Heart Song (18 page)

"So, wake up under the weather."
"What?"
"You know, use the old reliable," she suggested. "What's that?"
"Female problems," she said. "Your uncle Jacob's not going to challenge that, is he?" I shook my head, laughing at the thought of it and amazed that she would join me in a conspiracy so quickly.
"Hardly," I said.
"So there. come pick you up around eleven."
"But what will I say when they come home and find me gone?"
She shrugged.
"You felt better, thought you should get some air, and went to town or something and met me. What would you rather do, be out here with Kenneth and me or go to your stuffy brunch?"
"Be out here, definitely," I replied without hesitation. _
"So? Do what makes you feel good. You have to be honest with yourself and then and only then, can you be honest with others," she said, smiling as she gave me another drop of her wisdom. "If you come, do your chart," she threatened with a laugh.
I had to smile. Despite the conflicts raging within me, I couldn't help liking her. I started away, still undecided about her suggestion.
"Eleven o'clock?" she called. I walked a little farther and then I turned impulsively and yelled back into the wind.
"Okay. Come get me."
I ran down the small hill to the studio, clutching the discarded doll in my arms, feeling more confused and more excited than ever, but, strangely, more hopeful, too. It was as if I had finally found an adult who could be completely honest with me. An adult I could truly trust as my friend.
"I see Holly's begun to convert you," Kenneth said when I entered the studio. I had gone through the house, leaving the battered doll in the kitchen until I was ready to leave for home.
"What? What do you mean?"
"She gave you one of her crystals," he said, nodding at the necklace. Even Ulysses looked up with new interest.
"Oh. Yes. It's fifteen million years old and from a meteorite."
"Is that so? Did she show you the warranty?" "What?"
He laughed.
"Nothing," he said with a wave of his hand.
"She wants to have a picnic tomorrow. She's coming to pick me up at eleven," I said quickly to see if he would disapprove. He just looked surprised.
"Really? What are you going to tell Jacob?"
"I'll take care of it," I said firmly. He widened his smile and lifted his eyebrows.
"I see. Holly wouldn't have given you any ideas on what to say to Jacob now, would she?"
"Maybe."
He shook his head.
"I thought so. It doesn't take Holly long to get right into the heat of battle when she sees an emotional conflict," he said.
"She's interesting," I offered cautiously. He laughed.
"Interesting? She's like a rain storm in Technicolor, psychedelic clouds, neon lightning with the wind playing tunes from the Zen Buddhists. Wait until she reads you some of her poetry," he continued.
"Don't you like her?" I asked, confused. It sounded as if he were making fun of her.
"Of course. She's fresh air. There's not a phony bone in her solar and lunar body. Come on, let's finish this," he said and nodded at the papier-mache wave. I pulled off my sweatshirt and then took my position quickly. Maybe it was because I had done it before and the shock and excitement were over, or maybe it was because of some of the things Holly Brooks had said, but whatever the reason, my nervousness and inhibition were gone. I felt as if I had done this often.
"How long have you known her?" I asked after I'd gotten myself comfortable.
"A long time."
"Did you meet her here in Provincetown or in Greenwich Village?"
He paused.
"Melody, you know I can't talk and work at the same time," he said.
"Sorry."
"Just lift your chin a little and turn slightly to the right. Good. "
"Could you just answer one question?" I begged. "Okay. I cart see if I don't, I won't have any peace anyway. What is it?"
"Do you believe in all this--the power of the crystals, the energies in the universe?"
He stared at me a moment.
"I don't believe in anything but my art," he said, but he didn't sound proud of that. He said it with an underlying tone of sadness and defeat. "Let's work."
I could tell by his tone that he was in no mood to continue the conversation, so I resigned myself to silence so Kenneth could begin.
When we were finished, I hurried out to see if Holly had fallen asleep on the beach. She was in the house, however, and greeted me as I passed through to pick up the doll and wait for Kenneth at the jeep.
"I have something else for you," she said, holding a large paper bag. She dipped into it and brought out some sticks of incense. "Burn these in your room while you're meditating. It will help relax you," she said. Then she reached in again and pulled out a roll of yellow material. "You can wear it tomorrow when I come for you."
"Wear it? I don't understand. How do you wear it? What is it?"
"It's called a sari. It's traditionally worn by Hindu women. Here, let me show you how to put it on," she said. She wrapped it around me and even draped it over my head. Then she stepped back and bowed with her hands together.
"How do I look?" I asked, turning.
"Wonderful. It fills your face with a spiritual light," she said.
I took it off and practiced wrapping it around myself.
"Perfect," Holly said.
"Thank you," I said. She looked back to be sure Kenneth wasn't in earshot. "Don't wear anything else underneath. Remember what I said about confining the natural form."
I nodded, blushing, and put the sari back into my bag as Kenneth appeared.
"What are you two plotting?" he asked.
"Nothing more than a trip on a star," Holly replied. "That's what I thought," he said. "Hop in, Melody, for an ordinary trip in a jeep." Ulysses got in with us. "Bye," I said.
"See you in the morning."
"Be right back, Holly," Kenneth told her. "Are you going to make us one of those spiritual dinners tonight, all grain, vegetarian, organic?" he asked. She nodded.
"I'll be losing a few pounds before she leaves," he told me. Holly laughed and we drove away. "Where did you get the doll?" he said gazing at it in my hand.
"I found it on the beach."
"A bit beat up, isn't it?"
"I just didn't want to leave it there," I said. He looked at me askance for a moment and then smiled. "And what's in the bag?"
"A sari," I said. "And some incense."
He laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"I wish I could see Jacob's face when he sees you burning incense, walking around in sandals and one of Holly's dresses with crystals around your neck," he said, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief.
"It's not any of his business what I wear," I said firmly. He turned and stared at me. I tilted my head, questioning those intense eyes.
"What?"
"Just for a minute there you sounded so much like Haille it threw me back in time," he said in a wistful tone, his eyes darker.
He drove on, pensive, while my heart pounded as I wondered what it all meant.
Aunt Sara didn't pop her head out of the kitchen to greet me when I came through the front door. The house was deadly quiet, so quiet it made me uncomfortable. I glanced into the living room, saw there was no one in there, and then hurried down to the kitchen. It too was empty. Where was everyone? I started up the stairs.
Cary heard me and stepped out of May's room with May beside him.
"I thought you were only working a half-day today," he said, his eyes cold and accusing.
"Kenneth asked me to stay longer. He had a friend arrive today. Holly Brooks," I said. "Do you know her?"
"No. What's that around your neck?" he asked, like an attorney cross-examining a witness.
"It's a crystal with special healing qualities," I said and he smirked.
"That's pagan."
"It's not pagan if it makes you feel good. It happens to have a lot to do with spirituality, too, Cary Logan. You don't know anything about this."
May was signing and pointing to the doll in my hand. I signed back, describing how I had found it on the beach. She wanted to look at it. Even though it was so faded and ragged, May looked at me with that ecstatic rapture only the very young could express. She understood my rescue mission immediately and turned to Cary, signing. He shook his head.
"What is she asking?" I inquired, because she had her back to me.
"She wants me to fix that mess of a doll. What are you doing with it?"
"I found it on the beach and it's not a mess," I insisted and marched into my room. Cary came to the doorway with May.
"Well, what are you going to do with it?"
"I don't know, but I know it's not a mess. It was once a very pretty little doll." I spun on him, my eyes burning with swallowed back tears. "People cast each other aside just as easily as they cast aside their possessions these days," I complained.
A deep silence fell between us.
"Maybe I could do something with it," he finally said. "Can I look at it?" he asked in a softer tone. I handed it to him and he turned it over in his hands. "Body's still okay. Needs some paint and a new head of hair, as well as a new little dress. It's not so much, I suppose."
He saw the warm appreciation in my eyes. "Could you do that?"
"I have all that paint upstairs and the tools. I'll just get something for the hair and May will make the new dress." He signed that to her and she nodded emphatically. "What color do you want her hair?"
"My own," I said quickly. He nodded and explained all to May, who looked almost as happy as I was about it.
"What else do you have?" he asked, nodding at the bag in my hand.
"A dress Holly gave me and some incense."
"Incense?"
"Yes. You light it and it helps when you meditate."
"Huh? Meditate? You mean like a Buddhist monk or something?" he asked with a smirk.
"Where's Aunt Sara?" I asked instead of replying. He was getting me angry. "I thought I'd find her in the kitchen and help her with dinner," I said.
"She's not here. She and Dad went to dinner at the Wilson's," he said. I stepped back, surprised.
"Your father and mother went out to dinner?"
"Well, you know Ma. She prepared our dinner first," he said. "All we have to do is serve ourselves and clean up-afterward. Dad and Jimmy Wilson are talking about buying a cranberry bog together. Ma put up quite a fuss when she heard she had to leave us, but I promised her we'd take care of everything."
"Oh. Well then, I'll clean up and go down and get our dinner set out," I said.
"I'll just put this up in my work room," Cary said, indicating the doll.
I signed to May, describing what we would do, and she told me she would set the table while I showered. After I finished towel-drying my hair I took out the dress Holly had given me and wrapped it around myself. When I stood before the mirror, I laughed at how I looked and then thought I would wear it to dinner to see Cary's reaction. He was downstairs in the kitchen and when he saw me, he stopped what he was doing and dropped his jaw.
"What is that?"
"It's called a sari."
"I'll say it's sorry," he remarked and laughed.
"Cary Logan, all you're doing is showing your ignorance," I accused. His smiled faded.
"Well, what's it supposed to be?"
I explained that it was the natural dress for Hindu women and a very special gift given to me. Cary started to smile after I finished, but when he saw the serious expression on my face, he tightened his own, swallowed back his ridicule, and sat at the dinning room table, tonight taking his father's seat.
It was as if the chair had powers, for Cary's face took on Uncle Jacob's serious demeanor. May and I took our usual seats. There was that same moment of quiet that preceded all of our dinners. May looked expectantly at Cary and he reached for the Bible.
"Dad left a marker where he thought I should read tonight," he explained and began.
^--
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world.' " He paused as if the words were choking him.
"Why don't you choose your own selection tonight, Cary?" I suggested. I could see the indecision in his eyes as he thought about my suggestion. It was like challenging the king, doing something deliciously forbidden. His eyes brightened with mischief.
"Okay," he said. "I will." He turned the pages, paused, and gazed at me as he read. "From the Song of Solomon. 'How fair is Thy love, my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine, and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! Thy lips, 0 my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue.' " He paused and gazed at May and then at me with his face bronzed in pride and defiance.
"Not one your father would have chosen," I said, impressed with the intensity of his reading. He had never sounded more grown-up to me. For a second, he had actually taken my breath away.
"You wanted me to make my own choice and I did," he said with firm defiance.
He and I gazed at each other.
"I'm glad you did," I said.
He smiled.
"Actually, you look pretty in that dress," he said. "Sort of special."
I smiled.
"Thank you."
May began to sign, wondering why it was taking us so long to begin eating. Daddy never made us wait this long, she emphasized.
We laughed, grateful for the light moment, and started to pass the dishes to each other.
Afterward, Cary helped May and me clean up and put everything away. We left the kitchen as spotless as Aunt Sara did.
"What's this meditating all about?" Cary asked, and I told him some of the things Holly had told me. Of course, he was skeptical, raising his right eyebrow higher than his left as I spoke. I described what I had felt when I did what she instructed and concentrated on my breathing.
"You got like that just by listening to yourself breathe?" he asked with doubting eyes.
"By tuning into myself," I corrected. "Would you like to try?" I asked. "Or are you afraid of what you'll find?"
His eyes sharpened and then narrowed at my challenge.
"Okay. Show me."
"Wait in the living room," I said and ran upstairs to get the incense. I brought it down quickly and set it in a sugar bowl. Then I lit it and placed it in front of us on the floor. May sat by, watching with fascination as I got Cary to assume the lotus
position--or as close as he could get to folding his legs over one another without toppling over.
"I wish I had her music, but we'll try without it for now," I said.
"I can hum something. How about 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic." "
"Cary Logan, if you're not going to be serious . . ." "All right. I'm sorry," he said, holding up his hands and laughing. "That stuff sure smells."
"It's supposed to. Okay, concentrate, drive away all thoughts and just listen to yourself take breaths, but don't hurry or slow your breathing, understand?"