Held (Gone #2) (8 page)

"Is this supposed to last all week?" Zoey asked.

"You'd think," Chad said. "But it's just tonight's meal. I think that church is trying to fatten us up."

Alex wasn't saying much. Zoey could tell he wanted to know what she was keeping from him.

How would he react? He was only thirteen. He wouldn't want to become a dad. There was no way.

What if he got mad at her? Her stomach twisted in tight knots. She kept her eyes on her plate and forced herself to eat. As good as everything looked and smelled, she couldn't bring herself to eat much.

"Are you okay, Zoey?" Alyssa asked. She looked concerned.

"Just not too hungry today."

"I know what you mean. My appetite has fluctuated a lot over the last month."

She nodded, pretty sure that Alyssa's eating habits were due to Macy being gone, and not from being pregnant. Although she and Chad had been getting along lately. It was still doubtful.

Looking around, Zoey's appetite decreased even more. What would everyone around the table think of her when they knew? The Mercers had been her second family for as long as she could remember. Would they tell her she could never see Alex again? The sleepovers would definitely stop.

Her mom would find someone else for her to stay with when she went on business trips. Maybe she would even stop taking them altogether. Or maybe she would finally hunt down Zoey's dad and make him get involved in her life. That wouldn't be so bad. Zoey could think of some choice words to throw at him.

Somehow she made it through dinner, barely eating anything, yet pretending to eat more than she had. After she and her mom cleaned up the kitchen, she found Alex in his room.

He looked up in surprise. "Come on in." He patted the bed next to him.

She sat down, noticing that Alex didn't scoot closer.

"Do you want to sneak out later for smokes?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"You're serious about cutting back?"

"I've been having too many lately. I'm gonna get hooked if I'm not careful."

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you already were."

"Whatever."

"Want to make out?"

"You could just kiss me instead of talking about it. It would be more romantic that way."

"Yeah, but you've been acting weird today. I don't want to do anything to upset you."

She sighed, too tired to argue.

"What's going on? You know can tell me anything."

"Not this." She shook her head.

"Why not?"

Tears filled her eyes, and Alex's face softened. He pulled her into a hug and held onto her, not saying anything. He really was a good person, she knew that. That was why she had hooked up with him in the first place. Most boys her age were jerks, or at the very least, idiots. He actually cared and he was smart and sweet.

Maybe she should just tell him. They'd been talking about everything for so long, and she hated keeping anything from him.

"Alex, I'm pregnant."

Silence.

She turned to look at him and he was staring straight ahead, his face pale. He dropped his arms from her sides.

"Alex?"

He looked at her. "You're…you're…p…pregnant?"

"That's what the doctor said."

His eyes grew increasingly wide. "Did they give you a test?"

She nodded. "It was a strong yes, apparently."

Alex jumped up and punched his dresser. He let out a string of profanities and then looked at Zoey. "What are we going to do?"

"You don't have to do anything. I—"

"Of course I do. I did this to you, Zoey." He picked up a book and chucked it across the room.

"Well, the thing is, I'm not getting rid of it." She explained what happened with Tara. When she got to the part about her nearly dying, Zoey cried so hard she shook. "I'd never been so scared of anything in my life. I never even got to talk with her after, because her parents wouldn't let her talk to any of her friends before moving her away."

Alex sat down next to her. "That doesn't usually happen. I mean, if it did, no one would get abortions. I heard about a girl getting one at my school last month. She's fine. She's on the tennis team and she didn't stop playing or anything."

Zoey shook her head. "After seeing Tara like that, I can't. I don't know if it's that post-traumatic stress thing or what, but there's no way. I'd rather get fat for a few months."

"But it's nine months. That's practically a year. Zoey, come on. You don't wanna do this to yourself."

"I don't care. It's better than dying."

"You won't die. I'll go with you and hold your hand the whole time. I swear I'll—"

"No." Zoey moved away from him.

Alex was quiet for a minute. "Are you gonna tell your mom?"

"I guess when I can't hide it any longer. She's gonna be pissed, but it's not like she can do anything about it."

"We should tell our parents together."

"No. I'm going to leave you out of it. Just let me take the fall. You're family's dealing with enough."

"I can't let you do that. It's not fair. You didn't do this to yourself. It was me."

"Look out front," Zoey said. "There's almost always a news truck out there. Everything you guys do is broadcast to the world. Do you want
this
all over the news?"

Alex balled up his fists. "Still, I couldn't live with myself if I let you deal with all alone."

"Just pretend to be a good friend, standing by my side. Besides, then we can keep our sleepovers."

"I'm not that kind of guy. I can't do that to you."

"No one needs to know who the dad is."

Alex looked like he was going to be sick. "I can't believe you just called me a dad."

"That's what you are. Sorry."

"You really won't consider an abortion?"

Zoey glared at him. "Didn't you hear a word I said?"

"Just checking. What about adoption? Then we won't be parents. Someone else will be."

"I'm going to keep it, Alex."

"You've really thought this over." Alex frowned.

"After seeing what happened to Tara, yeah. I've gone over this a million times, wondering what I would do if I got pregnant."

"But you don't have to
keep
it, keep it. We can pick out a nice family."

"No."

Alex took a deep breath. "Then we really need tell our parents."

Zoey shook her head. Maybe he really was too young to handle this, because telling their parents was not the answer. It wasn't like they spilled flour—she was pregnant. "Not yet. I need some time to figure this out."

"What's to figure out? You said you're keeping it." Alex narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know what I want to do! Okay? Are you happy?"

"Happy? Of course not."

They stared at each other.

"I never should've told you," Zoey said.

"What? Yes, you should have."

"Now we're fighting—again. This is going end up ripping us apart." Angry tears filled her eyes.

Alex's face softened. "Nothing's going to keep us apart." He kissed her cheek. "I'm not leaving your side, Zoey."

"Thanks." Zoey examined his face. He looked genuine, but could she really trust him? Would he really stick it out, or would he walk away like her dad had? Only time would tell.

They sat in silence before Alex finally spoke up. "We don't have to tell them today, but we have to soon. It's not going to take long for you to show since you're so skinny, you know?"

She leaned against him and sighed. "I know."

Family

Macy was relieved to see her teddy bear still sat on the bed where she had left it. She took off the stiff, white clothes and put on her favorite pair of Heather's pajamas. They felt luxurious after the cardboard-like white clothes.

She took out the hair tie and shook her hair free before blowing out the candle. She made her way into the bed. It was stiff, just like the clothes. The blankets weren't particularly soft, either. Apparently, fabric softener wasn't something they used in the community.

Squeezing the bear tight, Macy closed her eyes. Even though the bed wasn't comfortable, it was better than being in a sleeping bag in the back of the truck.

Just as she was starting to drift off, a squeaking noise startled her. Her first thought was mice, especially after having been in the barn cellar. But it wasn't that kind of squeaking. It was a rhythmic, ongoing sound.

There was a thud, followed by silence. Whatever it was appeared to stop. Macy rolled over, closing her eyes again, relieved to finally be going to sleep.

After a few moments of quiet, the squeaking began again. Squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak, thud. Squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak, thud.

What
was
that?

She closed her eyes tighter, knowing that wouldn't help as the sounds continued. Was that something she was going to have to get used to sleeping through? Was it some kind of non-electrical machinery from somewhere in the community?

The rhythm was interrupted by another noise. What was that one? Macy sat up, clutching the bear. It sounded like a moan. A moan? What would…?

Oh, no.

Squeak, squeak, squeak. Thud, moan. Moan. Squeak, squeak, squeak.

No, no, no. It was Chester and Rebekah's wedding night.

Squeak, squeak, squeak.

"Gross, gross, gross." Macy threw herself down and covered her head with the pillow. She could still hear the noises despite having the pillow over her head.

She let go of the bear and pushed her hands over the top of the pillow. But she could still hear it and now that she knew what it was, it was even worse than before. That was the last thing she wanted to listen to, and it made her stomach sick.

"Make it stop," she begged to any force that might be listening. "Please."

Where were her earphones when she needed them? She would have to make her own music. Macy picked one of the songs she had heard on the radio on the way to the community and hummed the melody, focusing on it.

After she was done with the song, she listened for the noises.

Squeak, squeak—

Macy pulled the pillow back over her head. Were they ever going to stop? She hummed another song and managed to fall asleep.

When the early light of the morning shone on her face, she woke up. Macy rolled over, hoping to get more sleep. Instead, her mind raced.

Would they give her a job or would she be allowed to go to school? Macy couldn't imagine Chester letting her out of his sight, even within the impenetrable walls surrounding the community.

Would she be allowed to make friends? She had met some teens the night before. Maybe some of them were nice. What if one of them wanted to escape also? They could work together to find a way of escape. She'd have to feel everyone out, which meant acting like she was happy to be there.

She was becoming a first class actress, having learned how to pretend she was Heather, and that Chester was her dad. All she would have to do was to keep up that performance, adding in a fake belief in the prophets. Then if there was someone like her, Macy would be able to find them and get them to open up to her.

Acting like Heather had gotten Chester to be nice. It could probably gain even more benefits with a full community of people.

Though she hadn't spoken a word of her family in what felt like a lifetime, she made sure to keep them in the forefront of her mind. She often thought of her parents and Alex, constantly calling her parents Mom and Dad in her mind. There was no way she was going to let go and give into Chester.

Calling him Dad and
believing
he was her dad were two separate matters. She had to cling to her family, and so far, she had done a good job of it. They were alive and well in her mind.

There was a knock on the door.

Maybe they would leave her alone if she pretended to sleep. She stuffed her bear under the covers and closed her eyes.

Another knock. She held perfectly still, forcing herself to breathe naturally.

She heard the door open and footsteps head toward her.

"Heather?" It was Rebekah.

Her stomach turned. She didn't want to look at either one of them after last night.

"Wake up, Heather."

Macy held still.

"Heather, it's time for breakfast. I don't know what you like, and I want to make something you will."

Macy rolled over, rubbing her eyes. "Is it morning already?"

Rebekah smiled. She was wearing the white clothes everyone wore, but her hair was down and she was even prettier. Macy wondered what she would look like with a little makeup. Probably gorgeous.

"Do you like eggs?"