Her and Me and You (6 page)

“Here,” Adina said, thrusting a sheer nightgown through the curtain gap.

“What is that?” I asked, inspecting it.

“It’s for sleep. It’s cute, right?” She wiggled it. “Try it on.”

“It’s see-through.”

“So? You sleep in sweatpants. Come on, put it on. I want to see.”

I obliged, slipping the thin fabric over my bra and underwear. I turned toward the mirror.

“Can I look?”

You could see everything. My belly button, beauty mark, my wide hips. Adina thrust the curtain aside. “Oh,” she said, laughing. My palms got hot. I covered my breasts with my hands. “Oh, come on. Let me see.” She stood next to me,
gazing at my reflection in the full-length. “You look fine, you just—you have to take off your bra.”

“What?
No
.”

“I’m kidding,” she said. “God, you’re so easy to freak out.”

I winced. I felt fat and miserable. “This is pointless.”

“What?”

“This. None of this stuff looks right.” I ogled her tiny frame. Spindly and hollow.
Death chic
.

“It’s all old crap, Katonah.” Was that pity pursing her lips?

“You find clothes here.”

“I have to dig,” she said. She tugged on my hair. “Besides, no one would look good in that thing.” She gestured to the nightie. “It looked promising on the rack, I swear.” She smiled. Sweet, for once.

I picked my jeans up off the floor.

21.

“And now he’s being a complete dick.”

Evie and I, in my car. We were meeting the Bishops at Squire at six for Coke floats and snacks. I silently prayed that Adina would behave. That Evie and Fred would get along. That we’d all love one another and love our hamburgers and love the diner décor.

“Hello?” Evie leaned forward and knocked on my head. “Are you listening?”

“Yeah.
Yes
.” I swatted her hand away, refocusing. “He’s being a dick.” I shifted gears. “But wait, why?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. He’s being bitchy, like—like a
girl.
” Ben. “Supersensitive and weird, and when I ask him what’s wrong he says nothing and tells me I’m crazy. But we haven’t hung out since Sunday. I mean, I saw him yesterday
between calc and chem lab, but he’s not returning my texts.” She checked her phone.

“Eves.”

She looked at me quickly, her eyes shining. “I know, what the fuck, right?” She laughed a little. Two tears rolled down her cheek. “Fuck.” She wiped her face, then reached around to the backseat and grabbed her purse.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” She pulled a small plastic container from her bag.

“What’s that?”

“Pill box.” She lifted the lid and dug out a tiny tablet. “Xanax. Want half?”

“Where’d you get that? You take Xanax?”

She split the pill in two. “Judith. And no, not normally, but I’m having a pretty shitty week.” She swallowed half, dry, and offered me the rest.

“Thanks, I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“This stuff is amazing. One minute you’re a psycho mess, the next? Worry free. Nice, right?”

“Sounds it.”

She dumped the pill box back in her bag. “Who are we meeting again?”

“The Bishops.”

“Who?

“My
friends
,” I said, for the umpteenth time. “You’ll see.”

“Friends,” she echoed softly. “You’ve never had any other friends.”

“I have.”

“Barely.” She watched out the window. “It’s always just been just you and me.”

Fries and ranch, four Coke floats, a grilled cheese on rye, and one cherries jubilee.

“I know nothing about you two,” Evie said, taking a bite of greasy grilled cheese and shoving the other half my way.

“Really?” Adina’s eyes flickered. “We’ve heard tons about you.”

Evie looked at me. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she continued. “Katonah says you two fight like crazy.” She picked at a congealed cherry and winked.

“I didn’t say that.”

Evie swallowed, cocking her head.

“What I said was—” My stomach knotted. “That we were like family. And that, like
family
—” I glared at Adina. “We fight sometimes.”

Evie shrugged, taking another bite. “Sounds about right.”

I relaxed and sat back. Fred and I exchanged smiles. “You’re not eating,” I said to him.

He picked up a french fry and wagged it around. “Yum.”

I grinned.

“Okay, so, back to you.” Evie faced Adina. “You’re twins.”

“Right.”

“So, what can you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, can you, like, read each other’s minds?”

“Oh.” Adina laughed. “Yeah, absolutely.”

“And can you, like, feel each other’s pain?”

“Mm, totally,” said Fred.

“Fascinating.” Evie smiled, leaned forward, and yanked on Fred’s scarf. “I like this,” she said, softly. “What is this?”

“Cashmere,” he said, his face flushing pink.

My head got hot. What the hell was happening? Were they flirting? “Evie’s madly in love,” I blurted. Her smile vanished.

“Boyfriend?” asked Adina.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “But I mean, we’re casual.”

“Since when?”

She ignored me, facing Fred. “Girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Crushes?”

“Can we talk about something else?” I pushed my plate away.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Boys are gross, right, Al?”

I shot Evie a look.

“She’s cute, right?”

“Stop.”

“Just so clean and pristine . . .”

“Evie, shut
up
.”

“Hey, Katonah,” Fred said. “She’s teasing.”

“I’m serious!” Evie laughed. “No joke, Alex is like, the perfect virgin.”

“
Evie!
” I shrieked.

“What? What’s your problem?” She draped an arm over my shoulder. “She’s a sensitive soul . . .” Evie cooed. Then: “Seriously, Alex, be happy. Boys love virgins.” She took a sloppy bite of Adina’s dessert.

After dinner, on the walk to our cars, Adina grabbed my hand.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hello.”

“You okay?”

Evie and Fred walked ahead.

“I’m fine.” Though really, I wasn’t.

“How long is she here for?”

“Evie? Just till tomorrow.” I pulled my parka tight to my body.

“Must be sad, seeing her go.”

“I guess.” I glanced up.

“So what’s the deal with her and her boyfriend?”

“Ben?”

“Is it serious?”

“Apparently not.” Evie was hyper, happy—she let out a shrill squeal and hopped on Fred’s back. “She likes boys,” I said.

“Clearly.”

My eyes watered from the wind.

“It’s cold, yeah?”

I nodded.

“Here, come’ere,” Adina said, pulling me close. “I’ll keep you warm.”

22.

Monday morning before school, I crept into bed with my
mother.

“Mommy?”

“Hmm?”

Evie was gone. We’d made it through our weekend fight free, but now I was miserable.

“Baby?”

So sad. Eat-a-shitload-of-cookies-and-sleep-for-a-week sad.

“I cooked.” Four fried eggs. Two English muffins. Jam. Butter. Green Earl Grey. “Eat with me?” I jerked the tray off the bedside table and set it between us.

“Want some covers?” Mom peeled back the duvet and gestured for me to come closer. I kicked off my sneakers and tugged the blanket over my jeans and sweater. “It’s good, babe.” She was eating a piece of toast and smiling.

“It’s nothing.”

“Special occasion?”

Pity party?
I cut my egg in half and shrugged.

“Got anything exciting on the agenda today?”

“Nope.”

“You?”

“Uh-uh.”

“You and Eves have fun this weekend?”

I shoveled some egg into my mouth. “I guess.”

“You guess?” She unscrewed the top of the jam jar. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She touched my cheek. “Babe, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Chem quiz today.” I sank further under the blankets. “I’m not even remotely prepared.”

23.

Adina came careening around a corner, clutching books.

“Hey,” I shouted, pepping up. I felt a cozy rush remembering Friday night’s exchange. “Adina!” She didn’t see me—wait, had she seen me? Her eyes shot left, then settled on my face. I waved. No response. I smiled. She kept walking. Was she looking past me? I turned, looked back, she was gone.

Then: “Guess who?” Something was mauling me.

Fred
. “What do you want?” I asked, wriggling free.

“What do you mean,
what do I want
? You okay?” He ruffled my hair and gave me a slight shove. “You look funny.”

“Thanks.” I kept on toward chem, feeling supremely let down. He seemed so different now. Less mine, more Evie’s. “Your sister just iced me.”

“Adina?”

“No, your other sister.”

He laughed. I didn’t. “Hey. Hey, Katonah.”

“What?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

Wrong?
No. Fred didn’t belong to me. He didn’t belong to anyone (besides Adina, maybe, and she’d waved the warning flag weeks ago while I’d laughed and looked the other way). “Sorry,” I said. “It’s not you; it’s me.”

“Now there’s a line I love.”

“No, I mean—I’m in a mood.”

“Why?”

You <3 Evie. You want to kiss her and hold her and take off her clothes.
“I—chem quiz.” I waved around my index cards.

“Oh. Well, break a leg.”

“Thanks.” I started back toward class.

“Hey, Katonah—after school. You have plans?”

I didn’t reply. I felt a sudden swell of hope, then beat it backward.

“Let’s drive somewhere.”

I eyed Fred warily.

“You don’t like driving?”

“Yeah, I do. Of course I do.”

“So, come with,” he said softly. “I feel like getting away,” he said. His lashes fluttered rhythmically:
Quick, slow, quick.

*   *   *

We drove. Past Grams’s, past Fred’s, over the Meadow Marsh town line. We saw woods. Brown fields. A horse. A liquor store. “Where are we going?”

“I dunno.” He changed the track on the stereo. “You wanna go back?”

“No.” It was getting dark. We’d been in the car for forty-five minutes and hadn’t really talked much. “Where’s Adina?”

He rolled down the windows and switched on the heat. “Piano.”

“Really?” I couldn’t picture it. I looked at Fred. My hair blew forward.

“What?” said Fred. “What’re you looking at?”

Him
, I was looking at
him
. The outline of his skinny bod, the slope of his nose, his kinky hair, and huge feet. “I don’t know.
You
, I guess. You look different driving.”

“How so?”

“Adult, sort of. I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”

He glanced over. “You’re funny right now.”

“I am?” I felt high. A little wired. I babbled on: “You do this a lot?”

“What?”

“Take drives.”

“I guess.”

“With Adina?”

He shook his head. “She gets antsy in the car.”

I leaned against the headrest. “Then who with?”
Other girls other girls other girls?
“Other girls?”

He laughed—

“What?”

—then looked at me quizzically. “Other girls? Have you ever seen me with anyone besides Adina?”

I hadn’t, and really, what would it matter anyway? Adina—
Evie
, even—now seemed so very far away. “I’m a girl,” I said.

He took a beat. “Yes, you are.”

I’m a girl.
It suddenly clicked. I was a
girl
, not a virgin, a baby, a prude. “So why do I get to come along?” I asked, feeling momentarily bold.

“You’re fishing.”

“For
what
?”

He laughed and looked over. “I’m happy you’re here, Katonah.”

Fred dropped me home a little after seven. We’d driven sixty-five miles out and back.

“Thanks.”

“What for?” I undid my seatbelt.

“For coming.” He shifted the car into neutral and took his foot off the clutch. “You know, with your mood earlier.”
Right. My mood
. “So.” He shrugged. “I’m just glad you came.”

“Yeah.”

He was looking at me. I let him look. “So,” he said again, leaning across my seat and popping the lock on the door. “See you later?” He lingered. The way boys in movies sometimes do. For a split second I considered tilting forward, pushing into him.
I’d like to feel wanted,
I thought. Instead I kept perfectly still. Fred pulled back.

“All right,” I said, annoyed with myself. Evie would have done something. She would have made something
significant
happen. I collected my bag and books. “See you tomorrow,” I said, shoving the door wide open.

Inside, Mom was steaming rice for stir-fry.
Progress!
I dropped my keys, coat, and bag by the door.

“Babe.”

“Hi.” I stole a tomato from the salad bowl.

“You hungry?”

“Always.”

She seemed chipper. S
ane
. Then I noticed the tall tumbler she was clutching. “Kool Aid?” Transparent pink.

“Just a touch of rosé.”

My mood sank.

“Where were you?” she asked, sipping gingerly, redirecting the conversation.

“Driving.”

“Your car’s out front.”

“No, I know. I was with Fred.” I took another tomato slice
and nibbled morosely. “We dropped my car back here after school.”

Mom’s brow lifted. “The boy.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s not
The Boy
. He’s my friend.”

She put down her glass and my stomach unclenched. “Invite him over. His sister, too—what’s her name?”

“Adina.”

She giggled. “What kind of a name is Adina?”

“A rich one.”

“Well,” she said, picking a clean cucumber from the sink, “invite them. Some night next week? I’ll cook.”

I looked down at the checkered linoleum flooring. “I mean, they’re pretty busy most days. . . .” I didn’t want her making dinner for the Bishops. She’d drink too much, cry, and wreck everything.