Heller (27 page)

I wanted to
cry but instead stroked his hair tenderly and kissed his forehead.
When I was sure that my voice wasn’t going to wobble, I asked,
“And?”

“Heller
stumbled on me. Literally.” His laugh was dry. “He tripped over me
chasing someone down the alley.”

“He took you
to the hospital?”

“No. He took
me back to his home, the one he had before this place, and nursed
me back to health. Sounds corny, but that’s what he did. Sid and
Clive were already living with him by then. Niq wasn’t. I was very
suspicious of them all at first. I kept waiting for some request
for payback, a certain look or touch that let me know what was
expected of me – some kind of ‘party’ with them. Never happened.
Then I started waiting for him to turf me out. It’s not easy to
raise a teenager who hasn’t had a good life and I admit I wasn’t an
angel. I was wild with anger at the world and I took it all out on
Heller. I made his life very difficult at times. But he didn’t turf
me out either.”

He laughed,
but only with his normal gentle, affectionate humour this time. “I
remember so many times struggling in his arms because I was
threatening to leave and he wouldn’t let me. I bit him, I kicked
him, I punched him, I spat on him, I cursed him. I stole money from
him and used it to buy booze and pot. I’d stagger home drunk and
stoned and yell at him and swear at him and tell him that I hated
him. I even kept trying to bring men back to his place, so I could
earn some money for more booze and pot. And when he wouldn’t let
me, I sneaked out and picked up men anyway. He and Clive spent half
their lives out on the streets looking for me. God, I was horrible
to him. But he never gave up on me, even at my worst. Not once. He
persevered with me, showed me patience, helped me realise who I
really was and could be, not just what life had made me. He forced
me to study, helped me get a qualification in business management,
taught me life skills and then even gave me a job. So here I am
still. And I will probably never leave him, he means that much to
me. I love him more than I ever thought I’d be capable of loving
someone.”

He was silent
again, before saying quietly, “I was a nobody and he made me a
somebody.”

I was so
touched by his story that I couldn’t speak for a while, overcome by
emotion. I hugged him tightly. When I could muster my voice again,
I asked, “And does Niq have a similar history?”

“Kind of. And
so do Sid and Clive. But I’ll let them tell you their stories
themselves someday when they’re ready.”

“What happened
to the boyfriend? The one who cut you?”

He didn’t
answer straight away. “I’m not sure. Heller tracked him down and
later told me he’d dealt with him. He wouldn’t tell me anymore, but
just said that I didn’t need to worry about him ever again. I don’t
know what happened, and to be honest, I don’t really care.”

I absorbed
what he’d said. “Do you think that Heller . . .”

“I believe
that he took care of that man permanently. But we’ve never
discussed it. And if he did, then I’m glad that he did. I hope he
did him slowly and I hope he hurt him badly.” The vicious hatred in
Daniel’s voice settled uneasily into the balmy night air.

“What about
your mother?”

He was
evasive. “I’m not sure. But I don’t care if she’s dead either. I
hope she’s dead.”

We sat in
silence for a while. My head was spinning. Could Heller really be a
cold-blooded killer? And did it matter if he was, if he killed such
monsters?

Daniel yawned
hugely.

“You should
head off to bed, sweetie,” I suggested. “You look whacked.”

He protested
weakly.

“Go on,” I
insisted. “Go to bed and get some sleep. I’ll clean up here. Or do
you want me to sit with you for a while tonight? I could stay with
you if you like. I’ll sleep on your lounge.”

He gave a
small, crooked, heartbreaking smile and shook his head. We walked
to the stairs together holding hands. At the door, he turned and
came back, kissing me on the cheek and saying simply, “Thank you
for listening, Tilly. I’ve never really spoken to anyone besides
Heller about it all before. It’s made me feel – I don’t know – sort
of relieved to tell you. You’re so easy to talk to.”

I hugged him
tightly. “I’m so glad we had this chat, Daniel. I think I
understand you much better now.” He gave his half-smile, kissed me
on the cheek again, and slipped downstairs to his flat.

I watched him
disappear before turning back to the chairs to clear up. A dark
shape stepped out of the shadows in front of me, blocking my
path.

“
Shit!
”
I shrieked in fright.

“It’s only
me,” the shape said.

“
Jesus,
Heller!
” I said, my hand pressing against my pounding heart.
“You scared me half to death. What are you doing up here?”

“I might ask
you the same question,” he shot back. An appalling realisation
dawned on me.

“You’ve been
here all along, haven’t you? Can’t I have any privacy in this
place?” I demanded wearily, sinking down onto one of the sun
chairs. The breeze picked up and I shivered. He stood over me.

“I witnessed
what happened, yes. Very touching, Matilda,” he answered, his face
unreadable in the dark, his tone wooden. I bristled immediately. I
sensed some kind of strong suppressed emotion radiating from him,
unsure what it was, but pressed on regardless.

“You shouldn’t
spy on me.”

“I was up here
on the roof-top before you even arrived,” Heller explained with
deceptive patience. “I followed Daniel. Niq told me he was coming
up here. It had nothing to do with you.”

“So you were
spying on Daniel?”

“No,” he said
through gritted teeth. “I was not
spying
, I was keeping a
watch on him. That’s what I do when he gets in this kind of mood. I
need to make sure he is protected.”

“Protected
from himself,” I stated bluntly.

“Yes.” He gave
a mirthless laugh. “Maybe this is a surprise to you, Matilda, but I
care very much for Daniel. I don’t want anything to happen to him.
In fact, I care very much for everyone who lives with me.” He shot
me a pointed glance. I turned away, hugging myself tightly.

But I was
still miffed about his prying, remembering what Daniel and I had
done and said. “How dare you listen in on what we were saying? That
was a private conversation between Daniel and me. You had no right
to listen. It was
private
! Do you even know what that means?
It had nothing to do with you. Nothing! You should have left,” I
spat out angrily.

It had been a
long and trying day. I was emotionally drained and my arm was
aching again. I’d rarely felt so angry so quickly. I admit it, I
completely lost my temper. I did not want to speak to Heller right
then, so jumped up and moved to pass him, my good hand pushing hard
against his chest to no effect.

“Get out of my
way!” I snapped.

Before I knew
what had happened, my arms were pinned behind my back and I was
arched backwards, his body pressing down on me. He leaned over me
until his face was only a few centimetres away from mine and I
could feel his breath on my face.

“Don’t ever
raise your hand to me again, Matilda,” he hissed menacingly between
clenched teeth. “Do you understand?”

I nodded
quickly in fear, my eyes glued to his. He let go of me, then
wrapped his arms around me pulling me in tightly against his body,
pushing my face against him. I struggled furiously and he wrapped
his arms even tighter, impeding my breathing and restricting my
movement. With no choice, eventually I calmed down, and as I stood
there imprisoned in his arms, my head against his neck, listening
to his pulse, breathing him in, my anger melted away. This was a
man who had rescued and nurtured at least four damaged people,
maybe five if you included the mythical Victor. It was no wonder
that he was so protective of them. When I was calm for a while, he
kissed me gently on the forehead and released me from his grip.
Silently, without a second glance, I walked away and left him alone
on the roof-top.

The next day I
was in trouble again, twice-over. As soon as I arrived at work,
Heller called me into his office where he ticked me off for letting
Niq have sugary foods the day before, complaining that the little
teenager had been bouncing off the walls all night long, chattering
non-stop and refusing to go to sleep.

I apologised
and promised not to buy him anything like that again. And I almost
meant it.

Later that
afternoon, he yelled at me to come into his office again where he
berated me about the azalea bush caught in the grill of the 4WD
that I’d driven to the shopping centre. It was only discovered when
the next men to drive the vehicle investigated why it was
overheating and making a funny noise.

I tried to
explain my extreme hurry to depart the carpark and how driving over
the garden bed had actually been a clever and strategic shortcut,
but he wasn’t buying my story. And it all only served to remind him
of my altercation with those men and my misuse of the capsicum
spray and he grew even angrier. To Daniel and Niq’s great
amusement, I was sent back to my desk in disgrace, the vague threat
of never driving a
Heller’s
vehicle again hanging over my
head.

The day after
that, even though I wasn’t sure whether he had calmed down or not,
I stood at his office door trying to rally my courage to go in and
talk to him. Before I could knock though, he looked up and noticing
me hovering, gestured for me to come in. I sat down opposite him,
leaned on his desk with my elbows and looked at him beseechingly. I
knew he wasn’t going to like what I had to say.

“What is it,
Matilda?” he asked, growing impatient, leaning back in his
chair.

“My mother
would like you to come to lunch on Sunday,” I started, hesitantly.
I had no idea how he was going to react.

He stared at
me as though I had just told him that I liked to eat spiders.
“Why?”

“Because she
wants to meet you.”

He shrugged
indifferently. “You may tell your mother that I don’t care to
socialise.”

“She’s not
really asking to meet you, Heller, she’s demanding to meet you.” He
sat forward in his chair and looked at me with some interest. I
nervously continued. “She’s only just become aware that I’m living
with four men and a teenage boy.”

“Just become
aware?”

“Well, I may
have inadvertently forgotten to tell her that part of our
arrangement,” I confessed.

He raised his
eyebrows. “How did she find out then?”

“I don’t know
but when I find out who blabbed, I’m going to kill them. She hit
the roof! Ranted at me for fifteen minutes straight on the phone
last night. The only way I could get her to stop was to promise to
let her meet you.” I paused. “She means well, she’s just worried
about my safety. And my morals.”

“And she now
insists on meeting the potential despoiler of her darling
daughter?”

I smiled.
“Something like that.”

He leaned back
in his chair, his arms behind his head and regarded me coldly.
“Sorry Matilda, but as I said, I don’t care to socialise.
Particularly with people’s mothers.”

“And that’s
that?”

“Yes.” I knew
there was no point trying to persuade him otherwise.

That night I
rang Mum and told her that Heller was too busy, but that I would
love to come for lunch. She was not happy, to say the least. She
took it as a personal affront. I had to hold the phone away from my
ear during her tirade. I became cranky.

“Mum, he’s a
business owner. He works all hours of the day and night. He doesn’t
have a normal life like other people, so you can’t expect him to
behave like other people! He’s busy!”

“Why are you
defending him against me, Tilly? Are you involved with him? Are you
sleeping with him?” she demanded angrily.

“Mum! Not
that’s it’s any of your business, but no! For heaven’s sake, he’s
my boss.” Hmm, today probably wasn’t the time to tell her that I
thought about it constantly though.

We hung up,
the atmosphere tense between us. My mother is not a prude and is
not clingy; she is normally a well-adjusted, loving homemaker. But
I am her youngest child by some years (my two older brothers are in
their mid-thirties), and I’m her only daughter, so she is very
protective of me, as is my father. She worried constantly about my
virtue, without accepting that my virtue was long gone. I felt bad
that we had argued, but my sex life wasn’t any of her business. Not
that I even had one at the moment for her to worry about.

The next day
Heller and I drove out to meet a potential new client.

“You got me in
trouble with my mother,” I told him sulkily.

He was
surprised. “What did I do?”

“You refused
to come over for lunch. Now she thinks I’m sleeping with you.”

“Because I
refused to go for lunch? That doesn’t seem logical to me,
Matilda.”

“There’s
nothing
logical about it. I’m going to have to face a
third-degree when I go for lunch. You don’t know what she’s like.
She’s very persistent. And she always knows when I’m lying.”

“But you’ve
got nothing to lie about. You aren’t sleeping with me, so what are
you worried about?”

“Oh, you just
don’t understand. There’s going to be a scene.”

“And so what
if we were sleeping together? It’s not illegal for two adults to do
that, you know. I hear that some people even enjoy it.” He glanced
sideways at me, that sexy, sly half-smile arching his beautiful
mouth.

“Hmm, really?
I must try it again sometime before I die,” I said dryly.

He looked at
me again, grinning. “Been a while, has it?”