Heartless (22 page)

The word
forgiveness was so easy to say, but it seemed impossible to do. He could
forgive someone else almost anything, but when it came time to forgive himself,
that seemed damn near impossible.

“I’m beginnin’ to
think Mike and Jay were the real victims in this, ya know? The rest of us were
adults. We had choices, but they were just kids. They didn’t know what the hell
was goin’ on, and I bailed instead of stickin’ around and tryin’ to help them
through it. They must’ve gone through hell when their parents divorced—”

“Listen, I know
you were close to them. But you were livin’ through your own personal hell back
then. You did the best you could.”

“Yeah, but my
solution was to turn tail and run, like a goddamn coward, ‘cause I couldn’t
face what I’d done. Who the hell does that?”

“A guy who’s in
the impossible position of bein’ in love with his best friend’s wife does that.
You didn’t want to tear Josh’s family apart. I know that, he knows that, and
eventually his kids are gonna realize that, too. Just give it some time. Try to
rebuild a relationship with them, when and if they’re willin’.”

Derek nodded.
“Yeah, I think Jay might come around, but his brother’s gonna be a tough nut to
crack.”

Ty grinned. “Hey,
you’re gonna be his boss. That’s gotta give you some leverage, right?”

Derek refused to
use his position to influence Mike’s opinion of him. That wouldn’t be fair to
either of them. If Mike ever saw fit to treat him as a friend again, Derek
wanted it to be because he earned that friendship. “I don’t know what the
hell’s gonna happen. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it all plays
out.”

“What about
Ashley? Anything happenin’ there?”

Derek covered his
face with his hands. “I don’t know. I thought we were gettin’ closer. She even
came to see me in Little Rock, but…”

Ty grinned. “You
can’t leave me hangin’ like that, man. What the hell happened?”

“Rosanna was at
the apartment when Ash got there. I don’t know exactly what was said, but it
couldn’t have been good. Ashley’s been refusin’ to answer my calls ever since.”

Ty muttered a
curse as he turned down the dirt road leading to their family home. “Man,
that’s gotta suck, but hey, now that you’re back, you guys can talk it out…
figure out where you go from here.”

Derek was afraid
to consider the possibility of moving on without Ashley, especially when they
were so close to finding their way back to each other. “I want to be with her,
that’s the bottom line. I don’t want anyone else.”

Ty smiled. “I know
how you feel. I felt the same way about Avery.”

“Yeah, but you got
the girl.” Derek sighed. “And the kids, and the great career… Don’t ever take any
of it for granted, Ty.”

“You know I
won’t.”

Derek reached for
his seatbelt when Ty eased the truck up to the front porch of their brother’s
log cabin. “You deserve it. You deserve all the good things that’ve happened to
you. You’ve worked your ass off, and you’ve been a good husband and father. I’m
proud of you, real proud, and I know Dave was, too.”

Ty reached across
the seat to give Derek a quick hug. “Thanks, that means a hell of a lot comin’
from you.”

Chapter Sixteen

Derek knew his new
co-workers weren’t expecting him at the station bright and early on Saturday
morning, but he had a few hours to spare before he met with his real estate
agent. He thought he should be productive instead of wasting any more time
obsessing about Ashley.

He’d done
everything he could—left countless voicemail messages, called Josh, stopped by
her house—all to no avail. She knew he needed to see her, but she was obviously
determined to make him sweat it out.

A knock on his
door interrupted his thoughts. “Come in.”

Mike stood in the
doorway clutching a file. “You got a minute, Chief?”

They hadn’t seen
or spoken to each other since Ashley’s birthday party, and Derek had no idea
how he would feel now that he’d officially taken over as his boss. “Yeah, come
on in. I was just settlin’ in.”

Mike surprised him
by extending his hand. “It’s good to have you on our team.”

Derek reached
across the desk to grasp his hand without thinking twice. If Mike was ready to
call a truce, he would welcome the opportunity to make amends. “Thanks, Mike.
It feels damn good to be back.”

“Mind if I sit
down?”

He gestured to one
of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk. “Be my guest.”

“Congratulations
on breaking that case back in Little Rock.” He cleared his throat and held the
manila file folder tighter. “That was some amazing police work.”

“I can’t take all
the credit. It was a team effort.” Derek glanced at the file. “You wanna go
over a case?”

Mike suddenly
looked uncomfortable. “Uh, no, not exactly.” He took a deep breath and passed
the file across the desk. “There’s somethin’ I wanna show you.” He shrugged. “I
thought it might help you understand.”

Derek opened the
file and was shocked to see newspaper clippings of various high profile cases
he’d worked on over the years. “Oh wow,” he said, holding the most recent one
in his trembling hand. “These date back years…” He looked up at Mike. “A lot of
years.”

“I wanted to be
just like you.” He looked at the worn newspaper clippings instead of looking
Derek in the eye. “I thought if I could figure out how you did it, you know,
solved cases, then maybe I could be as good a cop as you someday.”

Derek cleared his
throat. He didn’t know what the hell to say to that. Other officers and
superiors had praised his skill and work ethic before, but he knew with Mike,
it was personal. “I’m flattered, hell, beyond flattered.”

Mike lowered his
head. “After you left, I asked my old man if I could subscribe to the local
newspapers in Arkansas. I knew I could just look it up online, but there’s
something about seeing it in print, ya know?”

Derek shook his
head. He rarely read the coverage of his cases, but knowing that Mike did made
him glad he’d been fortunate enough to garner so much publicity in his career.

“Do you get it
now?” Mike asked quietly. “You were my idol, man. Then you just bailed on us.
That was a really shitty thing to do.”

Derek closed the
file and set it aside before leaning forward. “You’re right; it was. I’m not
even gonna try to give you an excuse, because the truth is, I can’t. What I did
was inexcusable. You and your brother were great kids. I loved you like you
were my own sons, but…”

“But you thought
you were doing us a favor by leavin’? You thought if you weren’t in the
picture, maybe my parents could work it out.”

“Who told you
that?”

“Jay. He said I
should listen to what you had to say.” He smirked. “He also said I should cut
you some slack, ‘cause I sure as hell ain’t perfect.” Mike sobered as he looked
Derek in the eye. “He’s right; I’m not.”

“None of us are.”

“But I expected
you to be ‘cause you were larger than freakin’ life to Jay and me. My parents
were the disciplinarians, especially my old man, but you were so cool. You’d take
us places, coach our teams, let us ride in the front seat of your sports car
with the top down.” He laughed. “It may seem stupid now, but we thought it was
the coolest thing.”

Derek smiled at
the memory of the boys begging him to put the top down at the first hint of
decent weather. They didn’t want to take the school bus; instead they wanted
Uncle Derek to drive them to school so they could show off for their friends.
“I remember.”

Mike laughed. “You
were this badass SWAT dude. Nobody at school wanted to mess with us.”

“Your old man was
a badass too, ya know?”

He shook his head.
“I know. I love my dad. He’s the best, but you were the guy we counted on when
we couldn’t go to our parents with stuff, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Derek
had never felt smaller than he did seeing the disappointment reflected in
Mike’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I screwed up, big time.”

“Yeah, well… since
we’re gonna be workin’ together now, I thought we should try to put the past
behind us.”

“I’d like that a
lot.”

“You’re still the
best,” Mike said quietly. “And I wanna learn from the best.” He smirked. “Just
so you know, I’m gunnin’ for this office one day.”

“That’s okay by me.
I figure I’ll be ready to give it up in another ten years or so anyways.”

“About my mom…”

Derek held his
breath, waiting. “What about her?”

“If you two wanna
try to work it out, I’m cool with that.”

Derek’s face split
into a grin. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that.”

He shrugged. “I
just want her to be happy. She hasn’t been happy in a really, really long time.
Not since before you left.”

“Her happiness is
the only thing that matters to me.”

Mike stood up and
extended his hand again, a smile tugging at his lips. “Just so ya know, you
hurt her and you’ll have me to answer to.”

“Hey, speakin’ of
your mama… do you happen to know where she is?”

“She was visiting
my grandparents, but she must have decided to cut the trip short ‘cause I just
got a text askin’ me to pick her up at the airport in about an hour.”

Derek smiled. “You
mind if I do the honors?”

“Be my guest.”

After a day and a half,
Ashley knew hiding out at her parents’ house was a waste of time. She needed to
return home, contact a real estate agent, and start packing. She made some
important decisions while she was away. Just because she and Derek weren’t
going to be moving on together, that didn’t mean it wasn’t time for her to move
on alone.

She loved her old
house, but she didn’t want to live in the past anymore. She was thinking about
a nice little bungalow within walking distance of the elementary school where
she worked. She could have flowers and a little vegetable garden, maybe a few
fruit trees and a swimming pool, but most important, it would be all hers.
There wouldn’t be any ghosts from her past haunting the hallways.

Ashley was busy
looking for Mike’s black SUV, so she didn’t see Derek right away. When she did,
she stepped off the curb and nearly did a nosedive onto the concrete.

He looked so
handsome; she had to slip her sunglasses back in place to hide her reaction to
him. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a light blue, graphic print T-shirt
that matched his eyes. Without even realizing it, he was attracting the
attention of every woman walking by. But he didn’t seem to notice because he
couldn’t take his eyes off her.

She dipped her
head when he was only a few feet away. “Hi.” She didn’t know what else to say.
She felt foolish for tracking him down in Arkansas, even more foolish for
avoiding his calls since. They were going to be living in the same city. They
had many of the same friends, so like it or not, they would have to learn to
coexist.

He grinned as he
slipped his Maui Jim’s in the front of his shirt. “Hi, yourself. I hear you
been hidin’ out with the folks?”

She tried for
righteous indignation, but didn’t quite pull it off when he caught sight of the
smile she’d been trying to hide from him. “I wasn’t hiding out… exactly.”

Derek laughed,
revealing a flash of white teeth against a deep, summer tan. “What would you
call it? You must know I’ve been tryin’ to reach you all goddamn week.”

She sighed. “I
know… I’m sorry. I should have answered, but I didn’t know what to say.”

“I know what to
say.” He reached for her hand and, without thinking about the consequences, she
let him have it. He quickly pulled her forward and she landed against the solid
wall of his chest. “How ‘bout I start by tellin’ you how much I missed you?”

Ashley permitted
herself the luxury of relaxing into his strong arms. She didn’t know where
things stood between him and Rosanna, and at the moment, she couldn’t summon
the energy to care. The only thing that mattered was that they were both here,
together. “I missed you, too.”

He pulled back to
frame her face with his hands. “Then why the hell did you leave my condo before
I got there?”

She rolled her
eyes. “Three’s a crowd, Derek.”

“You’re right. That’s
why I sent Rosanna home.”

Her heart started
beating double time. She didn’t want to allow herself to get her hopes up.
There was still the not so little matter of the family she knew he wanted. “You
two aren’t getting back together?”

He threw his head
back and laughed. “What the hell would give you a crazy idea like that,
darlin’?”

At the sound of
his husky laughter, several women turned and shot appreciative glances his way,
prompting Ashley to tighten her grip on him. Those curious onlookers needed to
know he was off-limits. “She said that’s what she wanted.”