Her Adoring SEAL (Midnight Delta Book 3) (11 page)

The files were kept in a little room down the hall from Papa’s main office and three times a week it was my kingdom.  I was in there filing when the door opened, I turned to smile at Papa, but it wasn’t him.

“Oh, hello.  I think you’re lost.  Papa’s office is two doors down.” She smiled respectfully.  She’d met Alberto Guzman twice before, and she knew he and his father were important clients.

“I know.  He’s busy with my father.  I thought I’d find you.”

He walked into the room, and she realized her domain was very small.  He continued forward and her hip hit the open file cabinet drawer.

“Mr. Guzman, is there something I can help you with?”  Her voice sounded scared even to her own ears.  She had to be misunderstanding the situation.

“I’ve been watching you for months.  You’re beautiful, Elsbeth.”  She lost her voice.  She took another step backwards, and her heel hit the bottom of the file cabinet.  She winced.  Mr. Guzman stroked his hand down her cheek to her chest, until it rested above her breast.

“I’m going to kiss you.  Have you ever been kissed before?”  She shook her head, hair flying wildly.  He gave a raspy laugh, and used both hands to push it out of her face, his palms were clammy.  His breath was hot as he came closer. 

Then his mouth was on hers.  She imagined his lips were what two worms would feel like, and his tongue, as it forced itself inside her mouth, was like a slug.  She pushed against him, but it was no use he was too strong.  She gagged.

One hand wrapped around her back, forcing her tight against him, she couldn’t move.  Then she felt his other hand clawing under the skirt of her school uniform.  Ahh God, she felt fingers crawling under her cotton panties.  She tried to scream, but she couldn’t.  No air.  She was going to die. 

Pain, red hot pain, as he shoved into her.

“Berto!  We have to go.  Where are you?”

He released her, and she fell in a heap on the floor. Her arm slammed against the corner of the file cabinet, and tears and snot covered her face.

“Look at me, Elsbeth.”  She did, scared not to.

“Even crying, you’re beautiful.  I’ll be back for you.”

“Berto!”

“Remember, we own your father, if you say anything, well, let’s just say bad things would happen.  Do you understand?”

She just stared up at a monster.

“Elsbeth!  Tell me you understand.”

She nodded, trying to focus despite the pain radiating between her legs.

“Say the words.”

The door pushed open.  “Come on, Berto, we have to go.”  Alfonso Guzman ignored her.

“Elsbeth, don’t you have something to say?”

“I’ll tell no one.”

“Very good.”  He turned to his father.  “I’m ready.  We have reservations, don’t we?”  The door closed behind the two men.

“Beth, honey.  Can you hear me?”

“Lydia?”  It sounded like she was far away.  Beth shook her head to clear it. 

“Oh thank God, you’re back with me.”  Beth looked at her sister.  She was crying.  Then she realized she’d actually said all of it out loud.

“Ahhh, Lydia, I never meant to tell you.”  Lydia grasped her shoulders and pulled her close.  She was shaking.

“Oh baby girl.  I’m sorry, so sorry.”

She pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Beth’s shoulders. 

“I don’t understand.  Why didn’t you tell Mama or Papa?”  Lydia seemed to shimmer in front of her. She shook her head.

“Tell me.  I want to understand.”

“You were off at University.  I spent so much time at the office with Papa.  The Guzman’s work was almost all of his business,” Beth whispered.  “He wouldn’t have a business without them.” 

“It wouldn’t have mattered.  You know that.  You
have
to have known that.”

Beth clutched the blanket tighter trying to control the shivers.  She remembered back to that time.  Remembered pushing herself up off the floor, and somehow making it to the little restroom.  She’d cleaned up and gone back to filing.  She’d hidden it away in a box and most times it never entered her consciousness.  But still it had loomed large.  She’d changed everything about her life.  School had scared her.  She could only handle small gatherings.  She took stairs instead of elevators to avoid closed in spaces with men.  From that day forward she’d lived a different life.

“It wasn’t important, I managed.”

“Dammit.  I should’ve seen this.  There were signs.  There were so many things going on in this family I should’ve seen if I wasn’t so focused on my own goals.”  Lydia sounded furious.  Beth reached out to pat her hand.

“Lydia, it’s okay.”

“Oh honey, I don’t need your reassurance.”  Lydia saw Beth’s hand was trembling.  “Hold on a second, I want to get you something warm to drink.”

“I’m not thirsty.”

“You need to keep your strength up, and I want to talk to you about something else.  We’re going to finally clear the air once and for all.”

Beth had no idea what she was talking about, but she sat there while Lydia went in the kitchen.  Beth heard her rustling around but she wasn’t really paying much attention.  She was glad her father was finally trying his best to bring the monster’s father to justice.  Hopefully when he testified in the next few days they’d find evidence against Berto and he’d go to prison. 

“Here honey, drink this.”

Lydia wrapped Beth’s hands around a warm mug.  Inhaling the scent of chocolate and cinnamon made Beth smile.

“You used Mama’s recipe.”

“Of course.”

Beth sipped her cocoa, and rested against Lydia as she sat beside her on the sofa.  They sat that way until she finished her drink.

“Did you ever tell your counselor about this?”

“Hmm?  No, we just talked about the cabin.”

“You were letting Jack touch you again today.  I’ve seen him with his arm around you.  Has he kissed you?”  Beth’s cheeks heated and it wasn’t from the hot chocolate.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because all things considered it’s a fucking miracle.  Now answer the question.  Have you let the man kiss you?”

“Yes.”

Lydia plucked the mug out of her hands, put it on the floor, and flung her arms around Beth crying out with joy.  Beth hugged her back.  It felt so good for someone else to finally know everything. 

“Tell me about him.”

“He’s wonderful.  He’s so patient and so kind.  He seems to know what I need even when I don’t know.  I feel safe with him.”

“He’s damn good to look at too.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Beth said primly and both women laughed.  When they finally caught their breath, Lydia continued her questioning.

“How far have these kisses gone?”

“I freeze.  It’s so unfair to him.  I’ve told him we have to stop.  As soon as this whole mess is over with I’m going to insist he leave me alone.  He needs a
real
woman.  A
whole
woman.”

Lydia sucked in her breath.  “What did he say to that?”

“No.”

“You need to tell me what he said,” Lydia insisted, misunderstanding Beth.

“That’s what he said, ‘no’.  He said he’s not letting me go.”

“I knew I liked him, now I think I love him.”

“Be serious.”

“I am serious.  If you can kiss him you can do more.  Your body is responding, and he’s patient.  But you need to be honest with him.  He needs to know everything he’s up against.”

Beth closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  “It’s not that easy.  I’m scared. Every time he tries to touch my breasts I flash back to the room.  If he were to ever try anything more...I know it’s going to hurt.  I never flash back to the cabin because it’s not the same thing.  I don’t know why.”

“It could be any number of reasons.  You talked about the cabin with Nancy.  It was a totally different situation—not nearly as intimate.  You weren’t so young.  It was your first time with a man.”

“Enough already.”

“I’m just saying, who the hell knows why you react that way.  Bottom line, do you know it won’t hurt?”

Beth turned away from Lydia’s gaze.

“Shit.”

“I know logically what happens.  It’s just I don’t think it will happen for me.  I don’t think my body is capable of becoming aroused.  So I think it’s always going to hurt.”

“So tell Jack.  Let him know you have that concern.  He’ll back off if it’s hurting you.  It’s different with each man.  I’ve been more aroused with some than others.  If Jack is anything like Clint, he’ll know what to do, and he’ll make sure you feel pleasure.”

“But I don’t want to tease him.”

“You need to talk to him first.”

Beth took a deep breath.  It’s the first time she really had hope.  She was pretty sure she loved this man.  Beth wanted a chance to make this work, so she’d take her sister’s advice.

––––––––

J
ack thought he might throw up. 

Guzman was going to die!  Done deal.

But the most important thing was Beth.

“Now can I hold you?”  Beth trembled so hard, he thought she might fly apart.  She’d insisted on sitting a cushion away from him on the couch, and he’d respected her request.  As she told more of her story it slowly killed him.  He’d never seen her so pale, not even in the hospital.

“I don’t know.  Do you want to?”

“Fuck yeah, I want to.”  He knew his face didn’t show his real emotions, that he looked calm and supportive.  It was a countenance he’d perfected dealing with his mom when they were living in the women’s shelter.

“Come on over here, would you girl?”  It was important she make the first move.  She flung herself at him.  Gripping him tight around the waist, and she was making little mewling noises.

“I’ve got you.”  He stroked her hair, and laid kisses wherever he could reach.  She rocked side to side, and he rocked with her.  Finally he picked her up and put her on his lap.  She cuddled but still didn’t lift her face from his chest.  The mewling stopped though, and he took that as a good thing.

Beth coughed.

“Sweetheart, do you want some water?”  She nodded into his chest.  Extricating himself, he took the moment to look at her face, and then he kissed the tip of her nose.  “Be right back.”

He took the time in the kitchen to take a few deep breaths.  Pictures of a young Beth lying in a heap in some dusty little room kept flashing in front of him.  He pushed his balled up hands into his eyes, trying to relieve the pressure and get rid of the images.  It didn’t work.  He got Beth her glass of water and went back to the sofa in the living room.

Crouched in front of her, he flashed back to the first time he met her in the Dallas hospital.  “Drink this.”  She finished it, and he set it on the coffee table.  He picked her up and settled her on his lap again.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Beth.  No child deserves to have their innocence taken away.”

She snorted.  “Your mom told me about your dad. You went through much worse.  I wasn’t even raped.” 

He tilted her chin so she was forced to look him in the eye. 

“This isn’t some kind of contest.  And no, this isn’t even in the same ballpark.  You were too raped.  We’re not going to get technical but he raped you sweetheart, and what’s worse, he raped your soul.”  Tears welled, and two fell from her eyes.

“Jack, I don’t know what to do.  I feel so broken inside.  You keep saying you’re not letting me go, but now you have to see there isn’t any hope.”

For the first time since she started talking Jack gave her a
real
smile.

“You’ve got it wrong.  Now there
is
hope.  Now I
know
we’re going to make it.  It amazes me how responsive you’ve been so far, but now that you’ve told me and Lydia you can finally move forward.  Sure it might take some time, but sweetheart, you’re the furthest thing from broken there is.”

She stared into the distance, and eventually looked at him with a tentative smile.  “It doesn’t feel as heavy in my heart anymore.”

“That’s what happens when you share a burden, it lightens.” 

“It has.”

“I’m glad.  Because I want you to listen to me and really hear me.”  He waited for her to look at him, her black eyes warmed and she nodded.

“I’m listening.  You can tell me anything, Jack.”

“Good, because I don’t think you’ve been ready for me to say this before.”  He cupped the side of her face, and traced her bottom lip with his thumb.  “I love you, Beth.  Not the love and admiration of a friend kind of love.  The kind of love where I see us on a front porch when we’re ninety with great grandkids running around.  I’ll still want to hold you in my arms as we drift asleep each night.  That kind of love.”

He watched her struggle, and felt a monumental sense of relief when she didn’t immediately say she couldn’t be what he needed. 

Her fingers gripped her opal pendant, and she bit her lip.

“Sweetheart.  Talk to me.”

“I still have trouble seeing past my own shadows, so the future is tough for me, okay?”

He nodded.  It made sense

“But you Jack Preston...you, I see just fine.  You fill my vision and light my way.  I love you so much, and it’s not because I need you, or depend on you.  It’s because you’re such a loving, strong, and caring man.  I might not be able to see the front porch scene yet, but I want it.  I love you too.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.”

“Halleluiah!”  He hugged her tight, she started to laugh, and so did he.  Tonight was the night they officially made love.  They might not have physically come together, but their souls had finally joined.  Much later, she drifted off to sleep in his arms, and Jack stood up to take her to the bedroom.

“What?” Beth asked groggily.

“Sleep, sweetheart, I have you.”  He walked down the hall and opened the door to her bedroom.  Checking to make sure everything seemed in order, he placed Beth in the middle of the bed.  When he went to stand up, Beth grabbed his shirt.

“Don’t leave,” she said softly.

“I’m not going anywhere you don’t want me to go.”  Jack stared down at Beth, she looked like a rumpled angel.  “Let me get you out of these shoes and under the covers.”

“You’ll stay with me, won’t you?”