Heart Matters (13 page)

“I don’t believe you can say such things!
But why are we arguing pointlessly? I happen to be engaged to a man
I love very much.”

She saw the statement found its mark for his
cynical smile dropped. But he pressed on. “And does he love
you?”

“Adam loves me very much,” she replied,
lifting her chin defiantly.

“And do you sleep with him?”

Her eyes widened with shock at his
insolence. “That is none of your business!”

“Oh,” he said with such a straight face that
she would have readily scratched his eyes out, “I thought you might
be interested in furthering our discussion on lust and love.”

She eyed him coldly. “I can assure you Adam
doesn’t
lust
after me. He
loves
me both emotionally
and
physically
.”

“Ah, then he probably
lusts
after
someone else.”

Her hand moved to slap him but it was caught
swiftly in a firm grip. He caught both her arms and pinned them on
both sides of her head. The moonlight bounced off his sharp
features as he bent his head to let his lips seek her slender neck.
“Tsk, tsk, such temper does not become you, Jessica.” His voice was
warm against her cool skin making it erupt into goose bumps.

She struggled against him trying to kick him
but was hindered by her heavy gown. “Let me go!”

“Stop it you little wildcat, you’re getting
me excited!”

That statement stopped her all right but she
raised a pleading face to him. “Steven, please, this is no way to
behave.”

He released her arms but brought his own
around her waist and held her close to him. He moved lazy fingers
across her near bare back, playing absently with the strings of her
bodice. “Tell me about your feelings for Adam, Jessica. Tell me how
long do you think your love for him will last? Just a while ago you
were in my arms giving in to pure desire. Face it Jessica, your
love was not strong enough to make you resist me.”

Her eyes dropped ashamed. His nearness was
beginning to have the same seductive effect on her as before but
she chose to ignore it. “I…I made a mistake and I regret it.”

“But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen
again, does it?”

“It
won’t
happen again!” she replied
weakly. His tormenting hands were already having a disturbing
effect on her. “And I don’t want to discuss my personal life with
you.”

He ignored her callously. “What will happen
if your Adam were to find you in my arms, kissing me as
passionately as before? Will he still love you?”

“Yes, he would. I meant it Steven. I thought
I was doing Niki a favour.”

His eyes glinted wickedly. “So it was with
Niki in mind that you let me kiss you?”

“Yes,” she lied feebly, as his fingers
played wickedly with the strings, drawing a couple of them
loose.

“And it was with Niki in mind that you
responded to my kisses?” he murmured, bending his head towards her
upturned face.

“I did not respond,” she whispered as his
mouth came close to hers.

“Did too” His breath was hot on her
lips.

“Did not,” she whispered again, licking her
lower lip unconsciously.

He sucked in sharply mesmerized by the
action of her tongue. “Temptress!” he muttered harshly before
claiming the sweet mouth that she willingly offered. Before her
eyes fluttered close, she noticed how very devilish he appeared in
the moonlight.
He
was the tempter not she. Ironic; how very
ironic for her fiancé to be named Adam.

The strings holding her bodice snapped under
the insistent pressure of Steven’s hot fingers. His feverish lips
left her mouth to trace a tantalizing trail to the soft mounds of
her breasts. A guttural sound formed deep in his throat. “Jessica,
be mine! Come with me tonight, my darling.”

She whimpered helplessly in response not
trusting herself to speak. No man after Mark had ever made her feel
like this. Why wasn’t she experiencing the fear she had felt with
other men? Why was she longing to be complete with him and satiate
the empty feeling deep inside her? Was this how people made love?
His lips moved back to her face and for a while, she simply let him
kiss her, relishing the feel of his heavenly lips.

Somewhere a lilt of laughter coming from a
distance penetrated their consciousness and Steven finally broke
away to lift his head and look for the source. She rested her head
against his chest having accepted her defeat. When her breathing
returned to normal, she searched his face. “Who…who is it?” She
turned to look and he released her keeping just his hand at her
elbow.

Jessica’s eyes searched into the moonlit
night across to the swimming pool where they clearly saw two
figures. There was no mistaking the forms of Adam and Shari as they
came out of the shimmering waters. Her breath constricted when she
saw Adam pour the contents of a champagne bottle over Shari who lay
at the edge of the pool. When he lay down next to her and drew
Shari in his arms, Jessica’s heart sank sickeningly. She saw him
kiss her lingeringly before disposing off her bikini. He followed
it with his own swimming briefs and moved to cover her.

Steven pulled her to him suddenly, keeping
her from witnessing the passionate scene. She went in his arms
without a word, tears running uninhibited down her cheeks. “I’m
sorry,” he said, “I’m sorry you had to see this, Jessica.”

She steadied herself and slowly pulled away,
carefully averting her eyes from the figures at the pool. “No,
I’m
sorry. This,” she gestured vaguely at the couple making
love, “has happened because of me. It’s my fault.”

Steven’s eyes narrowed. “Jessica…”

She lifted a hand to ward him off. “I
deserve it, Steven. Wasn’t I just letting you kiss me unashamed?
Wasn’t I showing my
desire
for you?” A betraying tear ran
down her cheek. “Adam wouldn’t be out there if I hadn’t been out
here with you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She turned swiftly
brushing her tears away. “I have to go. I will make it up to Adam.
I will do that.”

“Jessica,” he put out a hand to restrain her
but she stepped away. “I’ll drive you home.”

Her heavy tresses shook miserably. “I want
to be left alone.” Her troubled eyes pleaded silently. “Please let
us forget this ever happened, Steven.”

Steven let her go then, watching her red
gown flowing after her as she ran across the terrace, holding her
loosened bodice. He glanced at the couple by the pool, his lips set
in a hard line. He watched them with controlled anger then turned
away. He had had no idea Jessica was so
naïve!
She actually
believed Adam’s treachery was her fault! She actually wanted to
make it up to him
!

Jesus Christ! What was she? A saint? He
gritted his teeth in exasperation. Damn her! Damn her for being so
infuriatingly gullible! Damn her for making him want her so
desperately!

His palms slapped down on the ledge of the
wall with white fury. She would probably let Warring make love to
her tonight just so she could
make it up
to him!
He
would soothe her back that must be sore from those tight strings.
He would make love to her and promise undying love!

Steven slammed his fist into the wall this
time blood emerging from his grazed skin. He didn’t notice it. His
thoughts were with Jessica. He wanted her now more than ever and
was prepared to fight to the end to get her.

The wedding was still a week away and
Jessica busied herself making the arrangements. That was the only
way she could concentrate objectively on her life. That night after
Niki’s party, Adam had not come to her apartment to seek her out
and she had spent the night crying bitterly. The image of Adam and
Shari kept playing in her mind till she finally threw up. She was
glad in a way that he had not turned up to see her that night. If
he had she would surely have let him make love to her. She was so
guilty about her reckless behavior with Steven that she felt she
owed it to Adam to offer herself to him. But he had not come. In
fact he had merely called her up the next day and said he was going
off on an important tour for a while. Somehow she was not surprised
when she found out Shari too had taken off from work for an
unspecified reason.

Jessica took the much needed time to sort
out her life. She came to the conclusion that she would make up to
Adam once they were married. She also decided not to confront him
about Shari. She was convinced once the marriage had taken place
Adam would forget about Shari.
And how will you forget
Steven?
a mocking voice asked her, but she ignored it.

The mental gnawing took its toll on her
health. She had a headache almost every day and took several
painkillers to subdue it unsuccessfully. She also slept very
fitfully bothered by the fact that it was Steven’s tormenting face
that occupied her dreams and not Adam’s. Steven had not called her
once since the party and it made her feel unreasonably sad. She had
confided in Lynn about Adam and Shari and was thoroughly scolded by
her friend who seemed to think she should drop Adam immediately.
Her friend’s opinion irritated her further and she chose to remain
aloof from everyone from then onwards. Of course Lynn didn’t
realize the gravity of the situation. How could she know Jessica
was as guilty of misbehavior as Adam?

When Jeff knocked on her apartment door a
few days later, she opened it for him her eyes hollow shadows of
misery. His sharp eyes looked her over disapprovingly. But he
declined to speak till she gave him a cup of coffee so strong that
he winced at its bitterness.

“Hell! This stuff is poison!”

She looked at him with vacant eyes. “Is it?
I’m sorry.” She rubbed her aching forehead absently. “Why are you
here, Jeff? Still worried about Adam? Don’t be. He’s a nice person.
He can look after me and I really don’t need you now.”

She failed to see the hurt in his eyes as he
said quietly, “I know about Adam and Shari, Jessi.”

Her eyes flew to his face astonished before
comprehension dawned. “Steven has no business discussing my
personal life with anyone!”

“I’m not just
anyone
, Jessica!” he
said firmly. “And it wasn’t Steven. It was Lynn who called me.”
Jessica swore loudly and he scowled at her. “Watch your language,
young lady or I’m going to give you a paddling you will never
forget!”

Jessica squared her shoulders in defiance.
“You can’t do that, Jefferson, I am not a small girl anymore!”

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling with
amusement. “I never paddled you even when you were young, angel.
Come here, baby.” She had been sitting rigidly on an armchair next
to the couch where he was seated. She looked at his outstretched
hand and gave in. Jessica sat on brother’s lap, her arms about his
neck while she laid her head on his comforting shoulder. “What is
it, Jessi? What has happened to you?”

She dissolved into tears sobbing bitterly.
“Jeff, I trusted him and he…he was with Shari!”

“I know, my angel, I know,” he said, tucking
a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Why are you still marrying
him, Jessi?”

“Because I owe it to him!”

Jeff’s eyes widened in surprise. “How can
you
owe
anything to him?”

Jessica colored remembering her passionate
exchange with Steven. “I can’t tell you.”

She felt him tense and he peered at her
warily. “Are you…pregnant by him?”

He was so grave that she dissolved into an
impromptu bout of giggles. “Oh, no! That’s not it. We haven’t
even…” She bit her lip and paused. “He hasn’t touched me.”

Jeff felt the tension ebbing from him. “I’m
glad that you’re not carrying his child.” He turned her to look at
him. “He doesn’t deserve you, Jessi. Why are you doing this? I’m
sure you will find someone who really loves you.”

Her head shook unhappily. “I was unfaithful
to Adam. He doesn’t know.”

Jeff drew in a sharp breath. “Did you sleep
with someone?”

“No but we did get quite…intimate.”

Jeff groaned out aloud. “Jessi, getting
intimate does not amount to having
sex
! You are
twenty-seven
, for heaven’s sake! Don’t you know
anything?”

A deep blush spread across her cheeks. “I’m
not a virgin, Jeff, but I hold certain values very strongly.” She
looked at him lovingly. “You taught me those values, Jeff. I don’t
indulge in casual sex or flirtation. I can’t lie to myself. What
happened between me and er..that…person was wrong. I
was..am..engaged. It shouldn’t have happened.”

Her brother held her close. “Jessi, my baby.
Why are you so naïve? You did nothing wrong by giving in to your
needs. Please drop Adam. Don’t marry him, angel. Please.”

Jessica shook her head. “I
have
to
marry him,” she said firmly, and then begged him with her eyes.
“Please don’t ask me any more questions, Jeff. Just be there for
me. I need your support.”

Jeff sighed in resignation placing his
forehead against hers. “Stubborn little fool. All right, I’ll be
there.”

***

The wedding day dawned bright and beautiful
with Jessica experiencing a bad bout of pre-marital jitters. She
had wanted a simple wedding and somehow a church wedding did not
appeal her too much, at least not with the deceit that was
involved. When Cheryl suggested they have the wedding on the
sprawling lawn of her new home, it sounded perfect and Jessica
accepted readily. A pretty colonnade swamped with delicate
creepers, served as the altar for the bride and groom. For the
handful of guests, a few rows of white chairs were laid out
contrasting sharply against the deep green of the lawn.

Jessica was given the guest room to get
ready and she asked Niki and Lynn to help her. Her dress was a
simple sleeveless white satin creation that brushed the ground with
a train that was not too elaborate. The headdress was a veil made
of sheer net tucked neatly under a ring of fragrant flowers. She
wore simple jewelry, light makeup and left her wild tresses open to
cascade over her shoulders.