Heart Of Marley (40 page)

“Yeah. I get it, too.” I swallowed hard. “She’s so sorry, Mar. She wishes that she had said something about what Mr. Grayson was doing sooner. If she did, then maybe…”

“I’m sure he’ll go to prison for a long time,” she interrupted, lightening the mood. “Hell, I’m sure he’ll get a taste of his own medicine. He’s a former judge! Those inmates will do a number on him! They hate pedophiles!”

I smiled at her optimism.

“I’m sorry about Mr. Monroe,” she offered. “But don’t worry. We’re concocting another scheme to mess with the rich housewives of this town. Even from up here. Oh, Grams says hi. And she’s not in pain anymore.” She turned to look at me, her chin quivering. “Either am I, but I hate all the pain that I’ve caused everyone. You were right. I should have talked to you first. I never should have…” She trailed off. “I always was a little impulsive and dramatic, wasn’t I?” she joked.

“I really want to hate you for what you did. I miss you so fucking much, Marley. My heart physically hurts.”

She nodded at me and wiped the tears falling down my cheeks. “I know. It hurts me, too. But there’s a reason for it, Cam.”

“Then, by all means, please tell me what it is because I can’t possibly see a reason for it all, Marley. I honestly can’t.”

She looked around slyly as if trying to ensure that no one would overhear her.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I could get into so much trouble if the big light finds out about this…”

“You mean God? He does exist?”

She shrugged. “That’s one of the big questions, isn’t it? You said it yourself. You’re a firm believer in the light and that’s what you are, Cam. And that’s what you will be. Someone is going to come into your life that is going to need you more than I did. You’re going to be her reason to live. You’re going to be this girl’s light in her otherwise dark existence. But, more importantly, she’s going to become your light, too. Your purpose. Your higher calling. You’ll bring her back from tragedy, despair, and torment. She’ll be a survivor, and it’ll be your beautiful heart full of light that makes her see that her past doesn’t define who she is. By doing that, you’re going to be able to save hundreds of women from having to endure unspeakable things. I needed to go… To keep them alive. That’s the purpose.”

“How will I know?”

“You will. This course is already charted. It won’t be an easy road for you, Cam. You’re going to try to save every girl you come across, thinking that by helping them, it’ll make up for what happened to me. But my course was charted, too. It was meant to happen.” She paused briefly, her lips turning up slightly in the corners. “Just so you know,” she said, her voice playful. “Your first born will be a girl. Feel free to name her after me.”

“You know I will.” It was silent for a moment before I asked the question I didn’t want the answer to. “Will I ever see you again?”

“Oh, Cam,” she exhaled. “You will. But not until it’s time. I’ll always be with you, watching over you.” She wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks, her voice turning light. “Well… almost always. I won’t be with you in the bathroom. You need to stop jerking off so much, by the way.”

I shook my head as laughter and sobs rolled through my body.

“Let me go, Cam,” she implored me. “You need to so that you can move on with your life. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to help everyone that you’re meant to. Please.”

I took a deep breath, hating the thought of ever letting my sister go, but I knew that I couldn’t move forward if I didn’t. “Okay,” I agreed dejectedly.

“Can you do me a favor?” she asked solemnly.

“What is it?”

“Can you tell Doug that I said hi when you see him? I know he’s worried about me. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to pay him a visit yet. I don’t know if I ever will.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure. I’ll tell my best friend that my dead sister visited me in a dream and said hi. That won’t put me the psych ward or anything.”

“No.
That
won’t. But you’ll end up there eventually, the future Dr. Cameron Michael Bowen. You’ll make a difference. And you’ll save a lot of girls. You’ll meet one girl who will make you forget all your pain. Don’t worry. I’ll send you a sign.”

“A sign?” I asked. “What kind…?”

She raised her eyebrows at me.

I nodded. “Got it. To the moon and back, Marley Jane.”

“From the stars to the ocean, Cameron Michael.”

Twenty Years Later

P
UTTING
MY
L
EXUS
IN
park outside of my house just a few blocks from the downtown area of Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island, Florida, my heart was racing in my chest, brilliant blue eyes permanently ingrained in my mind. The most amazing, gorgeous, spectacular blue eyes that I had ever seen. Getting out of the car, I walked through the front door of my house and ran up the stairs, opening the window in one of the guest rooms.

It had been years since I had come out here, but something about the girl that fell into my life so unexpectedly made it seem like the right thing to do. And the way her body felt against mine as I carried her into her house after she passed out from getting over-served at a bar was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. There was this magnetism I felt and I had known her for less than twenty-four hours. I had no idea what to think. I needed my sister to tell me that I was just horny and that was why I felt this way, but that dream I had on the roof of my aunt and uncle’s house was still fresh in my mind, even twenty years later.

Climbing onto the roof of my Victorian house, I leaned back. “Hey, Mar,” I said. “Is this your version of a belated birthday present, or just your way of smacking some sense into me? Or is this her? It’s been twenty years, for crying out loud! Part of me thinks that you were just messing with me.”

I sighed. “I get it. I know I’ve been a bit of a prick since, well…the past few years.” I paused. “See, this is when you’d say ‘since forever’ so I’ll just pretend you said it. And this is me rolling my eyes at your dig at me, okay?”

The smile disappeared from my face. “She’s lost, just like you were. She’s scared. But she’s strong, just like you were. I wish you saw that.” A tear fell down my face from the memory of my sister. “I just hope you’re proud of the life that I’ve led. I owe it all to you, ya know. If you didn’t do what you did, I would have probably just gone on to law school and be stuck working for some schmuck that decided what cases I would have to take. But you saw a different calling for me.”

I shook my head, chuckling to myself. “I remember all those times you said I’d make a good therapist.” My expression turned stoic. “Well, you were right, Marley Jane. I’m a damn good psychiatrist and it’s because of you. Because I hate myself for not seeing the signs, for not stopping you from doing what you did, and for keeping secrets from you. I can’t help but think…”

I stared off at the ocean that was visible over the roof tops. “I know, I know. You’d tell me I can’t think that way, that it was going to happen no matter what because your course was charted, so let’s just agree to disagree, okay?”

I continued to lay on the roof and watched the stars glimmer in the sky, remembering all the times in my youth that I would sit on the roof with Marley and make up new constellations. “I guess I just wanted to come and talk to you. I don’t feel you like I do over at Aunt Terryn and Uncle Graham’s house, but I still feel
something
. I guess I always kind of feel you around me. I’d like to think that you’re watching over me…over all of us.

“You should see Meg and Jules. Meg got married after college and she already has her hands full with two kids. Julianne is still in med. school, but she goes home as much as she can. Uncle Graham is still running that crisis center for women he started in your honor. He found a purpose in your death, as you know, and left the church. I’m real close to him…and Aunt Terryn. She works at the center with him and they’ve really made a difference. Whenever I go home to visit, I help out there, too. I still see the guilt in their eyes. They’re still shouldering the blame, but I think it was that guilt that forced them to reevaluate their current path and choose a new one. And a lot of people in that town did the same. It’s definitely not like it used to be. They still have that pageant but, from what I hear, it’s different. Oh, and Meg and Julianne were certainly not allowed to participate in any pageants. A lot of girls were pulled from all of it after you died.

“Let’s see. What else would you want to know? Oh, Doug’s still doing well. We’ve stayed in touch over the years. It took him a while to finally get over your death, and I still don’t think he’s completely over it, but he’s moved on. I still see Brianna once in a while when I go home. It was hard at first because I was reminded of how much I miss you, but it’s gotten easier.”

I sighed, placing my hands behind my head and could almost sense my sister lying next to me, her eyes bright. “This is when you’d tell me to stop rambling and dish about the girl, isn’t it?” I paused, as if waiting for Marley to reply. “Well, her name’s Jolene, but she doesn’t want anyone to know that. I like her. I really, really like her. She’s running from something and I can’t help but think that she was dropped in my life for a reason. Maybe this is the girl you told me about in that dream all those years ago.”

The sky began to glow and I could tell that the sun was about to rise. “I miss you like hell, Mar. I can’t help but think about where you would be if you were still here. Would you have gotten over your past? Or would it have eventually come back to haunt you? I guess we’ll never know.” I took a deep breath and began to raise myself off the roof. “Give Grams and Mama a hug and kiss for me, will ya?”

I was about to crawl back through the window when I noticed three streams of light fall into the ocean in the distance. My jaw dropped, remembering her promise that she would send me a sign when the girl that would brighten my existence came into my life.

Grinning in disbelief, I looked to the heavens. “You made your point. I get it. To the moon and back, Marley Jane…”

Enter Sandman
- Metallica

To The Moon And Back
- Savage Garden

Free Falling
- Tom Petty

Jane
- Barenaked Ladies

Us Against The World
- Coldplay

Dirty Diana
- Michael Jackson

When I See You Smile
- Bad English

Right Now
- Van Halen

More Than Words
- Extreme

Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing
- Chris Isaak

Runaway
- Bon Jovi

The Dreaming Tree
- Dave Matthews Band

Keep Breathing
- Ingrid Michaelson

Pay For What You Get
- Dave Matthews Band

November Rain
- Guns N’ Roses

Bed Of Roses
- Bon Jovi

Closer
- Nine Inch Nails

To Be With You
- Mr. Big

Silent All These Years
- Tori Amos

Something I Can Never Have
- Nine Inch Nails

Hate Me
- Blue October

Burn
- In This Moment

Janie’s Got A Gun
- Aerosmith

The Unforgiven
- Metallica

Far Behind
- Candlebox

My Immortal
- Evanescence

Nothing Else Matters
- Metallica

The Freshman
- The Verve Pipe

Tears In Heaven
- Eric Clapton

Hold My Heart
- Sara Bareilles

Send Me The Moon
- Sara Bareilles

I Can Let Go Now
- Nathan East, Featuring Sara Bareilles

That Year
- Brandi Carlile

Sister
- Dave Matthews