Hell to Heaven (37 page)

‘It’s the twenty-first century and people are travelling around,’ Leo said. ‘So even though I was originally American, technically speaking I’m a Taoist Immortal.’ He shook his head. ‘Damn, that really does sound strange, doesn’t it?’

‘What about you, Emma?’ she said, turning her attention to me. ‘You sound Australian. You’re a…a…what are they called? Binyip?’

‘Bunyip!’ Simone said, delighted. ‘Thanks, Clarissa, that clears everything up for me.’

‘So let me get this straight,’ Clarissa said. She pointed at Bai Hu. ‘God.’ She gestured around the table. ‘Demi-gods, Taoist Immortal, Bunyip. Is that right? So…’ She leaned on the table and smiled at Michael. ‘What’s the big trek tomorrow? Going to Bunyipland to take some tourist shots?’

‘Visiting the goddess Nu Wa in Heaven,’ he said.

She clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful! Can I come?’

‘Told you this was a bad idea,’ Simone said.

‘What can we do to prove to you that we’re everything we say we are?’ Michael said.

‘Oh, I don’t know, something really impressive,’ she said. ‘Change into gods and fly through the heavens?’

‘A hundred says that if we change she’ll be a screamer,’ the Tiger said.

‘I’m not taking that bet, I happen to agree with you,’ I said.

‘That is so rude!’ Simone said.

‘Michael, we should call this off now and just have dinner normally,’ I said. ‘Anything we do to prove all of this to Clarissa will freak her out completely, and you’ll probably lose her.’

‘I’m right here,’ Clarissa said pointedly.

‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘But I don’t want to risk what you and Michael have together.’

‘She can take it,’ Michael said.

‘You’re drug dealers!’ Clarissa said, eyes wide. ‘You’re criminals!’ She rose and put her hands on the table. ‘I don’t believe this of you, Michael!’

‘She’s smart and brave and hot as all damn, Three One Five,’ the Tiger said. ‘Wipe her memory and let it go.’

‘No!’ Michael said. He slammed one hand on the table. ‘I want to come back to the Celestial, dammit! I want to be Emma’s Retainer again. I want to go to CH and Wudangshan and learn some really advanced stuff. And if I do, she needs to know what I’m involved in.’

‘There’s a senior place among the Horsemen if you want to come back,’ the Tiger said.

‘Wudangshan,’ Michael said.

‘Sit down, Clarissa, we’re not criminals,’ Simone
said, sounding tired. ‘Believe it or not we really are gods. Nobody’s going to hurt you, but we may have to scare the living daylights out of you to prove what we’re saying.’ She turned to Michael. ‘You’ll lose her, Mike. Don’t do this to her.’

Clarissa sat back down and clutched at Michael’s hand. ‘What the hell is going on?’ she said weakly.

‘If I return to the Celestial she has to know,’ Michael said. ‘I won’t be able to pretend that I’m living a normal life. Weirdness follows us around like a stray dog. Hell, look at Lok. We’re talking about moving in together, and if she moves into my place—which is the obvious choice if I return to the Celestial—then she’s gonna have to meet that ugly rude mutt. She has to know.’

‘When we tell the students, we just introduce them to Gold,’ I said. ‘That’s much easier. What you have here is a whole roomful of teeth and claws. This is
not
a good idea.’

‘Teeth and claws?’ Clarissa said. She clutched Michael’s hand tighter and he put one arm protectively around her shoulder.

‘Nobody will hurt you here,’ he said gently. ‘This is my family. They may look a bit scary sometimes, but they’re humanity’s greatest champions.’

‘Champions?’

‘Sworn to protect all humans from the demon horde,’ the Tiger said, his tawny eyes focused on her.

‘Demons?’

‘At least she’s starting to take it seriously,’ Simone said.

Michael leaned into her and spoke softly. ‘We can prove that we’re gods. We can change. My father’s a tiger god, and so am I. Simone’s a human god. Leo’s human as well.’

She thought about it, then smiled broadly. ‘Okay, joke’s gone far enough.’ She took a deep breath, still smiling. ‘I’m starving. Where’s the food?’

‘Two hundred she’s a screamer,’ the Tiger said.

‘Show her the photo in the hallway to start with,’ Leo said.

‘Show her real life,’ I said. ‘Just Bai Hu’s True Form.’

‘Not enough room in here,’ the Tiger said, looking around. ‘Living room or training room.’

Michael rose without letting go of Clarissa’s hand. ‘Come with me, we’ll go to the training room.’ He took her other hand and gazed intensely down at her. ‘Whatever happens, you are in no danger, you understand? Nobody will hurt you here.’

She rose and studied his face, obviously beginning to wonder.

‘He’s right, nobody will hurt you,’ I said. ‘Let’s go.’

She walked out into the hallway, then stopped and wrinkled her nose. It had begun to rain outside and the humidity had made the smell rise out of the carpet.

‘Sorry about the smell,’ Simone said, embarrassed. ‘I brought my horse home to see my room and he piddled all over the carpet. We’ll probably have to replace it, the smell just won’t come out.’

‘You brought your
horse
in here?’ Clarissa said.

‘He was only little,’ Simone said.

‘Move out for a week or so and replace all the carpet, it’s filthy,’ the Tiger said.

‘That’s a good idea,’ Simone said.

We went into the training room and Clarissa took two alarmed steps back when she saw the weapons.

‘Simone’s father is the God of Martial Arts,’ I said. ‘This is his practice room.’

‘Don’t worry, none of those weapons are ever used on humans like you,’ Michael said, still holding both her hands in his. ‘You’re perfectly safe.’

I went to stand on the other side of her. ‘We’ll leave the door open; if you want to walk out you can. Take it slowly. Nobody is holding you here. Michael, let her go.’

Michael released her and she grabbed one of his hands and held it anyway.

‘Let me explain what’s happening,’ I said. ‘Michael’s father is Bai Hu, the White Tiger God of the West. Have you heard of him?’

‘No,’ Clarissa said.

‘It’s your own mythology, girl!’ the Tiger said, standing on the other side of the room.

‘My parents never talk about that stuff. They say it’s old people’s superstition.’

‘Makes our life easier,’ the Tiger said. ‘And harder at the same time, when we have situations like this.’

Michael raised Clarissa’s hand in his. ‘My father is going to change into a tiger.’

Clarissa stared at Bai Hu.

‘I won’t hurt you,’ Bai Hu said. ‘The tiger form is just a shape. I’m still the same person.’

‘This is such a bad idea,’ Simone said softly.

‘You are very brave, Clarissa,’ I said. ‘I’ll tell you what. You heard Michael’s dad bet me two hundred dollars that you’ll scream? I’ll take that bet, Tiger.’

‘Done,’ the Tiger said.

‘If you don’t scream, I win two hundred dollars and it’s all yours,’ I said.

‘If you don’t scream, I’ll be prouder of you than I’ve ever been of anyone,’ Michael said to her. He squeezed her hand. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Oh!’ she said, obviously relieved. ‘You’re all magicians? A family of illusionists? This looks so real though!’ She looked around. ‘Where are the mirrors and stuff? I see mirrors on that wall, but it doesn’t look like there’s anything behind them.’

‘I’m not using the mirrors, this is real,’ Bai Hu said. ‘I’ll change to tiger, then change back, then come close to you and change again, and you can see that it’s real.’

‘Is your pet tiger safe?’ she said, unsure. ‘Those magicians in Las Vegas got mauled!’ She backed towards the door and Michael didn’t stop her. ‘I don’t want to see the tricks, thanks. Can we just leave it there?’

Bai Hu changed to his tiger form and she squealed.

‘That counts,’ the Tiger said.

‘No, it doesn’t,’ I said. ‘That was more a squeal.’

‘Full-on scream, Tiger wins,’ Simone said.

Clarissa pointed at Bai Hu, her finger trembling. ‘That was very good. It even looked like it talked.’

Bai Hu shook his shaggy head. ‘This gets harder all the time with advances in technology.’

‘Oh, I dunno,’ Michael said. ‘People don’t believe photos of dragons in the sky, they just say they’re photoshopped. Makes life a lot easier for them.’

‘Yeah,’ Simone said. ‘Nobody believes their own eyes any more.’

‘Is it tame?’ Clarissa said.

‘It’s my father,’ Michael said. ‘I can change too.’

She laughed, and it had a slightly hysterical edge. ‘A family of illusionists. How come I never hear about your shows?’

Bai Hu changed back and put his hands on his hips. ‘This is a total waste of time.’

‘We need to get this done and start planning the trip,’ I said. ‘Any suggestions?’

‘Leave it there. She’ll ask about it later and Michael can show her again,’ the Tiger said. ‘That’s usually what happens with these modern girls. No rush, you have all the time in the world.’ He rubbed his hands together. ‘What’s for dinner? Your housekeeper always does something good for me.’

‘Change into a snake, Emma,’ Michael said.

The Tiger stopped halfway to the door. ‘That would work.’

‘No,’ I said, and went out.

‘A snake?’ Clarissa said behind me.

‘She’s a really big black snake. Like, really big. Three or four metres long at her biggest,’ Simone said. ‘And I agree with her. Not a good idea.’

I went into the dining room and sat at the table. Monica nodded to me as she placed the plates in the middle.

Everybody else came in, Clarissa still holding Michael’s hand. They sat at the table in silence.

‘I hope you’re okay for Chinese family style,’ I said. ‘Everything in the middle and shared.’

‘Yeah, that’s the way we have it at home,’ Clarissa said. ‘Mom and Dad are originally from Hong Kong.’

‘Do you speak any Cantonese?’ I said.

‘Not really. I can understand, but not really speak that much.’

‘Enough to get by at yum cha,’ Michael said, smiling at her as he served her from the plates in the middle.

She smiled back at him, then around the table. ‘So you guys are stage magicians? When are you performing?’

‘We’re not stage magicians, we’re gods,’ Simone said patiently.

‘Let’s leave the discussion of what we are and move on to tomorrow,’ the Tiger said. He served himself
some soup from the tureen in the centre of the table. ‘Early start at the Western Palace. Emma, you’ll be in serpent form of course. Michael and Leo, cat form. We’ll be going the first few thousand feet by cloud and then meet the cars and travel the rest of the way by jeep, stopping to walk when we can’t drive any higher. So wear something warm on your human forms.’

‘I’m staying human for this?’ Simone said.

‘Yes, and change to Celestial if the going gets too rough,’ Bai Hu said.

‘Do we need to go armed?’ Michael said. ‘Any chance of facing demons on the way up?’

‘Not in my dominion,’ the Tiger growled. ‘No need for weaponry.’

‘Are you absolutely positive about that?’ Simone said.

‘Yes,’ the Tiger said. ‘Besides, we don’t want to take weapons into Nu Wa’s valley, it could be seen as an insult.’

Clarissa ate quietly, eyeing us as we spoke.

‘Are you
sure
my spacesuit will work?’ I said. ‘We haven’t even tested it.’

‘It’ll work,’ the Tiger said. ‘It’s proven technology. I’ve done suits like this before for my wives who like to dive—’

‘Wives?’ Clarissa said. She looked from Michael to the Tiger. ‘
Wives?
’

‘Dad has more than one wife and makes no secret of it,’ Michael said. ‘All the wives know and none of them care.’

The Tiger put down his bowl and spread his hands, still holding his chopsticks. ‘Hey, I’m good.’

‘What about your mother?’ Clarissa asked Michael.

‘My mother’s dead, you know that,’ Michael said, not looking up from his food.

‘But didn’t she care?’ Clarissa said. She glanced around the table again. ‘Having more than one wife is illegal. You can’t do that.’

‘You can do whatever you like when you’re a god,’ the Tiger said. ‘Which I just happen to be, so it works out well. Eat up.’

Clarissa rose and put her chopsticks down firmly. ‘Michael, I think I’ll go now.’

Michael got up too and moved to take her hand but she shook him away. ‘No, I’ll find my own way, thanks.’

She left the dining room and he followed her. Their voices could be heard arguing all the way to the front door until it slammed.

‘He lost her,’ the Tiger said. ‘I hope he still comes tomorrow; we need him.’ He tasted the soup. ‘Waste of time giving
me
watercress soup. You can never cool my blood; I’m yang itself.’

A couple of minutes later, Michael materialised in his seat. He leaned his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. ‘I teleported her straight home. She accused me of drugging her and said she never wants to see me again. I changed to a tiger in front of her and she went inside and locked the door in my face.’

‘If she loves you enough, she’ll give you a second chance,’ the Tiger said. ‘If she doesn’t trust you about this, then she isn’t worth worrying about.’

‘That’s easy for you to say, Mister Hundred Wives,’ Michael said, his head still in his hands.

‘Are you still coming tomorrow? We need you,’ the Tiger said.

Michael sighed loudly and dropped his hands. ‘Yeah, I’ll come. I meant it about rejoining the Celestial.’

‘Is it worth losing Clarissa for?’ I said.

‘If she can’t handle it then I don’t have much choice.’

‘Go back and talk to her when you return from the West,’ the Tiger said. ‘Let her think about it. She’ll come round. They always do.’

‘I hope you’re right, Uncle Bai,’ Simone said.

‘Now eat up, you need your strength for tomorrow,’ the Tiger said. ‘And Michael, if you need any help at all with her, let me know. I’ll give you a hand.’

‘I saw the way she looked at you, Dad. It would be better if you just kept away.’

The Tiger raised his hands. ‘Whatever you want.’

T
he final outpost before we began the long walk was a wooden two-storey house clinging to the steep, rocky, snow-covered hillside. The two SUVs and the truck full of gear that had been sent up earlier were parked outside. The family who lived there—all dragon Shen—offered us their hospitality while we put together our equipment for the next stage. We sat on the wooden floor around their primitive fireplace while the Tiger explained how my spacesuit worked.