Heatseeker (Atrati) (21 page)

The past was in the past and was going to stay there if she had anything to say about it.

Kadin winced, but he didn’t call her on it. He just indicated her food with a wave of his hand. “Eat.”

Wanting to talk about the past not at all, for once Rachel did as she was instructed without arguing. She ate.

Kadin remained beside her, his body fully into her personal space and way too close for comfort. Only she liked it. A lot.

Darn. Darn. Darn.

This man was the only living person who could still break through to her emotions. She needed to get away from him before all of her defenses crumbled.

He sipped at a large mug of coffee she hadn’t noticed him carrying, the aroma tantalizing.

She reached toward it. “Let me have some.”

“Mrs. Abdul didn’t give you any with your breakfast.”

“She gave me juice.”

“Which you practically had an orgasm over yesterday.”

“It’s good.” But Rachel wanted some coffee.

“Eva left orders to keep you away from caffeine.”

“What? Why?” Darn doctors. They were all the same.

“She said it would be hard enough for you to establish healthy sleep patterns after what you went through without stimulants to keep you awake.”

“I slept just fine last night.”

“Yes, you did. I didn’t even get a mumble out of you when I tried to wake you and tell you where I was going.”

He’d tried to wake her? Rachel’s mood improved immeasurably upon hearing that.

Which annoyed her all over again.

“Uh-oh. Your smile just turned upside down.”

“Stop.”

He grinned, making no effort to hide how much he enjoyed being in her company. “I’ll give you a sip of coffee for a good morning kiss.”

“You’re an ass.”

“I’m an astute bargainer.”

She kissed him, getting lost for a little while in his taste and the sensation of peace she had when she was this close to Kadin.

They drew back at the same time, his gaze heated. Her own face was devoid of the frown that had stuck there earlier.

“Now my coffee,” she demanded in a voice too husky for her own liking.

“Just a sip.”

She shook her head. Medics and overprotective mercenaries. What could she do?

The coffee was delicious, and she ended up drinking half the mug before giving it back.

Kadin just laughed. “I think I should have asked for more kisses.”

“You suck at negotiating. I would have given you the kisses without the coffee.” She was, after all, the one who had prompted the return to sexual intimacy between them.

Maybe not for reasons he could understand or even approve of, but they worked for her.

She’d had sex in the last ten years, but very little of it. She’d been telling him the truth that sex for her meant intimacy, and she didn’t trust easily.

Which meant the men she’d been willing to allow near her were few and far between.

At first, she’d been waiting for Kadin to come back, certain he would realize he needed her just as much as she needed him. But he hadn’t, and over time, she’d tried dating other men, even if her plan to get Kadin back had always played in the back of her mind.

Nothing had ever stuck, however, and no sex had even come close to what she’d shared with Kadin ten years ago or the night before.

In the last few years, Rachel had been unwilling to allow anyone close enough for sex to become an even remotely possible option.

“That’s good to know,” Kadin said, bringing her back to the present.

“You think?”

“Oh, yeah.” And he went for another kiss, this one just shy of mind-melting.

When he pulled away, she couldn’t hold back the sound of protest inside.

“I want more, too, angel, but we’ve got surveillance to do today and, if Whit is as organized now as he always has been in the past, an agent to bring up to speed at some point.”

She knew Kadin was right, but that didn’t make it any easier. It was probably a good thing this man was the only one who got her engine revving like this.

Sex like they enjoyed together could be a major distraction. And any distractions were a problem for an agent who specialized in deep cover.

“Okay. So, new clothes?”

“Yep. I would have taken you shopping with me, but it’s not safe for you to be seen on the streets of Marrakech right now.”

“Agreed.” There was a good possibility that Abasi Chuma had connections in the city; the choice to have her brought to Morocco hadn’t been on a whim, she was sure.

Being seen in a public venue like the marketplace would put Rachel at high risk of discovery, which would only up the danger of her connection to Jamila being discovered.

“Any word from the guys on the mountain or Dr. Massri?”

“Chuma’s coming into Marrakech, and Massri is livid that they haven’t been able to find you.”

“Any talk of Jamila?”

“Not between them. She didn’t come up even casually.”

“Typical. She’s flown all the way from Egypt to be with Chuma, and both her father and fiancé ignore her existence.”

“In this case, I’m thinking that’s a good thing.”

“It is.” But it still angered her on Jamila’s behalf. “I just want her out of there.”

“It’ll happen, Rachel. Trust your people to bring Massri and Chuma down.”

“I do. It’s the timing I’m worried about.”

The clothes Kadin had purchased for Rachel proved two things. One, he was every bit as observant today as he had been a decade ago. They all fit. And two, he didn’t expect her to leave Morocco in the next couple of days.

There was a week’s worth of clothing, which was more than he had with him in
his
duffel. He’d bought a couple of things that would allow her to blend into the colorful culture of Marrakech as a native. Traditional clothing for a woman in this part of the world that would hide everything but her eyes.

He’d also bought Rachel casual clothing similar to things she had in her own closet at home. It was uncanny. . . and a little unnerving to think he really knew her that well.

Even after all this time.

Had she not changed as much as she thought? Or had the woman she’d become always resided inside the idealistic girl?

Either way, Rachel really appreciated his covering both bases, giving his nonverbal support to whatever she needed to do to protect Jamila.

He’d remembered sandals, too, but she left those off before making her way down to the computer room and Neil Kennedy.

Kadin and Cowboy were out on another visual reconnaissance of the hotel and the house Dr. Massri had gone to the day before.

If Rachel missed Kadin’s presence, she wasn’t about to admit it to herself, much less anyone else.

Neil was muttering at the computer when Rachel came into the room.

“Is it talking back yet?” she asked.

He looked up, his blue eyes narrowed with frustration. “You think that’s a joke, but the AI I installed gets almost as mouthy as some of my other teammates.”

That made her laugh, the sound real and unfettered by anything else for the first time in years.

Neil’s frown turned to a smile. “Somebody got some last night.”

She could feel herself blushing but didn’t deny it. “Oh, ho! I was right. Not that I doubted it, but it’s nice to get the confirmation.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Exactly.”

She frowned but couldn’t muster much heat. “Shut it.”

“Oh, it had to be
good
for you to be in this mellow a mood.”

“I’m not
mellow,
“ she denied, only to realize that was exactly how she felt.

Despite everything, Rachel was more relaxed than she’d been since taking her first agency job at the DEA.

“Good sex will do that for you.”

“Amazing sex.”

Neil gave her an exaggerated grimace, putting his hands up as if to ward her off. “Spare me the details of squicky hetero sex with my teammate.”

“Sex isn’t any fun if it doesn’t get a little squicky.”

He broke up at that, nodding. “Now, ain’t that the truth?”

“Speaking of . . .”

“Uh-uh. No way. We are not going there. My relationship with Cowboy is off-limits even if you want to dish the dirt on Trigger and his mighty tool.”

“It
is
mighty.” She gave a not-so-faked sigh of remembered pleasure.

Neil covered his ears and yelled, “Too much information!”

“You’re the one who mentioned
tools
.”

“Not because I wanted details.” The horrified expression on the mercenary’s face was too funny. “I’m perfectly happy remaining so far in the dark about Trigger’s prowess that you could grow mushrooms in my mind—you feel me?”

Grinning, she hopped up to sit on the table Spazz had turned into his desk. “So, Cowboy? You admit it’s a relationship.”

“That’s what he says he wants.”

“But you don’t?” She didn’t believe it. Not the way Neil looked at the other man.

“He hurt me. A lot.”

She nodded, understanding better than a lot of people would. “But he wants you back.”

“After throwing me away.”

“He was in the closet.” It was a guess, but not a very risky one.

“It’s complicated. . . .”

“Family, then.”

“Yeah. Family’s always complicated.”

“Even when they aren’t around anymore.”

“Yep. You’re smart. For a girl.”

She smacked him on the arm. Hard.

“
Ow
. Damn. You don’t
hit
like one.”

“Remember that, and I won’t have to pour syrup over your keyboard while you’re sleeping.”

He threw his body over his laptop protectively. “You leave my baby alone.”

“Does Cowboy know he has that kind of competition for your affections?”

“He knows.” Neil sighed, his expression going serious. “He knows me better than anyone else.”

“And he still hurt you. It’s hard to forgive that.” She should know; she’d never managed to forgive Kadin.

Maybe she would have, if she’d understood. Or if the cost of trying to prove to him that she did fit into his world hadn’t been so high.

Neil nodded. “I would have said
impossible
.” He didn’t sound like he was sure he still believed that.

“Me, too.”

“But maybe not?”

“Maybe if you knew why?” Something she’d never gotten from Kadin.

“Wyatt didn’t want to lose his family. They’re close, really there for each other, you know? All he ever wanted to do was grow up and run the family ranch with his dad and brothers.”

“Instead, he became a mercenary?”

“He started off in the Marines. Serving our country is a tradition in his family. His oldest brother was in the Army, and the youngest is a National Guardsman. Both saw time oversees.”

“Cowboy did, too.”

“He and Trigger were in the same unit. They came to the Atrati at the same time, too.”

“Why didn’t Cowboy go home to the family ranch?”

“To hear him tell it, he was just playing a little, taking a detour on the road to his dream.”

“A pretty dangerous detour.”

“Yeah. I’ve always believed he needed to get away, to live as himself, but he never saw it that way.”

“He held on to the dream.”

“Tighter than he held on to me.”

“Because admitting he loved you would have cost him his family?” she asked, not understanding that kind of conditional family love.

Rachel had lost too many people to take for granted the gift of family. You didn’t just let your family go for being something different than you expected or maybe even wanted.

She’d been let go of and knew just how much it hurt. She’d lost her parents by accidental death, her sister by suicide, and her grandmother by subtle rejection and then dementia.

“Yeah.”

“And did it?”

Neil stared at her, his expression filled with surprise. “How did you know he told them he loved me?”

“I’m assuming that for
you
to love
him,
Cowboy has to be at least smart enough to know there would be no chance at a relationship with you if he was still lying about himself to the other most important people in his life.”

“
Other
most important people. You think I’m that significant to him?”

“He came out so he could be with you, didn’t he?”

“I hope he came out for himself.”

“I’m sure that was part of it, but come on. The timing is because he loved a man who wasn’t going to be his dirty little secret ever again. Right?”

“Shit, you ever consider being a therapist or something?”

“I’ve already got a career.”

“And a man who is willing to tank his for your sake.” The sober truth in Neil Kennedy’s gaze touched a chord in Rachel.

“Talk about complicated. Nothing between Kadin and me is that simple.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“So . . . ?” she asked, glancing pointedly at the computer.

“So, Chuma and Massri went back to the house Dr. Massri was at yesterday.” And just like that, the heart-to-heart was over.

Rachel didn’t mind. She was no more eager to explore her feelings for Kadin than Neil was to figure out what, exactly, was happening between him and Wyatt. She understood that. Sometimes, ignorance was more than bliss . . . it was necessary for self-preservation.

“What about Jamila?”

“She’s been at the hotel all morning. That girl spends a lot of time online.”

“I know. She has friends from all over the world on Facebook.”

“Does her daddy know that?”

“No. She admitted to me that she keeps a separate account that he and Chuma know nothing about. It’s what gives me hope that she’s strong enough to move on from these men.”

“Because she likes to play Words With Friends with strangers?”

“Because she chafes at having every aspect of her life monitored and controlled, even though she doesn’t realize that’s what she’s doing.”

“Well, she’ll be getting off the computer later. She’s supposed to go shopping this afternoon and then to dinner with Chuma and her family. It sounded like some other friends might be there, as well. Interesting that Chuma and Massri have friends in Morocco.”