Heaven or Hell (20 page)

Maybe Jessie was right. Perhaps Teresa was okay, and she didn’t need him around stirring up this old crap. Marion might have this one wrong, although he couldn’t remember a time when she
was
wrong, especially from the grave. She seemed to know everything.

Joe was so uncomfortable; he wanted to jump out of his own skin. His attempts at adjusting his body didn’t help and moving the bed up, then down, didn’t work, either. He silently prayed for his soul to hang on for at least one more day.

“One day at a time,” Joe whispered as he pushed the nurse’s button.

Either he’d fallen asleep or Willa had been standing right outside his door. “Did you ring?” she asked with a smile.

“I think it’s time for some pain medicine,” he said.

“You’ve been crazy to wait. This is supposed to be one of the most painful …” Willa stood with her hand on her hip and a frown on her face.

“It’s kind of uncomfortable, but not real painful yet,” Joe said.

“Well, then you got some kind of angel on your side, Joe,” Willa responded.

“More than I can share.” Joe laughed and then coughed and coughed.

“Easy now.” Willa pulled Joe forward and slapped his back a few times. “I’ll be right back with some medicine.”

He must’ve fallen asleep this time. It seemed as if she’d just said she’d be right back when he heard Willa speak again.

“Sorry that took so long,” Willa apologized.

Joe popped his eyes open. “How long you been gone?” he asked.

“Almost an hour. I’m sorry.”

“Wow, I didn’t notice. I think I fell asleep or something …”

Willa put the morphine directly into his IV. “There, this will help you get some rest. Dying can be exhausting.” She smiled wryly.

“That’s kind of silly, isn’t it?” Joe responded. Everything in his whole life had been hard. So why couldn’t leaving the world at least be the easy part?

“Maybe some good sleep will help you get through tomorrow. One day at a time, baby,” Willa said as she moved the bed to a flat position and turned out the lights.

Joe was snoring before the room went dark.

“Wake up.” Joe heard a female voice and felt a gentle push on his shoulder. “You’re in my cloud. Now wake up.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, opening his left eye. “What?”

“You were lying here when I got back. Wake up.”

Joe opened both eyes and saw his youngest daughter, Angela, standing over him with her arms crossed. “How’d I get here? Am I dead?” Joe asked.

“That’s a good question,” Angel said in all seriousness.

“Have you forgotten who I am?” Joe asked.

“No, I’m just skeptical,” the girl responded.

“Oh, big word.” Joe sat up and scratched his head. “I know that Willa gave me some medicine and now I’m here.”

“I was there. I saw it all,” Angel said. She plopped down carefully onto the cloud. “I’ve been thinking.” One of the dogs ran over to her and she picked up the puppy and set it on her lap. The other dog followed, fluffy tail wagging. “I’ll go with Mom. Can you get her to come and find me now? Instead of you having to sacrifice yourself. I think Teresa and JJ need you here.”

Her mouth was set with determination and Joe smiled, remembering her babyhood. “My body is quitting now,” he answered. “A day or a few days at the most and I’m done. I can’t even keep my eyes open down there, and I’m not so sure that your mom can just swing back by.”

Angel sat on the edge of the cloud staring out at the stars. Joe stood up directly behind her. If he could feel right now, which he really couldn’t, he believed he’d sense a chill in the air this evening, and the thought of this sent a tremor through his body.

“Can we move the cloud? Can you take me somewhere?” Joe asked. An idea had lit up some sense of hope in him.

“Yes, why?” she answered.

“Can you see things and know things that people in the flesh can’t?”

“What are you getting at, Dad?” Ah, she’d called him “Dad.”

“I’d like to see if we can find the General out at Skid Row,” he said.

“Oh, I’m not psychic if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Well, let’s see if we can head north and check out the area. Don’t you hover?”

She turned and looked at him, her eyes big. “How do you know about that?” she asked.

“I know some things,” he said.

Joe blinked, held his arms straight out, and smiled. His body worked really well up here in the clouds, and so did his mind. In fact, his mind was wide open; he was grabbing ideas from out of nowhere. Hovering, what the heck was that?

Angel’s face was pulled tight with an effort of concentration as she leaned to the left and then to the right, guiding the cloud as if it were a sled. This felt familiar to Joe and yet odd at the same time. Although for years he knew something was going on, he hadn’t really completely believed it until he saw it with his own eyes—for the first time after he’d escaped the pit. Truly this moment lifted any doubt left. Something about being in the flesh clouded people’s perceptions. “We still need to see it to believe it, and that includes me,” he whispered to himself.

Last week, none of this had been in his plans. Now, he had one daughter in a physical state furious at him, while the other daughter, in a spiritual state, relishing any second she had with him, remained in a sort of limbo. And his wife waited out there, somewhere, a few inches closer to peace. He was at a loss as to what to do for Teresa and his sister, Jessie. If only he could show them where he was now, that would seal the deal.

“Angel, do you know how to get into people’s dreams?” Joe asked.

“I’m not sure,” Angel responded. The question seemed to confuse her a little.

“I’m thinking if you could somehow show your sister or your aunt something in a dream that might help.” He stared at her intently.

“Like what?” Angel asked.

“I don’t know. Something I haven’t told them because they would probably dismiss the dream as their own and not from you if it didn’t show them something different,” he said.

“I tried for years to talk to Teresa. Only recently has she heard a few words. I’m not sure how I’d go about getting into her dreams.” Angel frowned and the cloud stopped moving.

“Maybe it’s different now that you know she’s your sister,” he suggested.

“I wish we had a handbook or something.” She smiled and the cloud moved on. “Oh yeah, but you never read the directions, do you, Dad?” She chuckled.

“Yep, I just figure it out.” Joe sat down and leaned back on the ledge of the cloud with a smile on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. At the moment, this seemed to be the most normal thing in the world, and he wanted to be present through every second of it.

“Usually, I think about a place and I’m there. It’s that simple.” Angel reached down and caressed Belle’s head while Kail took up residence against Joe’s leg. He peered over the side of the cloud and within seconds recognized his old stomping grounds. Somehow Angel had maneuvered the cloud into a low hover about ten feet above the ground in the middle of Skid Row—no stinky smells, but the streets were the same. Folks were lined up against the buildings with makeshift tents, homemade beds—whatever they could find to sleep in and cover up with. Some were passed out, though others sat up, somewhat alert. Sleeping on the streets wasn’t easy or safe. Most of these people managed to keep one eye open at all times.

“Let’s go down to the corner and turn right,” Joe whispered.

“It’s okay, they can’t hear you,” Angel said.

“Oh, yeah,” he chuckled to himself. “Can you sense things? Is it possible that you could tune into the General?”

“I don’t think so.” Angel shook her head. “I stay away from almost everyone.”

“I’d think you’d have some type of special powers in this form.”

“I’d think you’d have some, too,” she snapped.

He laughed. “Okay, okay. I get it.” She hadn’t changed much over the years, and how he’d missed his smart little girl.

“Take a peek at these people and see if you recognize him.”

Joe made an effort. “It’s hard without waking them up to see who they are. Can we go lower?” Joe asked.

“We can, but somebody is going to see us if we do. Any one of them could have the talent. We’re already too low for me. I’m not so sure I want to risk it.”

“Aw, come on Angela. What could possibly happen?” he asked.

“We could lose our cloud and get separated. I don’t want to risk that with the girls.” Angel’s lower lip slipped out.

“You’re pouting,” he said. Even seeing that old pout was precious to him.

“No, I’m not,” Angel answered too quickly. “Why not relax from here and see what you can?”

“Can we walk on the ground?” he asked.

“I can. But I’m not sure what you are, so I don’t know if you can,” she responded.

“How do you get down there?”

“I think about the ground under my feet and I’m there. Close your eyes and think about the street below.”

Joe opened his eyes and both he and Angela were standing on the street just below the cloud. “Not quite the father/daughter outing I’d planned,” he said.

“Well, at least if they see us they won’t think we’re floating. Look up.” Angela pointed.

“Wow, that’s cool.” To Joe the cloud seemed to be a natural part of the sky.

“Okay, what does he look like?” Angel asked.

“He’s an old guy with stripes on the shoulder of his jacket. If he’s out here it’ll be in this area.” Joe gestured toward the end of the block with his hand. “Let’s stay together and walk up and down this block, and if he’s not here, we’ll go back.”

“What if he’s here?” Angel asked.

“I don’t know yet. Let’s take a look first.” Joe moved to the first tent to his left and tried to pull back the tarp. Whoa—how weird. His hand went through the material at a slightly slower rate than going through the air and left a slight buzzing feeling in his fingers. He stood there, somewhat stunned.

“You can’t move anything like that. You need to really concentrate and use your brain along with the motion of your hand.” Angel’s eyes widened as she stared down the next tarp and moved her hand through it. The fabric lifted as if the wind had swept over and hit this single tent in the middle of the street.

The body beneath the tent stirred a bit but remained limp under the tarp.

Joe focused hard on the fabric in front of him and moved his hand through the fabric again. An ever-so-slight movement of the sides of the tent caused the habitant to yell obscenities. “Get the hell away from me,” the man shouted, following that up with a few other choice words.

“That’s not him, he doesn’t curse.” Joe laughed and continued down the street. “This isn’t easy, is it?”

“No. Imagine living this way for twenty years,” she said.

“Well, we all choose our own hells. My world wasn’t much better, either.” Joe attempted to put his arm around Angel, but he stopped midway when he realized it wasn’t going to happen. “I know. I know. I keep forgetting.”

“Well, sometimes I do feel things. I can’t explain it, but it happens. It might be coming from my emotions,” she said.

“Oh yeah. Then I’ll keep trying.” Joe pointed toward the corner. “This area in here is really a lot of folks passed out or trying to keep warm. It’s a rough crowd down here. The General usually hits the bottle and then finds a spot on this side of the street. I really don’t think he’s here right now.” He tried to follow the General in his mind. “I wonder where he went.”

“He’s not here,” Angel said as if she hadn’t a shred of doubt.

“How do you know that?” Joe asked.

“I don’t know. I just think he’s indoors—like a bin or something.”

“How do you know that?” Joe pressed.

Angel wrinkled her nose. “It’s what I feel,” she said.

“It does feel like he’s not here, doesn’t it?” Joe nodded. “Let’s go, I don’t like having you down here, even if they can’t see you.”

Joe reached for Angel’s hand, and she smiled and put her hand near his. It looked as if they were holding hands, but the moment he moved in the opposite direction the optical illusion disappeared.

“Keep trying, Dad. One day it might work,” Angel said. Then she added, “I wonder how come we can hold the pups.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m not dead yet. Maybe that’s why I can’t touch you.” Joe shook his head.

“Death isn’t as final as most people think, is it?” she asked.

“I guess not,” he answered. “How do we get out of here?”

“Same way we got here, focus on the cloud.”

Joe felt a steamroller of emotions overcome him as he floated up onto the cloud with his dead daughter while his body remained in a hospital bed thousands of feet below and probably miles away. Unbelievable—and stranger yet, that he’d just walked down Skid Row with this same daughter looking for the General. Maybe Teresa was right—maybe he was in the middle of a mental breakdown.

CHAPTER 19
 

ALTHOUGH ANGEL’S PAST HAD ONLY COME to her in bits and pieces, she believed she’d changed quite a bit since she’d been in the flesh as Angela. But she still didn’t understand why she remained in this limbo state.

For so many years she’d tried to figure out her purpose and why the isolation; now, these most recent revelations had astonished her. She hadn’t ever imagined her pups being a part of this plan or Teresa as her sister. As tired of her current existence as she might be, Angel believed who she was and where she came from amounted to much more than her simply being Angela.

Turbulence filled every inch of what remained as her being because the thought of moving on at this moment—which had been her main desire for years—also frightened her. Leaving the pups would be difficult, but more difficult still was facing the unknown. She wondered what really did happen when most people died. Well, Angel could certainly answer what happened when they got stuck.

The unscheduled visits from her father and the interruptions of her daily routines troubled her. Initially, the diversions weren’t at all welcome. Now, she expected the visits and feared her disappointment if they stopped.

Thinking of her sister, Angel could only imagine what Teresa was going through internally—most likely a complete dismissal of the whole crazy story.