a new day, a new beginning.

“I can make my way from here,” she whispered.

Raiden squeezed her hand. “I’ll see you there safely.” He hesitated. “Don’t make me let you go before I must.”

Tabitha held back tears and nodded. A moment later, the vacuum swept around her head, and she staggered, her balance off as Raiden transported her to Blackbourne’s estate.

When they arrived, he gave her hand one last squeeze… then released it.

She wanted too badly to grab him again, hold him one last time, but in front of them were the imposing black wrought-iron gates protecting Blackbourne’s rambling house from intruders. On the other side of the gates, Sean walked toward them with a purposeful step.

He was still in his prime and a handsome man in his own right, and Tabitha knew she should feel fortunate. She didn’t.

Sean raised a hand. Moments later, the gate opened. Raiden guided her through until they stood before her mate-to-be.

“Thank goodness you’re safe,” he murmured, taking her hand. “After I heard of your family, I worried for you and the youngling.”

“I’m fine.” Physically, yes. On the inside? Dying. How could she mate with this man? Or any man other than Raiden?

Sean directed a firm stare at Raiden. “You’re giving her to me, correct? You understand that once you leave this estate, she will be mine and you will no longer be welcome to see her?”

Raiden didn’t look at her, didn’t hesitate. “I understand. It’s as her parents wished. You will keep her and the child well.”

Sean curled an arm around her and brought her close. Nothing about him repulsed her. She simply didn’t love him and knew that she never would.

“Well, then.” Sean sent Raiden a tight, polite smile. “There’s nothing more to say.”

Raiden shook his head. “One more request: when the youngling comes, if I’m still…” He hesitated.

Alive
. That was the word he sought.

He cleared his throat. “If I’m still… fighting, will you send word of the youngling’s birth? I’d simply like to know that he or she is delivered safely.”

Blackbourne hesitated. “I will. But don’t ask for anything more.”

Raiden paced the barren turf around the perimeter of Blackbourne’s estate like a damn stalker, sinking into the newly-rain-soaked soil as he eyed the towering gates and the imposing house beyond. He should leave. Tabby—Tabitha—was no longer his. But he remained. Wind whipped his hair, tugged at the bare branches of the trees above, and echoed hollowly around him.

Two damn days since he’d dropped her off with Blackbourne and the wizard had taken her into his home. Had he Called to her already? Claimed her?

Raiden clenched his fists. Likely so, and it was best for Tabitha. But damn if it didn’t hurt like hell.

Gnashing his teeth at the futility of his pain, Raiden heard a whooshing sound behind him.
Then another. Followed by several more. Heart pounding, he tucked himself deeper into the shadows, crouching behind a massive tree. He peered around the gnarled trunk.

Mathias and a dozen Anarki emerged into the spill of light at the perimeter of Blackbourne’s gate. This wasn’t a social call. Everything about their manner screamed violence.

Fuck!
Why were they here? Between the Blackbourne family connection to Mathias and the fact that he already knew the Untouchable’s identity, Tabitha should have been safe now. This show of force made no sense.