Heller's Girlfriend (36 page)

“But now there’s this terrible
pain inside me.” I touched my chest.

“Like your heart has been ripped
in two?”

I nodded, tears in my eyes
again, not trusting myself to speak. We hugged until I was able to
take a deep breath and untangle myself from him. We stood and
stretched out our cramped muscles.

“Next time let’s go to bed
instead,” he groaned as he stretched.

“You want to be my rebound sex?”
I teased, feeling less miserable for a second.

He blushed furiously. “You know
I didn’t mean it like
that
! I meant sleep in the bed instead
of on the lounge.”

“Sure you did.” I kissed him
again on the lips and patted his cheek. “I love you, Danny darling.
Thanks again.”

“I love you too, Tilly.”

I left to take a shower. It felt
great to wash away all traces of that cheating, stinking love-rat.
Good!
I thought.
Anger’s better than sadness
. But the
anger didn’t last long.

I rang Mum and Dixie and cried
to them over the phone. I gave Mum the censored version of the
story, but told Dixie the unadorned truth of how I’d been coldly
used. She offered to de-knob Will for me until I reminded her that
I was more than capable of doing that myself.

It was lunchtime before I made
it into the office. Niq immediately came over to give me a big hug
that almost set me off again, but I managed to control myself.
Barely.

“Thanks, honey. That’s so
sweet.”

“I’m glad you’ve broken up with
him. Now you can spend more time with me,” he said in his brutally
honest way.

I half-smiled and made to ruffle
his hair, but he dodged me skilfully. I asked both Niq and Daniel
not to tell anyone else about what had happened. I didn’t feel like
talking about it any more and I would tell everyone in my own time.
And by that we all knew I meant Heller.

The devil himself walked into
the office, a bundle of papers in his hand. He frowned when he saw
me and came over to my desk, pointedly looking at his watch. I
looked back at him unhappily.

“Matilda, what time is this to
be coming to work? I was up late last night too, but I managed to
get here on time,” he rebuked.

“Sorry,” I said bleakly, and put
my head down to work on my report for Yoni’s account for the rest
of the afternoon. That night in bed I cried myself to sleep again
thinking back over my time with Will.

Chapter 26

The next week dragged. I cried
myself to sleep every night and during the day was dull-witted and
lacking in concentration and enthusiasm. Heller grew angry at the
amount of typos and errors in my work, calling me into his office
one afternoon. He threw my latest report back across the desk at me
and told me that it was sloppy, poorly written and unprofessional.
Then he told me to get my act together or he’d put me on filing
duties for a week.

I burst into tears and fled the
office back to the haven of my flat. I’d barely thrown myself on my
bed to give my pillow another good soaking, before he walked into
my bedroom, uninvited.

“Go away!” I screamed at him
through my tears.

“Matilda, what’s the matter with
you lately?” he asked in exasperation. “I was angry with your work
for a very good reason and Daniel and Niq looked at me as though
I’m a monster. What’s going on?”

“Will dumped me. He cheated on
me and used me and found someone better than me.
That’s
what
the matter is. Now leave me alone!” I shouted incoherently, my head
buried in my pillow.

“Oh.” He sat heavily on my bed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to tell you!” I
screamed at him. “You were the first person I went to, but you
weren’t home. You’re never home. And you haven’t even noticed I was
upset, because you don’t care any more.”

He put his hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off.

“Get lost, Heller! I don’t want
to look at you and I don’t want to talk to you.”

He stood up. “I care a great
deal about you, Matilda. More than you’d ever imagine,” he said
quietly. “You know that.”

“I don’t know anything any
more,” I wailed into my pillow.

He stood looking down at me for
a minute before leaving, closing my door gently. I cried myself to
sleep with tiredness and emotion, and woke up to someone banging on
my door. I flung the door open and groaned when I saw Farrell
standing there.

I slammed the door shut on him.
It wouldn’t close because he’d inserted his runner between the door
and doorjamb.

“You’re late again,” he snapped.
“Get your fat arse down to the gym now. I haven’t got all
night.”

“Do I look like I want to train
tonight?” I screamed at him, my tear-stained face and wild hair a
study in bleak desolation.

He regarded me impassively for a
moment and spoke quietly. “No, but it looks as though you have some
strong emotions you need to work out. Come on. It’ll do you good.
Better than feeling sorry for yourself.”

I stared at him and he looked
back steadily. I gave a watery sniff and heaved a giant sigh. He
was probably right.

“Okay,” I said more calmly.
“Give me five minutes please, Hugh. I’m a bit of a mess at the
moment.” He nodded and walked away.

He waited patiently in the gym
for me, but didn’t give me any leeway during our session, working
me harder than he’d ever done before. I struggled to do what he
ordered, which only made him more demanding, forcing me to repeat
manoeuvres over and over. I grew increasingly angry at him, at
Will, at Heller and at my horrible life. I tried one particularly
difficult manoeuvre at least five times, but kept stuffing it
up.

“Put your brain into gear,
Chalmers!” Farrell shouted at me. “You’re embarrassing
yourself.”

That was my final straw. I ran
over to him and started pummelling his chest violently with my
fists, taking out all of my rage and pain on him. He bore it for a
little while but then grabbed my wrists. I thrashed against him,
flailing wildly, trying to keep pounding him. He pulled me in close
to his chest and crushed me up against him in a bear hug, both arms
around me.

“Stop it! Calm down! You’re
going to hurt yourself, woman,” he shouted as I struggled even more
against him. He tightened his grip until I was unable to move,
fully entrapped in his strong arms. I was caught, immobile, my
breathing heavy and rapid, still burning with fury. Slowly I began
to calm down, but he maintained his firm hold on me, moving one
hand up to my neck to gently push my face onto his shoulder, his
hand on the back of my head. It took a while, but I relaxed against
him, closing my eyes, driving thoughts of everyone else from my
mind. Instead I concentrated on
him
, on the hardness of his
body, the bulges and curves of his muscles and his masculine
smell.

“What’s driving you so crazy?”
he whispered in my ear once I was still and breathing normally. His
voice was incredibly calming.

“My boyfriend dumped me. He’s
been screwing another woman for ages. I have this pain inside me.
It’s so intense that I just can’t cope with it. I’ve never been
good at breakups.” I spoke quietly against his neck, almost
caressing him with my lips. His hand crept up into my hair and he
buried his fingers into the messy bun I’d carelessly pulled my hair
into earlier.

“I wish there was something I
could do to make that pain go away for you. I can’t stand to see
you so upset,” he whispered, stroking my back with his other
hand.

My anguish swamped me. I lifted
my head to look at him. He looked back at me, his eyes full of
emotion. He cared about me; I could see it in those beautiful eyes.
I remembered how much I trusted and liked him. How kind he’d been
to me when I’d needed it. How he’d admitted that he liked me a
little bit.

“You can’t make the pain go
away, but you could help me forget about it for a while,” I
whispered back.

He brought his lips closer to
mine until they were touching. At that touch he tightened his hold
around me again and kissed me harder. We kissed for a while with
increasing passion, tongues meeting hesitantly. I broke away from
his lips, and we searched each other eyes.
This was what I
needed
, I decided.
To be held, to be touched, to be loved –
even if it was only for an hour.

Without a word, I took his hand
and led him upstairs to my flat. I shut and locked the door. We
looked at each again and he stepped closer to me, his hand slipping
around my waist. We were both sweaty and dishevelled from the
workout, but neither of us minded. I moved into his arms and we
kissed again, our hands exploring each other’s bodies. He pulled my
hair from its bun and slid his fingers through it, his chest rising
and falling rapidly.

“It’s been a long time for me,
Chalmers. I’m rusty.”

“I don’t care.”

I led him to my bedroom and
stripped him of his t-shirt, running my hands over the hard muscles
of his chest, kissing his neck and his shoulders. With some initial
hesitation, he pulled off my t-shirt and I helped him unclasp my
bra. He made a strangled kind of sound when my breasts were bare
and free and pushed me back on my bed, fondling and kissing them
almost reverently. I yanked his track pants and boxers down and
wriggled out of my shorts and panties. He glided his hands up and
down my thighs.

“Oh God, you’re so soft,” he
groaned.

Passion overtook us and we
touched and kissed, explored and caressed each other. It had been a
while since I’d had a new lover. It was like discovering unexplored
terrain. He wasn’t anything like Will or Heller, which was exactly
what I needed right then. There were no bittersweet memories being
revived, just brand new memories being forged. I revelled in his
taut body, tracing my fingers over the tattoos that covered his
upper arms and shoulders, enjoying the prickle of his closely
shaven head.

He wasn’t playful and there was
no sexy banter between us. We barely spoke at all. He was serious,
intense and focussed, concentrating on his and my pleasure. Far
from being rusty, his touch was demanding and ardent, and my body
responded willingly.

When he finally pushed himself
inside me, we both moaned. I moved my hips with him, taking
pleasure in the mounting sensations inside me as we exchanged deep
tongue kisses. I clutched my arms and legs around him as he
intensified his thrusting, bringing me to a strong orgasm before he
came himself, growling loudly in satisfied release. We clung
together afterwards, arms around each other, legs entwined, facing
each other in the darkness. I moved closer to him to kiss him
gently on the lips and he softly caressed me, stroking my skin
tenderly.

“Tilly,” he said finally, and
smiled at me.

“Farrell,” I replied, and smiled
back.

“Thank you.” He kissed me on the
neck.

“When you said it’s been a long
time, how long?”

“A year, maybe more. Since I
started working here. My divorce was painful. I didn’t want to get
involved with anyone.”

“That’s a long time without
sex!”

“Yep, I’m just realising that.
Hope I didn’t let you down.”

“No, not at all,” I reassured
and kissed him again, less gently. He responded and we kissed for a
while.

“I was afraid you were going to
be a bossy lover,” I teased him with a grin, barking out in a
parade ground voice, “Chalmers, put your tit here. Move my balls
there. Shift your fat arse over here. No! Not like that! You’re
embarrassing yourself! Get your act together! I’ve never seen a
worse manoeuvre! Do it again, but properly this time!”

He laughed then, a real laugh,
and it was a surprisingly sexy, throaty sound. I immediately wanted
to hear it again.

“You don’t really have a fat
arse,” he admitted, his hands rubbing over that very body part.
“It’s incredibly magnificent actually. And that’s not just my
opinion – it’s the general consensus of all the security men.”

“Is that what you men do all day
down in the security section? Talk about my arse?”

“No. We often talk about your
tits too.”

I laughed. “And what’s the
consensus on them?”

“Ten out of ten.” I laughed
again and kissed him.

“Was this a pity fuck?” I asked
him when we stopped to breathe.

“Did you feel sorry for me?” he
asked, stroking my hair.

“No, stupid! Did you feel sorry
for
me
?”

He stared at me in astonishment.
“Are you kidding me? Of course I didn’t sleep with you out of pity!
I wanted to. I’ve wanted to since I met you. You’re a beautiful
young woman, Chalmers. What man wouldn’t want to sleep with you?”
He ran his hands up and down my body, then kissed me and tangled
his hands in my hair. “You should forget about that boyfriend. He’s
a bloody idiot to let you go for another woman. You’ll find someone
else straight away,” he said, nuzzling my breast. “A woman like you
was made to be loved. It would be a crime for nobody to be loving
you.”

I laughed again. “Maybe I’ve
found someone already,” I teased, leaning on his chest and gazing
at him with affection.
He would make a great partner
, I
thought – mature, strong, tough, a good lover, and I really liked
him. I also found him very calming.

“Sweetheart, don’t get my hopes
up like that,” he half-smiled. “I wouldn’t dream of expecting you
to want to do this with me again.”

“Well, Hugh, I don’t do
one-nighters, you know. So we’re going to have to do this again at
least one more time, otherwise I’ll be letting myself down.” My
hands started wandering over his body. “And you don’t want that to
happen, do you?”

“No,” he gasped as I stroked him
back to hardness. “No, I don’t.”

“In fact,” I said, moving over
to straddle him. “I think we’re going to have to do it again right
now.”