healing-hearts (31 page)

He repeated her tone. “I’ve never sensed that you’ve been displeased with my ‘husband thing.’ Besides, what do you know about how I lived my single life?”

“Contrary to the beliefs of some of your colleagues, I’m not stupid, Jason.”

“I don’t know or care what other people think, Yasmine, I don’t think you’re stupid. High strung at times,” his voice dropped another notch, “which is one of the things I like about you—most of the time.”

She had to steel herself against his words, she couldn’t afford to relent. “Look, Jason, can’t we just end this?”

“I have no problem with you feeling like you need some space. I just don’t like being blindsided.”

“I can understand that.”

“So are you going to tell me what brought all this on, now?”

Yasmine sat quietly for a moment, “Let me ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“What’s the relationship between you and Raquel?” Yasmine hated that she wanted to know this, needed to know this—even though it would hurt when she heard him admit the relationship.

His voice was flat. “We work together.”

“Jason, you know what I mean.”

He lowered his head for a moment then looked up. “You’re asking if we’ve ever had sex?”

“Yes.”
Too late to back out now.

“Yes.” Jason repeated, but didn’t go any further. “I’m not seeing what she has to do with this.”

“She has everything to do with it.” Yasmine declared.

“Why?”

“Can you honestly tell me you haven’t thought about it?”

“What kind of question it that?”

“One you can’t seem to answer.”

“It’s one I don’t I
want
to answer, because it has no bearing on our relationship now.”

“Would you have married her if it wasn’t for me and my ‘situation’?” Yasmine ignored his denials and continued with her questions.

“Yasmine, it wasn’t like that.” His voice rose up a notch, contradicting her implication.

Yasmine could feel her throat becoming tight and she knew if they continued with this conversation she was going to embarrass herself. She hated crying in front of people. “Well, I don’t care what it was like or if it’s been continuing.”
Liar
, the voice in her head screamed. “It’s just time that you left.”

“Look, Yasmine, would it make you feel better if I told you I don’t want Raquel?”

“Can you tell me she doesn’t want you? The woman exudes sex, Jason, all in your direction.”

“That’s just Raquel. She filters it in everyone’s direction. Hell, that’s how she keeps clients eating out of her hands.”

“So, since we’ve been married it’s only been business between you two? Nothing else?”

“Are you accusing me of cheating on you, on my marriage vows?”

Yasmine could clearly see Jason was beginning to get angry, she figured it was more from guilt for either what he may have done with Raquel or what he wanted to do.

“What vows? This isn’t real. We both knew it from the beginning and we honestly allowed it to go too far.”

Jason got up from the loveseat and sat down on the long couch next to her. He placed his hands on both sides of her face and gazed into her eyes. “Yasmine, this has been real to me. There’s nothing fake about how I feel about you and the kids. You have to know that.”

Her heart was being tugged by his words. Pulling away from him, Yasmine got up from the couch. She couldn’t allow him to touch her or look at her like someone who loved her, because she knew that wasn’t the case.

This wasn’t love; this wasn’t reality. It was just a story from a book they had created; to fool the people, but the joke was on them.

Ding. Dong.

The conversation was ended by Julinda’s arrival. Yasmine passed by him on her way up the stairs to get the kids.

Jason took hold of her arm to stop her. “Yasmine, we aren’t done talking about this.”

“I have nothing more to say on the matter. Excuse me I need to get the kids.” Yasmine did a light jog up the stairs and tried to convince herself she wasn’t running away.

~ML~

When she came back down the stairs with the children, Jason and Julinda were sitting down on the couch.

“Your husband was just telling me that Joshua has been sick.”

“The doctor said it was stomach flu and it could last up to three days, but he made a miraculous recovery this afternoon.”

“Let me guess, he wanted something sweet.”

Laughing, Jason asked, “How did you know?”

“I have a son and when he was younger he’d be all better if it meant he could have a strawberry Pop-Tart.”

“It’s ice cream for Josh,” Yasmine relayed.

“Don’t worry, my son suckered me with it every time,” Julinda confessed with a smile.

They all laughed.

“So, let’s get down to the reason for my visit. You all have been waiting long enough.”

The kids each took a seat on the side of Mrs. Julinda as they usually did, because they had become fond of her. Yasmine sat down next to Jason, because it was where she normally sat, and because she needed his support even after the discussion they had just had. Part of her wished she had the strength to do this alone, but she had grown dependent on Jason and needed him—at least for this.

Yasmine was glad when he didn’t pull away, but grabbed her hand and held it, giving it a quick squeeze of support. He was a good man, and she hoped Raquel realized it.

“Well, my report is done and actually I turned it into the judge the day before I spoke with you, Yasmine.”

Thump
,
thump
,
thump
, Yasmine could feel her heart beating rapidly and her mouth began to go dry.

“What was your impression of our family?” Jason asked.

His voice sounded so calm, Yasmine was amazed how he could still talk. She didn’t think her tongue would ever become unstuck from the roof of her mouth.

Julinda began, “Over the last few months, I have watched you interact and play with the kids and even discipline them.”

Yasmine knew she was referring to the time the twins had written on the walls with their crayons. Yasmine had talked to them about how inappropriate the behavior was and how they had messed up the wall and it would have to be repainted. Jason had given them the stern father voice and sent them upstairs to get all of their crayons and bring them down to him. They had been told they couldn’t have them back until after they had helped Jason paint the wall. That Saturday it had been painted.

“I’ve even had the pleasure of watching the two of you together.”

Yasmine was shocked to hear that, she hadn’t known that her and Jason’s relationship was under a microscope also.

“It’s evident that you love each other very much, as well as your deep affection for the children.”

Yasmine choose to ignore the squeeze Jason gave to her hand this time. She could easily arrive at the point he was making, but to her it was just more confirmation of how deep they had been sucked into their own fallacy.

“So...” Jason tried to lead Julinda toward her conclusion.

“So, I gave my approval and expressed my opinion that you’ve built a balanced environment and solid foundation with guidance, trust, respect and love. That the children were happy and without a doubt would be able to succeed favorably in society being raised by the two of you.”

“Yes,” Yasmine cheered. Her throat became tight for the second time that day with the need to shed tears, but this time with excitement.

Yasmine felt like hugging the other woman, but restrained herself keeping the professional barriers in place. She didn’t pull away from Jason when he embraced her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

The children sensed the excitement in the air and wasted little time in running over to her and Jason and setting on their laps and hugged them.

“So, what’s next?” Jason asked from over the top of Jessica’s ponytails.

“Now you wait. Getting a lawyer at this point would be beneficial, so there is somebody at the judge’s clerk’s office constantly hounding her to review your case.”

“Then after the judge reviews the case what happens?” Yasmine asked, finally finding her voice.

“She’ll call you all into court and render her verdict.”

“Okay, we’ll get a lawyer,” Jason confirmed.

“Good.” Julinda stood up. “I wish you all the best with your case.”

“Thank you.” Yasmine shook hands with the social worker.

“You’re welcome. Your case was an easy one. There are too many that I don’t get to walk out smiling. Frequently, I’m walking out with the children also.”

Yasmine knew about some of those cases, because of the amount of time she had spent in the orphanage and she still went once a week at lunch to read to the children and could easily recall the ones who had been hurt or abused while in foster care.

They said their good-byes and the twins gave her a hug. Then Julinda walked out of the door.

The rest of the evening went in a blur as Yasmine and Jason went through the motions with the kids. They fed and bathed them, then ended the children’s evening with books.

After they had straightened up the kitchen in silence as if avoiding the inevitable, Jason was the first to speak, “We need to finish our conversation from earlier, Yasmine.”

“Jason, I need you to go.”

“Why, Yasmine?” he asked as he followed her into the living room.

“Because I’m starting to feel and sound like a jealous wife and I have no right to be either, nor do I want to be,” she threw in for good measure even though it pained her to say it.

“You are my wife. We both vowed it before God. You can’t change that fact, Yasmine.”

“In name only, remember, Jason.” She began walking up the stairs to her room, not wanting to see him leave.

“Well, if that’s the way you want it, then your wish is my command,” Jason spoke from behind her.

She froze at his words. Yasmine heard the door open and close.

From her bedroom window she could hear his car start, and then see it pull away and he was gone. Yasmine got undressed and went to bed and cried, praying silently that she would be able to kick out the feelings in her heart as easily as she had removed Jason from her life.

~ML~

Jason walked into his empty apartment in The Cosmopolitan. At times he had thought about letting it go, but because of their agreement and his lease, he’d kept it. At one point living in Town Center Virginia Beach area had filled him with pride. It was the place to be. Hell, Raquel owned a condominium a few blocks away in the Westin. His place was in the happening spot in town. The heart of the city.

Now, it seemed void of life compared to Yasmine’s home where he had been living for months. The place was clean, from the last time his housekeeper had come by months ago. There were no toys in various places waiting for him to step on or trip over. He entered his kitchen and saw no daycare art exhibited with magnets on the door of his refrigerator.