Hell's Foundations Quiver (9 page)

“I won't pretend that everyone who's learned the truth has simply gone merrily along still believing in God, because some of them haven't.” Sandaria looked at him, her face showing how hard she found it to believe anyone could possibly think that way. “But the last thing I—or any other member of the inner circle—wants would be for you to stop believing in God simply because Langhorne and the others lied about Him. If you decide—if
you
decide—that God doesn't exist, that's your right, but do it on the basis of something besides the fact that Langhorne and Chihiro fabricated the story of what happened when human beings first came to Safehold. Make your decision based on your own reasoning, your own interpretation of the evidence and the universe, but don't let your belief in Him be destroyed by the actions of men and women who were terrified that the threat they'd escaped might someday threaten to exterminate the entire human race once more … and succeed.”

“Merlin's right, Sandaria,” Nimue said. “And I'm not saying that just because he and I used to be the same person!” She grinned impishly, then sobered. “But he and I both consider ourselves Christians. That's a religion, a God, you've never heard of, yet a huge part of the
Writ
is borrowed directly from the central, most sacred teachings of Christianity, and there are other parts of it borrowed from a religion called Islam, and one called Judaism. In fact, there are parts of it from almost every way in which mankind ever attempted to know God.

“The way he and I see it, the God in whom we believe's still there, Sandaria, still waiting for us to return to Him
if we choose to
. That's what Maikel Staynair's been saying from the very beginning. Like him, I believe God never walks away from anyone, but we have free will. That means anyone can choose to walk away from
Him
 … and that anyone has the right to decide for herself that He doesn't even exist. In my opinion, they'd be wrong, but that's because of what
I
believe, and I have no right to require them to share my belief or to condemn them if they don't. That's really what this war is all about from the inner circle's perspective, giving human beings back the right to
choose
.”

“But … but if it was all a fabrication, look at all the horrible things the
Book of Schueler
requires. How could God
let
them twist things that badly just to support a lie?!”

“When people have freedom of choice, some of them will make bad choices,” Nahrmahn's hologram said quietly. “I speak from a certain personal experience. There are things I did before Cayleb and Sharleyan were kind enough to conquer Emerald that I look back upon with enormous regret. And I feel that regret
now
, Mistress Ghatfryd, long after learning the truth about Langhorne and the other ‘Archangels.' The truth is, I feel it because learning the truth about them made me re-examine what I truly believed. What
I
believed, not what I'd ingested unquestioningly from childhood through Mother Church's teachings.

“Maikel believes that what we're seeing now here on Safehold is God moving in the world to restore the true knowledge of Him which was lost when all the rest of the human race was destroyed, and perhaps he's right. I think his brother, Baron Rock Point, is less certain God even exists, much less that He's taking a personal interest in anything that happens here on Safehold. If the two of
them
—brothers who grew up together, who love each other deeply, who would die to protect one another—can fail to see eye-to-eye on every aspect of faith, God, and God's will, certainly there's plenty of room for the rest of us to seek our own best understanding. Some of us will make mistakes, and some of us will willfully turn away from what we secretly suspect is the right thing to do, and that, too, is our right. Our
God-given
right. As Maikel says, either He doesn't exist at all, in which case whether or not we believe in Him is moot, or He's great enough to understand us in all our fallibility. But if He does exist and He didn't want us to exercise free will, He would never have given it to us in the first place.”

“The truth is,” Merlin said slowly, “as much as I hate to admit Langhorne might not have been a completely and totally vile human being. No one can read the
Writ
with an open mind and not see all of the
good
things it was also trying to accomplish.”

Sandaria looked at him with manifest surprise, and he grimaced.

“Don't think it was easy for me to accept that. I
knew
the people—most of the people—the
Writ
demonizes. I know what happened to them, and I see all the lies incorporated into it. And despite that, there are whole chapters of the
Book of Bédard
and even the
Book of Langhorne
with which I find myself in complete agreement. Not just because they make internal sense, but because they represent exactly what
I've
always believed God wants of His children. Langhorne wanted to create a system, a structure, which would prevent humanity from ever developing the technology which might lead to a second encounter with the Gbaba. He was willing to do
anything
to accomplish that, and in the process, he robbed generation after generation of knowledge which might have prevented disease, prevented starvation, or taken millions of Harchongese and Desnairian serfs out of the worst sort of bondage. I can't even begin to describe all the things he stole from every single person ever born on Safehold. The recon skimmers that brought you here, all the things you've seen in the Cave—all of that is only a tiny part of what was denied to you, to your parents, to your grandparents and great-grandparents. To every generation ever born on this planet.

“Yet even as he did that, he tried to build a society in which men and women loved other men and women. In which they were supposed to treat one another as true brothers and sisters. In which the strong were to
protect
the weak, not prey upon them. The societies which grew up in places like Harchong and Desnair developed
despite
the teachings of the
Writ
, not because of them. When I first met King Haarahld, I asked him why his great-grandfather had abolished serfdom in Charis, and he replied ‘Because it's what he believed God wanted of us.' I pointed out that serfdom and even slavery existed in other realms and that the Church tolerated it, and I asked how he could believe
God
didn't agree with serfdom if some men and women were bound to the land even in the Temple Lands, and he said ‘The
Writ
teaches that God created every Adam and every Eve in the same instant, the same exercise of His will through the Archangel Langhorne. He didn't create kings first, or nobles, or wealthy merchants. He breathed the breath of life into the nostrils of
all
men and
all
women. Surely that means all men and all women are brothers and sisters.'”

Merlin paused, his expression touched with the grief he still felt over Haarahld's death. Then his sapphire eyes refocused on Sandaria's face.

“I didn't know then that he'd already read the Journal of Saint Zherneau. But the thing was that even though he had, everything he'd said about what the
Writ
taught was completely accurate. That
was
what it taught.

“In many ways, the
Writ
has what a Bédardist would call a split personality. I have a copy of it from before the Rakurai strike on Armageddon Reef, and you're more than welcome to study it if you'd like to. But one thing you'll discover is that it doesn't have the
Book of Schueler
in it at all. In fact, much as I hated to admit it when Maikel pointed it out to me some time ago, if you read the
Writ
without the
Book of Schueler
and the
Book of Chihiro
, the God it speaks of is genuinely one of love and compassion. A God Whose plan for Safeholdians calls for them to love one another, to live in peace, to grow in experience and spirituality so that at the time of their mortal deaths they're ready to meet Him face-to-face and take their places as angels and archangels
themselves
. They're supposed to follow the rules set down in the
Book of Langhorne
and the
Book of Jwo-Jeng
because those rules are there for their own good and because they
want
to do what God wishes for them to do, want to live the lives He's ordained for them.

“Is there mass deception in it? Yes, of course there is. And is there coercion built into even the original
Writ
? Yes, there is, and it explicitly establishes an authoritarian church to preserve and enforce its teachings for all time. But it's not until after Armageddon Reef that the brutality, the iron-fist terror of the
Book of Schueler
, enters the Church canon. That wasn't written by Langhorne, and so as much as I find myself hating him for the friends of mine who he killed, for taking it upon himself to create the situation in which this monstrosity ever came into being, I've been forced to admit that what we face today isn't what he ever
intended
to bring into existence.

“Believe me, I'm about the farthest thing imaginable from an apologist for Eric Langhorne. The law of unintended consequences doesn't absolve someone from responsibility for the results he brings about, regardless of his
intentions
, and I have my own suspicions about where Langhorne's ended up. But the Church, the beliefs you and Aivah—you and
Nynian
—have given your lives to? Those are
good
things, Sandaria. No one's asking you to turn your back on them. No one wants to come between you and God. We want—we
need
—your help in destroying the perversion Zhaspahr Clyntahn's made not simply of the teachings of the God Nimue and I grew up believing in, but of the ones Langhorne wanted all of Safehold to believe in, as well.

“I don't doubt for a moment that Langhorne would approve of the Inquisition's effort to stamp out the ‘heretical' knowledge and technology growing in Charis. But to do it
this
way? To torture and murder in God's name? To starve
millions
of innocent Siddarmarkians to death? Maybe the man who was willing to steal eight million human beings' lives, reprogram not simply their memories but their entire belief structure without their knowledge or consent, call down a kinetic strike on the Alexandria Enclave for daring to disagree with what he thought needed to be done—
maybe
he would agree no action was too extreme if it was the only way to prevent the emergence of the technology he dreaded so deeply. But the man who could approve the pre-Armageddon Reef
Holy Writ
would have seen that as a last resort, not a
first
resort. Would he have done it anyway in the end? Honestly, I can't tell you what he might have done today, a thousand years after the Federation's destruction. But much as I hate to admit it, I have to believe he would have tried everything else he could think of before resorting to the tactics Clyntahn embraced as his very
first
option.”

He stopped speaking, and silence fell in the carven stone halls of Nimue's Cave. Sandaria Ghatfryd looked back and forth between Nimue and Merlin, as if studying the similarities between those two very different faces, looked deep into those identical sapphire eyes as if seeking the souls—or perhaps simply
the
soul—of a woman who'd died a thousand years before she herself was born. It was very quiet, and then, finally, she drew a deep, shuddering breath.

“I don't know if I can live with that,” she said very, very softly. “I just don't know. All my life, ever since the convent, I've been dedicated to preserving the truth, and now you want me to believe everything I thought was true is really only another layer of deception. Oh,” she waved one hand in a brushing away gesture, “I understand what you're saying about the goodness buried inside the
Writ
. But the truth remains that you're asking me to believe all of it, every single word—good or bad—is founded on falsehood. I don't know if I can do that. I don't even know if I
want
to be able to do that.”

She met the PICAs' eyes levelly, fully aware of the consequences if she made herself a threat to the inner circle, and there was fear in her own eyes. But there was no hesitation, no readiness to lie, and Merlin looked back with equal steadiness. Then he smiled ever so slightly.

“People who abandon all they've believed in too easily make fragile allies, Sister Sandaria. Someone who forthrightly tells you they disagree with you is someone you can trust when they tell you anything else. There may come a time when they present a danger you have to neutralize, but they're always people to respect.”

“Merlin,” Aivah said, “don't do anything hastily.”

Her eyes had flared with anxiety at the words “a danger you have to neutralize,” and she reached out to grip Sandaria's hand firmly.

“I—” she continued, but Merlin shook his head at her gently.

“Neither Nimue nor I have any intention of doing anything hasty, Nynian.” His tone was as gentle as his headshake. “There's no reason to, and no need.” He returned his gaze to Sandaria. “No one will attempt to force you to believe or do anything that violates your own inner convictions. There's a reason Cayleb and Sharleyan have guaranteed the religious freedom of even Temple Loyalists in the Empire, and if they can do that there, how could they—or I—justify not respecting
your
religious freedom?

“Obviously, we can't allow someone to share what we've just revealed to you with the Group of Four,” he said more somberly, “but at this moment, you couldn't do that even if you wanted to. You're here, in the Cave, with no way to communicate with anyone outside it. Under those circumstances, we're prepared to give you all the time you need to decide what you believe. In fact, that's the main reason we brought you and Nynian here in the first place; so that our hands
wouldn't
be forced if either of you decided you couldn't accept what we had to tell you.