Hawk (Sex and Bullets Book 2) (23 page)

She’s right.

Oh God.

Okay, I’ve got this. Nothing to it. Just grab the test, look at it, and throw it into the trash. Easy peasy.

Unimportant.

I put my hand over the stick, lift it, not looking at it. My knees are knocking together. My skin is covered in gooseflesh. I bite my lip so hard I might have drawn blood.

“So? What is it?” Raylin breathes, blissfully ignoring the fact she just said I don’t have to tell her the results. “Layla.”

There’s no oxygen in here. Struggling to breathe, I lift my finger, take a peek at the small window.

Then cover it again.

Nope.

“Layla?”

“I…” I lift my finger again, unable to stop myself. And stare.

At the twin blue lines.

“What is it?”

“I… don’t know.” I swallow hard. “What do the two lines mean?”

“Oh. My. God. Oh my God! I totally knew it! I knew it!” Raylin grabs me in a hug, and turns me around until I’m so dizzy bile rises in my throat. “It’s positive. It’s positive!”

Positive.

I can’t think. What does that mean? Shouldn’t it be…? There must be a mistake. Because positive means… No, no frigging way.

“I’m pregnant?” Oh God, I’m feeling faint, and I’m not sure Raylin can keep me upright if I pass out this time.

“Sit down, girl, before you fall. And then we have to tell Hawk.”

***

How can life change in the space of three days? The space of an hour? A minute?

One bright, blinding moment in time.

I clutch the stick in my hand—positive, my mind chants, it’s positive—sitting on the bathroom bench and wait for Raylin to go find Hawk.

This can’t be really happening. This is a dream. A vivid dream, but a dream nevertheless.
Right?

Miracles, Raylin said. Miracles do happen.

Caught between shock and a rush of happiness so sharp it hurts, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Until he walks into the bathroom, and the look on his face makes me feel cold.

“Layla?” His voice is cool. “Raylin says you took a test. And it’s positive?”

I lift it toward him, because I have no words for this, and he takes it. Stares at it.

I can’t read his face. His expression. Is he angry? Is he surprised? It’s so… blank.

“Is this…” He waves the test at me. “Are you sure?”

Again, I’m thrown by the way his eyes flash. “Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. But it happened.”

“You said you couldn’t get pregnant. You worried me and made me feel sorry for you, you cried on my shoulder, and now you’re pregnant, just like that? Fuck.” He jabs a finger at me. “I don’t believe it. Was it all a lie? Or is this test a fake? Which is it?”

My mouth falls open. “Fake? A lie? You think I lied to you?”

His jaw is tight. “You told me you can’t have kids. You fucking insisted I didn’t need protection. Did you plan this?” He leans in closer, and this time there’s no mistaking the anger in his eyes. “Maybe the kid isn’t even mine.”

“What?” Anger washes through me in a hot wave, burning up my neck. “I haven’t slept with anyone else since the night I met you.”

“Yeah?” His face is white, two red spots forming on his cheekbones. “I’ve trusted you. I believed every single word you told me, but right now I don’t know what the hell to believe anymore. What do you want from me, Layla?”

Oh God.
He thinks… he thinks I did this on purpose? That I lied and let myself get pregnant to ask for… what, money?

Crap.

“Screw you.” I climb to my feet, leaning against the wall for balance, my chest on fire. “Screw you and your suspicions and you know what? Get out!”

“Layla—”

“Get out!” Pulling back my hand, I slap him across the face. “How dare you. Get out of here.”

Cursing, he turns on his heel and walks out.

Part of me really wishes he’d stay and overcome me and take me to bed. Talk this out. That he’ll apologize.

Part of me is glad he left because I’m so damn angry.

And my heart feels like it’s breaking in half.

What just happened?

***

He’s not happy I’m pregnant.

Raylin was wrong. Holy crap,
I
was wrong. He said he wanted a family with me, so why was he pissed?

He’s shocked. I get that. Hell, I’m so shocked I can’t stop the tremors coursing through my body.

I’m sitting on the still unmade bed, the cell phone with the prepaid card Rook gave me in my hand.

I’m going to call Dorothy. I’ve made up my mind. Not like I’m putting anyone in danger, am I? Not if I don’t tell her where I am. I just need to hear her voice.

These past couple weeks I have been in a funk, but nothing like now. This fight with Hawk is a black hole, sucking me in, a rollercoaster of emotions going down, never up. Going into darkness. The things Hawk promised me, the way he held me, it’s all turned to ash.

I’m sinking fast.

Someone knocks on the bedroom door again. I locked it after Hawk walked out. Someone shouts my name.

I mark Dorothy’s cell number and walk into the bathroom, close the door behind me. I press Call.

It rings and rings, goes to voicemail.

Jeez today. “Dodo, call me, okay? I’m fine, but I really need to talk to you. Please.”

I disconnect and sigh.

Now what? What do I do? I place a hand over my stomach, then stare down at it, as if I can see a difference from fifteen minutes ago.

God.

I start when my phone buzzes with a message. With shaking hands I open it.

It says, “Lay, can you come over? Can’t talk right now. Need to see you, too.”

And that cinches it.

I’m out of here.

***

“Mr. Jordan said nobody is to leave the premises without his clearance,” the man tells me stonily. He looks like a butler in a dark suit, with a trim mustache and a stick up his ass. “I am sorry I cannot help you.”

“Me too,” I tell him and walk off to find someone who will help me get out of this place. I walk past the tennis court and am relieved that nobody I know is there.

Need to find the guy who flew us in. The helipad. That’s my way out.

From the distance I see the chopper, and I breathe a sigh of relief. That’s good. Two guys are doing something on the side of the chopper. With my luck, the engine’s broken down, or they suddenly ran out of fuel.

I hurry toward them, dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater over a white camisole that I found in the bedroom closet. There was no jacket for me to borrow, so I’m glad for moving to keep warm. The wind cuts through me like blades.

“Hey. Hey!” I wave at them as I approach and one of them turns around to see what is going on. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He looks perplexed. He’s a big guy, big shoulders, beer belly, and at least as tall as Hawk.

Stop thinking about Hawk.

“Hi. Are you leaving soon? I need a ride.”

He scratches the back of his head and glances at the other guy who’s much younger and very blond.

Don’t think about Hawk and his blond hair. Don’t think of it tickling your face as he kisses you.

The blond guy frowns. “Mr. Jordan gave instructions—”

“Mr. Jordan is my friend,” I lie. “And he told every one of you to accommodate the requests of all his guests, isn’t that right?”

So there.

The two exchange another look.

“He did say that,” the big guy says.

“But shouldn’t we check in with him?”

“He’s in a meeting with the police. Said not to disturb him.”

“Goddammit. And we have to buy the stuff Mr. Jordan asked for, too.”

I shift from foot to foot, nervously biting my lip. “I just need to see my best friend. Just for a while. I can come back with you after you’re finished buying whatever it is you have to buy. I won’t be any trouble.” They’re staring at me, so I plunge on. “She broke up with her boyfriend. She needs to cry on my shoulder.” Like Hawk said I cried on his.
Crap.
“Nobody will know. I promise.”

I see the moment they cave in.

“Just two hours,” the young one says. “We pick you up from Mr. Jordan’s helipad then and come back here.”

“Fine with me,” I lie again—wow, I’m getting good at this—and climb into the chopper. My hands are shaking. My whole body feels leaden. It’s my heart, I think. My heart is so unbearably heavy.

Because I’m in love with Hawk, and he just smashed my love for him to pieces. Smashed my mind, and I don’t know how I can get back from that on a day that should be the happiest of my life.

Hawk

“So you’ll do it?” Detective Lopez tries to hide his grin but fails.

“Yeah. I’ll be your goddamn bait,” I grunt and knock back the scotch I’m having for breakfast, letting it burn a path down my throat to my chest.

“Excellent. You are making a huge difference, Mr. Fleming.” Lopez is beaming at me approvingly, and I couldn’t care less. “The world thanks you.”

Fuck the world.

I swallow back the words, because that’s not it. I know I’m doing the right thing, but everything today is upside down.

Because of Layla. And what she told me.

Yeah, I’m taking responsibility for my parents’ actions, working to take down the monstrous presence of the Organization. Trying to be what my grandfather wanted me to be.

But what about Layla and the baby? What if I don’t come back this time?

Sighing, blocking out Lopez’s excited babbling, I lean back on the sofa, lacing my hands behind my head. Even dressed in Storm’s borrowed clothes, the pants slightly too short on me, I feel more human than I have in days. There’s something to wearing normal pants in contrast to sweats that makes me feel more… normal.

Even after everything that’s gone down.

Now that I’ve calmed down, I need to talk to Layla. I know I do. My brain is still out of focus. I don’t know what to feel.

Shock. I am in fucking shock and still I can’t shake it. There’s a strange flutter in my chest whenever I think of her, furious and in my face, when I think of the little white stick with the twin blue lines that mean…

….they mean she’s having my baby.
My
baby.

A stupid grin pulls at my lips, and I shake my head, push my hair out of my face.

Raylin is standing at the door of the living room where I’m sitting with the guys, sending me such a glare my pants almost catch on fire. She’s been waiting to talk to me from the moment I entered the room. To chew me out about Layla, I bet.

She’s right. I kinda lost it there.

Hey, I fucked up, but going from comforting your girl about not being able to have kids to a positive pregnancy test within the hour can really twist your mind.

My girl.

I believe her. I believe she didn’t know this might happen. That she didn’t sleep with anyone else. I’d have known. There was never a second thought when I asked her if she was free to meet me. Never a shadow of a doubt in her eyes.

Even when we were just fuckbuddies. Even when we didn’t speak of the future and we had fun with each other with the understanding that there would be nothing more.

And even then I wanted her like no other girl. I just didn’t know I’d fall for her so fucking deeply.

“We should move fast,” Detective Lopez is saying. “You will drive back with me. I’ll let the HQ know we can go ahead, and as soon as we hide the listening device on you, you can go in.”

“And then what?” Rook says and shoots me a sharp look. “Are you even paying attention, Hawk? Christ.”

“Calm your tits, dude.” I wave a hand back and forth, my mind still on Layla, and what I should tell her. How I should apologize. “I’m listening. I’ll go with the detective and get a listening device up my ass, then I’ll be delivered with a bow back to Sandivar.” I hide a shiver and grin widely to cover it up. “Then what, Mr. Lopez? How are you hoping to get my fine ass back out of there alive?”

His smile falters for a second as if wondering if I’m taking any of this seriously. “You will go to your office, which we are sure they are watching. They’ll have to come and get you. We will follow them.”

“Simple as that, huh?”

He shrugs. “Sometimes the simpler the better.”

Storm looks ready to lay into the guy about the plan, his face reddening, and Rook is tapping his fingers on the armrest, his gaze cold.

I push to my feet. “Now we’ve settled this, if you’ll all excuse me, there’s something I need to take care of before we leave.”

“You okay?” Storm asks after me before I make it out of the room.

“Sure.” If only the doubts plaguing my mind would fuck off and leave me in peace, I’d be peachy.

My grandfather was right. The world comes first. Before family. Before love. He literally beat it into my head. He’s the reason I’m not my father, that I’d never put money over human lives, success over ethics.

But what about me? What about falling in love with a girl for the first time—a girl who’s gonna be my baby’s mom no less—and leaving her for a battle I might not win? A battle that might not be successful, or even necessary?

What if there is another way than throwing myself to the wolves this time? A way that might earn me a life with her? With them?

Fuck.
I’ve already said yes to Lopez—and that’s what my gut tells me I should do—but I can’t shake the feeling that my place is here, with my girl.

That for the first time in my life, dying for a noble cause isn’t enough. That I wanna live and be happy and have a family like anyone else, and I don’t care if that makes me a selfish bastard.

Shit.
What the hell should I do?

***

“Hawk.” Raylin trails after me, jogging to catch up with my much longer strides. “Wait. What do you think you’re doing?”

“Gonna grab a glass of water.” She grabs my arm. I shake it free.

She grabs it again, and I stop, groaning. “No. Did you just volunteer to go back to the bastards who almost killed you? The same guys who don’t really care if you live or die? Who wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if you bled internally to death in that basement because their mighty Organization is more important than anything else? Seriously?”