His gray-blue eyes stared at me as though they had no lids. His face was frozen, his jaw hooked sideways like a barracuda’s.
“You really didn’t know, did you?” I said.
“Say all that again.”
“No, it’s your problem. You work it out, Bubba. I’d watch my ass, though. If she doesn’t eat up your operation, these guys will. I don’t think you’re in control of things anymore.”
“You want to find out how much I’m in control? You want that nose busted all over your face right here? Come on, is that what you want?”
“Grow up.”
“No, you grow up. You come out to my home, you come out to my business, you talk trash about my family in front of my friends, but you don’t do nothing about it. It’s like you’re always leaking gas under people’s noses.”
“You should have seen a psychiatrist a long time ago. You’re fucking pathetic, Bubba.”
He swirled the beer in his bottle.
“That’s your best shot?” he said.
“You couldn’t understand. You don’t have the tools to.”
“All right, you had your say. How about getting out of here now?”
“You don’t have your father around anymore to slap your face in front of other people or beat you with a dog chain, so you married a woman like Claudette. You’re pussy-whipped by a dyke. She’s pulling apart your whole operation, and you don’t even know it.”
The skin around his eyes stretched tight. His eyes looked like marbles.
“I’ll see you around,” I said. “Rat-hole some money in Grand Cayman, I think you’ll need it when Claudette and these guys get finished with you.”
I started down the wooden ramp toward the parking lot and my truck. His beer bottle clattered to the dock and rolled across the boards, twisting a spiral of foam out of the neck.
“Hey! You don’t walk off! You hear me? You don’t walk off!” he said, jabbing his finger at my face.
I continued toward the truck. The oyster-shell parking lot was white and hot in the sunlight. He was walking along beside me now, his face as tight as the skin of an overinflated balloon. He pushed at my arm with his stiffened hand.
“Hey, you got wax?” he said. “You don’t talk to me like this! You don’t get in my face in front of my friends and walk away!”
I opened my truck door. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me back toward him. His sweating chest was crisscrossed with veins.
“Swing on me and you’re busted. No more high school bullshit,” I said.
I slammed the truck door and drove slowly out of the lot over the oyster shells. His dilated face, slipping past the window, wore the expression of a man whose furious energies had suddenly been transformed into a set of knives turning inside him.
That afternoon I left work early and enrolled Alafair in kindergarten at the Catholic school in New Iberia for the fall semester, then I took her with Batist and me to seine for shrimp in the jug boat out on the salt. But I had another reason to be out on the Gulf that day: it was the twenty-first anniversary of my father’s death. He had been a derrick man on a drilling rig, working high up on the monkey board, when the crew hit an oil sand earlier than they had expected. There was no blowout preventer on the wellhead, and as soon as the drill bit tapped into that gas dome far below the Gulf’s floor, the rig began to tremble and suddenly salt water, sand, and oil exploded from the hole under thousands of pounds of pressure, and then the casing jettisoned, too. Metal spars, tongs, coils of chain, huge sections of pipe clattered and rang through the rigging, a spark jumped off a steel surface, and the wellhead ignited. The survivors said the roar of flame looked like someone had kicked open hell’s front door.
My father clipped his safety belt onto the wire that ran from the monkey board to the roof of the quarter-boat and jumped. But the rig caved with him, crashed across the top of the quarter-boat, and took my father and nineteen other roughnecks down to the bottom of the Gulf with it.
His body was never found, and sometimes in my dreams I would see him far below the waves, still wearing his hardhat and overalls and steel-toed boots, grinning at me, his big hand raised to tell me that everything was all right.
That was my old man. Sheriff’s deputies could jail him, saloon bouncers could bust chair across his back, a
bourée
dealer could steal his wife, but the next morning he would pretend to be full of fun and brush yesterday’s bad fortune aside as something not even worth mentioning.
I let Alafair sit behind the wheel in the pilot’s cab, an Astros baseball cap sideways on her head, while Bafist and I took in the nets and filled the ice bins with shrimp. Then I made a half-mile circle, cut the engine, and let the boat drift back over the spot where my father’s rig had gone down in a torrent of cascading iron and geysers of steam twenty-one years ago.
It was twilight now, and the water was black-green and covered with froth that slipped down in the troughs between the waves. The sun was already down, and the red and black clouds on the western horizon looked as though they had risen from a planet burning under the water’s surface. I opened the scuba gear box, took out a bunch of yellow and purple roses I had snipped earlier, and threw them out on the flat side of a wave. The petals and clustered stems broke apart in the next wave and floated away from each other, then dimmed and sank below the surface.
“He like that, him,” Batist said. “Your old man like flowers. Flowers and women. Whiskey, too. Hey, Dave, you don’t be sad. Your old man wasn’t never sad.”
“Let’s boil some shrimp and head for home,” I said.
But I was troubled all the way in. The twilight died in the west and left only a green glow on the horizon, and as the moon rose, the water turned the color of lead. Was it the memory of my father’s death that bothered me, or my constant propensity for depression?
No, something else had been stirring in my unconscious all day, like a rat working its whiskers through a black hole. A good cop puts people away; he doesn’t kill them. So far I had made a mess of things and hadn’t turned the key on anyone. To compensate, I had wrapped barbed wire around the head of a mental cripple like Bubba Rocque. I didn’t feel good about it.
Minos called me at the office the next morning.
“Did you hear from the Lafayette sheriff’s department about Bubba?” he said.
“No.”
“I thought they kept you informed.”
“What is it, Minos?”
“He beat the shit out of his wife last night. Thoroughly. In a bar out on Pinhook Road. You want to hear it?”
“Go ahead.”
“Yesterday afternoon they started fighting with each other in their car outside the Winn Dixie, then three hours later she’s slopping down the juice in the bar on Pinhook with a couple of New Orleans greaseballs when Mad Man Muntz skids his Caddy to a stop in the parking lot, crashes through the front door, and slaps her with the flat of his hand into next week. He knocked her down on the floor, kicked her in the ass, then picked her up and threw her through the men’s room door. One of the greasers tried to stop it, and Bubba splattered his mouth all over a wall. That’s no shit. The bartender said Bubba hit the guy so hard his head almost twisted off his neck.”
“You’re enjoying this, Minos.”
“It beats watching these fuckers park their twenty-grand cars at the racetrack.”
“Where is he now?”
“Back home, I guess. She had to go to Lourdes for stitches, but she and the greaseball aren’t filing charges. They don’t seem to like participating in the legal process, for some reason. Do you have any idea what triggered Bubba’s toggle switch?”
“I went out to his fish business by Avery Island yesterday.”
“So?”
“I poured some iodine on a couple of severed nerve endings.”
“Ah.”
“Let’s get it all out here, Minos. I think Claudette Rocque was behind my wife’s death. Bubba’s a sonofabitch, but I’m convinced he would have come after me head-on. He’s prideful, and he’s wanted to put out my light since we were kids. He’d never admit to himself that he had to hire somebody to do it. I think Claudette sent Romero and the Haitian to kill me, and when they murdered Annie instead and then Romero missed me again, she came around the house with a poontang act and a hundred-thou-a-year job. When that didn’t work, she got Bubba jealous and turned him loose on me. Anyway, I’m sure she was in Romero’s apartment. She left stains on the table from that thermos of gin rickeys she always carries around.”
“So that’s what the lime-juice business was about?”
“Yes.”
“And of course it’s worthless as evidence.”
“Yes.”
“So you decided to stick a fork in Bubba’s nuts about his old lady?”
“That’s about it.”
“You want absolution now?”
“All right on that stuff, Minos.”
“Quit worrying about it. They’re both human toilets. My advice to you now is to stay away from them.”
“Why?”
“Let things run their course.”
I was silent.
“He’s psychotic. She collects
cojones,”
he said. “You spit in the soup. Now let them drink it. It might prove interesting. Just stay the fuck away from it, though.”
“No one will ever accuse you of euphemism.”
“You know what your problem is? You’re two people in the same envelope. You want to be a moral man in an amoral business. At the same time you want to blow up their shit just like the rest of us. Each time I talk to you, I never know who’s coming out of the jack-in-the-box.”
“I’ll see you. Stay in touch.”
“Yeah. Don’t bother thanking me for the call. We do this for all rural flatfeet.”
He hung up. I tried to call him back, but his line was busy. I drove home and ate lunch with Batist out on the dock under the canvas awning. It was hot and still and the sun was white in the sky.
I couldn’t sleep that night. The air was breathless and dry, and the window and ceiling fans seemed unable to remove the heat that had built up in the wood of the house all day long. The stars looked hot in the sky, and out in the moonlight I could see my neighbour’s horses lying down in a muddy slough. I went into the kitchen in my underwear and ate a bowl of ice cream and strawberries, and a moment later Robin stood in the doorway in her lingerie top and panties, her eyes adjusting sleepily to the light.
“It’s just the heat. Go back to sleep, kiddo,” I said.
She smiled and felt her way back down the hall without answering.
But it wasn’t just the heat. I turned off the light and sat outside on the steps in the dark. I wanted to put Claudette and Bubba Rocque away more than anything else in the world; no, I wanted worse for them. They epitomised greed and selfishness; they injected misery and death into the lives of others so they could live in wealth and comfort. And while they had dined on blackened redfish in New Orleans or slept in a restored antebellum home that overlooked carriage house and flower garden and river and trees, their emissaries had torn my front door open and watched my wife wake terrified and alone in front of their shotgun barrels.
But I couldn’t take them down by provoking a sociopath into assaulting his wife. This may sound noble; it’s not. The alcoholic recovery program I practiced did not allow me to lie, manipulate, or impose design control over other people, particularly when its intention was obviously a destructive one. If I did, I would regress, I would start to screw up my own life and the lives of those closest to me, and eventually I would become the same drunk I had been years ago.
I fixed coffee and drank it out on the front porch and watched the first pale band of light touch the eastern sky. It was still hot, and the sun broke red over the earth’s rim and turned the low strips of cloud on the horizon to flame; it was a sailor’s warning, all right, but this morning was going to be one of the endings and beginnings for me. I would no longer flay myself daily because I couldn’t extract the vengeance my anger demanded; I wouldn’t try to control everything that swam into my ken; and I would humbly try to accept my Higher Power’s plan for my life.
And finally I would refuse to be a factor in the squalor and violence of Bubba and Claudette Rocque’s lives.
As always when I surrendered a problem or a self-serving mechanism inside myself to my Higher Power, I felt as though an albatross had been cut from my neck. I watched the sun’s red glow rise higher into the pewter sky, saw the black border of trees on the far side of the bayou become gray and gradually green and distinct, heard my neighbour turn on his sprinkler hose in a hiss of water. There was no wind, and because it hadn’t rained in two days there was dust from the road on the leaves of my pecan trees, and the shafts of spinning light between the branches looked like spun glass.
But I had learned long ago that resolution by itself is not enough; we are what we do, not what we think and feel. In my case that meant I didn’t want any more damage to Claudette Rocque on my conscience; it meant no more rat-fucking, no more insertion of fishhooks in Bubba’s head; the game was simply going into extra innings. It meant telling both of them all that.
I shaved and showered, put on my loafers and seersucker slacks, clipped on my badge and belt hoster, drank another cup of coffee in the kitchen, then drove down the dirt road toward New Iberia and the old highway to Lafayette. The weather had started to change abruptly. A long, heavy bank of gray clouds that stretched from horizon to horizon was moving out of the south, and as the first shadows passed across the sun, a breeze lifted above the marsh, stirred the moss on the cypresses, and flickered the dusty leaves of the oaks along the road.
I could feel the barometric pressure dropping. The bream and goggle-eye had already started hitting along the edge of the lily pads, as they always did before a change in the weather, and the sparrow hawks and cranes that had been gliding on the hot updrafts from the marsh were now circling lower and lower out of the darkening sky. Main Street in New Iberia was full of dust, the green bamboo along the banks of Bayou Teche bending in the wind. At the city limits the Negro owner of a fruit stand, which had been there since I was a boy, was carrying his lugs of strawberries from the shade tree by the highway back inside the stand.