Hawk's Haven (13 page)

"Oh, I see.” His voice rang with accusation.

All the progress they had made tonight dissolved in the blink of an eye. Trust me, he said. I don't trust you, he meant. She thought she was done answering for every breath she took. "I had a life before I came here."

"I'm aware of that. So was almost everyone around the court house."

As if their earlier conversation has never taken place, he’d reverted to his original opinion of her. "And if people are talking it must be true, right?"

"That's not what I said."

As he reached for her, she pushed his hand away. "No, but it's what you implied. Then, what did I expect? You still have to answer to my father."

Hawk grunted in frustration. What was he supposed to say? I'm jealous of the time you spend in your world. A world that would never fully accept him. He preferred her here, off balance and dependent on him.

"I don't know what your arrangements are with Aaron, but be careful. When it comes to help, he's a loan shark.  Whatever you receive, you'll pay back tenfold."

"I know.”  When he’d made his deal with Aaron, he’d been willing to pay. That was before he’d come to care about Gillian. 

What price was he willing to pay now? He could not remain neutral. If Aaron detected a hint of an affair between him and Gillian, Hawk would find many doors closed, dragging out the negotiations even longer.

And what of his people? How much did he owe them? More than he’d ever imagined. More than he wanted to admit. But did he have to put his life on hold until the decision was reached on the casino?

Gillian backed away from the door. "I'll see you Monday."

"Will you?"

"It's not like I have a choice."

The door closed in his face.  Her statement wasn't a rousing endorsement of enthusiasm either, but what had he expected? She didn't need another over-protective man telling her how to live her life.  She needed trust and faith in her judgment, something he hadn't given her up to this point.

Chapter
Eleven

Gillian cupped her hands around the mug of steaming coffee, trying to ward off an internal chill. She inhaled deeply. The peaks and valleys that had made up the last few weeks of her life left her physically exhausted and emotionally drained.

Elena entered the kitchen and sat in the chair. "How's it going?” 

She rested her elbows on the table and propped her head up with her hands. "Is Aunt June working late again?"

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. My grandparents are coming for a visit. Mom went to pick them up at the bus station."

"You should have called me at the school. I would have stayed with..."

"Hawk Carter?" Elena finished hopefully.

Gillian let out a small giggle. "You have a one track mind."

"So, how is your favorite Indian?"

"I don't suppose you're talking about Gandhi?" she asked.

"I stand corrected," Elena said. "How's your favorite Iroquois."

"He's good."

Elena wore the same mischievous grin Hawk usually flashed right before he said something to embarrass her. "Oh, yeah? How good is he?"

Gillian scowled, and then broke out in a laugh. "Now, I stand corrected. He's well."

"Spit it out, Gilly. What's been happening between the two of you?"

"A lady never discusses such things," she said, feigning shock. "Hasn't your mother taught you the correct way for a Mayflower descendant to behave?"

"No, but then she never taught me to make live sacrifices like my Aztec ancestors either. So what should we do tomorrow?"

Elena’s grandparents rarely visited and Gillian felt she should return to the reservation tomorrow to leave them some time alone as a family.

"You don't have to go, you know,” Elena said as if reading her very thoughts.

"I should."

"I think so too, but probably not for the same reason.” Her cousin reached for her hand and gave her a squeeze. "You need him and I think you're half in love with him, too."

"What makes you think that?” 

"I see a difference. You're not as angry as you used to be.” 

Gillian had never considered the possibility that she needed Hawk, yet she’d come to depend on his strength. Half in love with him? She was way beyond half and over the top. "It doesn't matter anyway. I don’t think he’s all that anxious to see me right now."

"Fighting?" Elena asked.

"He got angry when I wouldn’t tell him where I was going this week-end."

"What’s the big deal? Tell him the truth.”

Gillian sighed. She did bear some of the blame for the way she’d left things with Hawk. How could she expect him to trust her when she hadn't been completely honest with him? Lies and evasions destroy relationships, as she learned painfully these past six months. If she wanted any kind of future with him, she
had
to trust him with the truth. "Well, it's too late to go now. I'll leave tomorrow morning."

"In the meantime, you can tell me all about him."

She glanced at her watch to taunt her curious cousin. "I think I might be able to catch the last bus after all."

* * * *

Hawk began the project of cleaning out the storage attic to get his mind off of Gillian. It didn't help. He wasn't pleased with the way he’d ended their evening together. No woman had ever twisted him in knots the way she
had
. If he was smart, he'd keep his distance. As his father had reminded him only yesterday, any kind of relationship with her would effectively end his part in the casino negotiations. And, knowing Judge Hughes as Hawk had come to, an affair might hurt his career as well. Although, he might be worrying for nothing. His behavior last night probably wouldn't inspire Gillian to come rushing back to him.

Instead of continuing to mentally chastise himself for his juvenile behavior, he decided to get his mind back on the job at hand. He noticed the old wooden chest hidden in the corner of the attic crawl space. How had that gotten here? He hadn’t seen the trunk since high school.

Grabbing the handle, he slid it closer. The folding staircase that pulled down from the ceiling was too narrow for him to carry the chest. He braced one side with his thigh and let the box slide as he backed down the stairs.

The chest hit bottom with a bounce that sent the layer of dust into the air. He dragged it out the back door to the small stone patio. Using his tee shirt, he brushed away the remaining layer of dust.

One hard yank opened the flimsy lock. The cedar chest had protected the contents from moths and the woody smell clung to the kid-leather shirt he lifted off the top. Every bead and feather had been painstakingly hand sewn to the costume.

He reached for the matching necklace and put it over his head. A half circle of bear's teeth were fastened to a suede string with alternating red and white feathers hanging in between. He could still remember the day his mother had proudly completed the piece of jewelry and presented it to his father. John Carter had laughed and accused her of trying to become a squaw.

Although Hawk had been little more than a child, he recalled the broken hearted cries of his mother as if it had been yesterday. He thought of Gillian and the way he’d mocked her efforts to fit in.  Now he understood what his father had meant when he’d said how alike they had become. Since he’d learned nothing from his family history he was bound to repeat it.

Damn, how he missed her!  He could almost smell the floral scent of her perfume, as if she were just behind him, watching. Wishful thinking, he decided.  He heard a soft sigh and whirled around quickly.

Was the glare of the midday sun affecting his sight? Surely the vision of the blond beauty sitting on the back step had been conjured up by his obsessive preoccupation with her. He blinked but Gillian remained.

She was completely motionless except for the silky strands of her hair lifting in the breeze. Dressed in a pink and white short set she looked younger than her twenty four years but her eyes mirrored weariness, as if her life had been too long. Suddenly conscious of his appearance, he reached for the piece around his neck.

"Don't," she said simply and sent him a smile. "It looks good on you."

"What are you doing here?” Smooth move, Counselor. After years of practicing his cross examination technique, was that the best he could come up with? There must have been a reason she’d returned early from her weekend. Particularly since their argument yesterday. "Are you all right?"

She raised her shoulders in a casual shrug. "Could I stay here tonight?”

"Of course.” He covered the distance between them in four long strides. She flung herself in his arms. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something's wrong."

"Just ignore me," she muttered into his chest. "I've been feeling a little too sorry for myself lately."

Ignore her? He’d a better chance of giving up breathing than ignoring her. Had he really thought he would be able to keep his distance? "Why?"

Gillian wiggled her nose and ran a hand across her face. "The necklace tickles.” She rested her head on his shoulder. Seemingly unaware of the effect her touch had on him, her fingers stroked the feathers that rested on his chest.

"Why did you come back early?"

"Elena’s grandparents were visiting and I felt like an outsider."

Her explanation was reasonable enough but he sensed something deeper. Something about Elena, whom she’d never mentioned by name before, that caused her sadness. "Elena is your friend from the picture in the house?"

"She more than my friend. She’s family," she mumbled.

He shook his head. Did she mean literally or as a figure of speech? Hadn’t Aaron said she’d no other family? "Do you feel like talking?"

"In a little while. Right now I need to get my suitcase from the gas station...”

"You walked in from the bus stop? Why didn't you call me?"

"I called your answering service last night but they wouldn't give out your private number.” She exhaled deeply. Perhaps Elena had been right about her needing Hawk. Just being in his arms chased away the stifling loneliness that had engulfed her. "Don't you bother to pick up your messages?"

"I would have but I wanted to avoid...I didn't want to think about work on my vacation."

She picked up on his abrupt change of subject and knew instinctively who he wanted to avoid. "How many times has Aaron called you?"

"I don't know. I haven't picked up my messages and my service has orders not to give out my number.” He shifted, as if he was uncomfortable with the conversation. "Even if he’d gotten through to me, I wouldn't have told him anything."

"I didn't think you would.” Her father must have been furious to realize he’d banished her to the one place he’d absolutely no authority or connections.

Was she putting Hawk
in
a difficult position? Martha had said that he needed her father's help with the casino negotiations.  Would Aaron withhold his support until she returned home?

"Maybe it would be better if you did tell him I'm here. That's what he wanted after all."

His dark eyes narrowed. "I don't think he wanted you here with me, though."

"Then he shouldn't have interfered in the first place.”  Although she might just have to thank her father for this one. If he hadn't arranged for her community service, she might never have had a chance to make Hawk see her as something more than the Princess of Butler Square.

"I'll call him this evening if you want. In the mean time you can take my car and get your suitcase while I finish up here. Then we can go out for a while."

She raised her head and gazed at him skeptically. "And you'll trust me with your four wheeled baby?"

He removed the gold key chain from his pocket and held it out to her. "Without a second thought."

"I hope I can live up to all this trust," she joked as she grabbed his keys.

"I just wish you'd return it."

Only when she started the engine did she realize that he was asking her to return his trust not his car. Was she ready?  If not, then she’d no business pursuing their relationship.

* * * *

Gillian sprinted across the lawn and hopped the stream that lead to the mountain before venturing to look over her shoulder. Hawk strolled at a leisurely pace behind her that said he was in no hurry. With the necklace spanning his chest and the sun reflecting off his raven hair, all traces of the yuppie lawyer vanished. He looked like a true Iroquois warrior. And so incredibly sexy. The desire to run deserted her. She slowed her pace, and waited for him to catch up.

When he’d suggested exploring the mountain again, her initial thought had been to refuse. Her newfound and growing trust won out over her momentary wariness. She wanted to spend time with him, no matter where he chose to take her.  With the holiday just a couple of days away, the small reservation was more crowded than normal. Finding a secluded spot to be alone took a half hour of uphill hiking, passing the less ambitious nature seekers. They finally stopped at the base of a small waterfall. Gillian stared into the water. The stream cascaded down the rocks to a shallow pond, sending ripples of white foam across the surface. The effect was hypnotic.