Henry's End (17 page)

“He cheated,” Quinn’s beautiful eyes still filled with the hurt just from the memory of his lover’s betrayal. “A lot.”

“That’s kind of a dangerous thing to do,” Henry remarked, stating the obvious.

“Yes,” he agreed, “it is. I guess I suspected it on some level even though I consciously didn’t want to admit it. We always used protection and I guess that was because I didn’t fully trust him.”

“But you loved him?” Henry could hear it in his voice even before Quinn answered his question.

“I did,” Quinn nodded, looking deep into Henry’s eyes as if asking him,
And you? Will you be true?

This time Henry reached out, letting his fingers trail lightly on Quinn’s forearm. “I hate that he hurt you. But I’m glad that he’s gone.” He smiled. “How long ago was this?”

“It ended about a year and a half ago.”

“Are you over him?” The fear was creeping in that this guy would come back after he’d given his heart to Quinn. Did he need to get out now?

Threading his fingers with Henry’s, Quinn smiled. “I like what you’re thinking. You want to know why?”

“How do you know what I’m thinking? And yeah, I want to know why.”

Quinn laughed, his beautiful white smile beaming. “Henry, I’m a cop, I read people. And I can’t wait to play poker with you. I’m going to rob you blind.” His eyebrows went up, “Or maybe we just make it strip poker. You were thinking, if Quinn isn’t over this guy, I need to back off and protect myself, right?”

Caught, Henry knew he was blushing.

“And I like it because it means you want to move forward with me emotionally and I know that’s got to be tough as heck for you right now.”

He just nodded and Quinn tightened his grasp.

“So, I didn’t answer your question. Yes. I’m over him. There’s nothing he can offer me that I want. And right now. I only want one thing. And he’s sitting right here in front of me.”

Pulling Henry on top of him, Quinn buried his fingers in Henry’s thick hair. “You bit my lip before.”

“I did,” Henry laughed.

“Do it again.”

“You don’t have to ask twice, birthday boy.” Henry took Quinn’s full lower lip between his teeth, biting down gently at first and then sinking his teeth in a little deeper.

Quinn’s groan was a beautiful turn-on. Feeling like a teen with uncontrollable erections, Henry heard his own sounds as he felt Quinn hardening against him.

“Now look what you did to me.” Quinn’s eyes were smiling. “I’m going to need a cold shower.”

Laughing, “Me too.”

It was somehow unspoken between the two of them that they would take this really slow with the endgame being the long haul. Henry had never taken it slow before and wondered if Quinn had and his gut told him no. They were heading into uncharted territory, both knowing they’d found that someone who could change the course of their lives, forever.

It just felt right.

As Henry explored Quinn’s mouth, learning what he could do with his tongue to make the handsome cop moan and get harder, he kept thinking about the feeling he had all night. He had just wanted to be by Quinn’s side, be his partner.

“Quinn, I really want you in my life.”

Smiling, the strong cop flipped Henry onto his back, covering him with his body. As he pressed his erect cock against the bulge in Henry’s jeans, he tipped his head to the side. “I am in your life, Henry, and I’m not going anywhere.” Continuing to grind his hips into Henry’s, both men stared into one another’s eyes, grinning like teens.

With a quick kiss on the lips, “Let me go get us some more water. I might need to pour it on myself.” Quinn laughed and got off the couch, leaving Henry breathless and gasping for air.

Coming back from the kitchen with two water bottles in hand, Quinn stood by the couch, staring down with a smile, as he was greeted by soft snores. Looking at his watch, it was nearly 2 A.M. From a battered wooden chest, he removed an afghan his Grandmother Rose had crocheted and softly draped it over a sleeping Henry.

Grabbing his water bottle, Quinn Callahan headed to the bathroom to end his thirty-second birthday with a very cold shower.

Waking in the pre-dawn darkness
, Henry blinked a few times fast, acclimating his dry eyes to the unfamiliar surroundings. Feeling the soft blanket, he smiled, picturing Quinn covering him. A shrouded light emerged from behind a door that was slightly cracked open, and Henry hoped that was the bathroom. Getting up, he walked down the hall and peered inside. Silently, he thanked Quinn for being so thoughtful.

Down the hall were two more doors, one slightly ajar. Peeking into the first room, he stood still until his eyes again adjusted, picking up the white from the bed sheet. At the far end of the bed, facing the center as he slept on his left side, was Quinn, his face looking so young and beautiful in repose. Henry held his breath as he watched him sleep. This man’s beauty was not just in the way he looked. It was in everything about who he was, and in his heart and in how he treated people. That was evident watching him at his party. This was a man people loved and respected and Henry knew those were things earned through reciprocation.

Pulling off his tee-shirt, he dropped it to the floor and did the same with his jeans, kicking them away. With a few deep, cleansing breaths he psyched himself up. Wanting so desperately to feel Quinn molded against him, the irony didn’t evade him that based on where Quinn was sleeping, he would be the front spoon, with Quinn behind him – the same position Cody always appeared in the nightmare. Wishing Quinn was on the other end of the bed or facing the other direction, Henry had hoped to spoon him – not the other way around.

He’s not Cody. Don’t put that on him.

Sliding under the duvet into the cool sheets, Henry inched his way backward, grabbing a pillow along the way, until he could feel the heat from Quinn’s body. He stilled, so that he wouldn’t wake him and listened to his steady breathing for a few minutes. When he was certain that he had not disturbed him, he moved back the last length so that he could feel Quinn’s warm skin against him.

“Mmmm,” Quinn wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him tightly against his naked body as he inserted a leg between Henry’s, tangling their feet as if they’d slept that way for a thousand nights. “You found me,” Quinn’s voice was full of sleep.

Yes I did and I don’t think I’ll ever let you go,
was Henry’s last thought as he let himself relax and fall back to sleep wrapped in Quinn.

His slumber was so deep and relaxed that he never felt Quinn slowly run his hand down his arm, softly kiss his neck or get out of bed. What finally woke him was the growl of his hungry stomach responding to the heady aroma of bacon wafting in from the kitchen. Smiling, Henry stretched underneath the blanket marveling at how something so new could feel so comfortable.

Quinn Callahan was a sight to be seen in the morning. Dark hair askew, sexy, bad boy stubble covering the lower half of his handsome face and dark-rimmed glasses that brought out the paleness and clarity of the blue in his eyes. Bare-chested and in his ripped jeans, Henry wondered if he was hallucinating Mr. September from some hot cop calendar.

His beautiful smile erupted the moment he laid eyes on Henry, “Was I too noisy?”

Henry shook his head, no. “My stomach started poking me to wake up the minute it smelled bacon cooking.”

Grabbing the Mr. Coffee carafe, Quinn filled up a police department mug and handed it to Henry.

“I slept really well,” Henry remarked.

“Do you usually?” Quinn started laying the bacon strips on paper towel to drain.

“No,” Henry shook his head. “That was why I started doing Yoga. I was having really awful nightmares.”

Quinn stopped and looked up. “After the attack?” His brows were drawn together over serious eyes.

Henry nodded. “Can I help you with something?”

Pointing to the toaster, “Butter the toast. And how do you take your eggs?”

“Over-easy.” Henry pulled the butter out of the refrigerator. “Where are the knives?”

Quinn pointed to a drawer and turned back to the eggs. Smirking, “Over-easy. I’ll have to remember that about you.”

“About me or my eggs?” Henry laughed.

Quinn laughed. “Your eggs. The rest I hope to find out soon enough.”

Henry looked at him and smiled. It was just so easy with this guy and everything felt so healthy and balanced.

“What are you looking at?” Quinn plated the eggs and carried them to the table.

“You, birthday boy, and thinking how easy it is to be with you.”

Quinn’s eyes were his tell and the way he looked at Henry made Henry feel as if he’d better sit down at the table immediately before his knees buckled.

“That’s how I feel, too. It’s like we’ve been hanging out for years. But then I think, I hardly know him,” he paused, “and Henry, I want to know everything.”

I’m not going to stay a prisoner. I won’t be anybody’s slave.

“I want you to know everything. A lot of it’s not pretty and for most of my life, no, make that all of my life, I didn’t even know how fucked up it was until everything happened about ten months ago, and then afterwards, I got into therapy. But even then I couldn’t see a lot of what my therapist was saying to me, because I had no frame of reference. And now I do. And what I want is so different than where I’ve come from.”

Quinn nodded and remained silent as Henry bared his soul, laying out a vast array of ugly demons and dark moments, from his first encounter with Jimmy to his final showdown with Cody. Recounting his tale, he could feel the eggs coddling in his stomach as he prayed that Quinn would still want to let him into his life. Part of him wanted to hold back, but he knew if he did, it would eventually run him down and he’d wind up losing Quinn anyway, when the loss would be much steeper and more painful.

When Henry finished, Quinn stood up from the table, turning away, his hand cupping his chin and the lower part of his face. Closing his eyes, Henry braced himself for what truly would be a walk of shame, out of Quinn’s apartment, and out of his life.

Henry tried to read the look in those pale baby blue eyes behind the dark rimmed glasses when Quinn finally turned around.
Disgust? Pity? Disappointment?
Henry fought hard to keep his breakfast down.

“From the first day we met,” Quinn began, his voice gruff, “you were just this incredibly likable guy. Easy-going. Quick to smile. Happy to lend a hand. It’s impossible not to be drawn to you, Henry. Your energy is so good. So positive.”

Here comes the but.
His throat closed.

“So, the fact that you can still smile and have faith in the world after some of the cards you have been dealt, is incredibly admirable. It’s amazing that you’ve been functional and a generally healthy, balanced and successful human being is a testament to the resilience of your strength and goodness. Getting into therapy and what you’re doing with Yoga shows your commitment to leaving the shitty and unhealthy stuff behind and really working on moving forward.”

Henry held Quinn’s gaze. The build-up and then the blow. He held his breath as he waited for the other shoe to drop. Slowly, Quinn walked to his side of the table. Standing right in front of him, Quinn extended his hand. Looking at Quinn’s outstretched palm, Henry was momentarily confused by the gesture, before realizing Quinn wanted him to take his hand.

Leading him back to the couch, they sat in the same positions as the night before.
But now everything has changed,
thought Henry.
Everything.

“So, let me ask you something really personal.”

“OK.” Henry was still holding his breath.

“Have you ever topped? Or have you only ever bottomed?”

“I’ve only bottomed.” Henry looked down, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

“So you’ve never been in a reciprocal relationship where your partner has made your pleasure the number one priority?”

“No. Not really.”

“This is going to be a mutually reciprocal relationship, Henry. Is that something you actually want?”

Quinn was asking
him
if he wanted in. “Yes. It’s something I want. But even more than that, Quinn, I want it with you.”

“Are you sure?”

Henry nodded. “The other day,” Henry started to blush, “when Derek asked me to the party, he mentioned your partner, Terry, would be there. For a moment, I thought he was talking about a life partner and not a work partner. And just the thought that we would never be, made my insides physically hurt.”

The look in Quinn’s eyes melted him. No one had ever looked at him like that before. No one. It made him wonder if any lover had ever really seen him, if they’d ever looked past filling their own need with him merely as the vehicle.

“Quinn, this thing between us. I know it hasn’t been physical yet, but every other aspect has been totally give-and-take. I haven’t felt like there’s been any power games or inequity in feelings. It’s just like we’ve been going down this road together, at the same pace.” Henry smiled and let out a deep breath. “It’s been really…” he paused, searching for the perfect word.

“Right,” Quinn filled in the blank. “It’s been really right.”