Heart of the Matter (16 page)

She wished she could recall that special moment and infuse it into the present. It was slipping away and she didn’t know how to get it back. Not without Kate’s help.

She sank down onto her bed and contemplated touching herself, but a momentary release seemed pointless. Only Kate could quench this thirst. Would she ever have that pleasure? Ellen wondered about Kate’s motives. Her confidence must have taken quite a blow.

Was she flirting with someone “safe,” a woman she knew she could have if she wanted? Kate was stunning. What could she possibly see in Ellen? And what about Ellen’s research? They would have to face each other every day and get through the work that needed to be done. Could they continue in a professional capacity, or was it time for Kate to consider returning home to get her life back on track? Just the thought made Ellen ache.

She turned on the bedside lamp and picked up the Lincoln book. Hopefully she could distract herself for a while and then fall back to sleep. It wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

❖

Kate stared at the ceiling, unable to find a position comfortable enough to sleep. She had read for a while but gave up when she realized she couldn’t concentrate. Her body tormented her, begging her to relieve it of the pulsing tension that threatened to consume her. She tried to remember the last time she had sex and was shocked to realize it had been four months. She seldom had to resort to masturbation. If she wanted someone, she merely looked at her.

When her body demanded attention, she simply made a date and took care of it. But now things were different.

She slept in the nude except on the coldest winter nights. But it was hot in Richmond and she had covered herself with only the top sheet. The cotton fabric rubbed her most sensitive areas when she shifted, and each one screamed its needs. Finally succumbing to the temptation, she rationalized that then she could sleep.

When she slipped her hand under the sheet she was surprised to find a pool of moisture waiting. With two fingers she drew slow circles around her swollen clit, and instantly the tension in her belly heightened. Her other hand found her nipples taut and sensitive, and she pinched the right one gently. The pleasure that hummed throughout her body blossomed and she increased the speed of both hands. Within moments she felt the explosion rip through her and she moaned her satisfaction into the empty room. Slowing the circling of her right hand, she finally stopped and sighed. It would have to do…for now.

Ellen thought anyone watching her and Kate at breakfast would have seen nothing amiss. Even she was hard-pressed to notice anything out of place on the surface. But the tension inside her resembled a jack-in-the-box—the coil kept in place by a tightly hinged lid. One gentle turn of the crank would release all her lurking frustrations and closely guarded words, and she suspected Kate felt the same way.

They returned to the Historical Society and, once ensconced in the museum, were able to return to safer ground and discuss Ellen’s research.

“Could I see my notes from yesterday?” Ellen asked.

“Sure.” Kate hastily retrieved the papers from the side pocket of the laptop case and handed them to her.

Ellen stared at them blankly. “No, I mean all the data you entered into the laptop. I need to see the layout of all the data side by side in order to draw comparisons.” Kate’s face reddened. “Oh.”

When Kate said nothing more, Ellen realized she hadn’t entered the data as she had requested. Granted, they had gone out to dinner and…well, kissed. But Kate had hours before that to get it all into the computer.

“I’m sorry, Ellen. But I had to finish entering the information I gathered from the soldiers’ diaries.” Her face lit up. “You’re going to love what I’ve got here. The stories will move you to tears. And just look at these.”

Kate clicked on a couple of folders and pulled up a slide show.

“These are actual pictures of the soldiers whose diaries are housed here in the museum. They’ve been donated by the descendants of the men and other museums and sources around the country. It’s amazing that this stuff survives. I’m telling you, Ellen, this is a human-interest story of the first degree. People are going to eat it up.”

Ellen fought her rising temper. This wasn’t at all what she needed for her book, and her building resentment at seeing her research lying in a pile of disorganized papers added to her frustration. Still, she forced it down, trying not to let her disappointment show. Kate had been making progress, and then the kiss had seemingly unraveled all she had accomplished. Ellen didn’t want to hurt her feelings any more than they had been, but she also needed to get her research going in the right direction. Her direction.

“That’s okay, Kate. I’m sure you’ll get to them today. I’ll review what I’ve got here, then head back into the maps and military communiqué area that Albert showed me yesterday. If you need me you can find me there.”

Kate watched as Ellen left. She felt guilty at not getting Ellen’s work done. But she’d make up for it today. She opened Ellen’s database and began to input the data from her notes. After a while, she was nodding off; the details of Ellen’s research were so boring.

She just couldn’t see where Ellen was heading. Kate’s collection of stories and anecdotes, which she had organized in a logical fashion, was much more appealing.

She picked up a book about a Confederate soldier named David Freeman, who claimed to be the Confederates’ youngest soldier. He had enlisted in the army at age eleven and served all four years of the war. She began to read his story and, before she knew it, several more hours had passed. She looked up at the clock on the wall in time to see Ellen coming from the desk where she had been talking to the director.

“Are you hungry yet?” Ellen asked.

“I am. I was thinking Greek. When we were driving in I saw a little place a few blocks away. Interested?”

“Perfect.”

They walked the few blocks and ordered gyros, carrying them to an outside table in back of the building.

“So how goes the research today?” Kate asked.

“I discovered some interesting field maps of Fredericksburg drawn by Confederate General McLaws that correspond to ones I’ve seen in the National Archives. Albert is having copies made for me.

Along with the correspondence between Lee and Davis, I’m getting a very good idea of how Lee planned to defend the town, when he developed the strategy, and what the Confederates’ thinking was during that time.”

“Interesting,” Kate said, with more emphasis than she felt.

They sat at an umbrella-shaded table and ate their sandwiches and sipped iced tea. It was a picturesque day and the sun had dried all evidence of the previous day’s rain. The air smelled of damp grass and lush vegetation, and Kate began to relax. She still felt a little unsettled, recalling her body’s reaction to Ellen in the car yesterday. If things had been different, she could have pursued Ellen as she used to pursue other women, vigorously and with passion.

But Ellen could have anyone she wanted, had said as much when she told Kate that she had dumped Sandra. Why would she settle for an unemployed, scarred, and washed-up former news anchor?

Although Ellen focused on a table of young lovers, she could feel Kate’s eyes on her. She wanted to meet the intense gaze but was afraid to see the bland affection of friendship. She wanted more from Kate and wondered why Kate had kissed her if she didn’t intend to take things further. It was confusing, but she didn’t want to make their relationship more uncomfortable by bringing the kiss up again.

After returning one last time to the Historical Society, Ellen sat down at the computer while Kate browsed a collection of diaries in the adjoining room. A series of similarly bound leather volumes drew Kate’s attention and she lifted one from the shelf.

Ellen was appalled that Kate had managed to input so little of the data she had collected in the past two days. At this rate, she would never have it in time to make comparisons, and her lack of typing skills would only make the situation worse.

Glancing at the computer screen, she noticed a folder labeled

“Kate” and double-clicked on it. She was surprised to see several documents that had been created within the past two days and now realized precisely what Kate was spending her time doing. After several more hours of one-fingered typing, Ellen finally gave up and shut down the computer. She zipped it up in its case, gathered her notes for the day, and searched for Kate.

Her temper high, Ellen knew it was time to talk with her. This was, after all, her book, not Kate’s, and she couldn’t afford to finance Kate’s foray into a beginner’s view of the Civil War. She found her intently reading a worn brown leather book, so engrossed in it she hadn’t noticed Ellen enter the small room. Ellen was trying without much success to keep her anger in check, but seeing Kate waste her time reading diaries was too much. She cleared her throat loudly, and Kate looked up from the volume.

“Oh, hey,” Kate said. “You’re not going to believe this.” She held up the book for Ellen to see. “This is a diary of a young girl in Virginia during the war, and it’s got to be one of the best I’ve read so far. It’s chock full of interesting historical bits that—”

“Kate.” Ellen could stand it no longer.

Kate stopped speaking. “What?”

Ellen took a deep breath, not wanting what she was about to say to cause more problems than she was intending to solve. “Kate, we need to review exactly what my research entails and how we need to go about recording it. I asked you to come along when my RA cancelled out on me because I thought you had the intelligence and the skills to help me. Plus, I was hoping you would develop at least a passing interest in what I was doing. And you have, and I’m glad you have, but your interest is taking you off on a tangent unrelated to what I’m trying to accomplish.” She paused, wanting to take the sting out of her words. “I need you to refocus, Kate, and concentrate on inputting the data
I
collect.

In your spare time you can do all the extracurricular reading you like. I think it’s great. And I’d love to hear all about what you’ve discovered. But right now, we need to get back on track before all I’m trying to do is lost or unavailable to help me. Do you think you can do that, Kate?”

Kate sat in her chair, stunned. All along she had assumed what she had been doing was directly related to Ellen’s research. She thought they had agreed to pursue the direction Kate was taking, which would be much more interesting than Ellen’s original idea.

Suddenly she felt the ground shift under her feet and couldn’t think of a response. She stood up and placed the book back in its place on the shelf. Picking up her notepad and pen, she stared at Ellen, keeping her face expressionless. “Okay, got it. What now?” Ellen frowned. Kate’s emotionless delivery made it clear that her feelings were hurt. She couldn’t do anything about that now, but with time she was sure she could smooth things over. She glanced at her watch. “Well, I think we should call it a day. The museum closes in half an hour. An extra day here will get us caught up and then I’d like to move on. Is that all right with you?” Kate shrugged. “It’s your call.”

It wasn’t exactly the cheerful response Ellen was looking for, but she took it nonetheless.

“Okay, how about dinner? I hear there’s a great Italian restaurant not far from the hotel. You up for it?” Kate walked out of the room and Ellen followed. “Thanks, but I’m beat. Plus, I need to enter all your data from yesterday and today, so I’ll be catching up with that tonight in my room. I’ll just order room service.”

Kate picked up the laptop and headed to the parking lot. If Ellen expected nothing more than her services as a data-entry clerk, that’s exactly what she would give her. Nothing more, nothing less. But she still intended to pursue her own research, for she was finding the diaries far more interesting than she had ever thought possible. Even better than most of the stories she had worked on in the newsroom.

Back in the hotel, Ellen started a bath and ordered room service, seeing no point in going to a nice restaurant alone. She missed discussing the day’s activities with Kate over dinner, but she was glad they had cleared the air—that
she
had cleared it. She didn’t quite know where Kate stood, except that she seemed pissed. Ellen would let her sleep on it tonight and then make nice over breakfast.

She didn’t like having Kate upset, but guessed it was Kate’s way of processing what she had said. She would much rather have things the way things were, preferably just before the kiss.

❖

Kate had almost finished inputting the last of Ellen’s data and looked at the clock on the laptop. It was after one and she had been at it for six hours. She downed the last of her scotch and stood and stretched. She couldn’t rid herself of a slowly simmering tension or, rather, anger. She was restless and had taken frequent breaks. Now, pacing from the table to her window, she looked out at nothing.

After a few minutes, she had forgotten why she got up and returned to the computer, angrily punching in the remaining data.

Ellen’s reprimand had startled her. The professor had fire under her seemingly gentle exterior, and Kate had received an appetizer of it. Well, two could play that game. If Ellen wanted to keep things on a professional—read platonic—level, Kate would oblige. But there would certainly be no more kissing, no matter how much Kate wanted it.

She turned out the light, crawled into bed, and couldn’t relax for a long time, her mind still occupied with the conversation at the museum. But as she fell asleep, all anger dissipated, replaced by thoughts of kissing…and more.

The next day they communicated only when necessary, a situation Kate didn’t enjoy but was proud enough to maintain. When she announced that she had entered everything Ellen had given her, Ellen praised her lavishly, entirely out of proportion to the task. And though Kate brushed the compliment away as nothing, secretly she was pleased.

By the end of the day she was exhausted from the strain of being on her best behavior and didn’t know how much longer she could be nice—it wasn’t in her nature. And she so wanted to remain angry at Ellen, who she felt had treated her like an incompetent or a child. But each time Ellen stopped by the table where she was working and brushed against her, Kate’s mind turned to mush. The anger evaporated and she leaned closer, breathing deeply of Ellen’s tantalizing fragrance.