Heart Echoes (18 page)

Chapter 31

LOS ANGELES

River flipped his cell phone in his hands, end over end, staring at nothing.

They were not good at this long-distance relationship.

Why had Teal left him?

If he had been sitting with her, looking her in the eye, he could have told her. “This feels like when I lost Krissy and Sammy,” he would have said. “I went through the motions, and after a while, I got used to the motions. I got used to their absence. It hurt less. I don't want to get used to your absence now. But I'm starting to.”

He was.

And it scared him how quickly it had happened this time around.

Instead he told Teal that he missed her. Which he did.

He missed her when they were on the phone.

Years ago friends and even his sister had warned him about second marriages. “There is more baggage than you can ever imagine. She has a kid? Oh.” Groans. “You'll always take a backseat to the kid. The kid was there first.”

They spoke from personal experience. He insisted that still, it must have been worth it, right? Replies varied, the best being “On some days.”

But he trusted the light Teal had brought into his life. Their journey together would definitely be worth it. It
was
definitely worth it.

Why had she left him?

For Maiya's sake. Which meant, yes, he was sitting in the backseat. Again. Or still?

Still. In a sense.

He worked with teens who had never known a front-seat ride. Which explained why they had ended up in his care. And yet . . .

And yet, where was the balance? Maiya was his own child in every way but genetically. He gave her plenty of front-seat rides. Short ones, when the situation deemed it necessary.

He should have been part of this decision about her. They all could have dealt with it without anyone leaving town.

But there was more going on here. And if he had been sitting with Teal, looking her in the eye, he could have said the hard thing.

“Guilt is why you went to Cedar Pointe. But all of your good intentions to make up with your family and share Maiya with them will not purge you. It will not fill the hole in Maiya's heart. She needs to know who her biological father is, and you need to tell her everything. It's the only thing that will free you and her.”

A thought struck him and the phone tumbled onto the desk.

Maybe Teal was doing exactly that. Maybe Bio Dad lived in Cedar Pointe. Maybe she couldn't deal with River being in on it.

Maybe that was why she had left him.

Chapter 32

CEDAR POINTE

Lacey sat on a park bench, eyes shut, head tilted to catch the sunlight full on her face. “This is great.”

“Mm-hmm.” Teal spoke beside her. “Thanks for pulling me away from work.”

Lacey opened her eyes and looked at her sister. “It's Sunday.”

“Now that's the pot calling the kettle black. Happy Grounds is open seven days a week. Either you or Will or both of you are there before it opens at six thirty and after it closes at three, every single day.”

“Sunday hours are shorter. It's our day off. Sort of. When do you take off?”

“When a job is done.” Teal turned to her now, the sunlight glinting off her sunglasses. “I guess we're both caught up in meeting other people's needs. Your way is just more obvious. You get to give them coffee and muffins. I write briefs and argue.”

Lacey smiled and gazed out over the huge expanse of ocean far below them. The bench was located along a narrow path that ran along the rugged coastline. She felt flooded with a familiar sense of gratitude for all that had been given her. The beauty of where she lived, the privilege of serving the comforts of coffee and muffins, the ability to leave the shop in another's hands while she and Will attended church, and now an afternoon with her sister and niece.

Maiya had hiked off the path ahead of them, through scrubby vegetation and out onto a promontory. She sat out there now, evidently having her own time of quiet. Lacey hoped she was contented with the past week. They had slipped easily into a routine of lessons, work, and evenings of games or DVDs.

Lacey said, “Maiya is extraordinary. I hope you make more babies.”

Teal shifted and crossed her legs. “It seems selfish to admit to you that we don't want to.”

“No worries.” She tried to keep her tone light, but it always hurt to hear such things.
“We could have a baby, but we don't want one.”
Of course the others hurt even more.
“We're expecting our third”
or
“Our first grandchild is on the way.”

“River and I agreed early on. Given our histories, we're not all that interested. Being a single mom took it all out of me, and River's loss of his family took it all out of him. I suppose we're just selfish cowards.” She turned to her. “How about you, Lace? Do you talk about adopting?”

“With my situation . . .”

“But you're good now, right? You're getting stronger every day.”

She shrugged. “I've only been cancer-free for four months. We can't really plan much except hope we make it to six months. After that we'll hold our breath waiting for a year. If we get to five years, maybe we'll start to think that we might have a different future. Maybe we could adopt.”

“Oh, Lace.” Teal removed her sunglasses and flicked a finger beneath her eyes. “I'm sorry. I didn't think—I can't imagine.”

Lacey touched her arm. “Hey, it's okay. I can't talk to anyone else like this. Can you imagine? ‘A Danish for you, ma'am, and oh, by the way, let me introduce my friend Mr. Death. Yes, he's right here next to me. No, you can't see him.' That wouldn't be so good for business.”

Pools of tears threatened to overflow from her sister's eyes.

Lacey smiled. “Seriously, it's all right.”

“How can you smile?”

“Because I can't see him either.”

“You know what I mean.” She picked up the sweatshirt on her lap and swiped it across her face. “Don't you and Will talk?”

“We talk plenty, but he's too close. He gets depressed, and then I lose hope because I can't do this without him. Sometimes I need to unload, though, like I did just now.”

“I suppose Randi is out of the question.” Her nose wrinkled in a frown. “What about your friend Holly?”

Lacey's mouth twitched involuntarily. She quickly pursed her lips.

“What's wrong?” Her sister was overly observant. It probably made her good at her job.

“Nothing.”

“Come on. If we're going to have our first good old-fashioned sister heart-to-heart, we can't hold back.”

“You want a good old-fashioned sister heart-to-heart?”

“Sure. We're due, aren't we?”

Lacey grinned. A real talk with Teal? It would be a dream come true. “The sister rule book says that thirty-two years—which just so happens to be my age—is as long as you can go without one.”

“Or else what?”

“Poof. You're no longer sisters.”

“We better get at it, then.” Teal took a deep breath. “So what's up with Will and Holly?”

Her question hit Lacey like that first dive into an ocean wave as she paddled on her surfboard, on her way out to beyond the breakers. The water chilled her to the bone even through the wet suit. Its power frightened her. It knocked the breath from her. Her arms stilled and she lay her forehead and nose against the rough surface of the board. It rocked and she considered turning back to shore.

Then she would recall the exhilaration of riding on top of the water and she paddled again.

She had to trust that this first dive into a heart-to-heart with Teal would lead to good things.

Teal said, “I'll be honest. Holly has always annoyed me, so I am not the most unbiased observer. However, she hangs around the store an awful lot. I thought you two were always close. If you can't talk to her, then something is up.”

Lacey swallowed twice before she could speak. “We are the best of friends. When I was sick, she spent every weekend and all of her school holidays pitching in wherever we needed extra help. Mostly, though, it was her emotional support that kept me going through the worst days.”

“But . . . ?”

“But like you said, she's always at the store. She calls late at night when I'm normally asleep. And is it my imagination, or is she moony around Will?”

Teal winced and nodded. “What about Will?”

“He's been acting secretive, whispering on the phone and always being quick to get off when I walk in the room.”

“So, no proof of anything?”

She sighed. “No.”

“Have you confronted him? Come right out and asked him?”

“I don't want to know if it's true. The thing is, I can't blame him. I'm not the wife he used to have. He's had to take care of me and our home and our business for months now. He deserves better.”

“Shh. Don't go down that road. Nothing is your fault, okay? Not the cancer nor how it's affected your everyday life. Not any idiotic choice Will might have made.”

Lacey nodded. “Thanks, Teal. I feel better.”

She laughed. “Lace, I didn't even give you any help yet.”

“You didn't?”

“No. The thing is, in my opinion Will has not done anything. It's so obvious he absolutely adores you, the way he looks at you, the way he speaks to you and treats you. The phone calls?” She shrugged. “Maybe he's trying to order you flowers or tickets for a cruise. He doesn't even notice Holly. She's an unhappy divorcée who wants to have what you have.”

“Cancer?”

“You know what I mean. Hon, I'm not big on painting rosy pictures. I can offer hope to wives in crises, but I'm weak on the warm fuzzies. So that is my honest opinion. If you'd like, I could even give notice to Holly to vacate the premises.”

Lacey smiled. “No, probably not. Thanks, though.”

“Anytime.”

They sat in a comfortable silence, gazing out over the ocean and toward Maiya.

Teal said, “There she goes. I knew she'd do it.”

Maiya walked out on the promontory, a high, rocky bluff surrounded by water on three sides. Lacey watched her and saw the little girl she must have been, so much like her mother, with an adventurous streak. How she wished she had known Maiya throughout the years. They were playing catch-up at the relationship-building.

“Teal, I have to confess something. I told Maiya about Cody and Dylan.”

“Cody and Dylan!”

“I thought if she knew I had a crush on delinquent types like she did, I'd establish a common ground.” She turned, saw the stoic expression in Teal's profile, and wanted to take back her words.

“Kids don't have to know everything about us. They'll still like us.”

“I wasn't trying to get her to like me. I wanted her to understand that she wasn't the only teenager who fell for a loser.”

The muscle in Teal's jaw tensed.

Maybe the heart-to-heart was over.

She decided not to mention what else she had told Maiya, that Cody had grown from loser into respectable Marine staff sergeant. Teal knew that. Through the years, Lacey had told her whenever Will's brother did something noteworthy. But to admit she told Maiya could be construed as encouragement to hang in there with Jake.

That had not been her intention.

But what if Maiya heard it that way?

Then Lacey had overstepped her role as doting aunt.

She would have made a lousy mother.

They sat for a while in silence, not as comfortable as before, and watched Maiya dance around on the promontory. Teal began chitchatting again as if she'd swept Lacey's stupidity under the rug.

By then Lacey did not have the energy to care much. She'd blown their first heart-to-heart. Self-reprimand and physical exhaustion were an ugly combination. When it was time to go, she stood on legs about as strong as rubber and plopped back onto the bench.

“Lace?” Teal sat down again beside her. “What's wrong?”

What wasn't wrong? She was messing up her one chance to be a good sister and an influential aunt. She was losing Will. The physical aftereffects of cancer and treatments still ruled her life.

Maiya knelt before her. “Aunt Lacey?”

She heard the concern in both of their voices but had nothing left inside her to comfort others. “Call Will.” She fumbled pulling the phone from her jacket pocket.

Teal took it from her.

The world began to spin and Lacey climbed on board its carousel. Chaotic thoughts bombarded her. There was no cancer, but the pain in the emptiness where there should have been a womb pierced like a surgeon's knife cutting, cutting, cutting.

“Aunt Lacey, drink some water.”

She felt a plastic bottle at her lips and took a sip. Arms came around her and she leaned into Teal.

“He's on his way. Ten minutes.”

It would take longer than that unless he drove like a maniac through town and sprinted like an Olympic athlete over the half mile of rugged trail to reach their spot.

On second thought, maybe he could do it in ten minutes.

“I'm such a wimp,” she whispered.

“Shh. Shh.” Teal ran her fingers through Lacey's short hair over and over. She kissed her forehead.

A faint scent of perfume emanated from Teal. It carried the pure blend of floral and spices characteristic of expensive designer brands. Maybe Will would order some online for Lacey. Then she could be the type of woman who had it all together.

“Mommy, she's shivering.” Maiya's voice was scared.

It's okay. It's okay,
Lacey wanted to say, but it wasn't true.

“Put your wrap on her legs.”

She felt the warm press of soft fleece against her thighs.

No, things were not okay. Her body rebelled against her, short-circuiting energy that should have been readily available. It turned it into stress, the very thing that fed that army of cells that had declared war on her. Could it rouse them from the dead? Maybe they weren't dead as in dead and gone. Maybe they were just lying in wait for new rations.

Muffled voices broke through the fog in her mind. Teal's arms slipped away, replaced by stronger ones.

Will had come. She would be all right now.

“Lacey?” He gathered her to himself. “Can you hold on to me?”

Always.
She clutched his shirt with both hands. He stood, scooping her up like an overflowing laundry basket. Her ear against his chest, she heard the rumble of his voice.