Haven 1: How to Save a Life (25 page)

“What was it like for you?”

“I figured my dad wouldn’t like it. That was one of the good things about him running off when I was in high school. He was gone before I even said anything to him. I wasn’t sure what my mom would think, but I knew if I didn’t tell her, then I was lying to her. She deserved better from me than that.” He studied Kevin. “There’s nothing wrong with waiting until it’s right for you. Don’t let anyone, including a certain old former cop, push you into it.”

“He’s not.”

“Good. And please don’t tell him I called him old.” Then there was that laugh again. Kevin liked the sound of it. He liked Matthew, liked how he made him feel. No judgments. No pressure.

What was he so afraid of?

Matthew stood. “Sorry to take off, but I gotta get home.”

“Sure.” Kevin followed him to the door. “Thanks for the talk and everything.”

“You bet. Got your phone with you?”

Kevin handed it over, and Matthew added a number to his contacts. “Call me if you want to hang out or you just need someone to talk to. About whatever. Even if some big, tough retired cop gets on your nerves.” He laughed and opened the door. “Tell Walter I said hi.” He flashed another smile with a wave and strode down the hall.

Kevin hoped he’d get to see Matthew again. He could use more friends like him. Hell, he could use one.

He’d always imagined coming out would make his life more difficult, would make the guilt unbearable. He hadn’t considered what he’d be gaining.

Could he do this? Could he live like Matthew? Like Walter? Could he have the life he’d been afraid to go for? And could he forgive himself if he tried to take it?

He wasn’t sure, but it was time to take a chance. He’d been taking a lot of those lately, and it had been working out better than he’d ever allowed himself to imagine.

* * * *

Walter opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside, a stupid grin on his face he couldn’t seem to scale back despite the one-hundred-degree heat index or the tiresome day of playing catch-up on paperwork and phone calls. He’d been falling behind on everything at work lately while he and Kevin searched for any sign of what had happened to Seth and the others.

Of course, Walter had also spent the entire day worried like hell, but he’d gotten through it. Knowing he had Tucker and his men watching Kevin helped.

Some.

He gave Charlie’s head a pat as the dog came to offer his usual greeting. The smile on Walter’s face spread until the oddity of the moment struck him. Kevin’s security guards hadn’t been in the hall.

It was late. Too late for Kevin not to be home yet.

Walter loosened his tie and dialed Tucker, panic surging through him. He paced the living room, trying to rein in the fear and summon the compartmentalization of his emotions he’d always counted on.

It wasn’t working.

Tucker answered on the fourth ring. “Hey, boss. Almost missed your call. It’s pretty loud in here.”

“You’re with Kevin tonight, right?”

“Yeah. He’s at a bar on Madison.” A rush of cheers filled the other end of the call. “A sports bar.”

“What’s he doing?” Kevin hadn’t seemed like the kind of guy who’d risk his life to catch a baseball game. And if he was, the two of them were having a discussion tonight. One that would involve Kevin sitting his ass on the couch and Walter explaining how things would work from that point forward.

“He’s having a beer with a guy,” Tucker said. “They left the newspaper offices together about an hour ago.”

“What’s the guy look like?”

“Older, dark hair, not much taller than Kevin.”

So not their Protector psycho. Maybe his editor.

“You have Kevin in your sights?”

“Yeah. I’m looking right at him.”

“Okay. That’s what I needed to know. Thanks.” Walter hung up and paced the length of the living room again. Kevin didn’t need to be out at a bar, whether he had bodyguards following him or not. He needed to get his ass home—here.

Charlie lifted his head from where he’d gone to lie on his bed near the fireplace.

“What am I going to do with him?”

The dog barked, then scooped up one of his knotted rope toys and brought it to Walter.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll buy some bondage rope and tie the little shit to my bed.” Walter dropped onto the couch and laughed, the sound pouring out of him in a rush, like he’d been holding everything in for hours. Charlie jumped up beside him, and Walter gave a playful tug on the end of the toy until the two of them were in an all-out wrestling match over it. That had him laughing more, the worry fading away.

Almost.

Kevin was safe, and he had Tucker watching him. No reason to worry.

Still, Walter would feel better when he saw him walk through the front door.

Charlie barked as if in agreement with the thought.

* * * *

Kevin bounced on the balls of his feet as he headed for Walter’s apartment for the second time that day. He would deny it if Walter asked, and of course Walter would know the truth anyway, but Kevin was so dang excited to tell him he’d come out to one person, he barely held back from an all-out sprint to get inside. The anticipation surged through him the closer he got to the apartment door, like a live thing that had him jittery—more than usual—and feeling more alive and real than he ever had in his life.

He pulled out the key Walter had given him, but before he got it into the lock, the door swung open. Walter stood on the other side in jeans and a T-shirt, looking as sophisticated and sexy as he had in his jacket and tie that morning. “Thought we said you should come right home after work.”

Home?
Why’d he use that word? Kevin forced aside any hope at what it could mean. “I did, but then I had to take care of something.” Kevin gave him a smile and said, “I have news.”

Walter returned the smile in that slow, measured vampire leer he’d first flashed at the club. “You’re in a good mood.” He went to shut the door behind Kevin.

Kevin slipped past him, and the length of his arm brushed Walter’s. Kevin’s body responded to that simple touch, heat radiating throughout him from that one point of contact. Was this how it would always be with them? Every touch meaning more than any other in his life? Desire racing through him at just the thought of being together?

Before Walter said anything, Kevin reached around to pinch his ass, but at the last second Walter turned and Kevin pinched the side of his leg.

“Hey.”

“Oops. Sorry.” He didn’t feel particularly sorry.

“You want to play, huh?”

Kevin walked backward toward the living room in his best attempt at a sexy saunter. “Come celebrate with me.”

“I can do that.” Walter followed step for step. “Want to tell me what we’re celebrating?”

“Guess.” Kevin tripped over the corner of the couch and fell backward. Walter caught him, and together they toppled over the arm of the couch.

The embrace was tighter than need be, and Walter didn’t let up even when Kevin had his back against the cushions. Walter settled on top of him, giving Kevin more of that amazing contact, this time all over his body.

“I like you like this,” Walter said.

“Me too.” Kevin pressed his lips to Walter’s neck and licked a line up to his ear.

“What—” Walter sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re distracting me.”

“Distracting you from what?”

“From finding out what happened with you today. What’s the news?”

Kevin drew back and gave Walter a long look that probably said more than either of them were ready for. He couldn’t help it. This was it. The start of something he’d somehow convinced himself he could never have. “I told someone.”

“Told them what?” Concern spread across Walter’s face.

Kevin rolled his eyes and squirmed under Walter’s weight. “That I’m gay.”

All at once the concern vanished. A slow, delighted grin replaced it, the one that said Walter was ready to play too. “Was it a blow-up doll?”

Kevin laughed, the joy of it reminiscent of the giggles he’d heard from Matthew earlier. God, he’d never felt this light and free. How had he lived without this all his life? Without this one man? “My editor. Myles.”

“How’d it go?”

“He was surprised. We’ve been friends since I first got the job. But he said he didn’t care who I fucked. I guess to prove his point, he asked me if I cared he did this girl in accounting on the copy machine in the break room after hours last week. He gave me all the details about how they’d photocopied her tits while he nailed her from behind.”

“Nice.” Then Walter’s smile faded to something more serious, a look that had Kevin feeling proud like never before. “Congratulations.”

“I think…maybe…I’m ready for this.”

“You think so, do you? You ready for me?” Walter ground his pelvis against Kevin’s, and Kevin laughed. He arched up into the touch. Then Walter stilled and watched him, a meaningful silence to go with the serious stare. “You were careful today?”

“Yes. Your goons followed me everywhere.”

“Good.” Walter scooted down and laid his head on Kevin’s chest. He swept a hand down Kevin’s side, over his hip, the touches soft and sure. “They’re not goons.”

“They look like they were hired by the mob. Well, except Tucker. He looks like he’s guarding the president.” Kevin settled a palm on the back of Walter’s head and ran the other along his arm. He kept on touching Walter’s bare arms, his neck, his back, caressing, stroking. Maybe he was making up for lost time.

Maybe they both were.

Walter lifted his head and met Kevin’s stare. “They’re good at what they do. It doesn’t matter how they look.” He offered more featherlight touches up Kevin’s sides, shifting his weight until they were positioned groin to groin. Kevin kissed him, long, deep, passionate kisses full of words he wasn’t ready to say. Maybe it was the same for Walter. He kissed Kevin back with the same intensity, their mouths open, their tongues tasting, slowly dancing to a rhythm that was all their own.

Kevin wanted more contact, more skin on skin, more everything. Good thing Walter was already busy working his pants open.

“Not here.” Kevin shoved at him until they were sitting up, and then he tugged Walter off the couch and led him down the hall toward the bedroom, toward what he’d been wanting since they’d met and not knowing how to get them—or himself—to where they needed to be.

In the bedroom Kevin had his shirt off before he stopped walking. He faced Walter, his back to the bed. “I want you.” Better to be a little clearer on the specifics. “Inside me.”

Could he sound lamer? Couldn’t he come up with anything better to say than that?

Was it because he had lingering doubts?

Walter didn’t move. He stood there, mouth hanging open.

Kevin started in on his own pants but didn’t get farther than the top button before he heard himself say, “Fuck me, Walter.”

So, no. No doubts. Just desire and the blinding need for Walter to be the one man to go there with him.

Before Walter could say anything, do anything, Kevin surged forward until he had him against the wall beside the bedroom door. He kissed Walter, pouring every ounce of the need he was feeling for him into that kiss.

Walter got the message. He spun them around and pressed Kevin to the wall. He clasped him by the hips and hefted him until Kevin was wrapped around Walter, their bodies coming together in a rush of rubbing and touching and kissing. And yet Kevin wanted more. Wanted Walter naked and on top of him on the bed.

Walter broke the kiss and trailed his mouth down Kevin’s neck, making his skin tingle with each stroke of tongue to flesh.

Kevin threw his head back. “God, yes.”

Walter worked his way up, bucked his hips, pressing their clothed cocks together. He nipped at the sensitive skin between neck and shoulder, thrusting Kevin against the wall over and over.

Just the way Kevin had been dreaming of. Except with too many clothes in the way.

He shuddered and held on tighter. “Oh God, Walter, fuck me. Please.”

Chapter Nineteen

For a split second Kevin wondered if he should be embarrassed at the shameless begging. That thought fled at Walter’s words.

“Get on the bed.” Walter lowered him to the floor, and Kevin didn’t hesitate. He moved to the bed, not even taking time to pull his pants off. Getting the rest of the way undressed seemed too difficult to accomplish right then. He crawled onto the mattress, feeling sexy with his ass in the air, a more wanton pose than he imagined he’d managed the other night when he’d gotten on the bed in a similar way. Hopefully he was pulling off sexy and not like he crawled under live rounds of ammo in a war zone.

Because this was no war.

He was no longer fighting with himself. With his past. With who he was.

He flipped onto his back.

Yeah, he’d pulled off sexy.

Walter stood before him at the edge of the bed, lips parted, a rapid rise and fall of his chest with each breath. He had his hands paused at the top button of his jeans. He just kept on staring.

“Get a condom, Walter.”

“Yeah. Condom. Right.” He went to the nightstand and opened the drawer, rummaged around. “Where the hell…” He kept searching.

Kevin stretched out on his back and laughed. “I’m beginning to see the advantages of the club thing. Easy access to all the necessary supplies.” He started to slip his pants off.

“Stop. Let me.” Walter threw the condoms and lube near the pillows and went to work on Kevin’s pants. “You’re liable to hurt yourself.” Before he got them down an inch, Kevin’s phone beeped. Walter slipped his hand into the pocket. Kevin squirmed and laughed at the feel of his large hand searching the tight space.

Grinning, Walter removed the phone, turned it off, and tossed it to the chair beside the bed. “You can check that later. Right now…no distractions.”

Kevin nodded. “No distractions.”

Another kiss and Walter stripped Kevin of his pants and boxers, continuing the kisses along his skin as he went, licking and teasing as he exposed more and more of Kevin’s flesh. On his way down, he gripped Kevin’s ass in both hands.