Heart of the Nebula (25 page)

James paused. “Dammit, you’re right. How
soon can we have them back?”

As long as it takes to keep you from
committing political suicide.

“
I’ll call up Ståle and get
on that right away. And James—please, don’t do anything crazy
without letting me know first.”

“
I’m not crazy, Sara. This
is real.”

“
I know. Keep me
posted.”

The call ended.
Exasperated, Sara fell back against the couch.
At least you won’t have all those meetings tomorrow,
she tried to console herself.

It was poor comfort.

“
Nina, put me on the line
with Ståle Anderson. Tell him it’s urgent.”

“
Of course,” said Nina.
“Right away, mistress.”

Perhaps this is for the
best,
she thought. It would be a lot easier
to galvanize the people in the face of impending disaster than it
would without an external threat. Of course, that meant that she
had to keep James occupied until the Hameji actually showed
up.

Then again, what if James was right? What if
by waiting, they all got killed? She was risking the lives of
everyone in the Colony with every moment they waited. But if that
was the only way to put the exodus plan into motion, then that was
what needed to be done.

You’re becoming just like
your father,
a nagging voice whispered in
the back of her head.
This is exactly the
sort of calculation that he would make.

Before she could address that, the chime
sounded, indicating that Ståle was on the line. “Mister Anderson?”
she said.

“
Here,” said Ståle. “What’s
wrong, Sara?”

“
I just heard from
Commander McCoy that we’re at high risk for an imminent Hameji
attack. If that happens, the men who are currently in the asteroid
mines are in danger of being stranded.”

“
I understand, Sara. I’ll
see to it that they’re recalled right away.”

“
About how much time do you
need?” she asked.

“
Not very long. They should
all be back within forty-five minutes.”

I hope that gives us
enough time to stall James.
The thought
made her feel guilty as soon as it popped into her head.

“
Thank you, Ståle.
Hopefully, this is just a false alarm.”

“
If it is, there could be
political consequences for us. Are you sure we should do
this?”

“
Yes,” she answered
immediately. “Better to risk our careers than the lives of those
men.” Of course, that last part was mostly for herself.

“
Understood, Sara. I’ll see
to it right away.”

The connection ended, leaving her alone with
her thoughts once again. Her mind raced as she tried to think what
else she had to do—and all she could think of was how she was
manipulating everyone around her, just like her father.

I have to let James
know,
she decided.
Father would keep him in the dark, so I have to be honest and
let him know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.
She ordered Nina to make the call and began to
pace her cozy apartment.

“
Sara?” James
asked.

“
James,” she answered, her
heart beating a little harder. “I talked with Ståle—the asteroid
miners and smelter operators are on their way back to the station
now.”

“
How long until they get
here?”

“
About forty-five minutes.
But James, we can’t jump out until the Hameji actually get
here.”

Pause. “Why not?”

Sara swallowed.
Full disclosure—here goes nothing.

“
We can’t because if the
people don’t know there’s a threat, they’ll turn on us as traitors
and the exodus will completely fall apart. They need to know that
they’re in danger, so that when we jump out, they’ll see that we
saved them.”

Her explanation was met by silence. She
folded one arm across her chest and covered her mouth with her
hand.

“
James?”

“
I hear you, Sara. I don’t
like it, but it makes sense. Stars, though—that’s cutting it awful
close.”

“
It is,” said Sara, a wave
of relief washing over her. “Can we do it?”

“
When the Hameji jump in,
they’ll hit us as hard and as fast as they can to make sure that no
one escapes. Our window of opportunity will only be a couple of
minutes, so there’s no room for error. If we’re going to do this, I
need to be the one who pulls the switch.”

“
That’s fine,” she said.
“The operating room for the jump drive is next to the spaceport,
disguised as an abandoned office space. I’ll have Nina give you the
exact address.”

“
Thanks.”

“
Tell the operator that I
sent you, and he should let you take over.”

“
Will do,” said James. “And
Sara, how are you taking all this?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“
You sound a little
like—well, like you’re taking it hard. Just take care of yourself,
all right? I can take over from here.”

Her frowned turned into a smile as she
realized that he was concerned for her. “Thanks, James,” she told
him. “I’ll be fine.”

“
Great. I’ll see you when
all this is over.”

The line went silent, leaving her alone once
again. She ordered Nina to send James the address and paced her
tiny apartment, more to burn off her nervous energy than
anything.

So it was done—everything had been taken
care of. The asteroid miners were on their way home, and James
would handle their escape once the Hameji showed up. There was
nothing left to do except wait.

No,
she realized with a start.
Mom.
She froze in mid-stride, chills
running down her spine as she realized she’d never see her
again.

“
Nina, patch a call through
to my mother at K-3.”

“
Understood, mistress.
Shall I transmit a recorded message?”

“
No,” said Sara. “I want to
talk with her live.”

It took a little less than a minute for the
signal to transmit from the Colony to the moon settlement above
Kardunash III where her mother currently lived. That made for
almost a two minute delay for live calls, which was why most people
opted to send messages over that distance instead. But if Sara was
never going to talk with her mother again, she wanted their last
call to be live.

As she waited for the call to go through,
she paced a little faster and nervously started biting her nails.
It was a bad habit that she’d struggled with as a little girl, and
she caught herself before she’d made a mess of them, but that she’d
started at all told her that she was more uptight than she’d
thought.

“
I’m sorry, mistress,”
Nina’s voice came after the two minutes had passed. “Your mother is
not available right now.”

“
What?” said
Sara.

“
To repeat,
your—”

“
No, no, never mind,” she
said, shaking her head. “Just—just try again.”

“
Very well, mistress, I
will attempt the call again. Are you upset?”

What do you think?
Sara almost snapped, before she remembered that
she was speaking to a computer.

“
I’m fine,
Nina.”

“
Your heartbeat is
elevated. It appears that you are alarmed.”

“
It’s all right. I’ll be
fine.”

“
Would you like me to fix
you an herbal tea?” Nina asked. “I have several relaxing blends
that may help reduce your stress.”

Sara sighed. “That would be great, Nina.
Thanks.”

“
Preparing your tea now,
mistress. It will be ready in approximately three
minutes.”

“
Thank you,
Nina.”

Sara collapsed back on the couch and buried
her face in her hands. How had she never realized that the exodus
meant she would never see her mother again? Until now, it had
always been a vague and nebulous concept in her mind—just another
political action goal. She had never given much thought to how it
would impact her life. Now, she almost wished that it wouldn’t
happen—that she could stay here at Karduna and nothing would
actually change. But that was impossible.

“
I’m sorry, mistress, but
your mother is not answering.”

“
Again?” said Sara, leaping
to her feet. She paced to the end of the room and back before
sitting back down.

“
Would you like me to try
again, Mistress?”

“
Yes,” said Sara, taking a
deep breath. “Please do.”

“
Very well. Your tea is
ready.”

“
Thanks, Nina. I’ll get it
right now.”

She retrieved the tea from the food
dispenser and sipped it slowly while standing. Whether it was the
blend of herbs or the fact that she finally had something to do
with her hands, the tea had a blessedly calming effect. Her breaths
became longer and deeper, and the urge to pace the room slowly went
away. Still, she found herself glancing at her wrist console,
counting down the seconds as Nina attempted the call.

“
I’m so sorry, mistress,”
Nina said after the two minutes. “Your mother is not
answering.”

Sara took a deep breath and set her tea down
with shaking hands. Was it really going to be this way? Would she
not get a chance to hear her mother one last time?

“
Keep trying,” she said
weakly. “Let me know if you get through. In the meantime, I’m going
to take a shower.”

“
Good idea, mistress. A
shower will make you feel much better.”

It will also give me time
to think about what my last words to my mother should be,
Sara thought. If she couldn’t get a chance to talk
with her, then at least she would leave one last
message.

Nina was right—the shower worked wonders.
There was something about the warmth of the water against her skin
that made everything feel better. She set the pressure to its
highest setting and let the horizontal jets of the shower unit hold
her in place. Steam enveloped her like a warm blanket, calming her
heart and clearing her mind.

She thought of all the things her mother had
meant to her. Her father had always been difficult to please, but
no matter what she did, she knew that her mother would still love
her. When they had divorced, it had been a lot harder on Sara than
she’d let on. Part of her had wanted to leave with her mother for
the moon settlement, but she knew that she couldn’t do that—no
matter where she went, the Colony would always be her home.

As an adult, she’d come to terms with the
divorce, but it had always tainted her relationship with her
parents. It had often annoyed her how her mother had tried to
involve herself in her life from afar. Now, that all seemed so
trivial.

“
Nina,” she said as she
stepped out of the shower. “Have you been able to get
through?”

“
I’m sorry, mistress. I’m
afraid I haven’t.”

Sara sighed. “Very well. Record and transmit
this message for her.”

The tones chimed, indicating that the
recording had started. Sara was still naked from the shower, but in
a way, that seemed fitting. Her emotions were just as bare.

“
Mom,” she began, “it’s me,
Sara.” She stared at herself in the mirror and forced herself to go
on. “By the time you get this message, I’ll probably be far away.
We’re leaving—it’s the only way to save us from the
Hameji.”

She cringed to think about how her mother
would blame her father for all this, but closed her eyes and went
on. “The how isn’t important; what matters is that this is the last
message that I’ll ever be able to send to you.” A lump rose in her
throat, but she swallowed hard and choked it down.

“
I just want to let you
know that I’ve always loved you, and that I always will. When you
and dad split up, it was hard on all of us, but I know why you had
to do it. I never blamed you for the fact that it didn’t work
out.

“
I know that I haven’t
always been honest with you, and that sometimes I’ve closed myself
off from you or pushed you away, but even when—”

Alarms began to sound in
the hallway. A low-pitched hum sounded through the bulkheads, and
the walls began to throb. Sara’s breath caught in her throat—she
recognized the hum from her voyage on the
Freedom Star.
It was the sound a jump
drive made before it engaged.

No!
she thought desperately.
Not
now—anytime but now!
But nothing she did
could turn back the clock and give her the time to say all that was
in her heart

“
I love you, Mother,” she
said quickly. “Never forget that. Nina, transmit!”

“
Transmitting,” said Nina.
“Stand by.”

The humming rose in pitch and intensity,
making the bulkheads vibrate and the floor shake beneath her feet.
Sara slammed both hands palm down on the bathroom counter-top,
steadying herself. Far away, she heard something that sounded like
an explosion. She held her breath as every muscle in her body
seemed to tense. Was this the end? Was she going to die? Here in
her bathroom, naked and alone—it seemed like such a horrible way to
go.