Heart Echoes (27 page)

Pamela found Teal long before six o'clock. She sat in the other chair. “They're going to chew up Hannah Walton and spit her out.”

“And manage to do it with the utmost civility.” Teal sighed and sat up. “Her version still has holes in it. We need to prep more before her deposition on Monday. Let's get her in first thing in the morning.”

“She's on her way now. She'll be here at one. I moved your two o'clock to seven tomorrow morning. Today's three o'clock is now at four thirty.”

Teal stared at the woman. “Sometimes your efficiency bugs me.”

Pamela smiled. “Lunch is on your desk. Chicken salad.”

As more often than not, they ate together in Teal's office, taking little notice of the food while they worked.

Fork in one hand, keyboard beneath the other, Teal scanned her calendar on the monitor. Despite her recent absence, it was full. An endless parade of women needed advice, wills, divorces, separation papers, restraining orders, child custody changes, or to haul a deadbeat dad back into court.

There was so much pain scheduled to cross her threshold.

She muttered, “Maybe I'll open a coffee shop.”

Across the desk Pamela eyed her over her own laptop. “Oh?”

“Like my sister. You know, she just makes people happy. They come in, unload their woes, drink coffee and eat sweet rolls, and then they feel better.”

“You make people feel better without the caffeine and sugar.”

“But this takes so much more out of me than grinding beans and filling the creamer would.”

Pamela smiled. “It's been a crazy week. This Walton-Parkhurst case is a rough way to jump back in the saddle, but you'll be fine. Once you got going this morning, you were great.”

“Thanks to you. You're a lifesaver, Pamela.”

“I'm just your backup, doing my job. By the way, how's Maiya's first week back to school going?”

“Uh, really well, it seems.” She brushed aside a twinge of guilt. The truth was, there had been no heart-to-hearts. At best, she could say she had not heard any concerns out of Maiya. River had been taking her to school; Amber's mom usually brought her home. Between time with her friends and homework, Maiya had been scarce.

Just like River and Teal. Her ten-hour days at the office plus two hours of work at home weren't twenty-four, but they did not leave much time for family. River himself was at his most busy season preparing for the auction; he was gone most evenings.

“And how was River's Monday? I forgot to ask.”

“River's Monday?” Teal glanced at the calendar again.
Monday. What was Monday?

“The eleventh,” Pamela prompted.

“The elev . . .
Ohhh, nooo.
” She set down her fork.

“You forgot? Teal. Honestly?” Concern filled Pamela's dark eyes.

River had spent the anniversary of Krissy and Sammy's death on his own. Teal had offered nothing to her husband, who understandably still hurt, no comfort from her in the morning or at dinner. Her stomach twisted. “How could I do that to him?”

“Given this crazy week, it's obvious how it happened. You didn't mean to.”

“But that's not the point.” She pushed away from the desk and stood. “Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. How could I do this to him?”

Pamela twisted the phone toward her and unhooked the receiver. “I'll call his cell number.”

“No. He won't answer. He's in class. Oh, Pamela. I have to go there.” She yanked open a drawer and pulled out her handbag. “To the school.” Should she take any files?

“Leave a voice message. He'll get it sooner.”

Forget the files. She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and rounded the desk.

Pamela stood and shut the door before she could get through it. “Teal, slow down and think this through. It's an hour to his school, an hour back. If you hope to spend any time at all with him, you'll lose the afternoon.”

“That doesn't matter! I've let this man down far too many times. You have no idea. I swear, I don't know why he's still married to me.” Her voice rose and she chirped nonstop like a bird. “Good grief. I left him for weeks. I don't tell him hardly anything about the way my life was before I met him. I won't tell him who Maiya's father is. And now I've let him observe this horrendous anniversary all by himself. He's always playing second fiddle to me and my work.”

“He loves you, Teal. He knew he was marrying a workaholic.”

“But this is too much. This is too much. I can't ask this of him.”

“And what do I say to Zoe and Heidi?”

Her question brought Teal up short.

“Where do I say you've gone to this time? What do I say to your afternoon appointments, those women counting on you to do the equivalent of serving them coffee and sweet rolls?”

“I can't save the world, Pamela. I can't be responsible for this company. I never wanted to be a partner.”

“Partner? You might want to think about saving what's left of your job. Your calendar is full of busywork, cases no one else wants. The new hire has a complex divorce going for a bigger name than Parkhurst, and she's in over her head. What you've got there—” she pointed at Teal's laptop—“is straight out of your first year, and you're better than that, Teal. They need you on the difficult stuff, but you keep this up, and you'll completely lose their trust.”

“What are they saying?”

Pamela pressed her lips together as if holding back.

“What? So yeah, I've basically been out of it since the earthquake. Most of us have, in one way or another. The whole city has PTSD. Oh, no. They wouldn't really fire me, would they?”

“It's idle gossip. Zoe and Heidi would never say anything to me or anyone else. I'm simply trying to read the tea leaves that you're ignoring. Remember this morning when I said Zoe was available to step in for you?”

“Yeah.”

“It was because you appeared frazzled this week. That's what she said. That's why she offered.”

Some of the spunk drained from her.
Frazzled?
Zoe and Heidi had always been observant, but to notice her in recent days put them at guardian-angel levels. Not even Pamela had noticed Teal was off until that mix-up with the men's names earlier.

Teal was good at faking cool. All week she had taken special care with her hair, makeup, and clothes. She kept her shoulders squared. She thought before she spoke.

She buried that stupid woman who could not look her husband in the eye and she held on to delusional.

Pamela said, “It's no secret they didn't want you to be gone for weeks on end.”

“River didn't want me gone for weeks on end either.” She struggled into her jacket. “If it comes down to them or him, there's no question. I choose him.” If he was still interested. How long would he put up with silly and delusional? What if this was the last straw?

Pamela touched her arm. “Then choose him, Teal. Only do it so that you both know without a doubt that that's what you're doing.”

The loving admonition on her friend's face was almost too much to bear. “Okay.” She breathed out the word. “I hear you. Please, you don't have to cover for me today.”

“Are you kidding? I love this busywork. I'll meet with your appointments.” She grinned.

Teal rolled her eyes. “Take the exam already and get certified.”

Pamela laughed at the joke between them. She had a law degree, but not wanting the pressure, she never followed through to become licensed with the state. Like Teal, she was where she wanted to be.

Pamela said, “My main concern is Hannah. No amount of prepping is going to get her ready for the triplets.”

“Just help her plug some of those holes. He went to her home. He sent her money. Did she see the checks? What did she do with them?”

“Why don't I put the investigator onto Parkhurst one more time too?” She went to the credenza, picked up Teal's briefcase, and flipped through a stack of files. “Maybe we missed something. Maybe he's not the Goody Two-shoes he appears to be. Maybe tonight he'll celebrate today's performance, get hammered, and threaten his wife.”

“You have a sick mind.”

“Thanks.” Pamela shoved folders into the case and handed it to her. “You okay to drive now?”

“Yes, ma'am.” Without a backward glance, she opened the door and hurried away, anxious to make things right with someone.

Perhaps for the first time ever in her life.

Chapter 45

Sixty minutes was a conservative estimate for the drive time to San Sebastian Academy, located in the foothills on the outskirts of the city. As frazzled as Teal was, the trip was going to take longer.

Her usual ability to focus on freeway lane openings and zip in and out of them was gone. Instead she concocted a half-dozen scenarios. Would River welcome her with open arms? Would he be in the middle of teaching and need to ignore her? Would he ignore her anyway? Should she apologize profusely about Monday? Or simply kiss his cheek and go home to prepare her manicotti that he liked so much?

He had seemed fine all week.

Why did she think that? How would she know? They passed in the kitchen, grabbed whatever for dinner, spoke of routine things, gave cursory good-night kisses.

At least they had that one night they happened to go to bed at the same time. What had they done Monday evening?

Monday was her extra-long day. She had arrived home at 10 p.m.

“Oh, God, I'm sorry.”

River was such a gift to her, one she had not even hoped for, let alone requested. Did she push him away because he was undeserved? Because why get attached when he would probably leave her?

Like everyone else in her life had, including Cody.

Traffic slowed to a crawl, and in an instant the flashbacks that had faded to almost nothing unleashed themselves with intensity. She braked as images of the earthquake nearly blinded her. The echo of squealing brakes, explosions, crunching metal, people shouting and crying deafened her.

“God, help me. Help me!”

Tears streamed down her face. She wiped at them, unable to see if brake lights were lit or not.

“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” The apology would not stop forming.

The blare of a horn startled her. She jumped. It blared again, directly behind her. She froze and for one eternal moment she wondered if she could go on.

With life.

With the secrets.

With the regrets.

With the juggling of roles. Lawyer, mother, wife, friend, neighbor, church member. Now sister. Maybe even daughter.

Had she always listed
lawyer
first?

Yes. Yes, she had. Always.

Maiya was sixteen years old.
Sixteen.
The 24-7 mommy season—the one she basically missed—was long over.

Teal cried harder.

A horn blasted again. She sensed the movement of vehicles on either side of her car. They picked up speed.

There was a tapping at her window, and she turned to see a highway patrolman's face framed in a helmet. He removed his sunglasses and motioned for her to roll down her window.

She fumbled for the automatic button, wiping her face with the front of her jacket, blubbering. What was she supposed to do? In all her years of exceeding the speed limit, she'd never been pulled over. Now, her brake pedal pushed to its limit, a cop appeared.

The window descended.

“Ma'am, are you all right?”

“Y-yes. No. Yeah.”

“You need to move. You're blocking traffic. Can you drive if I help?”

She nodded. Flashing lights reflected in her rearview mirror. His motorcycle was parked behind her.

He said, “We'll get to the shoulder. Just follow me, okay?”

“O-okay.” Her hands were shaking as much as her voice.

She kept her eyes on the strobelike bursts of blue and white lights from his motorcycle. Vehicles around them parted like the Red Sea. Within moments he was leading her slowly down the freeway and changing lanes until they were on the shoulder.

She stopped, put the car in park, shuddered, and hoped he wouldn't ask if she could drive. She was clinging to the delusion of control by her fingernails. Of course she could drive.

He came back to her window and began the whole process. License, registration, calm talk, his eyes taking in every detail about her. He went back to his vehicle to check on her information.

With each passing minute her fears receded. There had been no earthquake. River was safe at school. Maiya was safe at school. Teal might get a ticket, but she was safe on the freeway.

She had many regrets, but she also had, at long last, a contrite heart. And God loved contrite hearts. He could work with them in their brokenness. He could offer them do-overs and new dreams.

Maybe He could even delete the echoes. After all, He was God.

“Thank You.”

Teal eventually made it to the school's parking lot. For a while she gazed at her face in the visor mirror, coming to terms with the fact that she did not carry enough cosmetics to repair the damage. She slipped on her sunglasses.

The officer had not ticketed her. Instead he chatted and learned of her whereabouts during the earthquake. He said paralyzed drivers like her were not uncommon. He offered to call her husband. She stopped crying and said she would take the next exit and follow side streets the rest of the way. He led her to the exit, braked on the shoulder, and waved as she passed him.

Teal walked across the lot now toward the main building, unsure where to find River. His schedule was fluid. His classes weren't always conducted in a classroom. He took boys camping and to the city. He worked with them on the grounds to prepare for various events.

“Mrs. Adams.”

She turned and recognized one of the security guards approaching. “Hi, Mick.”

“How you doing?” He stopped and smiled, his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.

Like all the security guards, he was a cross between paramilitary and bouncer. Square jaws, square shoulders, squared-off buzz cuts. Pecs and deltoids bulged beneath their navy-blue polo shirts. She did not want to know what these guys had done before joining on at San Sebastian, but she had no problem with them making sure River stayed safe.

“I'm fine.” A derisive laugh escaped her. He would have already noted how not fine she appeared. Like him, she wore sunglasses, but fresh lipstick did not hide tear-streaked cheeks. Her hands kept going to her hair, tucking it behind an ear over and over. “Scratch that. I'm not fine today. I am a basket case.”

His mouth lost its easy smile. Now he appeared uneasy.

She had seen this before. With the majority of staff, administration, and faculty being male and the student population all male, the academy oozed testosterone. Emoting was a foreign concept.

She said, “You know how it is, living with a teenager and all. How are your wife and the twins?”

“Great.” He relaxed again. “They'll be here for the auction next week. You too?”

“Always.” Was that on her calendar? She would make sure Pamela put it— No, she would insert it herself. “Do you happen to know where River is?”

“Saw him with a group out at the barns not long ago. I think they're storing items for the auction.”

“Thanks.”

“Don't forget to sign in at the office.”

If not for his watchful eye, she would have skirted around the outside of the main building. The sprawling campus with its rural setting was more open than public schools. The boys didn't need fences. This was a last-chance school. If they left, they'd be sent to prison.

Getting to River had the feel of swimming upstream. No wonder salmon died after their trek upriver. If she didn't get to her husband soon, she might just sit down and quit.

She managed to sign in, make small talk with the office manager, ignore her curious look at the sunglasses she did not remove, drape the visitor ID around her neck, and hightail it outside without falling apart.

The heels of her pumps wobbled on the gravel drive. Nerves wobbled her legs. She was tucking her hair behind her ear still. Her heart pounded in her chest.

She forced herself to slow down. Greeting River in the middle of his day as a floundering salmon was not a good idea.

The place was perfect for slowing down. Surrounded by hills and trees, it was beautiful and peaceful. Adobe buildings housed classrooms, dorm, gym, and cafeteria. There were soccer and baseball fields, barnyards with chickens and goats, a swimming pool. She spotted pumpkins in a large vegetable garden. The October air smelled dry and crisp.

River loved it here. She wondered if he had been happier before he met her than he was now. Back then he practically lived in his camper parked in a lot behind a barn, seldom going home to his apartment. The boys were his life. The dorm parents and other employees were his best friends. They were the ones who carried him through the worst nightmare of his life.

She couldn't even manage to carry him for one day.

He always said that she gave him balance, a necessary balance that truly saved him from the loneliness that his full life could not touch. She had always said the same about him.

But that wasn't true. Deep down she remained unbalanced, stuffing the hours with more work because now Maiya had a dad who pitched in with parental and household duties.

Why hadn't she seen that?

What a silly, delusional woman she was. And no, it did not really work.

The gravel gave way to dirt. She neared the first barn, a traditional red color, made of metal. The odor of hay wafted out through its open doors. She heard activity from inside—boys talking, River's voice in maximum authoritative tone—and halted.

This was not a good time.

He emerged from the shadowy interior, three boys beside him, all deep in conversation. They wore ball caps, academy T-shirts, and blue jeans.

River looked up and saw her. His face registered concern.

“Teal.”

She smiled, wanting to communicate that there was no emergency. Well, not the sort that he would imagine right off.

“Hello, Mrs. Adams.” One of the boys recognized her. His face was familiar.

“Hi.”

A second boy turned his head, but not before she noted that he was weeping.

The third one scowled.

This was definitely not a good time.

River said, “You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up.” They walked away and his expression settled into stoic. “What's up? Maiya okay?”

“She's fine. It can wait. You're in the middle of something.”

“Yeah.”

“We'll talk at home.”

“Sorry you came all the way out here, but your timing kind of stinks.” He wagged his thumb toward the boys heading toward the soccer field.

“Go. They need you.”

“They do. See you later.” He spun on his heel and started after the kids.

This was totally not a good time. She had seen him in work mode and understood that his shortness now was not aimed at her. His mind was simply elsewhere, with those boys in the throes of a crisis.

She watched him hustle past the barn, intent on taking care of young ones who would remind him of himself. She loved him so much for his passion and dedication. His was a noble cause. Taking a rain check on her needs was part of that noble cause. They would get through this. They would reconnect and catch up and make up.

Right?

What was wrong with her? He was her husband. She was his wife. They were in the throes of their own crisis. It was long past time to put him first and to slide herself into the number one spot on his list. If he disagreed, then he could spend the night in his camper.

“River!” she shouted and hurried after him. “River!”

He turned and waited for her to reach him, hands on his hips.

Out of breath, she gulped for air. “This can't wait.”

His mouth was a thin line and his eyes strayed to track the boys in the distance.

She took hold of his upper arms, forcing him to look at her. “I am so sorry about Monday. I am so sorry.”

He shut his eyes. She could almost see a shudder go through him. His face lost its hardness and he looked at her again. “Thank you.”

She burst into tears.

When he pulled her to himself, she only cried harder.