Heaven in Hedonism (The Sinful Series Book 3) (11 page)

“Not just masturbate.” I reminded him. “We are supposed to rock back and forth together, maintain the same pace, and hold it for as long as possible.”

“Ever do it?” Mac asked. “Your way right away?”

Pursing my lips, I casually admitted it. “Yup. Now and then. If I can’t sleep. If I have no one I’m seeing for a long period of time. If I read something or watch something that makes me horny, that kind of thing.”

Stifling a laugh, Mac said, “So you do this a lot then.”

Throwing my hands up in the air, I asked, “What do you want from me, Mac? You want lies. No. I never masturbate. I’m completely ashamed of and utterly unfamiliar with my body. Would that make you happier?”

Stopping me in my tracks, he silenced me with a kiss. It was far too short for my liking. Already he was speaking again. “Hey, I love your honesty. It’s one of your finest qualities. It’s wonderful that you are so uninhibited. More than anything, I wish I was more like you, but the longer I’m around you, the more you rub off on me.”

Opening my eyes, I looked at him and murmured, “Let’s get back to that kissing part.”

Closing the distance between us, he acknowledged, “There’s that honesty thing again.”

“Mac, you want more honesty?” I asked quietly just before our lips connected.

His hand cupped my face and he stared into my eyes. “Of course. What is it?” His brow furrowed in concern.

“I know I just admitted to masturbating, but I can’t do it with you…yet. Yesterday, rubbing ourselves to awaken our chakras was as close as I want to get to that right now.  Can we just skip that assignment? We haven’t ever had sex. Maybe this is supposed to be building up to it, but I just can’t do it.” My head dropped in shame. I probably wasn’t explaining it well. For me, that wasn’t the natural progression. That was something couples did when they were super comfortable with one another. We weren’t there yet. We were making mad strides, but still there was a way to go.

“I’m perfectly fine with that. Let’s relax the rest of the day. Let’s walk the beach at sunset holding hands. Let’s snuggle in the hot tub after dinner. What do you say?” He was smiling happily, looking almost relieved.

Tipping my head to the side, I guessed, “You didn’t want to do it either, did you?”

“Nope. Thank you for speaking your mind.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for listening.” Then we held hands as we walked the rest of the way to our room.

Our reaction to the Saturday assignment was completely different. This night we were allowed to do everything but penetration. Honestly, I was all over the idea. Marni explained it by telling us that The Crow, best known as 69, was the perfect position for us to practice tonight. “You need to work on body awareness, learning what pleasures your partner and yourself. Only then will you truly be able to master your orgasms.”

As soon as we left the class, he leaned over and whispered, “Can we please do tonight’s assignment?”

Nodding enthusiastically, I murmured, “Oh, I insist.”

It should have been more awkward, only I suppose after nearly a week of seeing each naked more than clothed, the biggest hurdle had already been accomplished. Somehow, without speaking about it, we knew we would be tackling that assignment after dinner. So we hung out by the pool before dinner. We gorged ourselves on the buffet at dinner. I was not sure why he did, but I figured I’d need the fuel. Then we decided to unwind in the hot tub. We brought our towels out, climbed in, and soon ended up in each other’s arms.

“So, anything but penile penetration tonight,” he murmured in my ear while kissing his way down my neck. “That’s a whole lot of leeway.” He rubbed my shoulders, working any remaining tension out. There was little left now that I had been getting a good solid eight hours of sleep a night. This time together was magical.

Leaning forward, I allowed him access to my lower back. My buttocks brushed up against his penis. The hot water was helping him to keep it in check. Once he had finished running his hands down my back, he moved them up my sides and finally cupped my breasts.

“Not much to hold onto,” I muttered. Most of the time I liked my small boobs. There were lots of situations where I found them to be far superior to big ones. This time, however, I felt self-conscious. Men loved big titties.

“Are you kidding me?” He turned me to face him. “These are perfect,” he proclaimed. Soon he had me in his lap and was lavishing attention on the dark peach nubs. He kissed and licked and sucked his way around each one, massaging whichever wasn’t receiving oral attention at the moment. Inside, I could feel that furnace roaring to life. Each lick raised the temperature. Soon I was burning up.

“Inside,” I whimpered as I ran my fingers through his hair and held his face to my breast.

“Of course,” he whispered against my skin.

His fingers started to play between my legs. I had no idea what this had to do with going to our bed. Then one delved deep in me. I could feel him moving around. Then he added the second finger. It was slightly tighter, but not uncomfortably so. The palm of his hand was grinding against me just right.

While I wanted the bed, this could do for now. Oh, but we were supposed to be prolonging orgasms and I had gone far too long without one. How my body wanted to give in. I could feel the flames being stoked with his every movement. Still, we were also supposed to be getting to know our bodies. Crap. I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer at this rate.

“Room,” I moaned, giving it one more try.

“To bed. Fine idea,” Mac agreed jovially. Clearly he was enjoying getting me all worked up. Slowly he removed his fingers from within me. I have to admit, I missed them the moment they were withdrawn.

“Fast,” I uttered.

“You know, you used to be quite the conversationalist.” He teased. “And look at you, powerless against my attentions. I’m going to make you moan tonight, Jolie. Mark my words.”

Shaking my head, I vowed, “Never.” Only I wasn’t so sure. He had done amazing things with his tongue on my breasts. I’d just have to fight fire with fire. Since the rape, I’d only played with two guys my entire life, Ben being one of them. I’d maybe had sex with five chicks, including Sin. I had been alone far more than I had ever been with a partner. Seriously, Mac was shaping up to be my longest relationship.

We climbed out of the hot tub and grabbed our towels, drying off as we walked. As soon as we made it through the door, I was climbing onto the bed on my hands and knees when Mac grabbed my hips and stopped me. “You have no idea how incredibly beautiful you look like this.” He rubbed a hand over my buttocks, and coached my legs further apart. “Don’t mind me. I’m just gonna bury my face,” he warned.

Bracing myself, I wondered how I was going to hold on much longer. The walk from the Jacuzzi had done nothing to quell the heat inside me. Still, I remained on all fours as he started licking his way around my pussy. Even though I had just dried off, I could already feel the wetness spreading. He had added a finger to enhance the experience. The licking and sucking along with the stroking was completely overwhelming.

My head dropped. My forehead was on the bed and my butt was still high above me. “Not gonna moan,” I grunted. Just breathing was a struggle. I was panting, short breaths, as I tried to master the orgasm. Then I decided the most I could hope for was a stall, a distraction. So, I whipped around and pulled him onto the bed with me. “You too.” I reminded him. “Your turn.”

Soon Mac was on his back and I kissed my way down the length of him, grazing him with my nipples the entire time. I needed to torture him like he had done to me for so long. Finally, his erection was pressed in between my boobs. There wasn’t enough of me for a titty fuck, but that didn’t mean that rubbing against him wasn’t a turn-on. Given the way his head was thrown back, I’d have to venture that it really was.

Oh, but I wasn’t done yet. I ran my tongue up and down the length of his hard cock just before I slid it into my mouth. I took him in all the way. This girl has no gag reflex. Pity there had been no man to find out before now. Only really, I was glad that I had waited on this for Mac. He was special. One day, if all went well, I might ask him to father a child. Thinking about it nearly made me choke.

“Jolie, I love this, but you don’t have to go so deep if it’s a problem,” he murmured. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and his back arched.

Letting his cock slide out of my mouth, I responded. “Right.” I laughed and continued. The droplets of pre-cum were getting more frequent, the beads significantly larger. He wasn’t going to hold out much longer. In my mind, I had already won.

“Wait.” His voice was desperate. He sat up, reached down, grabbed my waist and hauled me around until we were in Crow position.

My first thought was still
why Crow?
My second thought was that I hadn’t won yet. Wretched man.

Soon we were both torturing each other. Fuck. Pleasuring. Why did I have to think like that? Mac was being so generous with his mouth, so loving and affectionate with his fingers. His intention was clear.

“Are you close?” he asked, a desperate edge to his voice.

“Uh huh,” I moaned.

“Don’t hold it. Let’s see if we can actually orgasm together. Ready?” It was a rhetorical question. In my past experience, talking about it meant it was impossible to achieve. Usually, it was like the ultimate buzz kill for me.

This time was completely different. The way he persisted with his kissing and sucking inspired me to approach this blow job with even more fervor. All of a sudden, I swear it was as though he had found that elusive G-spot. Something in me fractured, completely exploded…and it wasn’t just his cock halfway down my throat.

Yeah, I swallowed like a trooper, lapped it up like it was honey. My body was still shuddering, my insides contracting. It was the most powerful orgasm anyone had ever given me. I had more luck with self-serve.

It was as though Mac knew I couldn’t move. He shifted me in bed once more, pulling the bedspread down, then arranging me and covering me once more. I buried my head in his neck, unable to face him at the moment.

“I didn’t moan,” I noted quietly.

“No, you didn’t,” he admitted. “Guess I’ll have to try harder next time.”

“Next time. I haven’t recovered from this time. What was that?” I asked finally. “What did you do?”

Laughing quietly, he teased, “I could ask you the same thing. All I know, on my end, is that I just made love to you with my mouth.” I clutched his neck more tightly and inhaled his scent. It had served to comfort and sooth me all these nights. “Rest, sweet Heaven. I’m going to hold you all night.”

The ceremony was scheduled for ten in the morning. Check-out, normally at eleven, had been extended until noon for those of us in the class. Of course, Mac and I weren’t leaving at all, so it didn’t matter to us.

By the time we returned to the room after breakfast to get ready, we found clothes laid out on the bed for us. “Wow, they really do think of everything, don’t they?” Mac commented.

“And now we know why they took our measurements and needed our sizes,” I remarked.

A white quadrille style dress was delivered for me. I recognized it from the ones the women were wearing around the airport when we arrived. Theirs were in the traditional red, though. Our attire seemed to be mostly white. Mac had a linen jacket and white shirt with black dress pants. The note left with the clothing suggested we forgo shoes or opt for flip-flops.

Half an hour later, we were heading to the outdoor venue they had instructed. It was near the ocean. The view was spectacular. Given the early time, the temperature was ideal. As the rest of the couples arrived holding hands, Mac and I smiled at each other. We had made it through the week. Tonight we could practice some of our newly learned techniques, or this afternoon, maybe both. The thought brought a smile to my face. As I studied everyone else, they also seemed excited, some ridiculously excited.

“What do you think it is?” Mac murmured as he leaned closer. “The sex? They love ceremonies? I don’t get it.”

Here we were, bonding over heckling the other couples. “I know. That guy looks ready to burst. Waiting all week must have about killed him,” I joked.

Suddenly Mac jerked his head. “Check out the lady on your far left. She’s crying. She must not have had many accomplishments in her life.”

The gentleman on the make shift stage in front of us had been speaking for several minutes. Quite honestly, we were both having so much fun that we hadn’t been paying attention. All we had done was mimic the poses of those around us. At the moment we were staring into each other’s eyes while holding hands. I think I vaguely heard something about a kiss. Sure enough, everyone around us was in a lip lock. Mac and I shrugged and kissed too. The new closeness between us was so wonderful. It felt amazing being together.

By the time we finished kissing, we realized the couples were all lining up to sign the paperwork for the certificate. We held hands like everyone else was and walked proudly to the front when our names were called. The man running the ceremony congratulated us and spoke a blessing. The joy of the occasion was positively contagious. As we exited the stage, a photographer who snapped some pictures met us. “The pictures will be in with the certificate.” The man with the camera explained.

“Looking forward to it,” Mac said happily. “I may hang mine in the office. We’re not used to seeing Jolie smile.”

“Well, I’ve not had much reason to smile,” I observed. Then, something came over me. “Thank you for changing that. Somehow, I think I’ll be smiling more after we get back.”

Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed down my neck. “There’s a nice long week alone together before that happens.” He reminded me. “And I intend to savor every moment. This week, we’ll party and celebrate, we’ll love each other hard.”

I squeezed him around the middle. It wasn’t spoken, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought that when the week ended, we would too. Still, I couldn’t turn all girl. I couldn’t ask him what his intentions were. Although Sin went through this with Ben and look how they turned out. Maybe on the flight home we’d have that discussion. Right now, I was determined to enjoy our time together, starting most especially with tonight. For some reason, because of this amazing week together, I wasn’t afraid. He’d never hurt me.

We walked back to the room and changed out of our clothes. We had been instructed to leave them in the room. They would be collected and cleaned. “Lunch and then some pool time?” Mac asked. “Or would you like to try something new?”

Instantly, I was intrigued. “Like what?”

“Well,” he began, “we could go snorkeling or kayaking.” Pausing, he added, “I know how to sail, so we could rent the Hobie cat, the Sunfish, or any other sailing vessel they might have.”

Making a disgusted face, I explained, “Sin and I tried sailing once. It was too much like work, not enough like relaxing.”

“Oh.” He seemed disappointed.

Walking over to him on the other side of the bedroom, I wrapped my arms around his neck. “But I’d love to go kayaking.” Then I gave him my best smile.

“So, it’s settled. Kayaking after lunch.”

We ate an unusually long lunch. It was strange. For the first time the entire trip, Mac was glued to his phone. Every time I looked at him, he was checking it.

“Someplace you need to be?” I asked, trying to sound more like I was teasing than prying. Still, I wanted answers.

“Oh, I forgot all about a call I need to make. I’ll be right back. Why don’t you wait for me here?” He suggested nervously.

Glancing around, I tried to figure out where I could wait that would be comfortable. Finally, I pointed to the main pool and its bar. If he was going to be evasive, I was going to need a drink. “I’ll be over there. You’ll find me behind a really large margarita.” Then without another word, I walked away. It felt strange leaving his side without a hug or kiss, but I was perplexed to say the least. Maybe if I were patient, all my unanswered questions would be answered.

So, I hit the bar, grabbed the enormous and incredibly strong ‘rita, then headed to the side of the pool so I could at least dip my feet in to stay cool. The waiting had begun. Most people tended to be all about instant gratification, and I was no different, although I was used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I’d worked hard to have such a life. Suddenly, I invited a man in my life and my entire life was disrupted. I waited as long as I could. By the time I headed back to the room, I had finished my drink. Kicking my feet in the pool only reminded me how much I needed to pee. It was a case of internal conflict at its finest. Would I return to the room and risk upsetting our delicate balance, or would I remain here and suffer? I was not the suffering type. Standing, I walked my happy ass back to the room. When I burst through the door and headed straight to the bathroom, I caught the tail end of his conversation. What I saw was Mac happy and laughing, lying on his side on the bed. Then I heard him telling someone that he loved him or her. It felt like a knife through the heart. Fighting the need to take a gulping deep breath, I didn’t stop until I had closed the door to the toilet. Lifting my sarong, I pulled down my panties and fought the urge to cry while I peed. I didn’t suffer from Sin’s affliction, this inability to admit weakness. Instead, I just knew it would take far too long for my face to recover. I didn’t want to ruin the rest of the day, and we had another week to get through. If I had just stayed put, I wouldn’t have heard anything. It was my own fault. We hadn’t made any promises to each other. We took a tantric sex class. We celebrated with a ceremony. We had seven more days together.

My options were to stay sad and sulk, or to make him forget whomever it was he thought he loved and make sure that by the time we left, he only loved me. For some reason, that was suddenly very important to me. Naturally, I chose the latter. Sulking was a terrible look for me. It didn’t go with my eyes, did nothing for my figure, made me feel even less attractive than I already did.

Slowly I stood, pulled up my panties, flushed, and wandered back to the sinks to wash my hands. Then I pasted the biggest smile on my face. Mac had hung up the phone while I was in the bathroom. When I walked out, he was sitting on the bed looking nervous.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I explained apologetically. “I just really had to go. That margarita was huge. And potent. Ready to kayak?”

Whatever look had been on his face, it was replaced with an affectionate smile as he stood to greet me. “I’d love to,” he proclaimed. Then he studied my face for a moment. “Don’t you want to ask me about the phone call?” His brow was furrowed as he waited.

Shrugging, I shook my head. “Nah. If you have anything to tell me, you will. You’ve never struck me as someone who is particularly deceitful.” Then I grabbed his hand. “Let’s go.”

We left the room to go kayaking. The weather was beautiful. We took out a two-person kayak, snapped on our life jackets, and started paddling. As we glided through the water, I could feel the change between us. Mac was quiet. Though this should have been enjoyable, it already felt tiresome. My every effort to lighten the mood failed.

“So do you go kayaking often?” I asked, curious if this was a hobby or a vacation thing.

“What?” It seemed like he hadn’t been listening. Then he suddenly responded. “Oh, no. Never done this before.”

Apparently it hadn’t been much of a conversation starter. So I tried again. “Well, you paddle like a pro!” I announced.

“Thank you.” His response was flat.

It was in that moment I decided to stop talking, stop trying. He’d talk to me when he felt like it. Once we returned to the dock, we decided to enjoy a sunset walk on the beach before we dined at Martino’s, the Italian restaurant on site. During the walk, even though we held hands, I could still feel someone between us. When we were at dinner, there was music to fill the silence. At the moment, I was seriously kicking myself for ever going back to the room. How different would this day have gone if I had stayed at the pool? It was hard to say. I couldn’t change the past anyway. Instead, I had to focus on the future, the rest of this trip.

As soon as we returned to the room from dinner, Mac flopped on the bed. “Wanna rest before we go party tonight?” he asked.

Shaking my head, I walked toward him and casually slipped the spaghetti straps off my shoulders. Each step I took had the dress sinking closer to the floor. “Nope.”

“No nap?” he asked, smirking some.

“No party,” I said in my sexiest voice.

His eyes widened. “No naughty school girl themed party?” He pointed to the outfit I had laid out on the dresser hours before. “But you were all ready to go.”

By now, I was standing at his side and my dress was pooled around my ankles. “Now I’m ready to stay in.” Without saying another word, I straddled him on the bed.

Licking his lips, Mac asked, “So we’re staying here?”

“Uh huh,” I murmured as I leaned over him and started leaving little kisses all over his face. When I made it around the side of his head, I knotted one hand in his hair while I breathed in short warm bursts into his ear and rubbed my body up and down his. It was the first time I was going to let a man share my body ever. The rape didn’t count, since he never had my permission.

For me, tonight was critical. I needed Mac to think of me and only me. More than that, I needed to make sure this time between us was so special that it made the past just disappear. This was me facing my fears and showing them I was boss. Soon, Mac’s hands were on my waist. He was running them up and down my sides. It was super important that I relax into the experience. To do so, I kept my eyes wide open. When I closed them, I was assaulted with memories of sweaty painful sex, of a big dumb guy smirking down at me, making it nearly impossible for me to breathe with his weight on me.

“What’s a stupid fucking linebacker?” Mac asked quietly.

“Huh?” I asked. Then I realized I must have been mumbling, lost in thoughts of the past. “Not you. Never you,” I clarified, pasting a practiced smile on my face.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, but mostly it seemed like he was wondering aloud. He brushed the hair away from my face and captured the back of my neck, hauling me close for a kiss. Mac tried to roll me, take the top, but I fought it. “Okay, side by side then,” he acquiesced.

Relaxing, I settled in, our lengths aligned. I wanted to run my hands all over his body. His skin was so soft over those defined muscles. He had the sparsest amount of man fur around his nipples, the lightest smattering around his belly button, then a glorious trail down below his waistline.

“Rugby.” He explained as I admired his abs. “All my life.”

“Well done.”

The moment he loosened up, I rolled him onto his back as I kissed my way down to his hard cock. It fascinated me in a way I never expected. This piece of him felt like skin covered hot steel. For the first time, I was with a man I wanted in me, a man I would willingly share my body with. Without giving it another thought. I rubbed my body up his as I made my way back to his face. My nipples dragged along his thighs, then his chest, and finally I leaned over him, hoping he would open his mouth for me. Sure enough, his tongue shot out and helped him capture my taut peak. Mac sucked for a moment, eliciting a moan I never expected to release. He smiled, as if he had won something. Seconds later, I dropped my hips back. After taking a brief moment to position myself just so, I sat down hard, impaling myself on his throbbing hard cock. He slid in smoothly, filling me completely, shocking us both. Finally, I knew what it meant, understood how it felt, how relationships between a man and woman were supposed to be. How could I ever think a vibrator would be an adequate substitute?

“You feel amazing,” Mac moaned. “Such a wonderfully perfect fit.”

Though I had zero experience on the top or really any other position, I started raising and lowering my hips like I had seen in porns. He gripped my hips and helped me. One week of tantric training had gone completely out the window. I didn’t care about prolonging the moment. It mattered little how long it lasted. Somehow it felt like what was between was going to go on forever.