Heavy Metal (A Goddesses Rising Novel) (Entangled Select) (28 page)

“Good,” she said again. The lengthening silence shifted toward awkwardness.

Sam sighed. “I have so much to say,” he said, “and no idea where to begin.”

Riley took a deep breath. “Then let me start.” Encouraged by Sam’s smile, she decided to just go for it. Lay it all out. Self-protection meant nothing compared to everything that had happened even today.

“I know we’ve only known each other for a week.”

Sam blew out a breath. “Seriously? That’s all?” He stared at the wall above Riley’s head while he counted. She waited impatiently until he said, “Wow. You’re right.”

“Can I continue?”

He smiled again, wide enough to show the dimples that sent a zing through her entire body.

“You just made my point,” she said. “A psychologist would probably say my feelings are intense because of the intense circumstances, but my mother would say these circumstances meant we showed each other our true selves. And Sam…” She swallowed hard. Okay, this wasn’t so easy. What if he didn’t feel the same way? Didn’t need more than the woman who’d balanced him against power he wasn’t supposed to have?

He didn’t move, and his eyes never left her face. Their golden brown had deepened, despite the watery evening sunlight that followed the rain. He didn’t look wary or dismayed, but anticipatory. Riley’s anxiety faded.

“I’m falling in love with you.” She tempered it at the last second—it sounded more believable this way than
I love you
. More of an acknowledgment of the extreme circumstances. More realistic considering it might not last in a normal, mundane life.

Except she didn’t know what normal and mundane were anymore.

“I don’t want you to settle,” he said.

Riley’s heart stopped racing. It stopped completely at his first words, and even with the qualifier it didn’t seem to resume—though it had to or she wouldn’t be enduring this tearing pain in her chest. This was the goddess-world version of
it’s not you, it’s me
.

“Settle for what?” she demanded.

Sam sighed, long and painfully. “I thought when this was all over, when Quinn finished the transfers and she and Nick could focus on themselves, that we could do the same. Get to know each other. See what can happen between us.”

“And now you don’t want that,” she guessed miserably.

“No, I’m saying we can’t have that. Numina’s splinter group is still out there, still desperate to take goddess power to augment their own. I want to say I can walk away from that and just be with you, but I can’t. I could never do that.”

Angry, Riley dropped her arms and stepped toward him. “Of course you couldn’t. Neither could I, not if I believed I could really help.” That sounded like she still didn’t believe… “I
can
help. So I can’t walk away.” She forced herself to face her deepest fear about his feelings. “Do… do you not want me anymore now that we’re not connected by the energy? Now that moon lust doesn’t drive you, you don’t—”

“No!” He lurched off the wall. Since the balcony was only about two feet deep, that put them toe-to-toe, practically face-to-face. “I’m saying the opposite! But I don’t know why you’d believe me.”

“Believe
what?
” Riley spread her arms. Her heart pounded again, throbbed in her neck and ears, muffling his voice and narrowing her vision. “Stop beating around the bush and tell me what you feel!”

“I love you, dammit!” He shoved his hand through his hair and shook his head at the sky. “I started to fall in love with you, God, I don’t know. That first day, when you charged out there and confronted Vern and Sharla.”

It seemed a decade ago. Riley’s joy at his confession couldn’t get past her confusion. “So what’s the problem? I don’t understand why you’re holding back now. Quinn is fine, the power is all transferred, and you’re
you
. The guy I started falling for when I saw that video on the Society website.”

“That’s the problem. You needed help, and I was able to provide it. I brought you to the Society, where—”

“Where I learned my family lied to me my whole life, and your vaunted Society kicked us out. They never bothered to find out why my grandmother and aunt had no power, or to determine if their descendants did. They just forgot about us.”

Sam dropped his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I wanted it to be—”

“That’s not the point!” she yelled at him. “What I feel for you is not fucking gratitude!”

Movement beyond the glass caught her eye. Nick watched them from the living room. His feet were braced wide, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a beer, but his expression told Riley he’d be through that door like a shot if he thought either one of them needed his protection. She was surprised to realize it didn’t matter which one.

She blinked back warm tears, overwhelmed, and nodded at Nick to reassure him they were okay. She turned back to Sam in time to see him give a dismissive, placating hand movement. Nick moved back, out of their view, but Riley would bet he was still watching. She hadn’t had friends like that, ever.

“I’m not grateful,” she said again in a much lower voice. “I don’t care that we don’t have a magical connection anymore. I can’t prove to you that things wouldn’t be different if we went on to live quiet, boring lives together, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? We can live exciting, dangerous lives together and be happy. Can’t we?”

“Oh, Riley.” He finally pulled her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and hugged him hard, squeezing her eyes closed. He sighed and held her for a few long moments before she leaned back to look up at him.

“What do you want?” she asked.

One side of his mouth quirked. “I want you to be happy.”

She shook her head hard, annoyed. “No, what do you want for
you?
The truth.”

He sobered and moved back so they could see each other better. “Okay. Full, blunt honesty. No more searching for the words that will work. Just the right ones.”

She nodded and held her breath.

“I’ve fallen in love with someone strong and brave. Someone willing to stick her neck out for people she doesn’t really know because she thinks she can help them. She’s beautiful and has a rockin’ body, and our chemistry is through the roof—with or without energy influence.”

Riley’s hands tightened on his sleeves, the need to kiss him practically killing her. But he hadn’t said what he wanted. So she waited, standing still.

“But what I really love is how she loves me. With so much going on, she was the only one who cared more about my well being than about anyone else. I don’t know if she knew I saw it, and I never thanked her.”

“Of course you did!”

He pressed a finger to her mouth. She held still again, not wanting him to move it away, and knowing she’d derail everything if she gave in to the impulse to lick it.

“I want you.” He shrugged. “That’s what it comes down to. The reasons don’t matter, and everything around us doesn’t touch that truth. The first thought in my head when I woke up tonight was that you weren’t there, and I needed you next to me. I want you to be mine, Riley.”

She leaned forward until their bodies touched. “I am yours, Sam. I have been since the moment you set that disgusting Pepsi on the table.”

He chuckled on his way down to her mouth. Halfway there, the amusement fell away, taking everything but the intensity of their need. His hands molded her body against him, and despite his ridiculous height, they fit together perfectly. Their lips were warm when they met, their tongues gliding into each other’s mouths. It was a kiss of promise, of exploration, of hope.

Riley knew that in a few minutes they’d have to go inside and face a million decisions, a hundred challenges that would both test and strengthen their relationship. But that could wait. Right now, all she needed was right here.

Epilogue

Marley slipped out of the apartment after everyone had wound down and gone to bed. She’d have done it sooner—right after she left the dinner table—except she didn’t want to risk anyone trying to stop her. It was obvious no one knew what to say after she left the table, and she was glad. The responsibility for everything that had happened today—for the last three years, actually—fell completely on her.

None of them seemed to know what had happened to Sam, and she was glad. Because she knew. She’d felt it happen. Hadn’t believed it, except it had marked her as surely as the transfers had marked Sam. Tanda and Riley said there was no trace of the power left in him, but they weren’t quite right. There was a scar, but Marley suspected only she could see it. If anyone had asked her to describe it, she’d have compared it to surgery to remove something diseased or destructive, like a tumor. It marked him by its absence rather than by a lingering presence.

Null
. The word echoed in her head, knocking around until it should have been meaningless. But it was just the opposite. It was the rest of her life.

Quinn and Nick went to bed first, and Marley stayed locked in the bathroom until Sam and Riley left to get a hotel room. No secret why, though they claimed it was to relieve the burden on Tanda and free up some space. John left with them, heading back to D.C. to prepare for Nick to take over as head of the Protectorate. He’d been gleeful about telling Jeannine that Quinn would accept the Society presidency in a couple of months, when the current term was up.

Marley tried to be happy for her sister and Nick, and for Sam and Riley, but she couldn’t feel it. Couldn’t feel much of anything, actually. She silently gathered the few things she’d brought with her, snuck through the still apartment, and went out to the street to catch a cab to the airport. She’d go back to her inn first. She missed Maine, longed to be home at least until she could sell it. Luckily, a developer had poked at her a couple of times a year, feeling her out. He’d probably snap it up if she said she was ready.

After that…

A few days ago, she’d obeyed Sam when he told her to stand back. Pointed the way for Nick and John, and stood in the hall crying while she listened to her sister scream and people fight, knowing she’d only be another liability if she went in there. When the Numina men and boys had streamed out of the apartment, not a single one of them had looked at her, never mind considered her a threat.

Well, she was done with that. Done with being helpless. Done with being a victim. Done with struggling to make up to everyone else for a mistake she’d already paid for. Things had changed, and somehow, she’d been given a gift. Or a curse. Probably both.

When Sam had flailed around on that floor, screaming in the depths of hell, Marley had reached to touch him, knowing she couldn’t soothe or heal any more than the others could. But the instant her hand brushed his face, everything stopped. The power doing so much damage disappeared. One second it was there, the next it was gone. And not just hers. Beth’s power, the little bit remaining, had gone with it.

Quinn said it was impossible, but Marley knew it wasn’t. She’d felt it happen.

She’d
caused
it.

Giving Anson power had damaged her vessel, her ability to channel energy through crystals. Maybe the damage would have been barely noticeable if Anson hadn’t later leeched her. But when he sucked all the capacity out of her, he’d created something new. He’d carved an emptiness into her that wasn’t static, as she’d always thought. It had a purpose. Or at least, she could give it one.

She’d have to research it, but she suspected she’d find no one else had ever been what she now was. A null. A black hole. She could remove power, energy, ability from someone who wasn’t supposed to have it.

Goddesses were safe, she was sure of it. She’d been around them nonstop for two years, running the educational and tracking programs. It was only once she touched Sam, struggling against the barbs of her orphaned power, that her ability had gone active. She’d saved him.

And in doing so had saved herself.

Acknowledgments

The Dew Drop Inn, featured briefly in chapter thirteen, was a real place in North Stonington, Connecticut. I took some artistic license, moving it to suit my heroine’s travel route and ignoring the fact that ownership and name had changed. My family often stopped at the Dew Drop on our trips to the beach in Misquamicut every summer, and my mother developed a friendship with Curtis Moussie. These memories are touchstones to the things that were most important in my childhood, and even before I learned that Curtis had passed away and the Dew Drop was demolished, I wanted to pay tribute to them in this book—and by extension, pay tribute to my mother.

Heavy Metal
would not be the book it is without Kerri-Leigh Grady, Liz Pelletier, and especially Danielle Poiesz, who somehow drew out of me the story I was trying to tell in the way it really needed to be told. Huge thanks to Liz Pelletier for the amazing cover, and to all the behind the scenes folks along the production line, making sure we come as close to perfection as possible. Finally, thanks to Crystal, Jaime, and Dani—my Entangled publicity team—for their support and hard work in what is, for some of us, the most challenging aspect of being an author.

Megan Hart deserves a massive thanks for taking time out of her own insane schedule to read a draft of this book and provide the cover quote. Smith, Simon, and Bix, thank you for listening to my rants and giddiness and making this journey so much fun, even when it’s frustrating. And thank you, Lisa Mondello, for slapping me upside the head with genuine affection whenever I start spiraling.

Every book I write also owes a great deal to my family. Jim, Dakota, and McKenna, thank you so much for your unwavering support and understanding when I’m lost in my fictional worlds or crazy on deadline. Thank you for celebrating every silly little victory with me, for telling everyone with pride that I’m an author, and for helping me live my dream. I love you.

About the Author

Natalie J. Damschroder writes high-stakes romantic adventure, sometimes with a paranormal bent. Since 2000, she’s published ten novels, seven novellas, and fourteen short stories, many of them exploring magical abilities, but all with a romantic core. She currently lives in Pennsylvania with her perfect partner of a husband and two daughters who are so amazing, they’ve been dubbed “anti-teenagers.” Learn more about her at her website,
www.nataliedamschroder.com
, follow her on Twitter @NJDamschroder, or friend her on Facebook at /nataliedamschroder.