Heart of a Dog (7 page)

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Authors: Mikhail Bulgakov

Tags: #Satire, #Russian & Former Soviet Union, #General, #Literary Criticism, #Animal Experimentation, #Fiction, #Soviet Union

BOOK: Heart of a Dog
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    Five minutes later Bormenthal had sewn up the dog's head, breaking three needles.

    There on the bloodstained pillow lay Sharik's slack, lifeless muzzle, a circular wound on his

tonsured head. Like a satisfied vampire Philip Philipovich finally stepped back, ripped off one glove, shook out of it a cloud of sweat-drenched powder, tore off the other one, threw it on the ground and rang the bell in the wall. Zina appeared in the doorway, looking away to avoid seeing the blood-spattered dog. With chalky hands the great man pulled off his skull-cap and cried:

    "Give me a cigarette, Zina. And then some clean clothes and a bath.'

    Layino- his chin on the edge of the table he parted the dog's right eyelids, peered into the

obviously moribund eye and said:

    'Well, I'll be ... He's not dead yet. Still, he'll die. I feel sorry for the dog, Bormenthal. He was naughty but I couldn't help liking him.'

Four

Subject of experiment: Male dog aged approx. 2 years.

Breed: Mongrel.

Name: 'Sharik'.

    Coat sparse, in tufts, brownish with traces of singeing. Tail the colour of baked milk. On right flank traces of healed second-degree burn. Previous nutritional state -poor. After a week's stay with Prof. Preobrazhensky -extremely well nourished. Weight: 8 kilograms (!). Heart: . . . Lungs: . . . Stomach: . . . Temperature: . . .

    December 23rd At 8.05pm Prof. Preobrazhensky commenced the first operation of its kind to be performed in Europe: removal under anaesthesia of the dog's testicles and their replacement by implanted human testes, with appendages and seminal ducts, taken from a 28-year-old human male, dead 4 hours and 4 minutes before the operation and kept by Prof. Preobrazhensky in sterilised physiological fluid.

    Immediately thereafter, following a trepanning operation on the cranial roof, the pituitary gland was removed and replaced by a human pituitary originating from the above-mentioned human male. Drugs used: Chloroform - 8 cc.

    Camphor - 1 syringe.

    Adrenalin - 2 syringes (by cardiac injection ).

    Purpose of operation: Experimental observation by Prof. Preobrazhensky of the effect of

combined transplantation of the pituitary and testes in order to study both the functional viability in a host-organism and its role in cellular etc. rejuvenation.

    Operation performed by; Prof. P. P. Preobrazhensky. Assisted by: Dr I. A. Bormenthal. During the night following the operation, frequent and grave weakening of the pulse. Dog apparently in

terminal state.

Preobrazhensky prescribes camphor injections in massive dosage.

    December 24th am Improvement. Respiration rate doubled. Temperature: 42C. Camphor and caffeine injected subcutaneously.

    December 25th Deterioration.

    Pulse barely detectable, cooling of the extremities, no pupillary reaction. Preobrazhensky

orders cardiac injection of adrenalin and camphor, intravenous injections of physiological solution.

    December 26th Slight improvement. Pulse: 180.

    Respiration: 92. Temperature: 41C. Camphor. Alimentation per rectum.

    December 27th Pulse: 152. Respiration: 50. Temperature: 39.8C. Pupillary reaction. Camphor - subcutaneous.

    December 28th Significant improvement. At noon sudden heavy perspiration. Temperature: 37C.

    Condition of surgical wounds unchanged. Re-bandaged. Signs of appetite. Liquid alimentation.

    December 29th Sudden moulting of hair on forehead and torso. The following were summoned for consultation:

1. Professor of Dermatology - Vasily Vasilievich Bundaryov.

2. Director, Moscow Veterinary Institute. Both stated the case to be without precedent in medical literature. No diagnosis established. Temperature: (entered in pencil). 8.15pm. First bark. Distinct alteration of timbre and lowering of pitch noticeable. Instead of diphthong 'aow-aow', bark now enunciated on vowels 'ah-oh', in intonation reminiscent

of a groan.

December 30th Moulting process has progressed to almost total baldness.

    Weighing produced the unexpected result of 80 kg., due to growth (lengthening of the bones). Dog still lying prone.

December 31st Subject exhibits colossal appetite.

(Ink-blot. After the blot the following entry in scrawled hand-writing): At 12.12pm the dog

distinctly pronounced the sounds 'Nes-set-a'.

    (Gap in entries. The following entries show errors due to excitement):

    December 1st (deleted; corrected to): January 1st 1925. Dog photographed a.m.

    Cheerfully barks 'Nes-set-a', repeating loudly and with apparent pleasure.

    3.0pm (in heavy lettering): Dog laughed, causing maid Zina to faint. Later, pronounced the following 8 times in succession: 'Nesseta-ciled'. (Sloping characters, written in pencil):

    The professor has deciphered the word 'Nesseta-ciled' by reversal: it is 'delicatessen' . . . Quite extraord . . .

January 2nd Dog photographed by magnesium flash while smiling. Got up and remained

confidently on hind legs for a half-hour. Now nearly my height. (Loose page inserted into notebook): Russian science almost suffered a most serious blow. History of Prof. P. P. Preobrazhensky's illness:

    1.13pm Prof. Preobrazhensky falls into deep faint. On falling, strikes head on edge of table.

    Temp.: . . .

    The dog in the presence of Zina and myself, had called Prof. Preobrazhensky a 'bloody

bastard'.

    January 6th (entries made partly in pencil, partly in violet ink):

    Today, after the dog's tail had fallen out, he quite clearly pronounced the word 'liquor'.

    Recording apparatus switched on. God knows what's happening.

    (Total confusion.)

    Professor has ceased to see patients. From 5pm this evening sounds of vulgar abuse issuing from the consulting-room, where the creature is still confined. Heard to ask for 'another one, and make it a double.'

    January 7th Creature can now pronounce several words: 'taxi', 'full up', 'evening paper', 'take one home for the kiddies' and every known Russian swear-word. His appearance is strange. He now only has hair on his head, chin and chest. Elsewhere he is bald, with flabby skin. His genital region now has the appearance of an immature human male. His skull has enlarged considerably. Brow low and receding.

    My God, I must be going mad. . . .

    Philip Philipovich still feels unwell. Most of the observations (pictures and recordings) are being carried out by myself.

    Rumours are spreading round the town . . . Consequences may be incalculable. All day today the whole street was full of loafing rubbernecks and old women . . . Dogs still crowding round beneath the windows. Amazing report in the morning papers: The rumours of a Martian in Obukhov Street are totally unfounded. They have been spread by black-market traders and their repetition will be severely punished. What Martian, for God's sake? This is turning into a nightmare.

    Reports in today's evening paper even worse - they say that a child has been born who could play the violin from birth. Beside it is a photograph of myself with the caption: 'Prof.

Preobrazhensky performing a Caesarian operation on the mother.' The situation is getting out of hand ... He can now say a new word - 'policeman' . . .

    Apparently Darya Petrovna was in love with me and pinched the snapshot of me out of Philip Philipovich's photograph album. After I had kicked out all the reporters one of them sneaked back into the kitchen, and so ...

    Consulting hours are now impossible. Eighty-two telephone calls today. The telephone has been cut off. We are besieged by child-less women . . .

    House committee appeared in full strength, headed by Shvonder - they could not explain why they had come.

    January 8th Late this evening diagnosis finally agreed. With the impartiality of a true scholar Philip Philipovich has acknowledged his error: transplantation of the pituitary induces not rejuvenation but total humanisation (underlined three times). This does not, however, lessen the value of his stupendous discovery.

    The creature walked round the flat today for the first time. Laughed in the corridor after looking at the electric light. Then, accompanied by Philip Philipovich and myself, he went into the study. Stands firmly on his hind (deleted) ... his legs and gives the impression of a short, ill-knit human male.

    Laughed in the study. His smile is disagreeable and somehow artificial. Then he scratched the back of his head, looked round and registered a further, clearly-pronounced word: 'Bourgeois'. Swore. His swearing is methodical, uninterrupted and apparently totally meaningless. There is something mechanical about it - it is as if this creature had heard all this bad language at an earlier phase, automatically recorded it in his subconscious and now regurgitates it wholesale. However, I am no psychiatrist.

    The swearing somehow has a very depressing effect on Philip Philipovich. There are moments when he abandons his cool, unemotional observation of new phenomena and appears to lose patience. Once when the creature was swearing, for instance, he suddenly burst out impulsively: 'Shut up!' This had no effect.

    After his visit to the study Sharik was shut up in the consulting-room by our joint efforts. Philip Philipovich and I then held a conference. I confess that this was the first time I had seen this selfassured and highly intelligent man at a loss. He hummed a little, as he is in the habit of doing, then asked: 'What are we going to do now?' He answered himself literally as follows:

    'Moscow State Clothing Stores, yes . . . "from Granada to Seville" . . . M.S.C.S., my dear doctor . . .' I could not understand him, then he explained: 'Ivan Arnold-ovich, please go and buy him some underwear, shirt, jacket and trousers.'

    January 9th The creature's vocabulary is being enriched by a new word every five minutes (on average) and, since this morning, by sentences. It is as if they had been lying frozen in his mind, are melting and emerging. Once out, the word remains in use. Since yesterday evening the machine has recorded the following: 'Stop pushing', 'You swine', 'Get off the bus - full up', 'I'll show you', 'American recognition', 'kerosene stove'.

    January10th The creature was dressed. He took to a vest quite readily, even laughing cheerfully. He refused underpants, though, protesting with hoarse shrieks:

    'Stop queue-barging, you bastards!' Finally we dressed him. The sizes of his clothes were too big for him.

    (Here the notebook contains a number of schematised drawings, apparently depicting the transformation of a canine into a human leg.) The rear lialf of the skeleton of the foot is lengthening. Elongation of the toes. Nails. (With appropriate sketches.)

    Repeated systematic toilet training. The servants are angry and depressed.

    However, the creature is undoubtedly intelligent. The experiment is proceeding satisfactorily.

    January llth Quite reconciled to wearing clothes, although was heard to say, 'Christ, I've got ants in my pants.'

    Fur on head now thin and silky; almost indistinguishable from hair, though scars still visible in parietal region. Today last traces of fur dropped from his ears. Colossal appetite. Enjoys salted herring. At 5pm occurred a significant event: for the first time the words spoken by the creature were not disconnected from surrounding phenomena but were a reaction to them. Thus when the professor said to him, 'Don't throw food-scraps on the floor,' he unexpectedly replied: 'Get stuffed.' Philip Philipovich was appalled, but recovered and said: 'If you swear at me or the doctor again, you're in trouble.' I photographed Sharik at that moment and I swear that he understood what the professor said. His face clouded over and he gave a sullen look, but said nothing. Hurrah - he understands!

    January 12th. Put hands in pockets. We are teaching him not to swear. Whistled, 'Hey, little apple'. Sustained conversation. I cannot resist certain hypotheses: we must forget rejuvenation for the time being. The other aspect is immeasurably more important. Prof. Preobrazhensky's astounding experiment has revealed one of the secrets of the human brain. The mysterious function of the pituitary as an adjunct to the brain has now been clarified. It determines human appearance. Its hormones may now be regarded as the most important in the whole organism - the hormones of man's image. A new field has been opened up to science; without the aid of any Faustian retorts a homunculus has been created. The surgeon's scalpel has brought to life a new human entity. Prof. Preobrazhensky-you are a creator. (ink blot)

    But I digress ... As stated, he can now sustain a conversation. As I see it, the situation is as follows: the implanted pituitary has activated the speech-centre in the canine brain and words have poured out in a stream. I do not think that we have before us a newly-created brain but a brain which has been stimulated to develop. Oh, what a glorious confirmation of the theory of evolution! Oh, the sublime chain leading from a dog to Mendeleyev the great chemist! A further hypothesis of mine is that during its canine stage Sharik's brain had accumulated a massive quantity of sensedata. All the words which he used initially were the language of the streets which he had picked up and stored in his brain. Now as I walk along the streets I look at every dog I meet with secret horror. God knows what is lurking in their minds.

    Sharik can read. He can read (three exclamation marks). I guessed it from his early use of the word 'delicatessen'. He could read from the beginning. And I even know the solution to this puzzle - it lies in the structure of the canine optic nerve. God alone knows what is now going on in Moscow. Seven black-market traders are already behind bars for spreading rumours that the end of the world is imminent and has been caused by the Bolsheviks. Darya Petrovna told me about this and even named the date - November 28th, 1925, the day of St Stephen the Martyr, when the earth will spiral off into infinity. . . . Some charlatans are already giving lectures about it. We have started such a rumpus with this pituitary experiment that I have had to leave my flat. I have moved in with Preobrazhensky and sleep in the waiting-room with Sharik. The consulting-room has been turned into a new waiting-room. Shvender was right. Trouble is brewing with the house committee. There is not a single glass left, as he will jump on to the shelves. Great difficulty in teaching him not to do this.

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