Heads or Tails (53 page)

‘You had your reasons,’ Lincoln said. ‘And if you’re going to break my heart now, don’t try and wreck my memories too. We
were
in love.’

‘Yes. We were. You will always be the first man I loved-and there’s a part of me that will be untouchable to him because of that.’ Ivyanne pressed the ring into his hand and closed his fingers around it. ‘But I’m choosing the man who loves me for who I am now-not who I
was
.’

Lincoln’s temples were throbbing. ‘I
know
you’re not Ivanna anymore,’ he protested weakly. ‘We’ve been over this.’

‘I know. Because with Ivanna-you never
once
looked at another girl.’ She drew in a whispery breath. ‘Nor I at another man. Until him. You look at me and see this beautiful, flawless creature I once was, and every time my true colors show, you go into denial. Tristan looks at me and sees the temperamental, manipulative and terrified woman I’ve become, but he never looks away from my weaknesses-he tries to guide me through them instead and celebrates the incurable ones. Every hour I spend with him makes me stronger, even if he does it by pissing me off. And the opposite is true-the more I push him away, the more he falls apart. But when I’m not stealing your focus, you are at your
best
. Like when you saved Grace and Michael, and when you were training-Link you were incredible tonight and saved countless lives and why? Because winning my hand was the last thing on your mind.’

‘I almost didn’t.’ The confession caught on Lincoln’s throat. He raised his eyes to her, his emotions warring inside him. ‘There was a moment when I thought, that if I let Ardhi pull the trigger-’

‘I know. I saw it. But you let go of your hope of being my lover, and became a hero instead.’ She kissed his hand. ‘You’re here because you were meant to be mer, not because you were meant to be
mine
.’

The finality to those words slayed him. Lincoln squeezed the ring in his palm and gripped her by the shoulders. ‘How long have you known for?!’ he demanded. ‘How long have you looked at him and seen what you didn’t see in
me
?’

Ivyanne dropped her head. ‘I don’t know... since yesterday... since I was thirteen…’

Lincoln felt his insides harden. ‘But you said….!’ he lost his voice, exasperated. ‘You
hated
him being here!’

Ivyanne looked up. Her face was wet. ‘Did I?’ She whispered. ‘Or did I kiss him the
moment
I realized he cared enough to chase me? Within seconds of him showing up on my door?’

Lincoln felt like he’d been hit in the stomach. He turned away, completely blind-sided, and hurled the ring into the water. It sailed over the pool, but he never heard it land. ‘I don’t believe this!’ The tears wouldn’t cease. ‘I’ve waited forever for you! And you for me!’

‘A decade with change isn’t forever, Lincoln,’ Ivyanne said softly. ‘It seems that way now, to me too-but we’re young.  We idealized a relationship because summer days make falling in love so easy, especially when the people involved have time only to explore the chemistry. But in reality...When did we have an evening when something disastrous didn’t happen? When were we ever content enough with each other to not be moved by other people?’

‘You can’t base our durability on the two weeks we had together with everything that was going on, including people trying to tear us apart!’ He protested, turning to glare at her, hating her for looking so lovely in the moonlight. ‘You don’t know that you and Tristan will do any better! He drives you
nuts
!’

‘That’s true. He does.’ Ivyanne reached into her pocket and pulled something out. ‘He’s vain and egotistical and conniving.’ She held up a piece of paper. ‘And yet I want him by my side, regardless.’

Lincoln stared at the small, crumpled scrap of paper, instantly recognizing Ivyanne’s lovely cursive. The name :
‘Tristan Loveridge,’
was inscribed on it it black pen. He looked into her eyes, uncomprehending. ‘What’s this?’

‘
My
vote. For the guard. I fished it out of the trash so he wouldn’t find out.’ Ivyanne rubbed her temple, like she was giving herself a migraine. ‘Then I acted mad that he’d volunteered himself.
Then
I lost the plot when it endangered him.’ She looked down. ‘I put his name in there
twice
. I knew he’d be voted in enough by everyone else that it wouldn’t count for much. And yet...’

Lincoln recoiled, amazed that he could feel so betrayed by someone who had so blatantly rejected him. ‘Who was the third vote for?’

Ivyanne twitched and said nothing.

‘Not for me?’

Ivyanne shook her head. When she looked up, tears were streaming down her face. ‘Sahori. To test him. And he not only passed, but made me see that he knew my heart better than I did.’ She sniffled. ‘I wanted you safe, but I guess there were other factors in play too…’

Lincoln sagged back against the wet patio table and contemplated her words and her face miserably. She’d wanted Tristan on the guard. She’d wanted Tristan a lot more than she had let on, and she’d been trying to hide it for him
and
from herself-and
failing
.

She’s failing me.
‘How am I supposed to stop loving you?’ He implored her.

‘You will.’ Ivyanne said. ‘I’ve been struggling to keep a grip on you for fifteen years. But now, when I reach for something else willingly, my hold on you will relent-I just
know
it.’ Ivyanne touched her hand to her cheek. ‘Something inside you knows it too-and I believe it’s pulling you to Grace. She who still possesses what you need to remember about me, in order to love me.’ She held her hands out. ‘Whereas I
don’t
.’

Her touch scalded him so much that he flinched. ‘What a convenient theory for you!’ Lincoln stepped up to her. ‘Is that going to help you sleep at night Ivanna?! Palming me off to the next in line like the consolation prize I am?!’

Ivyanne swallowed and stepped back, something dropping over her eyes, taking the shine out of them. ‘No. But the fact that you just called me
Ivanna
again might.’ Her posture slumped. ‘Ivanna’s dead, Lincoln. I’m somebody else now. Somebody imperfect and damaged….somebody you’ll never love the way you loved her.’

It took Lincoln’s brain a moment to register that he had called her by that name.

Is she right?
he wondered miserably.
Has she changed so much that even my love can’t restore her innocence?
But before he could open his mouth, Ivyanne had turned and walked back towards the house.

‘Ivyanne please-’ he choked out. ‘Don’t do this! You don’t have to make this decision now-’

She paused at the door, glancing sadly back at him. ‘But it’s made.’ One solitary tear rolled down her perfect cheek. ‘You were destined for many great things, my love, and it’s time I got out of your way and let you see how truly magnificent you are. Every second we spend together is making you question you’re worth and I won’t have it.’

Lincoln stared at her, crying and wiping at his face. He so badly wanted to rush to her, to pull her into her arms and force her to feel what he did... but he knew that would make him just as bad as Ardhi. Ivyanne had been robbed of everything-he wouldn’t hold her certainty hostage now that she finally had it.

Lincoln stepped back. When the door shut behind her, he collapsed to his knees and smashed his fist into the pavers as an anguished holler expelled from his lungs.

26.

Ivyanne was quick about getting changed after her shower. The metallic stench of blood soaking into her bedspread and carpet was potent enough to choke her, so she grabbed a handful of the most suitable clothes she could find, holding her breath, before ducking back into her bathroom and blow drying her freshly washed hair until only the underside was damp. She wasn’t able to do the whole lot-that would have taken over an hour and it was already just past midnight.

She’d left her bathroom window open, so the fresh autumn air would sweep through the room while she she quickly applied make-up. She was eager to be out of her befouled space and in company that would distract her from the horrible things she had been through and witnessed that night.

Ending things with Lincoln had almost ruined her. But although her step felt heavier, her heart felt lighter somehow. The moment she’d taken off his ring, Anna Le Courts’ invisible hand had snaked into hers, to lead her in the right direction now that she’d stopped resisting her destiny.

When she was dressed in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt, she made her way downstairs. Her ears were filled with the sounds of revelry, and her heart overflowing  with delight for the first time in a long time. She had made some mistakes-but now she was in a position to not only put everything right-but to improve lives even more and bring balance back to their world.

When Ivyanne reached the bottom of the stairs, she made a beeline for the security room, inhaling deeply to compose herself before crossing the threshold. She spotted Sherri immediately, gagged and bound still, her red hair in disarray, her eyes shining with cold hatred from the furthest corner. Sahori was in the other.

‘Hey.’ Ivyanne said softly. ‘I need to have a word with the prisoner. Feel free to go join the party if you’d like.’

But Sahori shook her head. ‘I have promised to guard her. As Garridan said, we do not know what she is capable of, being one of Ardhi’s mer. I cannot in good conscience, leave you alone with her.’

‘Fair enough.’ Ivyanne leaned over and lowered the gag.

Sherri jerked her head away. ‘I have nothing to say to you. I didn’t know what Ardhi’s actual intention were tonight, and after the way I’ve been treated, I no longer care care.’ Her jaw clenched. ‘You had it coming.’

Ivyanne arched an eyebrow. ‘Is that the full moon talking?’

‘Oh it has to be right? Because it’s impossible for someone to just know that you’re a teasing, greedy girl who gets off on driving good men crazy?’

‘That’s not true.’ Ivyanne said softly. ‘I’ve been confused, but I haven’t inflicted a speck of pain without feeling it threefold in return.’ Sherri rolled her eyes and Ivyanne sighed, choosing to keep her temper in check. ‘Did you think he was a good man?’

Sherri frowned. ‘Who, Lincoln?’

‘No. Ardhi.’

‘Oh.’ Sherri looked away. ‘He would have been, if not for you.’

‘I’m inclined to agree.’ Ivyanne sat on the filing cabinet and picked up the gun Garridan now left there for her. ‘But then again-’ she cocked the hammer. ‘I’m also inclined to go to his dead body, and kick it. Still...I’d like to talk to you, about the time you spent with him in New Zealand first. He started telling me a story tonight, and then we were rudely interrupted by an actual good man hell-bent on saving my life. It was about a mermaid princess, and an evil mermaid mother. Ring any bells?’

Sherri smiled. ‘It should to you, after all, it’s your grandmother he was talking about.’

‘That’s what I assumed.’ Ivyanne tried to calm her racing heart so Sherri wouldn’t smell her fear and uncertainty. ‘Care to tell me the rest of the story? Or at least enlighten me on who the characters were, exactly?’

Sherri’s smile grew wider. ‘Or how it involves Lincoln? Or New Zealand? Or the crown?’

Ivyanne’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Yes.’

Sherri’s mouth curled. ‘No.’

Ivyanne raised the pistol so the nozzle was mere inches away from Sherri’s face. ‘You can’t be convinced otherwise?’

‘And rob Ardhi of his right to torment you beyond the grave?’ Sherri quipped. ‘Hell no. I owe him that much.’ She leaned closer. ‘I can give you a hint though. In fact if it keeps you up at night, I’d be glad to.’

Ivyanne rarely slept through the night anyway. ‘And that would be…?’

Sherri’s eyes flashed. ‘Lincoln’s mother’s accident? No more an accident than Tristan’s crash. And your family’s dirty little secrets are to blame.’

The air whooshed out of Ivyanne’s lungs. Behind her, she heard Sahori gasp. ‘What?’ Ivyanne demanded. ‘How could…?’

Sherri grinned. ‘I said one hint, and I meant it. I thought I wanted Ardhi to tell him, just to sever the ties between you, but I have a feeling that someone else is going to clear up the mystery.’ She grinned. ‘And it will be so much more entertaining when you get the firsthand account.’

Ivyanne got to her feet. ‘From who?’ She demanded. ‘Tell me.’

‘Or you’ll shoot me?’ Sherri scoffed. ‘And ruin your perfect little reputation as-’

The sound of the bullet was deafening in the enclosed, windowless room full of steel, and Ivyanne almost screamed in shock, but she didn’t. She turned away from the mess she’d reduced Sherri to, and put the gun back on the filing cabinet with a shaking hand.

‘I keep trying to tell people that I’m not that nice,’ she said softly, then risked a glance at Sahori, who had leapt to her feet and was now gaping at Sherri’s body with wide dark eyes. ‘Tell no one what you heard just now, Sahori. Consider it a royal command. I won’t have Lincoln learn of this until I have the full story. Besides, I’ve already broken him enough for tonight. I’ll bear this burden alone for awhile. I deserve it.’

Outside, footsteps were rapidly approaching.

‘You chose Tristan?’ Sahori asked.

Ivyanne smiled. ‘Got an issue with that?’

Sahori looked back at the body. ‘Zero…. He’s a good choice.’

‘He was the only choice.’ Ivyanne said softly. ‘And I’d like to thank you for helping me see that, and for your incredible dedication to this job.’

‘Thank you, your majesty…’

‘You’re very welcome.’ Ivyanne stepped out of the room and into Garridan’s grasp. She pulled the door closed behind her, not wanting anyone to see it and get upset. She wasn’t in the mood to reflect on her actions, only to live them.

‘You’re okay!’ He exploded. ‘Did Sherri..?’

‘Stop living? Yes.’ Ivyanne shoved her hands into her pockets, hoping to conceal the shake as tears threatened to spill over. She needed to speak to so many people, to check on others. But all she really wanted was to be held. ‘I’ll explain later, okay? It’s a long, private and upsetting story I just can’t deal with it right now. I need.. Well where’s Tristan? And Link? And Pintang?’

‘Lincoln’s down on the dock. I assumed he was waiting for you. Pintang is with her brothers’ body, saying goodbye...’ Garridan cleared his throat. ‘And Tristan... went out.’

Ivyanne’s need to check on the ones who’d gotten caught in the crossfire dissolved as she found herself thrust back into the flames. ‘
Out
? Out
where
?!’

Garridan looked uncomfortable. ‘He left with Callum about twenty minutes ago. Callum’s car was still out the front, and he was going to give Tristan a lift to a motel. I heard Tristan making a reservation for that waterfront one on his way out the door.’

‘A motel?!’ Ivyanne squeaked. ‘
Why?
!’

Garridan glanced down at his lap. ‘I don’t think he wanted to be in the house tonight, Ivyanne. And from what I could tell... he took all of his stuff with him.’

Ivyanne’s head was spinning. ‘I don’t understand! He’s been pushing me harder than anyone to make this decision for three months, and now that I’ve gone and done it-he goes to a
motel
? He doesn’t even want to talk it over?’ Ivyanne’s eyes filled with tears. ‘
Why
?’

Garridan looked up, surprised. ‘Come on Ivyanne, surely you can understand that he didn’t want to stick around and watch you and Lincoln... you know...My sister is having a birthday party in Hawaii in a few days. I’ve agreed to meet him there then but he decided it was best to leave in the morning.’

Ivyanne quickly realized what was going on, and her heart sank. ‘Where did he go?
Which
motel?!’

Garridan frowned. ‘Haven’t you tortured the guy enough-’

‘Not
nearly
enough! I’m well overdue giving  this idiot a piece of my mind!’ Ivyanne made a move towards the door, intending to swim. She’d earned that much-and it would quell her terror at the idea of Tristan leaving her. But Garridan stepped between them.

‘Ivyanne stop!’ He snapped. ‘If you don’t love him then leave him alone!’

Ivyanne rolled her eyes. ‘I swear Garridan you’re as thick as your own nephew sometimes! Now move so I can go talk the future king off a ledge, okay?’

Stunned silence met her announcement. But seconds later, Garridan’s face broke into a smile that blinded her as he stepped aside.

Okay mum, that was pretty hot.
Ivyanne thought, blushing as she glimpsed another, truer version of the mer people-one that filled her with hope. Inner beauty that caused the surface to radiate light.
You’re forgiven for hooking me up with the younger model! Even if it did almost get us all killed!

*

Tristan didn’t know if it was the change in weather or in his heart, but it was a cool night, the kind that got into his bones and made him feel like he might never be warm again. He had a long shower and dressed in the black silk  pajama pants he’d brought with him from Sydney before settling down in front of the television with a bottle of champagne he’d snatched from the mini-bar. He popped the cork and pressed it to his mouth, not bothering with a glass. For once, he didn’t care about how he looked or acted. He just wanted to be drunk and warm.

‘To killing Ardhi!’ he toasted the air, then wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. He’d never felt more miserable in his life.

I should have invited Callum up for a beer.
He thought.
Who knows when I’ll see him again?

The click of the lock on his balcony door turned his head, and he sprang to his feet in seconds, reaching for the gun he’d brought with him that he’d pocketed out of habit. The door opened, and when Ivyanne breezed in-soaking from head to toe in an outfit that screamed ‘I’m done trying to impress you!’ he stepped back a few paces, lowering the weapon to the floor.

‘What are you doing?!’ he exploded, his heart hammering from the shock of almost blowing her head off.

Ivyanne cuddled herself, eyeing him with undisguised contempt. ‘You dare raise your gun to your
queen
?!’

Tristan dropped his arm. ‘I’m a bit paranoid at the moment! Is it raining again?’

Ivyanne smiled. ‘Actually I swam. It was fabulous, even though I used two legs.’

Tristan glared at her. ‘This is an invasion of privacy, you know.’

‘I know.’ She glanced around. ‘Nice room by the way! I’d almost forgotten what the outside world looked like!’ Ivyanne sauntered over to him, her green eyes glowing. ‘I’m kind of glad you bolted-it gave me a chance to use my newfound freedom.’

‘You would have stayed home if you had a lick of empathy,’ he muttered, tossing the gun onto his nightstand and sitting down wearily. ‘Where’s Lincoln? He must be in a bad way to let you out of his sight.’

Ivyanne dropped her eyes, pushing her hair back from her forehead. ‘He’s a wreck.’ She admitted. ‘I don’t think he’ll notice that I’ve gone for awhile.’

‘Tonight would have been hard for him.’ Tristan shuddered at the idea of being bound and forced to watch another man paw her. ‘Despite the glaringly bright upsides, I suppose.’

‘It’s hard for all of us. The things I learned of and heard or said or did tonight-’ Ivyanne’s expression was pained as she glanced out towards the balcony, her perky façade shifting enough to let years of sadness peek through. ‘I’m not looking forward to the moment when it all sinks in, you know?’

‘Of course I know,’ he said irritably. ‘I’m already sinking and you being here is just going to push me further under. You have a nasty habit of taking off when I need you and showing up when your face is the last thing I want to see.’

‘But I had to come.’ Ivyanne’s eyes were sparkling with tears. ‘Tristan... do you have any idea of what you’ve meant to me these past three months?’

‘Not enough,’ he said, feeling his throat close again as he echoed his uncle’s words.

‘You’re wrong.’ Ivyanne stepped closer to him and he backed up, sitting on the bed and scowling up at her. ‘Despite what you’re thinking right now, I love you so much Tristan. You’re my best friend. But you saved my life tonight and then took off before I could
thank
you for it! That hurts!’

‘You could have thanked me by letting me go quietly.’ He said morosely, hating her for actually making him feel bad. Those big green eyes were pools of guilt and he was drowning in them. ‘And I’m sorry but in case you haven’t noticed, friend-zoning men who are obsessed with you hasn’t worked out so well. I can’t put myself through that torture and Lincoln would never allow it. I just need to get back to L.A and forget all of this-’