Henry's End (30 page)

The rapping on his door four minutes later took Seth by surprise. Hair askew, wearing only a pair of blue L9 gym shorts, he got out of bed and looked through the peephole, ready to growl at the housekeeping staff.

“Oh shit,” was his kneejerk reaction.

“Nice greeting,” Henry said from the other side of the door. “After last night, I thought you’d be a slight bit more contrite.”

“Where were you texting from?”

“The lobby. Open the freaking door, Seth.”

Unlatching the safety chain, Seth flung open the door.

Breaking into an immediate smile, Henry checked him out, ruffled hair to bare toes, “Nice,” he concluded.

Grunting at him, Seth closed the door behind him.

They stood there, facing one another, so much to be said. Seth felt truly naked in just his gym shorts, knowing baring his emotions was going to leave him a lot more vulnerable than baring his body to this man and this was just the tip of the nakedness. So to speak.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Seth opened his arms and Henry came to him.

“You feel so good.” He tightened his hold on Seth as he felt the ornery New Yorker melting into his arms for the first time.

Pulling his face back to look into Henry’s eyes, “I am really sorry about last night. Really, really sorry. We haven’t talked. This thing between us is confusing the crap out of me and I panicked. That’s the truth. I just panicked.”

Henry smiled, “Do you actually think anybody would believe that someone made Seth Shapiro panic?”

Seth thought for a moment and then let out a laugh, “Not for a second.”

“Get dressed and let’s go out for breakfast.”

“OK,” he began to turn away, but Henry yanked him back by the hand and wrapped his arms around him again.

“You’re actually a really good hugger.”

“Can we just keep that between us?” Seth smiled at the handsome man standing in his hotel room. “I’ll be right back.” And he disappeared into the bathroom.

He found Henry on the balcony when he emerged, “We have a bottle of Silver Oak to drink today.”

“Take that back to New York with you.”

Seth shook his head, “I love Silver Oak and I want to share it with you.”

Sitting in the hangar-like darkness of The Menu Restaurant, Seth perused the menu with a scowl on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Henry asked.

“I’m just not used to this whole enchilada/taco thing for breakfast. We eat bagels and Eggs Benedict in New York.”

Henry sat back and smiled. “You are so not my type.”

Seth’s look was deadly, “Great. Thanks.” He looked back down at his menu.

“Seth, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” there was a pissy edge to his voice.

“Don’t think that’s bad.”

Putting the menu down, Seth sat back in his chair, “You just told me I’m not your type. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. That’s not a feel good statement, Henry.”

“It doesn’t change the way I feel.” Henry’s eyes held Seth’s, as if daring him to blink.

Seth shook his head. “Don’t expect me to ask that next question on the heels of what you’ve just told me.”

“How I feel about you?” Henry was not going to back down from the challenge.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Seth did not respond, his jaw solidly set.

“I’m hoping we’re in the same boat,” Henry began. “There is this undeniable thing between us, Seth, you know that.” He paused, and appeared to be grappling with himself about what to say next. If he should say it. “You said something to me at Schooner and Mia’s wedding that just rocked my world.”

“What did I say?” Seth was surprised by Henry’s statement.

“You started talking about wanting a relationship. About reading the Times on Sunday mornings with your lover. About traveling to Bali and the Seychelles.”

“Yeah.”

“Why Bali and the Seychelles?”

Seth shrugged and just shook his head. “I’ve always wanted to go there. They’re exotic, romantic. I’ve just always wanted to go to both places.”

Henry looked at him, but remained silent.

“So that rocked your world?” Seth was lost.

Nodding, “Yeah.”

“I’m not sure I understand, Henry.”

“I know. And I’m sorry if I’m not making sense.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Quinn and I were planning a trip to Bali and the Seychelles right before he was killed.”

“I’m really sorry. And I’m sorry if what I said to you at Schooner and Mia’s wedding was disturbing.”

“It was disturbing. But you know what the most disturbing thing about it was?”

Seth shook his head.

“That you made me realize that I still wanted that dream, too. That dream of sharing with someone. Having someone. I had denied that for so long and then you said it. And I just couldn’t shake it.”

Seth remained silent. Not responding to Henry’s admission.

“Talk to me, Seth. I feel this wall rising rapidly and I don’t know how to stop it.”

When he began to speak, Seth’s voice was very low and modulated. “It appears I said something that was a trigger for wonderful memories you had. But what you are responding to is not me, Henry. You’ve been very clear with me this morning that I am not the person you want.”

“Are you shitting me? Is that what you took from this?” Henry’s frustration was mounting.

“Yeah.”

“OK, you listen to me, Seth Shapiro, and I mean really listen without putting your shit or spin on it. We have talked nearly every day for the last month. It’s a really messy situation because we work together, and getting involved with someone you work with, is risky. I don’t want to lose my job and you’re not going to be leaving yours. So if this thing between us blows up, doesn’t work out, whatever, no matter how mature we want to be, it’s still going to be funky for us, and everyone around us. I know that. You know that.”

Seth held his eye contact, but didn’t speak. He appeared to be seething mad and on the edge of a sarcastic retort. But he remained silent.

“We live three thousand miles apart and that is not going to change for either of us anytime soon. You are like no one I’ve ever met before, and that is why I said you’re not my type. I’ve never been around someone like you. When we were in New York, you were like the star, with everyone buzzing around you. Everyone wanting your approval and attention. And I knew that first night, that you had been Mia’s rock until Schooner found her again. I watched her children fall asleep in your arms because they are so comfortable with you and love you so deeply. And I knew then, that there was a lot to you. That you were one really complex man. Probably more complex than anyone I’ve ever met. And in one brief moment, you opened up to me and you shared your dream with me. You let me see past all that tough, snarky New York bullshit you’ve got going on, and you told me your dream. And it’s haunted me every moment of every day since.”

“I’m not him, Henry. And just because I want to travel to the same exotic locales, I’m not him. I’m not that dream you had.”

“Did you not listen to a fucking word I said when I was pouring my heart out to you? When I told you that I didn’t want you to leave last night? Did we not share the best day yesterday putting that party together? Every phone conversation? Every text? Can you honestly say to me that you have not spent the last month thinking about me?”

“I’m not him.” Seth appeared defeated.

“You need to let that go. That is your shit.” Reaching across the table, he pulled a hand off Seth’s chest and held it tightly. “Tell me you have not spent the last month thinking about me. Tell me.”

“You know I have.”

Henry smiled and squeezed his hand. “Then let’s figure this out.”

“I don’t want to be somebody else’s dream, Henry.” The sincerity in Seth’s eyes was haunting.

“You’re not. Please believe me. It’s you I can’t get out of my head. And I don’t know what to do with it. Admitting that to you scares the living shit out of me because you have me so off-balance.”

With his free hand, Seth pulled his phone out of his pocket, swiped it on and passed it across the table to Henry.

Picking up the phone, Henry looked perplexed. “It’s a picture of me.” He looked at Seth and then slowly smiled. “You have a picture of me?”

With a sheepish grin, Seth nodded.

“That’s really kind of stalkerish.” He looked back down at the picture. “But I like it.” Looking back up at Seth, “You don’t do anything to it, do you?”

“No.” Seth was adamant. “But now that you’ve suggested it,” he teased, raising his eyebrows. “I showed you that picture because, I don’t do that. With anybody. That is just not me. Not who I am. I don’t sit and look at some guy’s picture and think about him and wonder what he’s doing.”

“And you’ve been doing that with me?”

Seth nodded, “And I hate it.”

Laughing, “So what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. Try to be honest with each other moving forward. Get to know one another. We talk every day, Henry.”

“We need to talk every night, Seth.”

Smiling, he gave Henry’s hand a little tug. “We can do that.”

The waitress set down two plates of breakfast enchiladas on the table and a check and quickly moved away. Pushing it around his plate, Seth looked up, “I’m going to give this a try,” as if the first forkful were a symbolic gesture. “Not bad,” he quickly followed the food with a big swig of coffee.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Seth put down his fork, abandoning his attempt at finishing the enchilada. “Thank you for being so honest, Henry. I really appreciate and admire that. I don’t know that I could have put myself out there the way you just did. And I’m really glad you did.”

Henry nodded and Seth went on, “And thank you for making me listen. You were right. I was erecting that wall as quickly as I possibly could.”

“Why?” Henry’s brows knit together.

“Because I care about you. I really, really care about you. And I was just trying to protect myself.”

“Is that your usual M.O.?”

“No,” Seth shook his head. “My usual M.O. has been work, friends, nothing serious.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“No. Not even remotely. Does that scare you?”

Henry shook his head, no.

“Maybe it should. Maybe I just don’t have that gene or the capacity.”

Laughing, “Oh, you definitely have that gene. I’ve seen you with Mia and her kids and you were filled with love. Maybe you just haven’t met the right person. Or been ready.”

Seth smirked, “Thanks for having that faith in me. Or for being totally delusional.”

Grabbing the bill, Henry commented, “I feel like I just went twelve rounds.”

When they got up from the table, Seth placed a hand on Henry’s arm, stopping him. “Henry,” was all he said, before wrapping his arms around the other man.

“How am I going to let you get on a plane?” Henry whispered gruffly in his ear.

Pulling his face away to look into his violet eyes, Seth shook his head, indicating he didn’t know. Slowly, Henry ran his fore and middle finger down Seth’s cheek and it was in that very moment that Seth Shapiro knew he’d better get his shit together because he would be miserable if he ever lost this man.

H: Why am I here
and you are there on Thanksgiving? We should have planned this better.

S: Honestly, it never occurred to me that it would suck so badly without you.

H: And?

S: It freaking sucks without you.

H: Yeah, it does. Tell everyone I say hello.

S: Call over there later. You’ll get to talk to everyone. (And I’ll get to hear your voice)

H: You’ll get to hear my voice tonight regardless.

S: Not soon enough.

H: Happy Thanksgiving, Seth

S: Happy Thanksgiving, Henry