Hearts of Ishira (Hearts of Ishira Saga) (58 page)

“I do not wish to discuss it.” He turned and walked a bit away, standing directly over his brothers’ stone, hands on hips, shoulders stiff with his pain. Ri watched him a moment, Read what he was broadcasting, then slowly followed. She wrapped an arm around his waist and held him to her.

“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours,” she promised softly.

Hunter stiffened further, then very slowly looked down at her. The grief in her eyes was almost too much to bear, but he realized that she was willing to tell him what happened the day her family died, if he was willing to do the same. After a long, tense moment, he curled his arm around her shoulders and nodded once in capitulation.

“We were attacked, almost from out of nowhere,” he said quietly, his gaze now on his ship. His brows were furrowed with the bewilderment he’d felt that day. “We had no intelligence that the Solvari had developed cloaking technologies, but that’s what happened. Our scanners didn’t pick them up until they were close enough to fire. It was so quick that we were barely able to get shields up, and then only partially. The shield distribution starts with the most vital areas and spreads to the least. It took less than a minute between the Solvari ship uncloaking and the explosion.”

“Then why do you think it was your fault your brothers are gone?” Ri asked softly.

“Because I had sent them to those storage areas for busy-work!” he thundered, whirling away and pacing through the small memorial yard. “I sent them there for punishment, because they’d been bickering enough to drive Jace and me insane. So I came up with a need for a thorough inventory of the non-necessities storage holds, and sent them down there to either fight it out or figure out how to work together.”

“Where would they have been, otherwise?” she asked, just wanting to know.

“On the bridge, or possibly in the training room, sparring. I could have sent them there, instead. Either way, they would have been unharmed.”

“Hunter,” she sighed, “You could not have known. There’s no way their deaths are your fault, sweetie. None.”

“You don’t know what it is like,” he swallowed painfully, “To be the cause of people being where they’re not supposed to be, dying because of one simple decision that you made. Whether I knew the Solvari were coming or not, I could have done things differently. I will always blame myself for their deaths.”

“Okay,” Ri said, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “I can understand that. So I guess we have that in common.”

He whirled to look at her, aghast. She tried to smile, but it tipped upside down.

“My family was going on a cruise to a small island where we’d rented a lodge for the week. Everyone had managed to be there. It was the first time in nearly twenty years that everyone’s schedules worked out so that we could have a true family reunion.”

“What happened?” he asked, though he knew.

“I was the last one to get there,” Arianna shook her head. “My boss wouldn’t let me off a few minutes early, not even when I showed him the video my cousin sent, of everyone waiting for me. I was working at the beach that year, which is how I found out about this island retreat to begin with. But my boss told me in no uncertain terms that I had to stay till my relief got there.” She shrugged, managing a small smile. “My relief had a final exam that day, so she was running fifteen minutes late.”

She turned tear-slicked eyes up to him.

“I could have said ‘to hell with the job’ and left when I needed to. I could have told my family to go on without me and caught a boat the next day. I could have just signed off on the register turn-over, instead of being there to watch the count. Leila would have trusted me. My register was never off. Never.”

“Ri,” Hunter breathed as her tears overflowed.

“I got to the dock just twenty minutes later than I’d planned. The captain had held the ship just for me.”

“So how is it your fault?” Hunter asked, caressing her cheek.

“That particular model of yacht was having really bad over-heating issues, though I didn’t know that at the time.”

“Arianna,” he began, but she shook her head.

“That boat exploded because I chose my job over my family.”

“The boat… exploded?” Hunter caught himself, not wanting to reveal that he’d known about her family all along. She nodded and sobbed once.

“It just… blew up. Right in front of me. I got to the dock, had my bags out of the car, and was turning to pick them up and run to the boat, but then it just… went up in a fireball. My entire family was standing at the rails, grinning at me,
waiting for me
, as the blast took them.”

“Ri,” he cupped the back of her head and pulled her to him.

“If I hadn’t been late, the engines wouldn’t have overheated, and my family would still be alive.”

“No,” he breathed against the top of her head. “If they were meant to die that day, that’s what would have happened.”

She glared furiously up at him.

“Oh, so that’s different in your world?”

He blinked down at her. His eyes widened when he realized what she was getting at.

“Hunter, if I’m not allowed to feel guilty about being the cause of my family’s death, then neither are you!” she whispered urgently, kissing his chest. “You couldn’t have known, and neither could I. Yes, perhaps their deaths were in part caused by our decisions, but neither of us are at fault. Because we didn’t know. We
couldn’t
know.”

Hunter’s throat worked as he tried to stave off the tears of release that her absolution brought on. She smiled tenderly up at him, through her own tears, and cupped his cheek in one hand. He felt her love, her acceptance, and her empathy for what he’d put himself through all these years, and he could easily see that she well knew the exact feeling. He closed his eyes and swept her up against him, burying his face in her hair. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, crying with him.

“It’s okay to grieve. I do it all the time. You’re not the only one who lost their family. All of us have, one way or another. I miss mine, too. Each and every day. And blaming yourself is a natural part of the grieving cycle. Believe me, I know.” She shook her head.

“We can’t stop living because they’re gone. That’s why we’re working so hard to build a new life here, right? So that we can create a family of our own, create the world that they will grow into and eventually inherit from us. And we both have so much love to give to that family, so much to teach them. We will treasure them more and protect them more fiercely because we know very well what it is to lose someone you love.”

“You are an amazing woman, Arianna,” he breathed, leaning down to kiss her lips reverently. “Only you could take the shadow of this place from my heart and replace it with the light of hope.”

“You,” she said, kissing him back, “Are a smooth talker. But I love it. Now… I’m supposed to be seeing a space ship! Let’s go.”

Hunter chuckled at her eagerness and mounted his rider with her in his arms.

A few minutes later, they were once again on the ground, though this time a warrior came forward to see to Hunter’s mount. Hunter introduced his crew to Arianna as his mate and Commander of the women. The warriors greeted her with respect and honored her with short bows. She was charmed.

“We have heard much of you, Commander Arianna,” one of the warriors said, stepping forward. “I am Gust, team leader for the engineers and baby-sitter for this part of the crew.”

Several of the men growled playfully at him. He grinned and tossed his long, blond hair. He was just as beautifully made as any of the other warriors, but Arianna had a special place in her heart for her gay friends, and she knew with one touch of his open mind that this guy had not one ounce of interest in her… or any woman. She grinned at him, instantly adoring him. His spirit was playful and bright, his mind quick and keen.

“I am delighted to meet you, Gust,” she said. “Hunter has been keeping you guys a secret from me. But I came as soon as I knew you were here.”

Hunter set her on her feet, as if finally remembering she could walk just fine now, and left her with Gust as he went off to answer a summons from one of his men.

“So, young leader,” Gust said, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. “Where are you from? How is it you have never seen a space-faring ship before?”

Arianna quickly gave him a recap of recent events, including the newly acquired memories of being kidnapped and waking up to a crashing ship. Gust was appropriately aghast, but took it all in stride.

“But that’s enough of that!” he said, once he’d led her to an area where various large stone and wood buildings were located. “This section is my pride and joy. It has taken us several years to get our technology back to the point where we are able to process and shape metal beyond rudimentary blacksmithing. It is slow going, mainly because we’re doing everything possible not to damage this world as we work. We could have done all of it much quicker, but we’re only taking rock and ore that we know aren’t necessary to the ecosystem.”

Arianna murmured appreciatively at his efforts and followed along to the next building.

“And here, in this building, we’ve started a glass-making area. It took a bit to find enough silica, so glass is still rather precious until we’re able to get one of the shuttle craft going again.”

“There aren’t any beaches or oceans on this world?” Arianna asked. Gust nodded.

“Of course, but they are rather distant from the forests, and there is little in the way of resources near them. The water there would take too much processing to be potable, so when we were searching for a habitable area to set down for re-stocking, the officers chose to move inland. We found this region, and it seemed to have everything we needed for an extended stay, so we chose it. But once we are able, we’d like to go explore the ocean areas, too, perhaps set up a small compound there, so that we can manufacture glass and process the ocean animals for eating.” He shrugged. “But that hasn’t been as important as this, and we have nothing but time for the other.”

“We will get to the sea soon enough, Gust. You just want an excuse to build that boat you lost back on Thorsan.” Hunter came up to them then, taking Arianna’s hand absently as he nodded in approval at the neatly kept area. “In the meantime, you’re doing a good job, as always.”

“Of course,” Gust said, chuckling deeply. “I would do nothing less for you, my Commander.”

He batted his lashes flirtatiously at Hunter, who barked out a laugh and rolled his eyes.

Arianna giggled at their antics. It was obvious that Hunter wasn’t the least bit uncomfortable with Gust’s open flirting, nor threatened by his sexuality in any way. She loved that about her warrior. He was secure enough in who he was that he could allow others to be who they were supposed to be. She hugged his arm to her chest, sighing happily.

Hunter and Gust took her on a short tour around the rest of the little compound as the Commander inspected it. She admired the smaller version of personal quarters with all the same amenities of the larger living area over the mountain. Gust took her into the glass-making area and they discussed a few of the methods of shaping the molten stuff. He was excited that she had books that might have methods that he didn’t know about, and promised to get over the mountain for a visit at some point in the near future. For long moments, they discussed bead-making and stained glass, which were more her area of research, though she was the first to admit that most of her knowledge was from books and demonstrations, not actual hands-on practice. Gust promised to allow her to ‘play’ with glass at some point, once they were able to create more of it.

She was shown the metal fabricating area, and though she knew by now she shouldn’t be, she was surprised at the sophistication of the set-up so far. It wasn’t nearly ready for producing the incredibly precise parts for the warp engines, but it was getting there.

After the short tour, several of the men approached her and asked about the shawl she was wearing, how she’d made it, and demanded that the next time she was over the hill, she bring the tools to teach them how to do it themselves. Hunter held up a hand to stop the man talking, grinned and went to his rider. A moment later, he jogged back with a stuffed leather pouch and tossed it to Arianna. She blinked at it, then opened it to find some of the extra knitting needles and hooks Hunter had made when it was obvious that she needed to have ‘loaners’ for the girls who wished to learn the crafts. Her smile was brilliant and she popped onto her toes to plant a kiss on his chin. He had to lean down for her to reach, but it was always worth doing so for one of her sweet pecks.

Then he watched indulgently as she led six of his finest, most ferocious warriors over to a shaded area, sat down on the grass, and started teaching his big, strong men how to create lovely pieces of clothing out of soft yarn.

“
She
is a delight,” Gust said softly at Hunter’s shoulder. He nodded with no small amount of pride. “And you brought toys for her to share!”

“Of course,” Hunter said, facing his officer and grinning as he clapped him on the shoulder. “I know my men. I knew that those guys, in particular, would want to learn the crafts she brought with her from Earth. And she gets so excited when she teaches it.”

“I have heard from many of the other men that she and her second,” he nodded toward Bev, who was, not surprisingly, hunched over a computer screen, comparing it to the ship in front of her and talking to the men around her. “Are incredible young women. But she is so very young, is she not?”