Head Over Wheels (Steamy New Adult Romance) (29 page)

On the drive back to the charter, the beauty of the night was invaded by thoughts of Vanessa and Indigo driving to Westchester, the possibility of him staying the night. My jaw clamped shut. I was inconsolable on the ride home.

"S
hrink me," I said to Emma, who sat beside me on the bus, a comforting arm around my shoulders.

Stiff back, turning in the seat, she stared, but didn't speak.

"I'm freaking," I lamented, "I don't think this is gonna work out." Looking out the window, watching gliding sailboats and diving gulls, I sighed, unable to believe my own words."Let me rephrase that ... it's not working." I fixated on the night we'd spent on the beach and was filled with overwhelming love, agonizing emptiness. I thought I'd convulse with disappointment, loneliness, frustration.

Emma's face was sympathetic. "Jewel. I'm usually never at a loss for words," she frowned, "but this time, I just don't know what to say. Your relationship with Indigo seems to be turning into a bad soap opera."

"Crap, Emma. I thought you'd console me. What's up with the sudden negativity?"

"Hun," she rested her head against mine, "from the outside looking in, he's got you on a roller coaster, not to mention a leash. This isn't you, Jewel." She plucked strands of hair from my lashes. "You're up, you're down, and I can't stand watching you suffer this way. Indigo's a great guy and all, but unless you can take the bumpy ride, maybe you should just hop off the train."

"Oh my God, Em. I can't believe you're talking like this. Are you serious?" My eyes bore into hers. "Is this a test, or a new way to shrink me? Slap me to my senses or something?"

"How much does he mean to you?"

"Everything."

"Is he worth the pain?"

I didn't have to think about the question. My eyes watered. "Yes ..."

"Well, that's your answer then. I opened the door ... you just walked through."

I stared at Em with amazement. "Damn, you're good."

But, things didn't turn out as planned. Indigo didn't return to Manhattan that night, or contact me for over a week. A week of pure hell. Emma finally talked me into texting him, to see if something was wrong.

"Maybe he's had an accident," she said, scaring the hell out of me.

So, I texted him. Nada. I heard nothing from him until the following Tuesday, when I read his reply: Hey. Sorry I haven't called. Still at Hamptons. Family crisis. Contact U soon.

"Contact me soon? What is he replying to my job application or something?" My head rolled in my hands.

After reading his text, I over-plucked my eyebrows! I had to get them out of my system: One for Vanessa ... One for Indigo, and so on and so forth. Before I knew it, I looked like a brunette Pamela Anderson ... just the brows.

"He forced my hand," I told Em. After exiting the bathroom, my voice was unbelievably calm. "He leaves me no choice. I'm done."

"I'm sorry, Jewel."

"It's fine," I lifted my chin, refusing to break down, "got my test score ... and my academy date. I start the first week of August."

"When did you find out?"

"The other day."

Her face sagged with guilt. "Sorry I haven't been around much. Bill and I ..." She threw her arms around me. She was sniffling.

"Hey you, don't worry about it," I scrunched my mouth into my own version of the duck face that never failed to bring a smile. "I'm fine. The weight of the world is off my shoulders," my eyes narrowed, "let the bitch have him. Obviously, he realized I'd never fit inside their circle." Between words, I gulped air. "Who'd want to, anyway? Right?"

"Does Pete know about the academy?"

I nodded.

"That explains it."

"Huh?"

"Seems we're going to Maine." She turned her pure white smile on me.

I laughed. "You know, he's been bugging me to go to his family's place. I guess my misery is the perfect excuse, huh?"

"Oh, hun. Things will get better." She hugged me, then her compassion turned secretive. "Don't tell him I told you. He wants to spring it on you himself."

Pete congratulated me in person for placing high on the list for the academy, saying he knew I had it in me, and by the next weekend, we'd be, "Cutting loose with the moose."

"Have you been up there yet?" I asked, "to see your inheritance?"

He slung an arm around my shoulders. "Nope. Which is why I need you guys to help me clean the place up." After a serious stare, he burst out laughing. "I'm kidding. I hired an agency to get the place ready for us. So tell Emma and Bill we're on for this weekend, and if you'd like, you can even bring Yvonne and Derek. Those two are three quarters of the party."

"I'll get everyone together, Pete. I can't wait to see the moose, but I don't want to run into any wolves." I over-tensed my jaw. "Eeeek. We're trippin'. I'm hyped."

Pete hesitated, sounding strained when he asked, "What about Indigo?"

"What about him?"

"Will he be coming?"

"For all I know, he never returned from the Hamptons. I don't know when ... if I'll see him again, Pete." I didn't think my face held much expression, because my voice was dead.

Pete shook his head. I'd never seen him look so sad. Maybe it was because he had Casey. Emma had Bill. Yvonne and Derek were inseparable. And I was alone.

He put his arms around me. "You've got us, Kit Kat. We'll stand behind anything you decide ... I'm always here for you, honey." He drew a breath. "The dude did seem okay ... so into you." He ran a palm across his five-o-clock shadow. "I saw the way he looked at you." He shook his head.

I drew in a bolstering breath. "Things aren't always as they seem, Pete."

He looked thoughtful. "Don't try to figure out a guy. Hey, let's get outta here for a while, Jewel."

Pete and I took a ride to Poughkeepsie on his bike. Helmets always made me claustrophobic, but I loved the freedom of the open road. We spent a great afternoon with my family, who always fussed over Pete. Who didn't love Pete? My mother sent us home with another care package, which was slung over my shoulder in a canvas bag, insulated for the ride home.

When I walked through the door, Emma had a nervous look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I blurted. My stomach hadn't seized that severely since the Hamptons.

Her mouth tightened. "Indigo was here."

"What?" My eyelids flew up to my brows. "When?"

"You just missed him." Her eyes were wide, expectant. I knew she was waiting for me to freak out. And I did.

"What did he want? Why didn't he text ... or call me? Why did he just barge in?"

"He did try to reach you. Apparently, your phone's turned off. Check it."

"Damn. I forgot to take it off vibrate."

Sure enough, there were three missed messages.

"So, what do you plan on doing?" Hands on hips, Emma looked like my mother on a bad day behind the bakery counter, when the place filled with afterschool kids who tried to lift wrapped cookies from the tables.

"Nothing." I set my jaw.

"Are you at least going to return his call?"

"I'll think about it," I said on my way into my room. I quietly shut the door, sat on my bed, and let pent up teardrops slide from my face to my shirt. What did he want from me? If his intent was to drive me crazy, he was certainly doing a great job of it.

I took a long hot shower, and didn't turn the water off until I'd made up my mind.

Sitting on my bed, my back braced against a pillow and the headboard, I dialed his number. For this confrontation, texts wouldn't suffice. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey." He sounded so anxious, his breath short, as if he was pacing.

"Hey." The greeting rolled off my tongue, but my lips were quivering.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Where are you?" I countered.

"My place. Just got back." The breath he drew was ragged. With the way he sounded, I wondered what he looked like, and if his tan face was pale and forlorn as it had been when my taxi had pulled away.

"What's up?" My voice was so cold, I pulled the spread over my trembling body. My teeth were almost chattering.

"You're angry with me ..." he pulled in a breath, "with good reason."

No fucking kidding ... "Why ever would you think I was angry, James?" I willed my voice to not shake as my limbs were doing. "After all, it's only been two weeks."

"Can I see you tonight?" He sounded desperate.

I blew my response into the phone. "I can't. I'm busy packing."

Desperation turned to alarm. "Where are you going?"

"To Pete's place ... in Maine. I'll be back on Monday .. or Tuesday ... or Wednesday."

"Jewel ..." His voice cracked. "Baby ..."

"Don't call me baby!"

"Okay .. .okay ... Jewelia. Please let me see you before you go. I can explain everything."

"Everything? As in why I received one text from you? And a vague one at that. Family crisis? Did Vanessa stub a toe or break a fingernail?"

"It had nothing to do with Vanessa, bab ... Jewel. If you let me explain, I think you'll understand. At least, I hope you will. There was no way I could leave. It was so messed up, I couldn't even call. I ..."

"What good are apologies when you're constantly fucking up?"

"Just hear me out ... please."

He sounded so sincere, so torn up, I wanted to sail through the phone, hold him in my arms. My hard shell cracked like an over-boiled egg. Stepped on. Scrunched. Scrambled. Totally emulsified, like the wall I'd managed to build around myself.

"I got into the academy." I couldn't seem to iron out my voice, no less the situation.

"That's fantastic ... but I knew you would."

"Yeah, so, we're going to Maine to celebrate. Want to come?" I held my breath. If he declined my invitation, I would throw the phone at the wall right before I died, or had a nervous breakdown, whichever occurred first.

In a subdued tone, Indigo accepted, agreeing to show up at my apartment the following morning by eight a.m., packed and ready to roll. I had planned on driving up with Emma and Bill, who were hitching a ride with Yvonne and Derek, but because of the seating arrangements, we decided Indigo and I would take his Wrangler, along with the coolers and some of our gear.

E
mma and I waited outside our apartment, bags piled between us on the sidewalk. The day was sweet and warm. It was summer. I should have been lighthearted, but I wasn't. When I saw the Wrangler pull up to the curb, my heart started racing. When Indigo stepped from the car, came to my side, leaned in and kissed my cheek, I almost passed out from hyperventilation.

"All set for camping, I see." He scanned our possessions, attempting a grin, but discomfort was obvious. Of course, he was putting up a front.

"Hey," I said, unable to remove my eyes from his. "You okay?"

He was as handsome as ever, but looked so worn, with circles of stress beneath his eyes, and tiny lines visible at the corners. Lines I'd never before noticed.

"I'm good, hon." He put up a hand to avoid the strong rays of sunshine that rose above the high rise buildings aiming at us from across the street. "Are you?" Shoving his hands into his pockets, he looked like a solemn little boy waiting to be reprimanded.

"I'm good, Jimmy." My lips were taut, but I managed a smile.

"That's good to hear." His voice softened like it always did when I called him
Jimmy.
It was his name; why did it have such an effect on him?

As I watched his face turn pensive, dormant butterflies sprang to life, scratching away, just like old times. My hands threatened to tremble, so I locked them behind my back, but nothing could brace my legs that so badly wanted to wobble.

I had to put myself in another place, engage my mind so I didn't fall apart. Just seeing him again made my chest swell with excitement. I felt all tingly, and my lips threatened to freeze, my jaw to shudder. The academy, Jewel! Think about where you'll be in just a few short weeks. Starting a new life. Living your dream. He's not your life, silly girl, not the world around you. That world crashed on a Southampton street.

So I told myself all the lies I needed to get me through the moment. And it worked. On the outside, anyway. Inside I was crumbling.

"Should we get this show on the road?" I said with a smile. Unlocking my arms, I grabbed my bag and a cooler.

Emma, who had retreated to the narrow porch five steps high, had to have been silently observing us. When my eyes finally traveled to her, she was smiling and Bill was standing beside her; an arm around her, he also looked pleased as Indigo and I stood within two feet of each other. Emma gave me an inconspicuous thumbs up and headed down the stairs.

Pete and Casey showed up on their motorcycles, dressed in fatigues and olive drab T-shirts and hiking boots. They were hunky and adorable. Pete wore a lightweight black jacket; Casey's was chocolate brown. Unhitching their bags, they threw their belongings into the Wrangler's trunk, then greeted Indigo with 
hey mans
and handshakes. Pete even patted Indigo's arm with what I judged to be compassion. As soon as Yvonne and Derek drove up in his parents' Escalade, Emma and Bill hopped into the luxurious back seat.

Heading out of the city we formed a convoy, with Pete and Casey the point guards, Indigo and me the center, the Escalade bringing up the rear. Since Pete was the only one who knew the way, we had to be careful not to lose sight of him. At some point our cell phones were bound to die as we climbed the mountains of Maine and we'd be out of touch.

"Have you ever been to Maine?" I asked Indigo, who drove with both hands on the wheel. He wore aviator sunglasses, which made him look irresistible; I knew his eyes mirrored the smoky lenses that shielded them, because the unbuttoned shirt he wore over his heather tee was peppered with gray and black.

"I've been to Bangor. It's beautiful country, especially this time of year, with everything blooming and all."

He seemed to be wired tighter than a time bomb. I ran my fingers down his arm, trying to relax him. He must have read my mind, because he said, "Once we get out of the city, onto the highway, the traffic will thin ... we can talk."

I sat in a favored position, knee bent, half facing him. I watched his profile relax, only to tighten again as he drove. "We don't have to talk yet. Concentrate on driving. Want a bottle of water? Soda? Coffee? I have a thermos in the back."

"No thanks. I'm good."

The ice inside me had melted, and I had a feeling, regardless of what he told me, I was falling deeper in love with him, dangerously fast.

We merged onto Interstate 95 and he sank back into his seat, left hand on the wheel, while his right hand reached for mine. I remembered the night he'd pulled me onto his lap, and how he'd made me feel: so wanted, so hot. That night had started with an argument. I thought of the first night he met me at The Prestige, which almost ended in an argument.

Holy shit, was that our destiny? To be two bickering people? Bitter and old? I gripped his hand tightly, vowing I would do everything possible to make things work.

But, should I have to try? Shouldn't it come naturally?
Grandma, did this ever happen to you? Please ... give me a sign. Am I handling this the right way? Can you make raindrops fall ... just for a minute, so I know you hear me? How about whipping up a little wind to give me the okay? Would that be possible?

The sun kept right on shining, and the only wind came from my partially open window, a result of traveling sixty miles an hour on the Interstate ... and the air remained dry.

"I could barely function without you," Indigo said softly, his voice almost inaudible above the road noise. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." I squeezed his hand. A lump tightened my throat. "You know. We have a hell of a track record." I suddenly burst out laughing.

For a moment, he took his attention off the road to glance at me. Behind his sunglasses, I saw the furrow of his brow.

"Do you realize we've had almost as many arguments as dates?" My shoulders shook, tears flooded my face. I'd never been hysterical before.

"Oh baby, don't cry." He reached across the seat, pulling me as close as possible with the console between us. "If I could put you on my lap, I would. You're breaking my heart. I'm sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you like this."

I covered my face with my hands, sobbing, "It's okay. I'm sure you had a good reason. I'll be fine. I just need to get it all out."

The minute Pete coasted into a rest stop, Indigo cut the engine and pulled me close. He held me so tight, breathing was difficult. "God, it's good to hold you again," he whispered. "I was so afraid you'd never talk to me again."

"I was so afraid I'd lost you."

"Never." His mouth closed over mine.

We kissed with fury until Pete tapped on the window. I'd never seen him gripped with such emotion.

"Sorry to break this up, kids." He leaned an arm above the driver's side window, acting just like the cop he was, only he was smiling. "We're almost there, but I need to take a serious piss right now or I'll be leaving a trail."

Pete disappeared and Indigo sighed, then started laughing. “Oh, Jewel. We can’t ever let this happen again. This separation almost ruined my career.”

“What do you mean?” Stunned, I stared.

“It was just as hard on my patients as it was on me. Do you know the penalty for mixing up charts? Trying to take someone’s temperature with my pen?”

We laughed so hard, possibly as a form of relief; my too dry eyes would have normally watered, but there didn't seem to be any tears left inside me. When I pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror, I almost passed out. Two swollen, red-rimmed circles stared back, and with mascara coating half of my face, I looked like the grim reaper.

"I look awful," I groaned. Not wanting Indigo to see me that way, I stared out the window past outdated gas pumps, through the glass front of the store that appeared deserted. The scene was isolated, missing life, the frightening way I'd felt without Indigo.

He brought my face around, ran his thumbs under my eyes and gently kissed each lid. "You look beautiful." His touch, his careful tone, told me he knew we were teetering on the edge of something so tenuous, denial was a better way of surviving should we fall. And although we'd just kissed as lovers, we hadn't yet resolved the issues that could have easily destroyed us.

So, we didn't say another word about the past two weeks, or the gremlin riding between us, and when Pete returned, we followed the bikes down winding dirt roads, over wooden bridges, into a forest so thick the only defining characteristics were the colors of the branches, limbs and boughs.

"What is this? No man's land?" I said with disbelief, as our journey seemed never ending. I tried to call Emma, but after dialing her cell all I heard was my carrier's pre-recorded message. "Great. No reception."

We were surrounded by monstrous forms of vegetation, some stretching skyward, others spreading into a bushy carpet of spindly undergrowth. The woodland was so dense, shafts of sun would never be able to penetrate. I thought of every horror movie I'd ever seen, and was swept with waves of apprehension. I scrubbed my arms till they warmed. "I can't believe we'll be stuck out here with no phone. Suppose there's an emergency?"

"Don't you think there's a phone at the house?" Indigo tried to calm me with optimism.

"Pete didn't say. And since no one's been living there, most likely not." As we traveled the bumpy terrain, I stretched my neck as far as it would reach, peering into the woodlands, wondering if I'd see a moose. "There's no way I'm hiking in there. It's too creepy. Did I ever tell you I used to have nightmares about being lost in a forest?"

"Oh baby, I'll protect you." Indigo's chuckle sounded light, as if he'd forgotten the tension, or had deliberately buried it. If I didn't try to do the same, heading back home would have been a better option.

"You'll protect me from wolves?"

"Two legged?"

I smacked his arm." I'm serious. I'd wake up to them howling."

"Your neighbor's dogs?" He smirked.

"Well, I'm sticking close to the house. We shouldn't have bothered bringing the bikes."

"Look. If there's a medical emergency, you've got me. And if there's an intruder, or a wolf, Pete to the rescue. So stop worrying. We've got everything covered."

"Why am I still uneasy?" I groaned, sliding my hand down his thigh.

"I don't know, but this must be it," Indigo cut into my cynicism as we stopped before a steep driveway.

"I would think so, since it's the only house we've passed on this Godforsaken road."

"We'll be fine. And where there's a way in, there's a way out. Don't worry." His voice was strong, yet subdued.

"You make such sense." I exhaled a sigh, for a moment forgetting we were here to work things out, until I analyzed his words:
We'll be fine. Where there's a way in, there's a way out,
which could have pertained to our relationship. My heart was heavy.

He mumbled something that sounded like, "I only wish that were true." But when I asked him to clarify, he said it was nothing and clammed up.